Authors Note: So, let me be clear. I never do this. If I finish a one-shot, it's done. However, in this case, I was inspired by the "Mrs. Westen" line in the most recent episode, 'Square One,' and so here we are, from Fiona's point of view.
To say I was surprised to be referred to as Mrs. Westen is an understatement. But I was even more shocked that Michael didn't correct Ethan in his misconception.
Michael has always been very wary of any labels given to our relationship status. I think it's due to some misguided chivalry thing he has going for him. If his enemies find out he has a "special someone" they'll come after me to get to him, et cetera, et cetera. Personally, I think its bullshit. I can take care of myself. But sometimes, with Michael, he's so stuck in his ways that it's best to just leave him be.
Whenever we are meeting people for the first time it's always "…and this is Fiona," never girlfriend, and never ever wife. At least 'girlfriend' is subjective. You don't need a ceremony or a white dress to be considered a girlfriend.
But he didn't correct Ethan, and so now I'm left wondering. And that can be a very dangerous thing when it comes to Michael Westen.
I wonder what it would be like to be "Mrs. Westen." I wonder about little Westens running around a house in the Irish countryside. I wonder if Michael's failure to correct Ethan's blunder means that he's already thought about this.
But most importantly, I wonder if this would be a life I would want for myself for the rest of my life.
Don't get me wrong now, I love Michael, but loving Michael is a lot easier said than done.
Being with Michael is both the best and worst thing to ever happen to me. He is obsessive, so when his only focus is me, he is all there. He is attentive, caring and passionate. We make love and it feels as if we are the only people on the face of the planet. I have never felt like such a lovesick schoolgirl, but in these moments he brings these feeling out in me. He touches me and I expect to see scorch marks in the path of his fingers. He brings out this passion and fire in me that I have never experienced before. It is the unmistakable, indescribable, feelings of love.
But these moments are fleeting, because, undoubtedly, Michael will find something else to obsess about, and I will be pushed to the back of his mind.
It is those fleeting moments, though, that keep me here, right by Michael's side. I am addicted, and will go through all kinds of emotional torture just to experience that next good fix.
I want to ask him about Ethan's comment. I want to know what he thinks about it. I want to know where we stand in the relationship spectrum. But I hold my tongue. I'm not quite sure I want to know the answer.
We're happy now, he's happy now. And I will do anything to keep it that way. I've come to the conclusion that I need Michael Westen in my life. If he leaves me again like he did in Ireland all those years ago, I'm not quite sure what will happen. I don't like to think about it. But sometimes, when I do think about it, it always ends with me using a few too many explosives on abandoned cars throughout Miami.
I've never been one to need a man in my life, to physically need a man beside to breathe again. And that's what it feels like. I smile when I see a place we went to together. I can't sleep when he's away on secret CIA missions. I get short of breath if I think about living without him.
This is what this man has reduced to me to and I both love him and hate him for it.
But for now, this is where we are. Wherever that is. Not quite Mrs. Westen but more than just "Michael's girlfriend."
A few years ago, this unknown distinction might have bothered me. But Michael and I have never walked the road most traveled by. We make our own way in the world, labels be damned.
Authors ending note: I got a few comments on 'Let her Cry' that said that they thought that was a bit out of character for Fiona to actually be reduced to tears, and I'm thinking those comment may come again for this one. Maybe I am taking a few liberties in Fiona's emotional states, but in my experience, love often leads people to act out of character, because it is like an addiction. I will refrain from going into the neurological processes that create this addiction-like state, if only so you review to tell me what you think of the story and not how boring my science lecture was.
