Hey y'all! So first off thankyou thankyou thankyou for all the positive reviews. I'm sorry that I haven't updated in a while I'll try to get better. This is more of a filler chapter then anything. If you guys have ideas I can add to this story, please just comment them! I'm a little stuck at the moment. If you don't have an FFnet account then you can just leave an ask on my tumblr (shondasanatomy).

Disclaimer: All rights go to Shondaland

Addison stared at the baby monitor absently, lost in thought. She sat on the porch, arms wrapped around knees, staring at the ocean. It had been hours since she'd left Meredith in the guest room but still hadn't been able to get some rest herself. After tossing around in her bed for the better part of the night, she finally gave up, making her way downstairs for a cup of tea.

She looked out, taking in the first few tendrils of light coming across the sky. It would be a hot day, the air humid and pleasant even at 4:30 in the morning.

She was tired, exhausted really. She'd had a long day at the practice, her patient had come in for an ultrasound after slipping at the pool and had discovered her baby was dead. The case was eerily similar to the first case she had ever worked with Callie, and every bit as tragic. The baby had been at just over 30 weeks and her mother had refused to hold her as she screamed and cried for all that her life had become. The patient had eventually been sedated and Addison had come home early to see Henry and remind herself that not everything in the universe was bad. This was of course until Meredith showed up at her door and changed her perspective once again. Yes, Addison was exhausted and she feared the feeling wouldn't diminish for a long time.

She thought once again about the woman currently sleeping in her guest room, her mind drifting back to the first time they'd met.

She walked through the entrance of Seattle Grace Hospital, taking her gloves off as the automatic doors opened into a wide lobby. Looking around, she observed the area around her until she noticed a man to her right, one with too perfect hair and a wide smile that had once made her feel nothing but safe.

Her husband was now flashing that smile at a woman. Blonde hair framed a delicate face and even from afar, Addison could tell this woman was feeling all the effects of that smile, just as she once had. She began walking over, her heels echoing through the room as she relished in the expression on Derek's face, having finally noticed her.

Nearing her target, she saw him turn toward his female counterpart and say "Meredith, I am so sorry." His face was panicked as the woman - Meredith - looked at him confused, before turning toward her as Addison finally came to a stop in front of the pair and stared at Derek.

"Addison, what are you doing here?" He said it as though she owed him an explanation, as though she was the only one to blame for their current situation.

Ignoring the woman at his side she replied "Well, you'd know if you'd bother to answer anyone of my phone calls." She was annoyed, really annoyed, white hot fury beginning to course through her body. She remembered the endless times she'd been sent to voicemail, the long nights staring at the ceiling, tears streaking down her face as Mark snored softly next to her. Her chest tightened and she became nauseous thinking of the night Derek had thrown her out into the rain, yelling at her to leave "his house", her clothes decorating the staircase behind her as rain continuously poured.

Her mood had quickly escalated to pissed as she looked at his expression, a mixture of disgust and exasperation. Which is probably what possessed her to turn toward who she new to be her husband's mistress and hold out her hand.

"Hi, I'm Addison Sheperd." She took in the look of confusion on the woman's face, wondering if there was any possibility that she didn't know who she really was.

"Sheperd?" the woman replied as she curled her cold hand around Addison's, looking at Derek once more, confusion still etched across her face.

"And you must be the woman who's been screwing my husband."

Letting go of her hand, Addison studied the delicate features as the woman finally realized what she'd heard. Turning around, Meredith walked away quickly, not bothering to turn towards Derek's voice as he called after her retreating form.

Guilt spread through Addison's body as she now understood that Meredith had unwittingly become an innocent bystander in the battlefield that was her marriage. She'd thought that the woman had known she was sleeping with a married man ... why the hell wouldn't she? Surely Derek couldn't be so cruel as to keep Addison a secret, not if he actually liked this girl.

She followed Meredith's form down the path to the street, losing track as she eventually got to far to be seen. She never wanted that to happen; the woman was probably crushed, her entire relationship and view of Derek altered, and for what? Because Addison had gotten a hot head and wanted Derek to feel something, anything, towards her instead of the disinterest that had become their relationship for the past two years? Not good enough Addie, she thought to herself, as she swallowed the lump that had formed in her throat.

Well regardless of the situation, there wasn't much Addison could now change. Trying desperately to push away her guilt, she did what Addison Montgomery did best: pretend that nothing was wrong when there obviously was. So like a true Montgomery, Addison put on a smirk and ignoring the fact that her dinner now sat like a stone at the base of her stomach, she turned, confronting her husband, once again becoming the polished, well educated, double board certified neonatal surgeon people viewed her as. And as she talked to Derek, it got a little bit easier not to care, not to mind that once again, she had somehow ruined a life without to much effort at all.

A cry drew her back into reality as the light on the baby monitor lit up and she stood, walking back into the house to comfort whichever child was in distress. She soon realized it was Zola, the sounds coming from the couch amplifying as Addison drew closer, seeing the child crying in her sleep. Sitting down, Addison carefully placed her hand on the child's shoulder and gently shook her awake. The four-year-old's tiny body stirred and eventually brown eyes opened wide, still spilling tears as she stared at the grown up.

Addison wrapped her arms around the small form as silent tears continued to fall and Zola started to shake.

"Zola, sweetie it's ok, it was only a nightmare. You're ok. I promise."

The girl shook her head, holding her Anatomy Jane doll close as she continued to cry.

"Where's mommy?" Sobs racked the tiny frame as she kept shaking, Addison now running her hands up and down Zola's arms, trying to sooth her.

"Your mom's upstairs sleeping honey. Do you want me to go get her?"

No reply came as the sobs continued, and Addison felt the girl tense more, folding into herself. Again she wrapped her arms around the little girl, this time feeling tiny hands clutching the front of her shirt. Careful not to wake Bailey, who by some miracle was still sleeping, she picked the toddler up and moved around the first floor, muttering soothing words. She walked around for what felt like hours before she finally felt the sobs slow and the girl's body relax until there was nothing but small sniffles coming from the child. Zola laid with her head on Addison's shoulder, tiny arms still clutching her doll to her chest.

Addison looked down at the tear stricken face, repeating her earlier question, asking the girl if she wanted Meredith. The big brown eyes filled with tears once more and the older woman's chest tightened as she saw the beginning's of another crying session appearing. She rubbed soothing circles on Zola's back and instead chose a different approach.

"How bout I make you a big cup of hot chocolate and then we can go outside and see the ocean? Would you like that?"

No response came from the four year old and Addison was just about to go upstairs and wake the girl's mother when she heard a tiny "Yes," come from her chest and she looked down to see Zola's eyes, this time without tears, looking up at her. Addison gave the girl a smile and carried her toward the kitchen and placed her on one of the high stools, keeping a close eye as she took out the powder and began making their chocolate. Zola swung her legs and looked out the back doors, taking in the different colors of the sky as she stared at the beach.

After getting helped down by Addison, the little girl reached up to take the woman's hand and together they walked out onto the beach where they sat down in the sand. They each sipped their drinks and watched the morning joggers go by, getting up every once in a while to pet a dog walking past. The little girl finally seemed calmed and she lay between Addison's legs, head resting against her chest while she stared at the waves. The baby monitor stood near, and Addison looked at her watch, relaxing when she saw there was still an hour till Henry usually woke up and she took the liberty in assuming Bailey was similar.

She turned the little girl around so they faced one another before asking again "Zola, do you want me to go wake your mom up? She'll be worried that you had a nightmare."

She looked carefully at the little girl who was now playing with the sand around her and felt her heart swell. Zola reminded her so much of Henry and she could see why Derek had been so infatuated with the child each time they had spoken on the phone. She smiled, remembering how his voice filled with excitement each time she asked of his daughter. They could have been speaking about the worst situations, usually Amelia, but as soon as his children were mentioned, his demeanor changed completely and part of that reason was the girl who was now sitting in front of her shaking her head.

"Mommy sad a lot," the little girl said, letting the sand slip through her fingers. "She not sad when she sleeping, she just turns a lot."

Addison studied the small face, taking in the round cheeks and the small nose that had turned red from crying. Her heart sank as she noticed the tiny circles forming under Zola's eyes, knowing that the child was to young to be feeling anything that may cause those bags to form. Zola continued playing with the sand and before Addison could say anything she looked up, staring, before asking the one question Addison had hoped she'd never have to answer.

"Where's Daddy?"

Swallowing hard she replied "What did your mommy tell you about that sweetie?"

"She said he had a car crash and the doctors were late. Mommy says that when doctors are late people die. I think Daddy died." The girl became quiet, focusing on her hands as they gathered sand into a small pile in front of her. "She said Daddy's in the sky and that's why I can't see him, but he loves me and Baiwee lots and lots and he miss us." Her small hands came down, crushing the pile of sand, making it flat. She finally stopped and looked at Addison, brown eyes unblinking.

The older woman looked back, mind whirling as her stomach sank and she wondered again why the universe worked the way it worked. She'd heard the story, heard it from Callie and Miranda and Richard and Karev. She knew it back and forth, she knew what went wrong, how the idiots hadn't ordered a head CT even though he'd been stable. How the neurosurgeon on call had come only after 90 minutes, at which point there was nothing to be done. She'd seen the casket lowered into the ground and how Meredith had sat on the couch, staring silently ahead as people offered their condolences. She'd spoken to her briefly but it almost seemed as though the blond wasn't completely there, she stared through Addison and her smile and nodding was automatic, as though her body repeated the actions on a timed interval. Meredith Grey, Addison recalled, had become a shell, and there didn't seem as though there was anything anyone could do to bring her back.

She stared at Zola a while longer, brown eyes meeting gray and silently picked the girl up, hugging her close, before carrying her back into the house. She helped the toddler wash the sand off her arms and face, and brought her some of Henry's clothes to change into until Meredith and the kids got settled in. Seeing Bailey stirring on the couch, she picked him up gently as he began to wake and carried him upstairs. She walk into Henry's room, waking him gently before telling him to walk downstairs and sit with Zola. The little boy got up and rubbed his eyes sleepily as he started his descend to the first floor.

Checking in on Meredith, she saw the woman still asleep, tossing every once in a while. Her eyes moved beneath their sockets and her breathing seemed to increase as she turned to her side. Addison closed the door, heading downstairs with Bailey, knowing that restless or not, Meredith needed as much sleep as possible.

The morning went by quickly, the kids watching TV as Addison prepared pancakes for Zola and Henry, while feeding Bailey some apple sauce between his babbling and giggles. She called the practice, telling them she was taking the day and to reschedule her only patient for tomorrow. The foursome carried some shovels and pails outside and Addison watched as the older two worked on a sand castle and Bailey sat beside them, eyes wide and chewing on a teething ring. A few hours went by as it became late morning and the group went back into the house, Addison putting them down for a nap, before making her way upstairs to wake Meredith.