I woke up early this morning around 4am
With the moon shining bright as headlights on the interstate
I pulled the covers over my head and tried to catch some sleep
But thoughts of us kept keeping me awake

I woke up with a start, just as I did every night. I don't sleep anymore. I can't, and it's starting to tear at my nerves. I turned over, but I already knew it was useless. I closed my eyes and let my mind wander to the same place it always did, even though it hurt like hell to do so.

He had looked sad today. He didn't walk with the same amount of arrogance that I was used to seeing. I wanted so badly to pull him aside, pull him into a hidden walkway, pull him close to me. At the thought, I wrapped my arms around my chest. It was starting to feel like an abyss, like something would always be missing from now on. He had ruined me, and I had no idea why. After a few months, you'd think that the pain would subside, that I would just let it go. No harm done. But that wasn't the case. Not since he'd been draping his arm around that cow Pansy.

Ever since you found yourself in someone else's arms
I've been tryin' my best to get along
But that's OK
There's nothing left to say

Did he even have the smallest inkling of what it did to me? Did he even care? Probably not. He hadn't been the man I thought him to be. No, he turned out to be the man I always knew he was. That was the worst part of it all.

After lying in bed for a few more hours, I finally decided that I had had enough. I got up just as the sun was peeking over the clouds, casting a red-tinted sunrise across the room. I put on a pair of knee socks and headed out the door. It wasn't hard to sneak out of the dorm, nor the common room. No one would be awake for at least two more hours.

I began to walk. I wasn't sure where, but I had an idea that I would end up in the library. The hallway wasn't as drafty as it had been a week or two ago, but I was still happy to have socks on. I ran a hand absentmindedly through my hair, and prayed that I wouldn't get caught just roaming the halls. I only had on a sweater and shorts. That would be embarrassing to say the least.

I had been walking for almost half an hour when I heard another set of footsteps. I froze in place, but didn't have enough time to hide before someone rounded the corner.
"You there, who are you?"
At his voice, my heart skipped a beat and almost stopped all together. Then the pain set in. I moved closer towards the window, into the early morning sunrise.

"Hermione…" it was a whisper, but I still heard it. The sadness in his voice. I refused to believe that I heard longing, I couldn't handle it if I had.

"Draco." I was short and curt. I didn't want to deal with this. I wanted to run. I needed to run. I was so stupid. Why had I left my bed?

"What are you doing here?" He stepped closer, but hesitated. I caught the way he set his jaw, relaxed his shoulders, and put himself into full Malfoy arrogance mode. This wasn't going to be easy.

"What does it matter to you, Malfoy?" I took a step back, I didn't want to be near him. I didn't want to feel the warmth radiating from him, catch the way he smelled, feel the urge to reach out and brush my fingers over his bare arm.

He was caught off guard by my response. I saw the way he blinked then stared. If it had been a few months earlier, I would have smiled. I would have thought it cute. Now I just found it revolting.

"It doesn't matter." With that he crossed his arms over his chest, and I decided I was done. It was awkward to see him, painful to talk to him.

"Guess not, goodbye Malfoy." And with that I turned to walk away. I got almost a whole two yards before I stopped. I turned around to face him, caught the hopeful glance on his face, the sadness in his eyes striking me again.

"This is yours," I said as I slipped the sweater off, tossing it in a heap at his feet, glad that I was wearing at least a tank top. He looked alarmed, even hurt almost. It stung my heart.

Take your records, take your freedom
Take your memories I don't need'em
Take your space and take your reasons
But you'll think of me

"I gave it to you…"
"And you can have it back. I don't need it. I don't want to think of you anymore."

With that I was gone.

In fact I'll feel a whole lot better
But you'll think of me, you'll think of me

I went out driving trying to clear my head
I tried to sweep out all the ruins that my emotions left

I can't sleep anymore. Dammit I'm getting tired of this. I threw the sheets off the bed, pulled on a pair of socks and began heading out the door. The sun was just coming up, so I had no worries of being caught. Thinking of her was driving me insane. Seeing her in the hallway today was tough, just as it always was. The months between then and now had done nothing to set me right, to fix what I had done or make me feel better.

I had just hit the third floor landing when I heard another set of footsteps coming closer. Well there goes that, I thought to myself, fully expecting to run into Snape or another professor. When I turned the corner, though, I was surprised to see neither.

"You there, who are you?" I called out. The figure moved closer into the dim sunlight, and I felt the full weight of the last few months crash into my chest full speed.

"Hermione…" She looked so beautiful in the red light, and I was surprised and mildly pleased to see her wearing my sweater. More pleased than I should have been.

"Draco." Ouch. Her voice was sharp, leaving me breathless for a moment. I stepped closer, feeling the need to pull her to me and hold her. To tell her that the last few months had been a dream, that I was wrong. But I stopped myself. The Order was so close, I couldn't risk her life now, not when it's almost over.

"What are you doing here?" I set myself into protective mode. I had to man up and be an ass. I had to hurt her to save her, she had to hate me so that she could live, even if it was killing me inside.

"What does it matter to you, Malfoy?" I saw her take a step back, away from me. She wanted to be away from me. Even though I needed her to hate me now, it killed me to see that she really did. I had been harboring the hope that when this was all done, she may still love me. It was a slim chance, I knew, but I needed to believe it. But now I could see that she had no intention of being with me again. I had done my job better than I ever could have expected.

"It doesn't matter." I crossed my arms over my chest, hoping that she took it as tough, arrogant, not my trying to hold myself together. Bloody hell, I was getting tired of this, tired of pretending.

I guess I'm feeling just a little tired of this
And all the baggage that seems to still exist

I saw it register in her eyes. I saw something pass there, a flicker of some emotion, and just like that, it died. It hit me then that I had really just ruined everything.

"Guess not, goodbye Malfoy." And with that she was walking away. I wanted to run after her, but I couldn't make my legs move. Suddenly, though, she stopped. I knew I should hide the hope in my face, but I couldn't. She turned around, and I knew she saw it. Maybe this was it? Maybe this was the turning point? We could still be together.

"This is yours."

She stripped the sweater off and threw it at my feet. With that my world was crushed. Yes, it had been the turning point, but not the one I had wanted. I couldn't help the words that came out of my mouth. I winced at them, they seemed so pathetic.

"I gave it to you…" I looked at her, but she gave nothing away.

"And you can have it back. I don't need it. I don't want to think of you anymore."

And with that she was gone. I reached down and picked up the crumpled sweater at my feet. I lifted it to my face and I could smell her. I shouldn't have done it, because it brought a tremor through my chest, threatening to tear me apart even more than I had already done.

It seems the only blessing I have left to my name
Is not knowing what we could have been
What we should have been

I pulled the sweater over my head, not really knowing what else to do with it. I turned to leave, but as I did I heard it, a faint sob coming from the opposite direction. It tugged at me, pulling me towards her, but I refused. I couldn't take it back.

Take your records, take your freedom
Take your memories I don't need'em
Take your space and take your reasons
But you'll think of me
________________________________________________________________________

Days past, and sleepless nights did too. I tried my hardest to just let it go. To just let him go. As I was walking with Harry and Ron through the corridor towards potions, I heard someone call my name. I turned around and smiled.

"Hey Seamus," I greeted him as he approached and fell into step with us. I saw the faint blush around his ears, and it made me giggle slightly.

"Hey, Mione!" He nodded to Harry and Ron, who smiled and nodded back. We walked a little further before stopping at the door to the dungeons.

"Ummm, Hermione…I was wondering if you'd like to go with me…to Hogsmeade this weekend? Like…well, like a date?" I smiled as he stammered over his words. He'd been a very good friend in the last few months, he hadn't told anyone what had happened the night of the Ball, out in the garden. I really appreciated him for that. I looked at him a little closer. He was taller now than he had been when we first met, had grown into himself and turned out rather attractive. No, I don't think I could ever love him, not the way I had loved Draco, but what could one date really hurt?

I heard footsteps coming from behind us, voices I recognized laughing and sneering. Draco…he and the Slytherins were getting close. Just as he rounded the corner towards the door I decided: I would move on with my life.

"I'd love to go with you, Seamus. I'll meet you by the Great Hall on Saturday around noon." I smiled at him, and stretched onto my tiptoes to plant a kiss on his cheek.

With one final look in Malfoy's direction, I began walking into Potions, Harry, Ron and Seamus at my heels.

Someday I'm gonna run across your mind
Don't worry, I'll be fine
I'm gonna be alright
While you're sleeping with your pride
Wishing I could hold you tight
I'll be over you
And on with my life

__________________________________________________________________

What in the bloody hell was that? It took everything in my power to not run at that damned Finnigan and beat the living hell out of him. Watching him swoon over her, thinking that he could do as he pleases, I ought to teach him his bloody place!

Then it hit me…that was his place. It wasn't mine anymore, and she could be with whomever she wished now. I had ruined it, the chance of her waiting for me, so why wouldn't she move on? The thought knocked the air out of me, and I had to struggle to swallow the lump rising in my throat. I looked down, only to look back up and see her smiling at him, nodding and happily making plans. Then she leaned onto her toes and kissed him. Right there in front of me. For the whole world to see. That was worse than anything before now. Worse than actually telling her goodbye, than seeing her at the Ball, having her throw my sweater at me. All of that was nothing in comparison to this moment, when it hit me that I would never love another the way that I loved her, and I could never have her again. Not until this mission was over and done. Not until I found her, told her everything, and prayed that she would understand, maybe even take me back. The chances of her ever really taking me back, though, had just died. All my hopes had just died with the kiss planted on Seamus Finnigans cheek.

I heard the other Slytherins around me laughing and pointing. Teasing the two and I felt an elbow poke my side, someone wanting me to join in. I couldn't, but I tried my damndest to snicker and make the others believe. No one could know how I was feeling.

I composed myself and began heading towards the dungeon door. She turned and looked at me. No real emotion in her eyes, just a look that let me know everything I had feared. I sighed to myself, knowing I'd have to bide my time until the day I could tell her the truth.

You're gonna think of me
Oh someday baby, someday