Chapter 2

Cranky little Morgan had woken up from all the yelling.

"What the actual fuck is going on?" he cried. However, as his eyes began to open, he caught a glimpse of Daniel, and then all his judgement was hazed. He ripped off his shirt, roared like a beast, and transformed into his other identity: Rape Man.

"Give me your dick!" He cried, and he pounced on Daniel.

"Dude what the fuck!" Daniel yelled and parked the car on the side of the road. He then tore Morgan off of him and grabbed Vanessa by the shoulders.

"Vanessa, I must kill him!"
"No, Daniel, love, you mustn't!"
"But I must!"
"No, Daniel. You mustn't. For I do not know the way, nor do you. He must be the one to guide us."

Daniel turned around and saw Morgan. He was attempting to shade his eyes from the light that he hadn't seen in so long.

"I kind of pity him," said Daniel.

Vanessa and Daniel stopped and listened to the words that Morgan was muttering under his breath.

"Mine, my own... my preciousssss..."

Daniel shook his head.

"A long time ago, the protestants stole his piece of shit. Ever since, he has wanted it back."

"Hmmm, that sounds like a terrible remake of Lord of the Rings, don't ya think?" Vanessa said.

Daniel was very amused by this comment. He couldn't help but fall in love with her a bit more because of her adorable stupidity.

"Oh, Vanessa. Vanessa, Vanessa, Vanessa, my darling. Don't be such a simpleton. Anyways, is there anyone else you would like to save before we leave for Kansas?" asked Daniel.

"What? Well, uh, I should probably bring Allison and Melabie. They'll be great assets to the team."

Daniel took a sharp right turn making Vanessa bump into him. They both blushed in response to the position they had ended up in.

"Um... Allison should be at Melabie's apartment... because they're roommates... and the building is just down the street," muttered Vanessa, climbing back into her seat.

"Um, right." said Daniel, stepping on the gas.

As Daniel continued to drive, Vanessa started to hum to herself softly. Daniel hadn't known that she liked to sing and enjoyed the little background music she produced.

When they arrived to the apartment, Vanessa was dozing off softly and Morgan was still mumbling in his sleep. Daniel got out of the car and made his way to the front door and stopped abruptly when he heard noises.

"Fuck, more protestants?" cried Daniel. He sighed and went into ninja mode. Time to fight some protestant mobs.

Meanwhile, Melabie and Allison were hacking into Vanessa's facebook page and writing embarrassing posts on her wall inside the house.

Vanessa woke up from all of the noise and looked outside. When she saw about fifty protestants lying on the floor, dead, Vanessa bolted out of the car and ran towards Daniel.

"Daniel are you okay?" exclaimed Vanessa. She hugged Daniel around the waist with her tiny little arms and Allison and Melabie ran out of the door. They had heard a squeal from outside the house. Allison slipped Melabie 5 dollars. They had a bet whether Vanessa made that noise or not. Unfortunately, Allison had lost.

"Hey guys. Fancy seeing you here," said Allison.

Daniel and Vanessa turned around and faced Allison and Melabie.

"Yeah, to you too. Have you heard about the war that has been waging between the Protestants and the Catholics?"

"Yeah," said Melabie, "We kind of have because the bottom right corner of our computer screen says that it is 1617 and that we're in Prague during the time of the defenestration. So yeah, we kind of guessed."

Vanessa was about to respond, however she was interrupted by Melabie who continued to speak.

"And let me guess, the Protestants stole Morgan's shit and you are on a mission to go to Kansas and buy the giant toilet at that toilet factory on Roe street, and then you're going to flush down all the shit in the world... but the only problem is that the only person that knows the way to Kansas is Morgan, who only cares about getting his shit back, not destroying it at the Toilet of Doom?"

Vanessa gaped.

"Uh, yeah. That's precisely it."

Daniel was very bewildered by how Melabie had known all that and nudged Vanessa softly at the waist. She turned around to look at him, and he raised his eyebrows.

"Wait a minute, guys. How did you find out all this? It doesn't seem like all that would be on the corner of your laptop," said Vanessa, turning around to face Allison and Melabie again.

"Well," said Melabie, "Since we're from the future, but we are presently in our past, we know everything that's going to happen now anyways."

"Wow, you're right Melabie!" said Vanessa excitedly.

"Of course I'm right. Anyways, I also know that the protestants are presently on their way to the toilet of doom."

"Well fucking shit," Daniel said, "Okay, we have to get there first. And in order to do that, all of you have to get in the car."

Everyone did as told. Vanessa and Daniel sat in the front while Melabie, Allison, and Morgan squeezed in the back seat. Morgan was still asleep muttering nonsense about his precious shit as usual, and Allison and Melabie squeezed in beside him, careful not to wake him. Daniel then floored the car and they were off again on their way to the Toilet of Doom.

"Turn on the radio, boy," said Allison after a good hour of silence in the car.

Daniel turned on the radio and sure enough, Allison's favorite song, American Pie was playing. That song happened to also be the favorite of everyone else in the car, so they all sang the lyrics to the song in unison.

"A long, long time ago, I can still remember..."

And they went on like that for another hour. And another.

Until Morgan woke up. He started mentioning things about his beloved shit again but not about the shit that he lost, but the shit that he needed to get rid of. Pretty soon everyone realized how much they needed to use the bathroom and Daniel found a nice, cozy rest stop to take a small bathroom break.

"Make this quick, people. Let's try to meet at the car in about 20 minutes. Hopefully sooner," Daniel said.

Everyone went in their respectful ways and it seemed as though Daniel and Vanessa got back first.

'Finally,' Daniel thought, 'Some alone time with Vanessa.'

"So hey," said Daniel, approaching Vanessa, leaning against the side of the car.

"Hi," she said.

"What a ridiculous little adventure, huh? I didn't know they had rest stops in Prague 1617."

Vanessa laughed.

"That's true."

Daniel smiled. 'Is this the right time to tell her?' He thought. He decided that he would have to tell her sooner or later, and he decided that sooner would be better.

'Okay, here goes nothing,' Daniel thought.

"So, uh, Vanessa. That's a wonderful name. Vanessa. Oooooooh. Sheee. Eeeeeeee. Eeeeeeeee. Absolutely delightful. Rolls off the tongue. I can say it all day."

Vanessa laughed awkwardly.

"Daniel why are you acting so nervous? It's just me."

'Oh yeah, it's just you alright...' Daniel thought.

"Nothing. I'm not nervous. It's just-throughout this whole trip-"

"HEY GUYS!"

Elizabeth, a blonde girl with a large ass and huge tits from Vanessa and Daniel's high school, came bounding towards Daniel, crushing him against her body.

Daniel couldn't stop himself from shouting, "Gee whiz, what great boobs you have!"

Vanessa, astounded, could think of nothing better to do but slap him right across his face.

"I'll find someone else to drive me to Kansas!"

She marched off and left in search of Melabie, Allison, and Morgan.

'Dammit! Good job, Daniel! Ya did it again,' Daniel mentally scolded himself.

"Thanks a lot, Elizabeth! Now look what you did!" Daniel screamed, and then ran off after Vanessa.

Elizabeth frowned. She always liked Daniel very much, and when she saw how much he had cared about Vanessa, she ran off and disappeared into the parking lot, never to be seen again by Daniel. Not until the time was right.

After 10 minutes of running around the same rest stop, Daniel got tired and started to cry. He didn't know what else to do.

He shook his head in disbelief. None of it made sense. How could Elizabeth have even been there, in 1617? How could he have been transported from Ohio to Prague, and then expect to get to Kansas in a single car trip? He wanted all of the Catholics and Protestants and Leonardo DiCaprio, and most importantly himself, to just vanish. But he knew that was impossible, and that he had a task to complete.

Sniffling, he returned to the parking lot. He grabbed his keys from his left pocket, ready to leave for Kansas. However, there were no keys. He stopped crying. Then, he looked up. His car was gone.