Illuminations

A Jane/Lisbon Story

By Brown Eyes Parker

(Chapter) Summary:

Jane leaves and regrets it afterwards. Chapter 2 in "Illuminations", for the Jello Forever challenge. Prompt: Candlelight's Flame. Inspired by "If I Walk Away" by Josh Groban.

Disclaimer:

I really don't own anything.

Chapter 2 He Walked Away

Lately I've been the quiet one

Waiting, searching the lines of the songs you played for me

Sailing into the misty air, fading, bound for I don't know where

When I'm there, I'll see

And if I walk away, please follow me

If I walk away, please follow me

Weightless, drifting through stars

I got faithless, woke in the dark and I made this from my dream

Play me all your sweet rhymes

Recreate me, now comes the time when I'll need your truth to see

And if I walk away, please follow me

If I walk away, please follow me

Walk away, let the fears fall away into the fire you made scarlet and gold

Walk away, head for the light of day

Follow a brighter way, out of the cold and dark, down to the one bright spark

Futures that all might start someday

So, if I walk away, please follow me

If I walk away, please follow me

Fragment shells of a long ago lifetime

Faces that once were mine, thrown down by the sea

If I walk away, please follow me

If I walk away, would you please follow me?

Josh Groban, If I Walk Away_

One week. . . he had taken Lisbon up on her guest room offer one week ago. He hadn't been planning on it. But as he watched her drive away the night he had kissed her, the thought of spending the night at even the CBI made him feel lonely.

So, he had gotten into his car and taken a short-cut to Lisbon's apartment. He had been waiting for her when she got home, and she had willingly let him in.

Jane sighed and got out of Lisbon's guest bed. He could hear Lisbon stirring in the next room, a Josh Groban song playing on her stereo, and the water running warm for her shower. The past eight days that he had stayed with her had given him an opportunity to memorize her routine. So, he knew that he had plenty of time to get away. He couldn't go on playing House with her. . . it wasn't fair. Especially to her. He couldn't go on playing House with her without a commitment. . . an honest-to-God commitment like she deserved.

For that reason, he threw some clothes into a bag, wrote her a note, and then walked away from it all. from everything that he could share with her.

.

"Boss?" Van Pelt called, using the spare key that Lisbon had given her a month earlier (when the Red John case had been really hot) to get into her apartment.

She typically didn't do stuff like that, but when neither Lisbon nor Jane had showed up for work, she had gotten worried. So, she decided to check on them. . .

"Boss?" She repeated. "Lisbon?"

"I'm in here Van Pelt," she replied, coming out of her guest room, her eyes were red and her make up was smeared.

"Is everything okay? Where's Jane?"

"Jane?" Lisbon repeated, her hand tightening on the wad of paper that she was holding.

Van Pelt hesitated, not wanting to speak out of turn. But she plunged on anyways. "So. . . you weren't living together?"

"What?" Lisbon asked, swiping at her eyes.

"We just assumed. . ." Van Pelt trailed off. "You're having his baby! You're having his baby, and he doesn't want it!"

"No. . ." Lisbon sniffed. "I mean, yes. He was staying with me. . . but in my guest room."

"Then why weren't you at work today?"

Lisbon didn't answer, instead she handed the paper she was clutching over to Van Pelt.

"Oh. . . " Van Pelt said after reading it.

"Grace, I love him," Lisbon admitted, balling her hands into fists and pushing them into her eyes as another wave of tears washed over her.

"I know, I know," Van Pelt said, taking Lisbon into her arms.

"He didn't even say goodbye," Lisbon choked. "Not to my face anyways."

"Maybe he couldn't. . . maybe he knew it would be hard for the both of you. Maybe he knew that if he said goodbye to your face, he wouldn't have left," Van Pelt suggested, hating to see Lisbon – a woman, who in her opinion, was the epitome of strength – so upset.

"This wasn't the way it was supposed to go. . ." Lisbon pulled away from Van Pelt. "We were supposed to catch Red John, and everything was supposed to be like a movie. Jane and I would realize that we were in love, and we'd tell each other. Then, we'd get married. . . and live happily ever after."

"Jane'll be back one day," Van Pelt said. "And it'll be better than it ever was. It'll be better than any movie ending we could dream up. You two are obviously perfect for each other. He wouldn't be Jane without you."

"I hope you're right. . ."

"I know I am." Van Pelt smiled. "I've seen the way that he looks at you. Just give him time, he'll come around."

.

Three weeks had gone by since he had crept out of Lisbon's apartment and gotten on a plane to a place far away from California. (He had chosen the place randomly. . . it had been the first available flight out of Cali. . . and the least amount of money too.)

Leaving Lisbon had been one of the hardest things that he had ever done. But he had needed to get away and evaluate his feelings for her. And now, he knew that leaving her was a mistake. He needed her. . . she was like a second skin. She had become a part of his daily routine. And life without her – as cliché as it sounded – was like life without oxygen.

He wished that he could just be like everybody else. . . without questioning himself, or being a coward about things. People did lose people. It was a fact of life. But said people were able to move on and love again.

Jane held his left hand up and studied the faint glint of gold in the lamp light. He was done mourning. He pulled his wedding ring off. He was done walking away from Lisbon. He placed his ring on the nightstand, and turned out the light. He needed to get some sleep. . . because he was going home. Three weeks away from her was three weeks too many. And it was a long road back to Sacramento.

.

Part III. By Candlelight

Oh and I have flown a thousand miles to empty rooms and crowded aisles

And we went from Cathedral bells to show-and-tell, and wish you wells

And I, I still look at you and I am blinded

I am blinded. . .

Because there is a light from a higher window

Shining down on us tonight

And the music floats on the breeze from an easier time

And all of our cards are on the table

Tell me what you want to do

Just don't tell me that it's too late

Don't tell me that it's too late now

Just don't tell me that it's too late for me to love you

Higher Window_

He watched her from across the restaurant, her face bathed in candlelight (it made her so much more appealing to him). He missed her so much. . . but now that she was right in front of him again, he couldn't go to her. It was the coward in him taking over again.

He had never been like this before. Not with her.

"Sir? Are you ready to order?" His waiter asked, breaking into his thoughts.

"Hmm?" Jane replied. "Oh, yes. . . I'm ready. I'll have a glass of white wine, please. And do you see that woman over there?"

"You mean Walter Mashburn's date, sir?"

"Yes," Jane answered reluctantly.

"Yes sir, I see her. . ."

"Would you please tell her to come over here?" Jane asked.

"Of course. . ." the young man answered, looking hesitant to do so. He jotted down Jane's drink order, and then scuttled over to Lisbon's table.

Jane watched the waiter point him out, he watched Lisbon's face as it was taken over with surprise. He watched her lay her napkin on the table, make her excuses to Mashburn, and then make her way over to him.

"What are you doing here?" She asked, her voice unoccupied of the bitterness and malice that he was sure she harbored towards him. All he could hear was an aching hurt because he had broken his promise to her.

"I couldn't stay away," Jane answered.

"You left me," Lisbon whispered.

"Leaving was a mistake," Jane replied. "It made me miss you more than I ever thought I could. . . or would."

"You promised me that you would never leave."

"Lisbon, you don't understand why I left—"

"Why? Why did you leave?" Lisbon asked. Her question was asked a little more loudly than Jane would have preferred. It drew the attention of the diners, everybody – Mashburn included – seemed to lean over to see how the scene would play out.

Jane shook his head. "Because Lisbon, what I was starting to feel for you was bigger than anything I had ever felt before. And it scared me. . . it's been years since I felt anything so strong for anybody."

Lisbon looked at him, she couldn't believe that Jane was actually there, standing in front of her with his heart in his hands. Ready to become something completely different. . . the one to her number two. The other half to her whole.

"The choice is your's," Jane said quietly. "Just don't tell me that it's too late to love you. . . please Lisbon."

"I should tell you that it's too late. . . that you missed your chance."

Jane fought back disappointment. "Oh. . ."

"But I can't. . . I just can't let you go again."

"You can't?" Jane asked looking at her like he couldn't quite believe her.

"Yes. . . I mean, no." She smiled at him. "I love you Jane."

"I love you too," Jane whispered.

"What? What was that?" Lisbon asked loudly. "I don't think our audience could hear you. I know that I couldn't!"

Jane looked up and smiled at her. "I LOVE YOU!" He shouted. "There, are you happy?"

"Yes," Lisbon replied with a smile that lit up her whole entire world.

"Lisbon—" Jane stood up. "If this were a movie, this is the part where you would run and jump in my arms. . . and then we'd kiss."

She didn't run to him or jump in his arms. She took tentative steps towards him. When she reached him, she touched his hair gently, and then she ran her fingers down his face. The whole restaurant grew silent as they waited to see what would happen next. . . it was so quiet, you could hear a pin drop.

She looked at him uncertainly, and then pulled him by the jacket towards her lips. The kiss was achingly beautiful. . . it was unlike anything that she had ever experienced before.

All around them, the restaurant broke out into applause. Walter Mashburn got up, paid the check, and left quietly.

When the kiss ended, Lisbon pulled away and smoothed out the front of his jacket. "Don't ever leave me again."

"Never," Jane promised, meaning every word this time. "Never, ever, ever."

Lisbon closed her eyes and rested her forehead against his, their noses barely touching. Jane's arms encircled her waist, and he held onto her tightly as candles flickered around them. A sign that it wasn't really too late for them. . . and that they had all the time in the world to love each other.

_The End_

Author's Note:

I feel this whole entire story was SO weak. But I hope you enjoyed it anyways. It's another one of those stories that I REALLY felt all the way from the roots of my hair to my Cajun Shrimp colored toenails.

I don't know if this story is worthy of a Jello Forever forum challenge prize, but it most certainly was rewarding to write.

Thanks to everybody who read and reviewed this story. Like always, it was REALLY appreciated.

Love,

Holly_ February 15, 2011

A/N 2:

I'd like to dedicate this chapter to LizfromItaly in honor of her birthday. Many happy returns on your special day. I hope it is as fantastic as you are.

Love,

Holly_ February 22, 2011