Ahhhh I can't thank you guys enough for your wonderful feedback on just the first chapter, especially with how vague this at the moment - thank you so so much, hopefully I'll get to all the replies soon! Replying to Guest here though, because I can't otherwise - there's going to be a lot of fluffy bonding in this fic, and Kai and Nya will definitely have at least one bit together ;)
In the meantime, Kai deserves so much more love than he gets, you guys. I love the fire boy so much.
(Actually, I love every single one of these kids so much, I know it's painfully obvious that Lloyd is my eternal fave but I've never been in a fandom where I genuinely love every single main character with all of my heart like this? The ninja are just. They're such a good family, they deserve happiness and love and it's one am and I'm emotional)
Kai doesn't want to go to sleep.
Well, alright. He'd love to get some actual sleep, but he knows that the second he closes his eyes again, he's very likely going to relive a lot of moments he'd really rather not. And if sacrificing any and all sleep is what it takes to avoid that, Kai is more than happy to sneak into the hospital break room and swipe Weak Cup of Coffee No. Three from their Keurig and hide out on the bench in the hallway so he can chug it before he's caught.
He takes another sip of the watery coffee, grimacing briefly at the taste. He should've skipped on the creamer — it's way too flavored, sweet in a way only Lloyd can stomach.
Kai sighs, feeling a prick of guilt as he glances down the hall. He'd promised Lloyd he'd get some real sleep tonight. And he's really trying to be one of the few people that doesn't break every promise they ever make to Lloyd.
Though he's got a feeling Lloyd didn't really believe him, anyways — the only times Kai's actually slept in the past few days have been in the hospital room on the tiny couch with the others. The fact that he even left the room is suspicious in the first place.
Kai stifles another yawn, leaning his head back against the wall and glaring darkly at the little holly wreath someone's stuck up as decoration. It's fake, obviously, not like the real one Nya smuggled in to stick on Lloyd's head earlier. But it's still infuriatingly cheery, which Kai wouldn't normally mind, but it's throwing off his attempts to brood with dignity right now.
Kai shakes his head, glancing down. He's got about half a cup of coffee left, but he can't bring himself to finish it, the sweet taste turning his stomach. Maybe he'll sneak back into the break room and swipe another cup, and just leave it black this time. Not…not right now, though. It's warm and quiet in the hallway, a contrast to the normal bustle of the day, and he feels his eyes start fluttering closed, almost against his will. He struggles to keep them open, but it's just…just five minutes, maybe, he won't even fall asleep, he'll just close his eyes….
-screaming splits the air, a voice Kai knows too well - Jay is already down, Nya barely holding on, but Kai only has eyes for the sword that's now coated in blood, blood everywhere, and his heart stops because there's no way anyone can survive that much-
Kai jerks himself up with a strangled gasp, cold sweat breaking out on his forehead. He blinks wildly before realizing that he's still in the dim-lit hallways of the hospital, the only sound the low hum of machines. There's no screaming, no blood, and he knows that wound has long been stitched up, and is well on its way to healing without trouble, if the doctor's claims are anything to go by.
But his heart rate, for some stupid reason, isn't letting him take any comfort in that.
Kai curses, grinding the heel of his palm into his eyes. So much for not falling asleep. Now he feels sick again, and he's got a panicked need to burst back into the hospital room and assure himself that everything's okay, that he's not about to watch his little brother die in front of him-
The styrofoam coffee cup crunches in his hand, and Kai watches in numb dismay as lukewarm coffee streams over his fingers from the cracks he's created, dripping down his hand and onto the fabric of his sweatpants. Hopeless frustration floods him. Now he's gotta clean this up, too-
Kai blinks. He stares blankly as the liquid suddenly halts, flowing back up his hand and into the cup where it swirls slowly around, held steady by some unseen force. A hand gently takes the cup from him, and Kai watches in confusion as his mother carefully drops it in the trashcan, wiping her hand briefly on her sweater before walking back over to him.
Maya slowly takes a seat on the bench next to him, far enough not to stifle him, but close enough that he can smell the cinnamon scent he's coming to associate with her.
"Late night, huh?" she finally says, her soft voice breaking the silence.
Kai shrugs, not quite sure if he trusts his voice. "Not tired."
Maya gives a hum of laughter. "That's what your father always tells me," she says. "When he's being stubborn. I suppose you know a thing or two about that."
Kai looks away, biting his lip. He loves his mother, he does. But it's just…he went so long, so long without her. He doesn't know how to have a mother anymore, much less how to relate to her. He's always caught wrong-footed, half torn between wounds of abandonment that didn't heal quite right, and the crippling fear that she's horribly disappointed in him.
But she's his mother, and she's been nothing but kind and patient. He might not share her element, but the soft look in her eyes when she studies him, saying nothing, almost makes him think she understands.
Maya's eyebrows crease in concern, and she taps her fingers against her leg. "If you want me to drive you home, I can-"
"No!" Kai bursts out before he can stop himself, panicked. He can't leave — if he leaves, who's going to make sure Garmadon doesn't wake up and - who's going to protect -
"-shh, Kai, it's alright, I won't make you leave, I promise." His mother has one hand on his shoulder now, the other rubbing his back as he struggles to breathe normally. "Kai, sweetheart, you don't have to do anything you don't want to."
Kai shakes his head, briefly closing his eyes as he struggles to get his breathing back under control. This is humiliating, breaking down in front of his mom like a baby. He's better than this, he's older than this-
Kai gives a shaky gasp, bringing his head up, and his mother's hand slows, retreating from his back. The one on his shoulder stays, though, and Kai is torn between shrugging it off and desperately wanting her to finish the embrace.
They continue to sit in silence for a bit, the only sound the low beep from some monitor down the hall and Kai's uneven breathing.
"You know," Maya finally speaks up, her voice gentle, a little like Nya's was when she was younger. "You don't always have to be the strong, unshakeable big brother." Kai stiffens, and Maya gives him the smallest of smiles. "Nya knows you're human. She's still going to look up to you if you need to take a break, or even cry, every once in a while."
Kai snaps his head away, flushing. He doesn't need a break. He definitely doesn't need to cry. He wasn't the one who was hurt. He wasn't the one who almost lost everything.
…except he was, because that was one brother hurt and another almost dead, and the realization of how close Kai came to losing them, after everything they've been through-
Kai is horrified to feel a familiar burning building up behind his eyes. He squeezes them shut tightly. No, no, he's not going to cry, not in front of her.
"And I know Lloyd will, too," Maya says, squeezing his shoulder a bit tighter. "You're his big brother too, after all."
Kai bites back a strangled sob. Maya finally moves, pulling him into her arms, and Kai goes rigid for a beat — before finally deflating, practically collapsing into her hold as his eyes flood.
"I couldn't stop it," he whispers, his voice hitching. "I couldn't keep them safe. Not Nya, not Lloyd, not Jay, I — I wasn't enough, and they almost…they almost…"
"Oh, Kai," his mother says, her voice heartbroken. "Oh, sweetheart." She tightens her hold on him, tucking his head in the crook of her neck, and Kai's hit by a wave of some long-lost, homesick memory so hard that it nearly punches the breath from him.
"You're more than enough," she whispers into his hair. "You're so, so much more than what you sell yourself as. But love, you can't fight the world. And you can't…you can't always protect those you love from everything, no matter how hard you try."
His mother sounds like she's two seconds away from crying herself now, and Kai gets the sense they're not just talking about him, now.
"But you did," she suddenly says, her voice strengthening. "They're alive, Kai, and they're going to heal. You've got your whole family, and they're not going anywhere. And I know they'd be every bit as devastated if you did."
Kai's throat is clogged, his eyes watering worse than they have in years. There are a thousand protests on his tongue, a thousand denials, reasons he should've done better, pain his siblings could've avoided if he'd just been better, but…
"They're fine, Kai," Maya says. "It's okay. No matter what nightmares you have, tomorrow you're going to wake up and everything will still be okay. Nya and Lloyd will still look up to you like you're the sun, and your brothers will still be there to love you."
Kai's chest hitches. Almost against his will, he latches on to his mother, partly as if to ground himself and partly as if to keep her - keep her here, like everyone else, like he can keep them all here with him, safe and happy just for once.
"And your father and I will be here, too," she whispers, her voice thick. "For good, this time, I promise."
Promise. Like the promises Kai's made to his team, like the one he made to Nya.
Like the promise he made not to leave Lloyd alone.
He shifts, as if to sit up. "I'm - I should - the others-"
"Cole's with Jay, and Nya is with Lloyd," Maya says, softly. "I'm sure they'll be perfectly fine if you let yourself rest for a just a little bit."
"And - Zane?"
"Zane left with Pixal earlier," she says. "Something about an overdue reunion, I think. But they're fine, Kai. I promise. You can rest."
Kai wants to shake his head, but the exhaustion that's been building into something awful over the last week is finally hitting him, leaving him practically boneless. And with the assurance that the others are fine, and the knowledge that Cole and Nya would never let anything happen to Jay and Lloyd…
Kai's eyes finally slide shut, the world fading into a pleasant hum, and the last thing he's aware of is his mother's hand carding gently through his hair, and the warm, almost unfamiliar feeling of being safe.
