|i know this changes everything

it takes a lot of pain to pick me up

it takes a lot of rain in the cup

baby, you gave me bad ideas

baby, you left me sad and high|

He's frozen in place, waiting for another knock, to make sure he isn't dreaming. A harder, louder one places him back into reality. He debates answering for a moment, but then hears her voice ring out from the other side of the door. "Danny, open up. I know you're in there, I can practically smell the whiskey out here." He sighs and then heads to the door. He places his hand on the handle.

She knocks for a third time, and places her forehead on the door. What if he's not home? The whole whiskey line was a shot in the dark and she was hoping it was going to cause a rise in him enough to come to the door, but here she is, still on the outside. She pulls out her phone and dials his number. She hears it ring from the inside and she places her ear on the door.

He pulls his phone from his pocket and sees her name flash across his screen. He knows she already heard it ring, so instead of opening the door, he answers the phone and slumps against one of the many other things keeping them apart.

"What?"

"Well hello to you too, grumpy pants."

"What do you want?"

"Daniel. Are- are you standing on the other side of the door talking on the phone to me when you know I'm on the other side?"

"It's bourbon."

"...What?"

"I'm not drinking whiskey, I'm drinking bourbon."

She laughs lightly, and his stomach clenches a little.

"Are you seriously not going to let me in?"

Silence.

"Danny, it's like you want me to make a scene out here. You know I will. I've seen enough Meg Ryan movies to know when to make a scene and this hallway of yours is like the perfect setting. I'll do it. I'll go full on West End out here-"

"Calm down."

"Open the door then."

He goes to pull the door open but stops.

He can't.

He knows if he opens the door, he's going to see her face and he's going to remember what it was like to have her pulled flush against his body, kissing her, touching her, needing her, and he's going to remember that she left him- she ran from him, abandoned him- and he just can't. He knows he'll see her and it's going to hit him like a ton a brick that she rejected him. She ignored his texts, ignored his calls, ignored his feelings, and... It's one thing to be alone and it's quite another thing to be lonely, and he'd rather be by himself than to feel lonely again, and that's exactly what he'll feel if he opens that door and she tells him that they'll never be anything more than friends. He can't take that, it would end him.

He swallows hard and slumps against the door, his phone still pressing hotly into his ear. "I... I can't," he finally musters.

"What? What are you talking about? Danny, just open the door please, I feel like an idiot standing out here, talking to you both on the phone and through the door."

"You don't think I feel that way too?" he spits back, a bit harsher than he intends to. There is a pause on the other end and for a moment he's worried that he actually may have hurt her feelings, which is the last thing he wants. He just wants... he wants to...

"Danny," she lightly answers back. Her voice has changed: it's lower, less frantic, softer. He's never heard it like that before, and honestly it makes him a tad nervous. He hears her sigh and then continue on. "Danny, please talk to me. What..what do you mean? What did you mean by that, me not thinking you feel that way too? What does that mean?"

He runs a hand over his face and closes his eyes. It's now or never, Castellano. You tell her now while the door is closed and you have the space and opportunity. Opening his eyes and staring straight ahead, he clears his throat and speaks.

"You don't think I feel like an idiot, Min? I mean... you ran. You ran away from me at the airport and you didn't say a word. You were just gone." She goes to speak, "Danny, listen-" but he cuts her off again, trying to keep his momentum. "No, Mindy, just... let me finish. Just let me say all this now while I have the courage." He can hear her audibly acknowledge his request with a breath, followed by some noise on the other end, like papers being moved around or something.

"What are you doing?"

"I'm sitting on the ground. I mean, you're not going to let me in, so I might as well get comfortable out here. I'm also taking my boots off right now so I look like the hobo of the fourth floor, just so you know."

He smiles a little, and decides to also sit on the ground.

"Are you going to finish what you had to say?" She asks after getting settled. He request is soft yet firm. "I'm all ears, Castellano."

"Yeah", he answers back after a moment, picking at some lint on his pants, and then refocusing. "Mindy.. I..."

"...Yes?"

"I... I don't want to ruin this. I don't want to ruin us. Look at how long it took us to get to this point- for us to tolerate each other, to become friends, to get close. I cherish that, I do. And I feel like-I feel like I really messed up. I mean, the way you reacted afterward... I just thought..." He trails off a bit, feeling emotion rising up in the back of his throat. At this moment, he wishes that bottle of bourbon was right next to him to not only drink from but also to give him some liquid courage. He clears his throat once again and presses on, closing his eyes and tipping his head back against the wood. "You know when you got up to go refreshments from the back, there was that turbulence, right?"

"Yeah. I remember."

"Well, I remember gripping the armrest between us and realizing that your hand wasn't there. You weren't there, and... I- I didn't like it."

She chuckles on the other end of the line. "That's why you kissed me? Because of the turbulence?"

"No. I mean, yes and no. After it passed, I remember thinking how the last time we were together on a plane, there was also a little bit of turbulence, and that time we held each others hands and that..."

"And that what?"

"You know... if we had crashed at that moment, I woulda died a happy man."

She exhales, and it's a bit shaky and he's glad he's not the only nervous one. "Danny, what are you saying? Just tell me."

He swallows and opens his eyes, a moment of verbal clarity settling upon him.

"Mindy... I can't live without you."

And... silence.

He doesn't hear her breathe or move, and he checks his phone to make sure they aren't disconnected and then speaks. "Mindy?"

"I'm here."

"Did... did you hear what I said?"

"...Yes."

He stands and moves away from the door, turning to look at it. Even with a whole door in between them, he still feels way too close to her. It's been quiet for too long, and he can feel himself begin to panic, and he knows he should calm down but he can't. Is she thinking about leaving? Is she going to run again? What's going on out there? Maybe not opening the door was a bad idea. That was dumb. Good freaking job, Castellano. I mean, what kind of idiot doesn't have this kind of conversation face-to-face? He's a coward. Christ, what was he thinking. How far to the ground if he just jumps out the window right now-

"Danny," she calls out, and he freezes in his spot. Play it cool, Castellano.

"Yeah?"

"You're... in love with me?"

He lets out a breath he doesn't even know he's holding and it comes out like a laugh. A revelation. He smiles.

"Yes, Mindy. I am in love with you."

He can hear her sniffle over the phone, and it breaks him from his spot. "Mindy, Min, please don't cry. I'm opening the door-" he moves toward the door quickly before her voice stops him.

"No, don't open it!"

"Mindy, I can't just leave you out there crying, my neighbors are going to think I kicked you out or something, and then I'll be the fourth floor asshole. Come on, just let me let you in."

"No Danny! Please. Just- just let me.. let me say something first."

He releases his hold and sighs. "Fine. Okay."

She takes a moment and he can hear her sniffle more, and it's killing him. He just wants to let her in, he doesn't even care if she doesn't feel the same about him as he feels about her, he just wants to open the door and pull her in, wrap her in his arms because he can't stand the thought of her standing outside alone crying, or the thought of him being the cause of her tears.

"Min, please, just let me-"

"I'm in love with you too."

He feels like the air has just been knocked out of him. He can't breathe, he can't-

"W-what?"

"I'm in love with you too. I am in love with you too, Danny."

|we were so out of our minds

we were so under the brine

we were so vacant

when i lift you up, you feel like a hundred times yourself

I wish everybody knew, what's so great about you|