Chapter 2: Apples and Omnivores

"Are you SURE Applejack?"

"Sure as hay I'm sure. I know when somepony's been stealin' mah apples, and somepony's been stealin' mah apples. No two ways about it!"

Applejack had been acting like this for nearly two days now. She'd gone into the Orchard to start applebucking when she'd just as suddenly come back out again, claiming that somepony'd been stealing apples.

It was nonsense of course. They'd laid traps, camped out, and even resorted to scrying, but there wasn't any trace of a pony having been in Sweet Apple Acres that ponies didn't know about. A rasher pony might have suggested that it was one of the farmhands, but Rainbow Dash knew first hoof what happened if you suggested that, and nopony had tried it since.

"I don't know if I can keep coming here day after day AJ, I still have an EXTREMELY important assignment to do from Princess Celestia, and it needs a LOT of attention."
"If you help me catch the culprit, I'll give ya all the help you want."

Sighing, Twilight resigned herself to a day spent scrying for ponies in Sweet Apple Acres, something that she was not looking forward to.

In truth, Twilight was certain that the two objectives; her assignment and AJ's thief, were linked.

In fact, she was certain, seeing of how explicit Celestia had been about the nature of the assignment.

FLASHBACK

It had been the day before the Apple Bandit had turned up. Twilight was reading the most recent addition to the library - a compulsory check to ensure that there was no material inside that could be potentially dangerous - when she had received a message from Princess Celestia. It was almost certainly urgent - the message had come straight to her, rather than through Spike, and on the front, in red ink, was stamped URGENT. Opening the letter, Twilight was shocked to find that it was not only written in a scrawl, but that it was in somepony else's hoofwriting - it had never occurred to Twilight before that Celestia used a scribe.

The message, unlike usual, was fairly to the point, and had crossing-outs all over it. It read (eventually):
Twilight,
I need you to undertake an incredibly important assignment immediately - a matter of national security. I was forced to bring a human into our world to ensure the safety of both our races, however in the teleportation I not only lost contact with him, but ended up in Coltchester rather than Canterlot, my original destination. I must ask you to attempt to find the human, and bring him to Canterlot. We have three weeks.
Celestia.

Twilight had read the letter, re-read it (to make sure she'd read it right), then written out a neatened copy, and burnt the original. She'd begun to prepare for a long journey, but before she could really get started, she'd be told by Applejack to get over to Sweet Apple Acres. She did not expect the delay that she was now facing.

END OF FLASHBACK

Standing under one tree, with a bowl of water with ink in it in front of her (make do and mend, her mother always said) Twilight sighed, and peered in, asking for a glimpse of the intruder in Sweet Apple Acres.

The water looked different. The bowl didn't seem to have changed, but Twilight realised that she wasn't looking at her reflection anymore. The picture was of some ten feet above her head, looking down, past a monkey-like shape, down onto her head, and the bowl.

Wait... Monkeys don't live near Ponyville...

Whirling round, Twilight launched a stunning spell up into the tree, and was rewarded with an apple core being chucked at her head, with impressive accuracy. Rubbing the side of her head, Twilight noticed that the figure was standing on two legs, had no wings, and was relying heavily on its forelegs for grip, holding onto a branch near its middle for stability.

"Twilight's found em'!"

Applejack and Rainbow Dash practically teleported next to Twilight, Spike on Rainbow's back, clinging on and looking distinctly green. It was an impressive contrast.

"Now you listen here ya' no-good thief! If you don't wanna' feel the flat end of mah hoof, you'll get down here right now!" Applejack yelled. She appeared to be considering whether this new creature was indeed a threat or just a pony, in which case she was more than happy to deal with it.

The creature shook its head, and pulled an apple off a nearby branch, biting into it loudly. It was an outright declaration of war, and the creature seemed to be actively mocking the farmpony.

As Applejack moved up to the tree, the shadowy figure bit down on the apple, holding it in its mouth, then gripping a branch with its, now free, foreleg. As Applejack gave the tree an almighty buck, the creature wobbled, but with the extra stability that its forelegs gave it, it didn't fall.

"Y'know AJ... I'm not sure that's a pony."
"Don't be a foal Rainbow Dash, what else could it be, a human?"
"Oh come on AJ, like humans..."

The pair broke off, as the universally accepted sarcasm contained in a slow clap broke out over them. It seemed to come from the outline in the tree.

"You? You're the human Celestia brought here?"

At the mere mention of Celestia, the human retreated further up the tree, took the apple out of its mouth, and began eating it again, safely lodged in a fork in the trees branches.

"No, wait, I don't want to hurt you! Uh... How does Fluttershy do this... Um... Me. Twilight. Me. Friend. Me..."
"Oh shut up. Do you have any idea how demeaning that is?"

It was all Rainbow Dash could do not to laugh at the look on Twilight's face.

"You can talk!"
"Naturally."
"But you climbed further up into the tree when I mentioned Celestia, and you only shook your head when Applejack asked you to come down!"
"It's rude to talk with your mouth full."
"But you're a human! Humans don't know about that sort of thing! They can't even write!"

The malice that came from the last statement seemed to make the air colder.

"I don't think it liked that Twi."
"But it's true!"
"Yeah, but it's smart enough to talk and not to fall for your dumb animal voice, so why should it listen to you if you accuse it of being stupid?"
"Uh, hello?" The human let go of a branch to wave with a foreleg.
"One, I'm still here, and two, I'm a he. HE. Not an it, or she, a he."
"So yer' a stallion?"
"Bzzzt! Negative points to the farm filly. Do you call a male chicken a stallion? Is a baby cat a filly? No. I am a boy, or a man, depending on whether you think I'm mature or not."

The angry lecture had stunned the ponies into silence. It took them a while to get their voices back, by which time the human had finished its apple, and was sitting on the lower branch of the tree. Twilight spoke up first.

"So... Do you have a name?"
"A name..." The human stopped, seriously considering his answer. "Well, for a pony-ish name, I like the sound of Glyphic, but I'm better with tech than magic, so I suppose I'd be something like Blueprint or Ratchet, but if you want my actual name, it's Josh." He launched himself off the branch. He was dressed, to the trio's amazement, in clothes similar to those of a suit. They were plain (Rarity would have gone into shock at the sight of plain white and plain black), and his shirt (at least, it was similar to a ponies shirt, so it was probably a shirt) was tattered around the cuffs, and stained, so probably hadn't been washed for a while. He had hair on the lower half of his face, and on top, but not many other places. His trousers (again, just a guess), were tattered around the bottom, but not so badly that they looked destroyed. He had a bag on his back, with straps going over his forelegs, and was only standing on his hind legs. His hind... hooves? were encompassed in some kind of protective cover, and his eyes were yellow. What hair he had was black.

'Josh' held out one foreleg.

"Pleased to meet you, Elements."

Now this, this is suspense. What will the trio do? Is the human going to be accepted by the rest of Ponyville?
Ah screw it, you'll find out later.