Title: No, You'll Respect *MY* Auth-or-i-ty!

Chapter Two: The Ungroundables Meet the Vampires

Author Notes:

This is a silly fun crossover with South Park, based on the South Park Season 12 Episode 12 'The Ungroundable'. Check here for information on that episode:

.org/wiki/The_Ungroundable. If you have not seen it, then it's a spoof on the Twilight rage and Butters joins a group of kids who think they are vampires and after the initiation at Hot Topic Butters believes he is a vampire too.

Summary: Buffy & Willow head to South Park to find a new slayer; Butters thinks he's a vamp; Cartman turns into a rat; And "YOU BASTARD, YOU KILLED KENNY!"

Disclaimer: Mighty God of Television, Joss Whedon, owns Buffy. Trey Parker, Matt Stone, and Comedy Central own the potty mouth kids from South Park.

Warning: Language, same words they use in South Park. I don't approve of (all of) them but I do use them to keep in character. Character Death ;)


~*~*~

"So do you think there are actually vampires here?" asked Willow. She, Buffy, and Bebe were patrolling through the moonless night so they could spend more time explaining Bebe's new powers and potentially show her a real vampire fight.

"This town is crawling with the weird, Will. I betcha anything something creepy is a lurkin'."

"At school there are vampires," added Bebe brightly.

"What?" both women said.

"Damn Twilight," muttered Buffy. "Vampires in school- Now they all want to do it. Lemme guess, Bebe- these kids never go outside?"

"Uh, no they do. But they do wear all black and drink this stuff that looks like blood!"

Buffy snorted. "Bebe, those are wannabes. Not the kind of creature you wanna shove a piece of wood into- although it would probably be helpful to smack them upside the head with one."

"Buffy!" reprimanded Willow. "We don't want to give Bebe any ideas about violence towards humans."

The Slayer pursed her lips in annoyance. "Fine," she said with a sigh. "I'm just so annoyed that everyone thinks vampires are all sexy and mysterious."

Willow bit back a laugh, but her eyes shone with amusement. "Oh yes, heaven forbid anyone should think *that*." Buffy just glared in response, thanks to the little slayer between them.

"Hey! Bebe! Whatcha doin?" shouted a little boy in a blue and red hat. He and three other boys were standing underneath a fence.

"Hiya Stan! Just out slaying!" shouted Bebe. Buffy glared at her and pinched her arm. "I meant, we're just out paying! Ya know, going shopping."

"Good save," whispered Willow. "Beats Xander's save that one time back in high school," she said to Buffy.

Buffy rolled her eyes in annoyance. "Yes, who can forget Xander loudly asking me in front of people how my *laying* went."

"Who are your friends, Bebe? They look way too pretty to be hanging out with you," snorted a round boy in a round coat.

"Shut your fat ass up, Cartman! You're lucky I don't kick your ass?" yelled an irate Bebe as she stormed over there.

"Mmmm mmm mmm mm mmmmm," mumbled a boy in an orange coat.

"Shut your mouth, Kenny! You stupid damn turd face," exclaimed Cartman before he turned back to Bebe.

"Oh yeah? Bitch, please. I'd like to see you try. Everyone knows that girls are weak." Cartman began laughing.

A boy in a green hat jumped in front of Bebe and held her raised fist. "C'mon Bebe. You know it's better to just ignore him. He's a fat sonofabitch- ain't that enough punishment?"

"What? Kyle, please tell me you're kidding?" asked a shocked Bebe.

Kyle started snickering. "Yeah, I am."

Willow and Buffy just stared at each other- clearly uncomfortable with the mouths on these kids.

"Whoa, time out," declared Willow. "Bebe, you should know better than to pick fights."

"Yeah, *Bebe*. You should know better than to pick fights," mimicked Cartman in a singsong voice.

Willow glared at him. Okay, kids are kids. Innocent children. It is wrong to dislike a child. But suddenly Willow knew why Bebe had wanted to kill Cartman earlier.

Before anyone else could speak something white and gooey was thrown over the fence in buckets. Buffy felt her adrenaline rush as having a strange substance thrown at her and she tensed her body. A tentative finger ran along her arm and she brought the white substance to her nose.

Her nose crinkled in confusion. "Elmer's Glue?"

The air filled with a buzzing noise and Buffy realized it was hissing. "What the…?"

The same boy they had seen before, Butters, climbed over the fence with a motley crew of kids garbed in black clothing and spikey accessories. "You were a fool to come to our town, Slayer. Hisss. We will not allow you to kill us."

Buffy couldn't help it. It felt like she was in a cartoon. She busted up laughing on the spot and Willow joined her.

"You laugh, but there's more where that came from!" Butters shouted as two Vamp Wannabe Kids dumped a couple more buckets on Buffy, Willow, and Bebe.

"Eww!" screeched Buffy. "I think you ruined my shirt. God! Oh! And my hair! You little brat!"

"Butters, I'm going to kick your fucking ass for ruining my hair, God dammit!" shrieked Bebe.

"Ugh, I think this batch was some hardcore permanent glue," muttered Willow. "Smells bad. And sticky, super sticky."

The Vamp Wannabe Kids hissed in such a way that it sounded like a cheer.

"Oh my God, what a bunch of fags," hooted Cartman. "Who fights with glue? Stupid fucking pussies."

Willow didn't bother to hide her snarl of anger at the pint-sized stupid arrogant prejudiced brat. As soon as they got rid of the glue, she was going to let Bebe kill this fat Cartman kid.

"The Slayer," intoned a deep voice.

Buffy rolled her eyes. "Yeah, you little brats. You got the Slayer." It seemed like everything was sticking together as she tried to, in particular, separate her fingers.

A new chorus of laughter went up.

"Um, Miss Buffy? I know you said that Butters and these kids aren't vampires. But, um, are these people?"

"Huh?" Buffy's head swirled to look behind her. There she saw five hulking brutes with their game face on. "Oh, for fuck's sake!" she grumbled.

"The lady from school swore! Did ya hear that?" Cartman shouted as he pointed at Buffy.

"Shut the fuck up, Cartman!" Bebe cried as she grabbed his pointing index finger and snapped it.

A part of Buffy wanted to smirk at that, while another part wanted to scold the new slayer. But mostly, she wanted to kill some vampires.

She grabbed out her stake and threw one to Bebe. "Come on, chica! Let's go!"

Buffy and Bebe jumped into the mix. Buffy took on three while Bebe took on one. Willow was holding her own but when she saw that Bebe was a second from getting bitten she jumped in there as well.

The South Park guys stared in incredulous silence. They could not believe that Bebe could kick ass so well- she even made the weird looking dude fly back ten feet with just one kick! As for the Vampire Wannabe Kids, they gulped nervously as they realized what *real* vampires looked and acted like.

One of the vamps escaped the scuffle, with multiple wounds, and latched onto Kenny's neck. Kenny screamed and the vamp started slurping down.

"Oh my God! He killed Kenny!" shouted Stan.

"You Bastard!" shouted Kyle

Said vamp took Kenny's body and ran off into the night as Buffy, Bebe, and Willow finished up his four friends.

"Well, I think this taught you kids a lesson, huh?" asked Buffy as she looked at Butter and his Vampire friends. "Still think vampires are cool? Or do you now know that they're blood-sucking fiends who would love to feast on your blood and kill you?"

"Um-um-uh, the second one, M'am," stuttered Butters.

"Still think girls are weak, Cartman?" asked Bebe with an arched brow.

"Uh, nope. No ma'am," muttered Cartman.

"I thought so," she said haughtily as she, Buffy, and Willow headed back to the car. They were all in need of a good shower to get rid of the glue and blood.


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