YAY! New reviewers! Awesome. I'm proud of the humorousity--is that a word?--this has inspired among you people. Now, what happens when Visser Three and One try to hide at the local mall in the movies. Will their pursuers follow them, or be a little distracted?

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Part 2: Mall and Movies

Visser One

Both Visser Three and I hightailed it out of the restaurant, flying in the Subaru toward the mall where a movie was playing. Street lights, cars, and buildings flashed by in a really cool blur, though my passenger didn't seem so agreeable.

"Please pull over," Visser Three moaned. "I think I can feel that casserole crawling up my throat. Oh GOD!" He reeled down the window and started hurling chunks at other vehicles, which surprisingly caused more accidents than my driving. "HOW did they FIND us?"

"I have no clue. We should be safe at the mall though. I think it'll be crowded enough," I informed. "Demorph and morph back to human. I already look suspicious in this Shakira get-up."

"You think? That's not the only way you look," he muttered, though I was confused at the lack of sneering. "I'm never, EVER celebrating this holiday again." He started demorphing, fur popping out everywhere and tail lengthening. "Hopefully that blast knocked them all out unconscious."

"Especially those stupid Bandits. Argh. They always have to ruin everything!" I snapped.

"Welcome to my life," he muttered. "Now, have yourself dyed purple for a week and chimpanzee feces thrown at you, and maybe you'll understand what Hell is." His lips sealed together in a firm line. (I couldn't get the SMELL out until I morphed a dozen or so times. Blech.)

"But how?" I repeated from him. "Honestly, I understand you, with the fur and tail and all, but still, don't those people have lives? I swear, sometimes I'm believing we're stuck in some crazy author's story of a soap opera slash science fiction slash insanity. That writer's got to be sinister or something."

(You're telling me,) Visser Three muttered. (I wish Rissa and Sargimf and Iniss and the rest would just get thrown back into Purgatory, already!) His main eyes widened and he swore a couple Yeerk curses, which I will kindly not translate.

I glared at him, trying to feel angry as the Devil himself, but having a sudden emptiness collapse inside. "You still didn't answer my question. What was--" I would've surely finished the question at hand, but I was suddenly confronted by a face full of Andalite haunches. "Get your ASS out of my FACE!"

(Well get your face out of my ass!) He rolled his stalks at me. (And Andalites crap out their hind hooves, Moron One. Geez, give me a break. These seats are too small for Alloran's body! What? You fail in Algebra? See, mass times weight means I can't fit my butt in this damn thing!)

"Alright, you big baby," I groaned. "Just morph now. We're here at the mall now."

Both of us unclipped our seatbelts, Visser Three having a tiny bit of difficulty there-- (Release me you damn thing! Hey! Hey! Hey! My tail's stuck in the fricking contraption! Don't just stand there. Help me out here!) --but we managed to make it halfway towards the mall, staying back in the shadows until the idiot finished his morph.

"See? This isn't so bad. Watch a movie and we're out of here," I noted cheerfully.

(I guess…) he mumbled.

Then suddenly…

"Mommy! Mommy! Lookee lookee! There's a pony over there! Can I go ride on it? Pleasey please! Here, horsey!"

I grinned as Visser Three found himself without hands or a tail. "Okay, Sea Biscuit, seems we're going to have to find you a saddle."

"No, sweetie. It's probably that little skank's stallion," the mother remarked, dragging her child away.

(Well, I guess--)

I frowned. "Shut up, morph, and get in the damn theater already."

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Marco

"Never did I think I'd see the day when we actually did this," I moaned. The Hork-Bajir-Controller and his green-skinned slut--yes, slut--glared at me. "You have got to be kidding. Please, oh Merciful Leader, you're kidding."

"Speak for yourself," said Count Chapman.

"Yeah, like, if we had a choice, like, we'd turn you in to the Emperor," the Pink Lady snapped. "Like, Rissa, are you sure about this?"

"Yeah, we should've at least brought T.E. along to," the Hork-Bajir mumbled.

"One thing for a Hork-Bajir to be here, we don't need a Taxxon," Rachel growled.

See, we'd sort of finished our battle after we compounded several cars, busted up the street, and brought down the house--well, actually it was a Ponderosa. Please, I don't feel like explaining, but somehow a truce had been formed between Jake and "Rissa" at the moment. Apparently, they'd changed their thoughts and wanted the Vissers together just about as much as we did--which was zero-point-zero.

"Okay, split up and search for them," Jake ordered.

"Hey, just because we're working with you for one night, doesn't make it so you can lead us, Mr. Andalite, if that is your REAL name," Rissa spat. "Okay, troops, split up and search for them." The Yeerks departed to the right side of the mall, while we had the left.

"Great. The best time to come to the mall and I HATE it," Rachel grumbled.

Yeah, also, we were in differently assembled human morphs, around eighteen or nineteen from those college boys and girls we acquired in the parking lot. Thankfully, those Yeerks hadn't seen our regular selves and still believed us to be Andalites. Myself, I was a tall, dark-skinned guy with awesome muscles, so if any ladies would like to call me at--

"Marco! Stop daydreaming!" Tobias snapped, giving me a slap across the head for good measure.

Jake cleared his throat. "First, Rachel and I will check out the food court. Tobias and Ax try to find anything in the theater, while Marco and Cassie search the pet store."

"The pet store?" I asked dubiously. "What? Visser Three's going to buy some flea powder or something?"

A wicked gleam had befallen in Cassie's eye and before I knew it, she was dragging me off to the Petsmart. "Yes. Who knows what evil deeds they're planning to use on those poor, caged, unfairly treated animals?"

I believed I knew where this was going. "Cassie, we're only supposed to fight the Yeerks, okay?"

"The Yeerks could be impersonating the owners of that store as we speak, probably hiding the Vissers," Cassie defended. "Wringing the necks of innocent puppies, kicking kittens, butchering birds. Evil, evil parasites!"

"Cassie, we can't just rip open a place during a semi-important mission," I said coolly, in a I'M-talking-to-a-mental-person tone.

"Is that Stacey Kimonski in there? Near the dark, secluded fish exhibit?"

"Oooh, you are devious an cunning," I muttered, following her into the department.

Soon we inside and SURPRISE SURPRISE Stacey wasn't there. Instead I had to trail after Cassie towards a small section full of retriever, beagle, and husky puppies yipping up at us happily, while a bunch of orange, black, and white kittens mewed softly.

"Wow, they're awfully enthusiastic animals, aren't they?" I asked.

"Yep," Cassie mumbled. "You would be too if you thought you had a chance to escape these tiny prisons." She plucked a black feline with a white chest and face up, nuzzling its fur against her nose. "He looks just like Mistofeelees."

"Yeah…" One of the puppies nipped my hand and I scratched its head. "Poor little guys."

"Yeah locked up all day with no exercise and very little food and water," Cassie whimpered. "No one to hug and care for them. No one to play with. No one probably cares if they're stuck like this for two or three years. Then they're put down."

"It's sad and wrong," I mumbled. I quickly noticed that Cassie had slipped into the small fish part, and suddenly wasn't all herself. "Cassie, are you going Nanook?" A lump of white fur sprouted out of her face and she grinned a bear smile at me.

(Look out PETA, you just got a helping hand,) she said. (You in?)

"And let you have all the fun?" I asked. "For the pouches!"

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Rissa

I had a bad feeling when Ellie walked into the Rue 21, leaving her ballerina outfit in there. She came out with pink camouflage pants, with matching t-shirt, a helmet on her head, and war paint on her cheeks.

She scowled at us and marched in front of us in a line. "Okay, cadets. Today, or tonight whatever, we're to cover this mall by twenty-four hours--that's midnight. We'll bring down the walls, sniff out best prices and come out of here looking FABULOUS!"

Iniss started crying--I was almost there with him. "Why is it she only stops saying 'like' when we're at a store?"

"Ellie, I think you're forgetting the main objective here," Sargimf crooned. "Now, let's focus here…"

Ellie whipped out a stick and slapped him across the chest. I winced as if it had stung me--we're so CLOSE. "This is no ordinary shopping trip soldier! This is the day where you either snooze or you lose! This isn't just about getting the perfect gift for those people you care about! No! Shopping the night of Halloween is as American as Apple Pie! It is a shot in the arm, stimulating the lifeblood of the economy! It's every patriotic citizen's duty to shop 'til you drop! This is a test of strength and endurance! It separates the real women from the weak little boys! Now move out!"

I snorted. "Okay, General, listen. We didn't come here so you could gorge yourself on sales, or pie, or whatever you wanted. I lost track of the conversation." Trying to remember the important details of the conversation, I suddenly noticed something more…intriguing. "OH! Toy store!"

"You have got to be kidding me," Iniss muttered. "Aren't you in High School? A sophomore now?"

"Hey, look. New Barbies and Baywatch dolls on display," I said, rolling my eyes.

"What're we waiting for?" Iniss said, suddenly having a change of mood. "Let's go!"

And so the four of us had LOTS of FUN!!!! Why were we here again?

"Who put dresses on all the Ken dolls?"

"Hey! There's somebody in a Godzilla suit eating the jigsaw pieces!"

"Who turned on all the toy robots?"

"How did that bubble gum get in there?"

"Look out for the marbles on the floor!"

"There's silly string everywhere!"

"This crazy red haired kid with green skin said 'I bet that this toy car can go faster than that one!' So I bet her!"

"How do you turn off all these bubble machines?"

"Who undressed all the Barbies?"

"Look out! The remote controlled rockets are running amok!"

"Who spray painted the chairs, the counter, the shelves, EVERYTHING PINK?"

"I quit!"

And so we skipped merrily out, leaving a wake of sobbing employees. They must've not been in the holiday spirit. But then our good pals the Animorphs--ahem, the Andalite Bandits--showed up, well, two of them. They didn't seem too happy at seeing us, especially at how beautiful and interesting we'd decorated the store.

"Jimmy Buffett Rocks?" read Jake, I mean, random Andalite. "Who listens to that?"

"I'll have you know he's a VERY inspiring man. Wonderful voice and handsome," I noted.

"Yuck. That guy's totally ugly," the Blond Witch spat.

"AAARR," Sargimf growled. "Don't diss the great Captain Buffett."

"For Yeerks, you people are completely immature and insane," Tiger Boy said.

Ellie snickered. "Like, speak for yourself."

Suddenly, a herd of cats, dogs, lizards, parakeets, turtles, tarantulas, snakes, parrots, hamsters, gerbils, rats, and mice raced down the hall. It was amazing. People screamed, people cried, but come on! This nailed Lion King in the balls. I wished I'd brought Silas, my wonderful little albino snake, along. And to top it off, behind the pack came two polar bears, roaring and stomping and keeping mall cops from wrangling up the animals.

(BE FREE MY FELLOW CREATURES!) Nature Girl cried.

(FLY, OR RUN, OR SLITHER AWAY!) Jolly Mon added.

"Oh…my…lord," Blond Witch gasped.

Tiger Boy shook his head. "I cannot believe this."

"Hey, I think they did a noble deed," Sargimf commented. "Save the geckos!"

"Like, a monkey! Yay!" Ellie squealed, picking the black primate up and cuddling him.

Harvey Birdman and True Blue suddenly appeared on the scene, panting, but eyes rounder than saucers. True Blue said, "Um, Prince Jake, I am frightened to ask what happened."

"Spiders! Spiders in my hair!"

"What's that yellow stuff on the Paris Hilton sign in the toy store?"

"What is this? Some cut-out from The Birds? AW! NOT THE HAIR!"

"Give me back my watch you stupid mutt!"

"Where are the toy display under garments?"

Tiger Boy watched the chaos around. "I think I need a drink."

Harvey Birdman grabbed his shoulder. "Um, we, eh, found them. They went into the cinema."

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Visser Three

Both Visser One and I had skipped out on the idea of Saw Three. Somehow it suddenly didn't seem like a wonderful movie to indulge in, despite the hilarious insanity humans possess. Instead, we choose the classical, tasteful comedy known as Borat, which gave us an in-depth study of American culture.

It was amazing all the things I learned. Who knew a human female's brain was actually the size of a squirrel's? (Which might have explained Visser One.) Or that Jews could shape shift into cockroaches and the only way to repel them was to throw dollar bills at them? Or that Pam Anderson was seen as the Great Virgin? It was truly an educational documentary. Four stars.

"Is this all true about Homo sapiens?" I asked.

"Visser One yawned, leaning absently against me. "Yep. Except the squirrel thing, of course." She munched on some popcorn. "Heh. It's kinda cold in here, don't you think?"

"Really? I feel fine. You must be…" I suddenly realized what she was hinting at and weirdly enough, it didn't seem so bad an idea. "Well, now that you mention it, it is freakin' chilly in here." I cautiously wrapped my arm around her shoulders, wondering if it was a trick. It wasn't.

Visser One chuckled. "Are you blushing?"

"Huh? No!" I felt my cheeks rise in temperature. Where was fur covering in a morph when you needed it?

"You are! You are!"

"WHATEVER!"

"I want to know what you choose," she said, leaning even more against me. "I really, really want to know now." She smiled up at me, looking willowy and ghostly in the movie screen's light. "If I told you a secret, would you tell me then?"

"What secret?" I asked.

She grinned like a mischievous cat, one of her long-fingered hands stroking my chin. "It's a deep, dark secret." Quickly, I found my face and hers coming closer together, eyes, noses, and lips… I didn't despise or become disgusted as her breath neared mine…

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Rissa

"Okay, let's spread out again, shall we? They've got to be here somewhere," Tiger Boy said.

"Who put you in charge?" Iniss growled.

"For once I agree with him," I said.

"Uh-oh, alert the news," Sargimf chuckled. "H-E-double-hockey-sticks has frozen over."

"Will you idiots shut your traps!?" Blond Witch snapped.

"Like, you shut up," Ellie remarked.

"Why don't you all shut up?" Harvey Birdman remarked. "In fact, you Yeerks just go home or the Pool or wherever you go. You morons are going to get caught sneaking into the movies anyway."

"So did you, Andalite scum!" Iniss hissed.

"We are attempting to keep a low profile here," True Blue informed. "And I don't believe the humans in the lobby would allow us in with our current, er, artifical skins." Oh, did I forget to mention in all our fun Ellie and I spray painted the Bandits in pink, gold, and black? Go Fruity Steelers!

"You guys are, like, real moral people," Ellie sneered.

"Yeah, when we sneak into malls or planets, we're maniacal criminals," Sargimf muttered. "But when you do it, you have a higher purpose than we little parasites could ever hope of committing. What a bunch of hypocrites."

"I think they might have gone into Amazon Reptiles 2," I interrupted.

"What? That stupid local movie that's only able to cut into this theater?" Harvey Birdman asked.

"It's a good film. They'd want to see it," Sargimf said.

"No, only you would want to see that film," Iniss argued.

"More like his relatives," Jolly Mon cracked.

"Actually Monkey Man I am surprised at your ignorance," Iniss scoffed. "Despite its corny title, Amazon Reptiles 2 is a veritable cinematic delight! A true tour de force!"

"Yeah, it's got everything!" Sargimf nodded. "Action, suspense, comedy, romance…"

"Half naked bimbos running around every scene losing their clothes," Nature Girl snapped.

"What screen did you say that flick was in Yeerk?" Jolly Mon asked. Blond Witch whacked him on the head. "Ow! I'm serious! They could be in there! Maybe I should check it out?"

"Maybe I ought to check you into the hospital to see if we can find your brain!" Blond Witch whacked him again.

"OW! Stop hitting me!"

"Fine, like, I'll hit you," Ellie volunteered, slapping his head.

This ended up in a minor scuffle, both sides smacking and punching and kicking and biting the other, until…

"Hey? Where did the Lizard himself go?" Jolly Mon asked.

"It's not exactly a hard thing to do, losing a Hork-Bajir," Nature Girl said. "Where did the big guy go?"

"You people are dumb," I said in exasperation. "See, he has a bit of an addiction, and, well, three guesses where he went."

Sargimf was standing at the concession stand, clicking his claws on the counter. A very pale human was taking his order, and I guess she had cerebral palsy with all that shaking. Yes, folks, the only Hork-Bajir with a junk food addiction. You've seen it here in Risika-Dragon's mind.

"I'll take a Super Jumbo popcorn with extra butter," Sargimf ordered from the cashier, who was extremely NICE and got it right away. "A couple Kit Kat Bars, some Twix--do you have any of the peanut butter kind?--a few boxes of Hershey's, and some Twizzlers."

"Honey, Sweetie, I think we need to get you on a diet," I grunted, grabbing one of his thickly muscled arms and trying to pull him away. "Come on."

"I'll have one of every candy there, and there," my love pointed. "Maybe some more popcorn?"

"I need some help here!" I growled, and was aided by Iniss, True Blue, Nature Girl, and Jolly Mon. "Where's a bucket of acorns when you need them?"

"I'll get you people something too." Sargimf pouted at me. "It's not like I get to come here everyday, you know… OH! Do you have any coffee?"

My eyes brightened. "With extra sugar?" I gasped. "They have…yes, oh my, yes…"

"What is happening now?" True Blue asked.

"DUCK AND COVER!" Iniss shouted, diving into a trash bin.

"PIXIE STICKS!" I screeched happily.

Now the cashier lady was taking a little nap on the floor. Wasn't she sweet?

"This is not good," Tiger Boy groaned.

Then, Ellie ran screeching from the restroom with handfuls of toilet paper clutched in her hands, screeching with laughter. "GIVE THAT BACK!" Blond Witch yelled from the restroom.

"Let me rephrase that," Tiger Boy sighed. "This is a disaster."

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Visser Three

I admit, I, the great and powerful Visser Three, was nervous. Edriss was breathing lightly, her sweet intakes and outtakes smelling like mint, despite the mound of buttery popcorn she'd just chomped down. A few thick strands of black hair slid from behind her ears and brushed against my chest, fragrant with pomegranate and nectar. My legs moved nervously underneath me, half my brain yelling NO and the other screaming YES.

She looked up at me with those dark, black-on-black eyes. Okay, what do I do? I thought in a panic. Do I kiss her? Wait, it might be a trap. She might be playing this out so she can tell one of her REAL mates to kick my ass. No, that isn't like her. She prefers slapping me herself. So does she actually want me, her greatest enemy, to hold her? KISS her? What'll I do? Ignore, or kiss?

Edriss whispered faintly in my ear, "So, are you gonna kiss me or what?"

I closed my own eyes as she copied the gesture. Our faces grew even closer, until our lips were pressing against the other. Hers were so soft, so small, so nicely…

Something bounced off my head. "What the…"

It happened again, and Edriss looked down into her lap. "Is that a Milk Dud?"

"Oh no…" I moaned. "I hate my life, I honestly fricking hate it." A mini water fall of assorted candy fell on top of my head. "Hey!" I glanced up into the balcony. "Who's the wise guy?"

"Yes!" one Latino boy hooted, giving a guy who didn't seem to be able to make facial expressions a high five. "We did it!" Soon the pair was splattered with cold Pepsi.

"Go away, you jerks!" Rissa hissed. "Don't worry Visser Three. We got your back, er, tail. Go back to smooching Visser One. It's better than the movie." She launched herself into a fight with the Bandits. Candy and soda splattered down onto the theater.

"Help! This pink freak attacked me!" a boy shouted, covered in toilet paper like a mummy, limping down the aisle.

"Stop setting my butt on fire!" one of the Bandits shouted at Rissa. "OW!"

"I really hate my life," I muttered, face in hands. "Someone please Dracon me now…"

"When we get out of here, Visser three, could you morph something big and bad and drop the whole stupid mall on them?" Visser One snapped.

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So where will the Vissers go now?