NEVER

by TJ HECTOR


-Warnings: A disturbing monologue.

-A/N: I won't update this regularly, because I need certain mood to write this story. And for those who are still waiting for the epilogue of Stranger Whistles, I've decided to write another chapter before the epilogue, but I'm still working on it so…thank you for your patience?

And thank you for your reviews: InsaneDutchGirl, mikeysgirl228 and Guest.

Also thank you those who favorited or followed this so far.

-Disclaimer: I own absolutely nothing.


II. Monologue: Run Round In Thy Head

If this is gonna run round in my head

I might as well be dreaming

Run round in my head

-Out of the Woods, Sinéad Lohan


Oh, the wood is fucking quiet, if you ask me.

I've been living in a city my whole life, and this is my first time in the woods, surrounded by nothing but trees. Trees. Everywhere. Trees. And it feels like they are staring at you the whole time. Staring at you. Watching you. Observing you.

Like they know something.

I've been to the woods during our stay here. Sometimes alone, but most time it was with my brothers. Mostly in the daytime. If we went in here at night, it was probably because we had no other choice, like those times we had to fight crazy mutants.

If ya ask me whether I like this place, I'll tell you hell no. So why the fuck am I here, honestly I don't know. If I knew, I wouldn't have come in here in the first place. When I'm crazy, I do shitty stuff like running into the woods even though I knew I'm gonna regret this.

The reason why I'll regret this is that the trees are fucking weird. I tell you. They are. I ran too far, I guess. Never been to this part before. The trees were quiet like they are muted. Well I don't mean they're supposed to have voice or something, but there are supposed to be some sounds, aren't there? Like wind or bugs crawling somewhere or just some damn sounds. I hate bugs but I'll be glad if I see one now. As long as it stays out of my personal zone.

Hey, funny thing. I came here to blow off some steam, but it's so friggin effective. Too effective it gives you creeps. Suddenly it was like someone poured a bucket of cold water on your head and you just felt cool at once. Pretty weird if you ask me.

Why am I here? Probably because Mikey did some stupid tricks. The kid likes to act dumb but once you're off your guard he pulls some nasty pranks on you. Tell me about it. I'm his number one victim. They all treat me like I'm the bully, but who's the real bully? Not the kid with muscle, but the kid who wears this innocent puppy face, and the judge always favors the puppy eyes. You always get busted while chasing the real criminal and everybody'd think it's your fault. Okay. If it wasn't because of Mikey, it might be ol' Fearless. I thought we're getting along, you know. And yeah. We're getting along, sure, and I really want him to get better and he's of course my bro and pal and whatever. But the thing is, you can't just say something that's gonna push a button and trigger an explosion. Or maybe it's Donnie. The genius is so dumb sometimes, even dumber than Mikey. He could be one hell of an insensitive prick. Okay, I know mostly I'm the one who's insensitive, but he's not much better. And sometimes he just doesn't say stuff. Geez. I'm moody? You should see him when April says something harsh to him. He's just miserable. And he'd be moody and piss everybody off.

Hell, I don't know why I'm here. The longer I stay in this woods wandering around like some cute Red Riding Hood, the confused I am. I totally forgot what set me off in the first place. And you know what, I decided that I don't care. I'm gonna go back to the house the first chance I got.

But the woods wouldn't let me.

-:-:-:-:-:-

Sometimes you feel like killing somebody.

Sometimes I have disturbing dreams like murdering people or being trapped in the middle of a war.

The reason why I had those dreams wasn't because I watched some overly violent anime or movie. Splinter never allows us to watch them anyway. The reason why I had those dreams—I think I know it very well, I just don't want to admit it or even think about it.

The reason why I dreamed of killing people is because I have the impulse in me.

The impulse to kill.

I like fighting. But sometimes fighting just isn't enough.

Sometimes your boiling vein just send this throbbing pulse through your body, and you'll feel the heat in your chest like you're gonna burst. The feeling's just too much. Too much for me.

I feel like I'm gonna explode.

The feeling sneaks up on you at the least expected time. Like in a middle of a spar between you and your brother, or a quiet evening sitting in front of TV with your family, or a patrol night looking for ninjas in black, tight suit.

Or while you're asleep.

Oh and it's there again.

The throbbing pulse. The rushing blood. The ferocious pounding of my heart.

I curl my fingers into fists and steady them by my sides.

Inhale. Exhale. Inhale. Exhale.

No, it's not working. My fists are shaking. Gotta hit something. Anything.

Inhale. Exhale.

Oh shit I'm gonna explode.

My breaths are getting quicker and shallower. Here it goes again.

Why?

Oh how the fuck would I know?

All I know is it hurt so bad.

It hurt so bad in your chest. No matter how many times you've hit the punching bag or your pillow, no matter how long you've growled at your unknown enemy's blank face, it just won't stop.

Oh the feeling. The feeling. I don't know what it is anymore. An urge? Anger? Impatience? Anxiety?

It just won't stop. It just won't.

And the trees are smiling at me. They smile at me like they know.

They know that I'm afraid.

Oh, yes. They know it very well.

-:-:-:-:-:-

What am I gonna do when it creeps up on me again?

Oh now I remember why I ran away from them in the first place. I was afraid I was going to—

Smash their faces with my fists?

Cut their throats?

Send my sai into their guts—?

Watch their painful expression?

Oh stop it stop it stop it already…

-:-:-:-:-:-

The trees know.

They snicker.

They taunt me with their knowing smile.

Why did I say they're silent? They're goddamn noisy.

Why don't you just shut the fuck up?

Oh my. My. My. My boy. What are you doing out here? Don't you have a place to go to? Don't you have family to go to?
What brought you here my young friend?
Oh yes…we know your fear.
What did you just say…?
No, there is no way that we will leave you alone. You see, this is our home. And we always lend a hand to those who are in need.
Name it, my friend. We will help you. We have helped numerous souls…

I stop.

I lift my gaze and see how tall they are, how massive are their leaves, how strong are their trunks.

You have a problem…yes? Please. Tell us about it.
Tell us your problem.
We can help you.

My feet start to tremble. Coldness runs down my spine. Now I just want to crawl into my shell and ignore those voices.

I have never been so afraid in my life.

What scares me the most is that there is another voice in my body that echoes to them. It wants desperately to say yes to them. Say yes to everything, including the insane urge to dive my sai into any living being.

My feet give up and I fall on my knees.

I'm walking in circles.

I'll never be able to leave this place.

When did the sun go down?

When did the sky turn dark-red?

My favorite color.

Rose-red. Blood-red.

Blood.

Oh. Please. Someone help me.

It's gonna be a very long night.

—End of part II.


-A/N: 'Out of the Woods' is a very great song by Sinéad Lohan. It's peaceful and soothing. I quoted its lyrics because I thought it'd be eerie, ha. If you think the chapter above is too dark, check out this song on youtube, it will ease your discomfort, really! BTW, a bluegrass band Nickel Creek covered the song and I prefer their version.

No need to suggest me to see a psychiatrist, someone has recently done so lol.