haHA! Welcome back to another thrilling adventure from Atlantis!

Sorry this one took four months... but at least now I'm pretty sure that all of you have seen at least th ebeginning half of season three... if you haven't, well, get a move on it!

Anyway, we're back now! Hopefully we'll get another act out to you all "soon" (speaking in Shay/NP time, which undoubtedly runs slower than normal time) Perhaps we'll even skip the Act 1, Sub A fiasco... after all, we've had sub-acts in the other two musicals... who knows! what i do know is that there's another chapter!!!! WOOT!

me - thanks for reviewing and i totally agree! the producers is definitely one of the best plays out there!!
atlantian - what a beautiful poem! that's actually really good! thank you for your devotion and reviews!
EVS - lol, we're glad we have you in complete supense! well, maybe not complete, but close enough, right?
BiteMeTechie - hehe, you should see me and NP in school, endlessly quoting Mel Brooks! and the zelenka thing is hilarious!
flubber - we're estatic that you like the musical so far! i hope we put other musicals "in the shade"! thanks a ton!
ismisesteph - (clinks beer glasses together) Brilliant! Thank you very much for the review! we're glad you enjoy the musicals!

Again, sorry for the wait, but you all know how RL (real life) goes! Thanks for putting up with us... if its one guarentee you guys have is that this musical WILL be done before season four starts... I don't think we're that behind, but hey, you never know!

And now... Act 1!


The curtains open and this time there's no fighting as to who will introduce the play. In fact, the entire team is standing out in the middle of an empty set, gazing speculatively at each other.

Sheppard: Hey…

McKay: What…?

Sheppard: Did we ever find out whose idea it was to run an Atlantis musical?

Teyla: I assume it would have been the producers' idea.

McKay: You mean… them?!

Teyla: They're running the script, why not?

Sheppard: No, I don't think that's the case actually.

All: No?

Sheppard: No, I remember Ford smiling inanely every time this subject came up.

Ronon: Oh? I don't like Ford anymore.

McKay: You never liked Ford to begin with.

Ronon: Good point.

Sheppard, startled: Holy-!

Weir, offstage: Colonel!

Sheppard: That's all I was gonna say, I swear!

Weir grumbles.

Ronon: Will she always be hung-over?

McKay shrugs.

Sheppard: Anyway, as I was saying… where'd all those people come from?

McKay: What peo- holy cr-!

Weir, offstage: RODNEY!

McKay: cr--ud!

Weir, offstage: Thank you!

Teyla: I was not aware that we were starting already.

Sheppard, shrugs: Producers must have decided during the prologue.

McKay: OOH! Speaking of which, guess what?

All: What?

McKay: Zelenka didn't get a part!

All: WHAT!?

Ronon, snorts: How does that work?

McKay: He auditioned and didn't make it, how else?

Sheppard: Why the heck would he audition anyway?

Teyla: Did he not already have a part in the musical?

McKay: Oh, he did. That's the funny part. You'll see him later.

McKay grins manically.

Sheppard: Anyway! People of the audience, welcome to the Season Three Musical!

McKay: A.k.a. the "musical Musical."

Teyla: That name implies something…

Ronon: Something sinister…

Sheppard: Yes, yes it does young padawan.

All stroke chins and contemplate.

McKay: Hey, do you think we could stroke our chins pointlessly and fly the puddlebox?

All look enlightened.

Sheppard: OY! Where's my-?

The puddlebox tackles John. It's very excited to see him.

Sheppard, crooning: What? Was the closet mean to you? You're so cute! Yes you are… yes you are!

All back away.

McKay: Great, one season it's a hunk of malfunctioning cardboard, the next it's "all grown up" and now it's a puppy dog?

McKay rolls his eyes.

Teyla: That's ridiculous. John simply adores his puddlebox… as it does him…?

The puddlebox is leaving a visible drool mark on Sheppard's shirt.

Ronon: Okay… now that is a little odd.

Sheppard: We gonna fly or what?

McKay: Colonel, you're entirely too happy about this, but whatever.

They hop in.

Ronon: Hey Sheppard, you've redecorated. Very suave.

Sheppard: Thank you. Manila likes it too.

All: MANILA?!

Sheppard, very calmly: The puddlebox of course.

The puddlebox Manila glows happily.

McKay: Hey, wait a sec. This looks familiar…

Teyla: Rodney is correct; the paper lining you have used looks extremely familiar.

Ronon: That's because it's the script.

McKay: Why would that look familiar?

Silence.

Sheppard: He's got a point.

All stroke chins again and puddlebox lifts off.

Sheppard: Look! We're doing it!!! WOOHOO!

Teyla, Ronon, and McKay share frightened looks.

Teyla: Yes John, we're flying. This is nothing new.

McKay: Ronon, aren't you and I supposed to be trapped in some gooey substance.

Ronon: I don't know, why?

McKay: I got this sudden feeling, almost déjà vu... that we were supposed to be fighting for our miserable lives on some ship.

Ronon: Hell, I like it better here thanks.

Weir, offstage: RONON!

McKay, whispering: Heh, you sure about that?

Teyla: OMG! Everyone stop!

All stop, including audience. Time stops for everyone but Teyla. She hops out of the puddlebox and tumbles onto the ground.

Teyla: GO!

Ronon: Where's Teyla?

Sheppard: I dunno.

Teylam, calling out: Ronon said a swear!

The puddlebox quivers.

Sheppard and McKay, quietly: Oh no…

Manila drops like a rock.

Ronon: Crap.

Thud.

Teyla, giggling: You guys okay?

McKay: Damn it, Sheppard! If you keep this up, I won't be able to freaking stand!

Ronon: Perhaps for the better…

McKay: Oh ha ha. Let me up!

Sheppard: Can't… you're on top of me.

McKay: How do you figure? You're on top of me!

Beckett: Nope, that would be me.

Teyla: Hello Doctor Beckett. How timely of you.

Beckett: Thank ye love.

Sheppard: Where'd you ghost from? And get off of me!

Beckett: Sorry 'bout tha'.

McKay, miffed: Thank you.

Beckett: Anyway, every time you fools say a swear in the puddlebox, it gives me a call.

McKay: Wait a second… you're saying that all the other times we fell out of the box, you knew about it and you didn't come running?!

Beckett, shrugs: 'Fraid not.

Lucius: Hello again Atlantis! How good it is to see you all again!

All groan.

Lucius: What? You must need my presence, how could you resist me?

Ronon and McKay: Very easily.

Sheppard: With amazing ease.

Teyla opens her mouth and nothing comes out.

Lucius: Someone still appreciates me!

Teyla turns angrily at the men: Why must you guys ALWAYS steal all the good comebacks!

She stalks off.

Beckett: Wow.

Lucius: Man… she is hot.

Weir and Teyla return enforce. Teyla slaps him across the face with her magically appearing stick.

Lucius: Wow…!

Weir: Leave foo'.

Lucius has eyes only for Teyla and Weir.

Lucius: I can show you the world,

Shining, shimmering, splendid.

Tell me, ladies, now when did,

You last let your heart decide?

Weir and Teyla are nonplussed. Lucius frowns and moves on to try and get Carson, Ronon, McKay, and Sheppard under his spell. The band keeps playing.

Lucius: I can open your eyes,

Take you wonder by wonder!

Over, sideways and under,

And so what if I lied?

He has no more success with the guys than he did with the girls. Nevertheless, he turns to the audience, an expression of enticing excitement on his face, and proceeds to belt out the chorus.

Lucius: A whole new world,

A drugged, fantastic point of view!

No one will tell me no,

Or where to go,

Or say I'm just the baker.

Suddenly, a whole group of the women from Lucius' village come onstage, fawning and swooning around him. The team looks thoroughly shocked and disgusted and tries to shuffle as close to the edge of the stage as possible.

Village Women: A whole new world,

A dazzling place we never knew!

But when he's around,

Our hearts pound,

'Cause now we're in a whole new world with you!

Lucius: Now you're in a whole new world with me…

Village Women: Unbelievable sights,

Indescribable feeling!

Soaring, tumbling, freewheeling,

Through an endless drugged-up high!

Village Women: A whole new world,

Lucius turns to the team: You won't dare stop me now!

Village Women: A hundred thousand things to see!

Lucius, still taunting the team: Obsession can't get stronger!

Both: I'm like a shooting star

We've come so far

Village Women: We can't go back to where we used to be.

Village Women: A whole new world,

Lucius: You won't figure out how…

Village Women: With new horizons to pursue,

Lucius: Won't resist any longer

Village Women: We'll follow anywhere

Because we care

Let us share

This whole new world with you

Village Women: A whole new world

Lucius: …A whole new world…

Village Women: That's where we'll be

Lucius: …where we we'll be…

Village Women: A thrilling chase!

Lucius: A wondrous place!

Both groups: For you and me.

McKay: You know what sucks though?

Lucius, all smiles: What?

McKay: You don't have any more of the drug with you.

Sheppard: Busted!

Lucius: Yeah, great. I'll be the freaking superhero of my village though! Beat that!

McKay: I will in a few episodes.

All stare at Rodney.

McKay, blushing: Never mind…

Sheppard rolls his eyes and shuts at the ceiling.

Sheppard: Way to inflate his ego!

Seanait: What makes you think we did that?

Nightpheonix: Yeah, that wasn't us. We haven't even written that far in the future.

Teyla: The authors have a point John.

Sheppard: Doesn't mean I can't shout into the gray ceiling…

Teyla: You're ridiculous.

Ronon: One of the wraithopi must have sucked out a few of those brains of yours.

Wraithopus: Someone call?

All: NO!

Weir: He's got my beer! What the hell!?

Sheppard: Stephen, you little ungrateful… octopus!

All gasp.

Stephen: What did you call me!?

Weir dives onto the wraithopus Stephen and attempts to wrestle away the beer bottle. The two tussle all over the stage.

Sheppard: Um, you folks probably don't want to see this…

McKay: End Act 1!

Ronon: I got the curtains!

Stage crew member: Hey, don't you touch my curtains!

Ronon knocks him out and continues lowering the curtain.

Teyla: Ronon, watch your aim! Ronon! RONON!

She gets knocked out.

Sheppard and McKay step out of harm's way just in time only to trip, simultaneously, over Weir and the wraithopus.

Beckett attempts to crawl out from behind the curtain. He's all bruised up.

Beckett, weakly: Help…!

He's sucked back under as the lights flicker off.

Someone: Shit.

End Act 1!


Well? Love it, hate it? Need another one? I don't know... tell us SOMETHING! Please? (puppy dog eyes)

we need to know if y'all liked act 1 or not! okay? hope you enjoyed it!

4/5/07