Chapter 2: I dont need to be medicated damn it!
Conrart groaned as he rejoined the land of the living. What the hell happened? Why was his head pounding in time with his pulse? He felt like he had an entire herd of tap-dancing ponies dancing to an old war-ballad in there! He moved his head slightly, trying vainly to get away from an annoying beam of infernal sunlight that seemed hell bent on shining directly into his eyes, and he froze at the sensation that awakened.
OH! OH GREAT ONE, WHAT THE HELL DID HE DO TO HIS ARM???!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Pain lanced across his arm, and up his neck to dance a demented tango with the ponies tap-dancing inside his skull. He gritted his teeth, choking back the presence of his last meal as it attempted to escape via the same route it had gotten into his stomach in the first place! Tears welled up in his eyes in reaction to the unexpected pain.
Scratch the tap-dancing ponies—his whole body ached as if he'd been run over by an entire platoon of fully outfitted heavy cavalry!
Oh, by the Great One, What the hell did he do to himself? And, why, why did he ache so? Then it hit him— he'd gone out for an early morning ride, fully intent on snatching up a little bit of alone time while his beloved Godson and King was trapped at his lessons by his Royal Advisor, Lord Günter Von Christ! He'd intended to be back well before the time Yuri usually managed to sneak away from Günter, and had ridden out into the forests surrounding the capital. The last thing he remembered was an Alien presence in his mind, trying to find something! He'd fought it of course, and the next thing he'd known the world was spinning, and Valiant had jumped … something –
- A Log, Valiant had jumped a log!
And suddenly he was airborne!
He remembered nothing else!
He must have fallen.
How embarrassing!
He blinked and finally managed to wiggle his way up into a seated position. His left arm was bound in bandages and bound against his chest, completely immobilized. He knew from the feel of the bandaging that he'd broken his forearm. He sighed and shifted around trying to find the position that caused him the least pain. He sat there for a moment, his back ramrod straight, just concentrating on breathing. By the Great One, but it hurt to breathe!
His eyes flicked to the right at sound of his outer door opening, just as the soft cooing of a pigeon from the end of his bed, snagged his attention. He glanced over at the small creature, listening to the soft Cries of : Conrar, Conrar, Message for Conrar.: He'd realized a long time ago that barring Yozak he was the only one who could hear the small birds speak. One would think that after twenty some odd years they would have figured out how to pronounce his name. A small roll of paper was tied expertly to the bird's foot and Conrart winched at the brief memory of Yozak's mind touching his own during his struggle with the thing rifling through his mind.
He'd completely forgotten.
Was Yozak okay?
Had he been injured in what could only have been an attack?
The pigeon at least, was proof that the man wasn't dead, and was likely okay. But still . . .
Gingerly he raised his right arm for the pigeon, while closing his eyes and concentrating on Yozak. His friend was at the very edge of his range, and gave off the general feel of alert attentiveness. Conrart had come to associate with his friend when the man was on a particularly amusing assignment. Which in turn, meant, the large man had probably squeezed himself into a dress and was currently gleaning information from his place atop some drunken lordling's lap.
He felt a stab of … annoyance at the very thought!
He didn't have time for further contemplation of that particular subject, as Gisela chose that particular moment to sit down on the edge of his bed.
"How are you feeling?" she asked as she gently took hold of his chin and looked into his eyes. He blinked at her, she had a firm hold on his lower jaw, and he wasn't in the mood to fight her grip to speak, so he waited quietly, wishing he could talk to her the same way he often did with Yozak, without words. Just a flow of mingled thoughts, feelings and emotions, that somehow got far more across than words ever could! It was frustrating; with her and everybody else he had to use his words. And he often found them inadequate.
For the longest time, he'd never really needed words with Yozak, even more so when Yozak hit puberty. Conrart had always known what Yozak's feelings were, as if they been his own. Then he'd hit puberty himself around seven years later – and he'd found that Shinou had seen fit to give him glimpses of things happening elsewhere. The Great One even seemed to want them to keep on terrorizing the court, for he'd started to give Conrart insight of things to come, never much, just enough to keep himself and Yozak out of trouble.
The strange connection between them had only increased with age, until finally they could hold an entire conversation in the undertones of a single flip of a wrist, or clash of their blades. They'd ridden to war together and again Shinou had seen fit to protect them! Yozak had discovered that they could get a message to anyone by bird, provided that he was the one who sent the bird. He had to keep a clear picture of the person in his mind, but his messages always found their mark.
Conrart had discovered that the soft buzzing of white noise he'd been hearing since puberty was beginning to shift and consolidate into actual words and voices. Voices he knew, and voices he didn't and shortly afterward, Yozak had confessed that he actually talked to his messenger birds. What had truly scared his red headed friend, however, was that sometimes the doves spoke back! Conrart had reciprocated, by telling his friend a secret of his own… he could hear the men in the camp even when they were not speaking.
They'd sworn each other to silence that day, both terrified of the possible repercussions of their gifts. For one thing they were both male, so there was little chance of there ever being a place for them in Shinou's temple. For another, they were only half-demons, and people were more likely to believe them crazy then gifted. For the most part they'd honored their pact to each other, keeping their silence. In some ways it was scary—they'd left for war fully able to tell where one of them ended and the other began.
Yet by the last battle they'd fought at Luttenberg, they'd become so tightly meshed together that at times it was hard to tell!
But far worse than anything the war had thrown at them Conrart had found himself breaking his sworn word to his best friend for the first time in his life! When Yozak had half carried him home from the field, he'd been too sick to watch his mouth around the healers, and too confused to ignore the tangle of foreign voices vying for his attention in his mind. Scared and confused, he'd begged Gisela to make the voices stop! He'd seen the horrified expression in Yozak's eyes as he'd ranted about the voices. And he'd heard the scared and concerned words Gisela hadn't uttered aloud.
He'd also LEARNED, the hard way, that the medicine she'd given him to make the voices stop, hadn't made them stop or even helped at all – if anything it simply made them worse. He still heard the voices, still saw things he could not see with his eyes, still heard Yozak, and still heard the pigeon that had taken to following Yozak around. The only difference had been that he suddenly didn't have the concentration or even the interest required to ignore them!
He'd been living completely apathetic to the world around him and without any purpose or direction. He had stayed in that state until Ulrike had sent for him one day. She informed him that Shinou had seen fit to send him to Earth to deliver the soul of the next demon king to his soon to be parents, which was also the soul of a woman who had once been a good friend of his. About a month and a half after meeting Yuri's father, he'd run out of his medication, and almost overnight the apathetic Conrart, whom the next king's father had so despised, vanished beneath a wave of pain, and the deep, traumatizing emptiness in his soul that he hadn't felt since puberty.
An all consuming emptiness where Yozak should have been!
He'd awoken then screaming in suppressed pain, scared, confused, and so terrifyingly empty. He'd screamed so loudly clutching at his ears, despite knowing full well it wouldn't block out the voices. So many more to deal with and organize then he'd ever had to worry about before, and with each one came images, flashes of things past, present, and far too many others to decipher; far too many possible outcomes!
His screams had brought Jose.
He'd been terrified of the man in that moment. He was a healer of the Earth's demon tribe, and it was a small slip up with a healer that had gotten Conrart into that mess in the first place! But he was too confused, and he couldn't stop some of the things that had slipped from his mouth. To his immense surprise the man hadn't medicated him. He'd taught him how to meditate instead… and he'd soon regained his ability to mostly ignore the voices.
When he'd come home to Shin Makoku sometime later, he'd simply let Gisela believe that the stress of the war and the loss of so many good friends had temporarily addled his wits. He also let her think the medication she'd given him had made the voices go away.
He'd been nearly limp with relief upon reentering his world the second he'd arrived, dripping wet from the palace fountain. He'd felt that terrible emptiness VANISH as Yozak snapped back into his being. They'd meshed easily, as if they'd never been parted, flowing into each other like the merging of two streams until there was very little that separated them from each other.
He'd been so thankful to have that intimacy back; he'd missed being so close to someone who didn't need words of greeting or inquiry. It was times like this when he wished he shared just a fraction of that closeness with others.
It would have made his life so much easier.
His head was pounding!
Although honestly he could have done without Yozak's annoying pigeon friend right about now.
"I'm fine, just a bit achy." He said simply as soon as she was done examining his eyes and had let go of his jaw. "What happened by the way? Last thing I remember is the ground rushing up to meet me! How long have I been out?" he bit back the urge to ask if they'd figured out what had attacked him.
"I'm not surprised you're in pain actually."Gisela replied calmly. "Your horse came back without you three and a half days ago. It took us several hours to find you, and you broke both your left forearm and your clavicle, when you fell. So you'll be out of work for some time. I did a bit of healing on the bones for you, just enough to set them, but as you don't have any magic of your own, that is all I can do for you Conrart." She paused and took a deep breath before continuing. "Now why don't you tell me what happened? What stupid stunt were you attempting to injure yourself so gravely, falling from a horse? There are better things you could be doing then trick riding, you know, and most of them a lot less dangerous."
Conrart winched, realizing that she thought he'd been injured doing something juvenile.
He needed to tell her about the thing that had attacked him, rifled through his mind, and taking Shinou only knows what from him! The last things he remembered it dragging up to the surface was his knowledge of the castle's layout. They needed to protect the king—what if this was some sort of attack?
Who was he kidding?
Someone had deliberately taken the knowledge of how to navigate in the castle from his mind, reading him as easily as one read an open book. What else could they want with it but to cause the king harm? He was duty bound to the King, to Yuri; he had to tell Gisela everything. But at the same time he knew she wouldn't believe him!
Hell she'd likely think he'd hit his head when he fell!
He needed to tell her, wanted to tell her.
But at the same time, the very idea terrified him!
The Chances that she'd believe him were slim to none and worse, she'd likely Medicate him again!!!
But he needed to tell, Yuri's life could be at stake! He closed his eyes and let his ethereal body bask in the warmth that was his link to Yozak, before taking a breath and turning to Gisela with a sharp look. "Get Gwendal," he said simply. "I'm only going to be able to say this once." Because, you are most likely going to drug me into a stupor again, for what I have to say; he thought morbidly before adding, "And he needs to know what happened so he can protect his Highness."
He was shaking, and quietly bidding goodbye to everything when Gwendal came into the room. Probably a good thing too since it gave him something to do rather than allow his mind to run in rabid little circles.
He did his level best to square his shoulders and face his elder brother with dignity. His eyes flicked briefly to the smaller, slighter figure, of Gisela standing just beyond his brother's shoulder; and he swallowed. Again he reached for Yozak, drawing comfort from the mere presence of his best friend in his mind. After Gisela was finished medicating him, he wouldn't care anymore about anything and he knew it.
It scared the hell out of him.
Then don't tell them. A small part of him cried, begging him to see reason before he gave up his life.
I swore my life, for Yuri's safety, he reminded himself mildly. This is simply how I give it.
Raising his chin in what he knew was a last desperate act of defiance, he met Gwendal's eyes. "Enhance the Guard around the Palace, and make sure Yuri is not left unprotected. If he complains tell him it was done at my request!"
Gwendal's eyes narrowed slightly, at the badly veiled order. "Why?" he asked calmly.
"Gwendal, please, Please, just listen to me! I didn't just fall! I was attacked! I don't know what the hell it was. I didn't see it but, Gwendal, the damned thing managed to extract a lot of information from me, before I came unhorsed!"
He would have added more but Gwendal cut him off with a sharp question. "How could it have extracted a lot of information from you in so short a time frame, Conrart? Particularly, if you never even saw it?"
Conrart blinked, and looked at his brother, trying his best to ignore Gisela's calculating stare. He gulped, here it goes. "It attacked my mind, not my body." At Gwendal's startled look he pressed on. "Whatever it was it went through my memories and I don't know, took isn't the right word. I guess it sort of copied them."
"Conrart," Gwendal began carefully, his voice alarmingly gentle. "I think you must have hit your head, you're not making any sense."
Conrart was about to retort, when a small hand alighted on his right shoulder, he jumped and turned his attention to Gisela. "Conrart," she asked slowly, as if she were talking to a very small child. "How long have the Voices been back?"
"What?" he squeaked, at the same time as Gwendal demanded to know "what voices" she was talking about!
Again he was cut off by Gisela before he even had a chance to speak. "Conrart started hearing voices, sometime during the Battle of Luttenberg. I thought it was simply a case of post traumatic stress, but know I see I was wrong. I'm sorry to have wasted your time Lord Von Voltaire, I had no idea the Voices had come back."
Conrart pinched the bridge of his nose, as Gwendal turned his attention to Gisela. "What can be done for him?" he asked simply.
He cursed colorfully in an odd mixture of English, Japanese and the Demon Tongue, ignoring the pigeon babbling in the back of his mind. "Gwendal," he said sharply. "It took information on how to navigate within the palace, the capital city, and the surrounding lands! Please, you have to believe me! Yuri could be in danger!"
But Gwendal simply talked over him. "What could be causing such powerful delusions?" he asked, directing his question to Gisela as if Conrart wasn't even in the room.
"I'm not sure; honestly, I gave him something for the delusions last time. I'll make it for him again; if that works, we'll have to keep him on them this time I'm afraid. It will take until tomorrow to prepare though, since I need to collect a few herbs that have to be mixed fresh. I'll give him a mild sedative and something for the pain tonight. If that particular medication doesn't work, I can experiment with different herb mixtures. Sadly, we'll have to keep him off duty until we can figure out what's triggering these episodes. I'll work on it until I can make him a medication that completely stops these delusions and has the least possible side effects."
"Gwendal, please." He whimpered as panic gripped his soul. "I'm not going crazy! You have to believe me!"
Gwendal glanced over at him finally, a small smile gracing his lips that only served to scare the hell out of him. "I know you're not," he said softly, in that same soft tone Gisela was currently using with him, and settled down on the bed. He gripped Conrart's shoulder softly and he was nearly reduced to tears at his elder brother's next words. "But you are very ill—we'll get you through this, I swear it."
Gwendal squeezed his shoulder and left the room with Gisela behind him. "By the Great One, I DON'T NEED TO BE MEDICATED! "He called after their retreating backs. "Shinou please let someone believe me! Please." The last word however came out as little more than a resigned whisper. His shoulders shook with the strain of holding back the tears that longed to be released. He wouldn't cry! He had to be strong, he had to protect Yuri! Things were so much simpler before.
How could he protect Yuri if he couldn't protect himself?
The damnable pigeon chose that moment to annoy him further. It fluttered down and landed heavily on his bent knee, : Reply,: it cheeped shrilly : Reply, Reply, Reply!: it continued to repeat, now adding a sharp peck to his leg with each repetition.
~~~***~~~
Wolfram marched down the hall, furious. How dare he?! He wondered sharply. How dare he dismiss me from his presence, as if I was some common servant!!!! I am not that Half-breed Brother of mine, to be sent away! I'm his fiancé damn it! And he just dismissed me from his office. He probably just wants to be alone with that trumped up little peasant hussy! And Günter, how dare Günter side with him? I'm Yuri's fiancé, damn it! Why does everyone keep forgetting that?!
He rounded the corner sharply, and ran smack into Gwendal, who was deep in conversation with Gisela. Gwendal's hand shot out and snagged his shoulder, preventing him from getting better acquainted with the floor! Glaring up at his elder brother, he snapped. "What is so important you can't watch where you're going?!"
Gwendal looked at him, mild annoyance in his deep blue eyes. "Conrart is very ill; I was just discussing his treatment with Gisela. We're worried that leaving him alone for too long might be hazardous to his health. Since you don't seem to be doing anything, go keep him company!"
Wolfram felt his jaw drop Conrart was ill, seriously ill? He stepped firmly on top of his bubbling concern and retorted sharply. "Why do I have to babysit the Half-breed?"
Gwendal's only response was a glare.
"All right, All right, I'm going!"
