We're All Hitmen Here

Chapter 2: Assassin Time

A/N: For those who were confused, Yamamoto Takeshi is going undercover here as Yamato Takashi. To himself and people who knew him previously (i.e. all KHR characters), he is Yamamoto. To students and teachers (i.e. (nearly(?)) all AC characters), he is Yamato for the next while.

Disclaimer: I do not own KHR nor do I own AC. They belong to Amano Akira and Matsui Yuusei respectively.


The day had gone by fairly quietly, no explosions or fireworks or maniacal laughter of any sort. Well, there were the occasional volleys of bullets, the knives that went broing, and the cling clang of pot and pans as Yamamoto led the class in taking inventory. But after seven years of near constant exposure to the chaos of the Vongola household and a good many months spent with Squalo's indoor voice plus another many more with his outdoor voice, nothing could ever really be deemed loud anymore.

It wasn't an unpleasant sort of quiet as the kids focused on their studies, but it left Yamamoto seeking more to do. During such a lull on some ordinary mission, he would have donned a disguise and searched out the nearest batting cages, or if that was too risky, go people watching at the mall. But Yamamoto was a teacher this time, so he figured he had to do some teachery things.

And that's how he found himself balancing a precarious armload of produce and other ingredients, navigating his way up the mountain. It was quite a lot of food, maybe even a bit overboard for a class of 26 and a machine, but Tsuna probably wouldn't mind him spending mission funds on things that would help others, especially when they lacked the funding for themselves.

He'd made it ten steps in the door when he caught the sounds of shouting, nurufufuing, and chortling. Karasuma-sensei, Koro-sensei, and someone he didn't recognize. Unless Irina-sensei's voice grew a gravelly low, that meant a stranger was in the house. And by the amicableness in Koro-sensei's laughter and the harshness in Karasuma's shout (none of which said much), whether he was an enemy or not was debatable. Either way, a gathering of such folks meant chaos and Yamamoto was in need for a good dose of chaos.

When he rounded the corner and came in view of the others, Karasuma raised an eyebrow and asked, "And him?"

"What's up?" Yamamoto peered over his bags first at Karasuma, then at the stranger leaning against the wall, who looked sort of familiar—probably from some mafia profile or other. The man eyed him warily. It wasn't anything personal or even hostile, just the natural need for a hitman to seize up any and everyone, determine where they fall on the scales of usefulness and threat.

Yamamoto let his shoulders slump a bit, then stumbled over nothing. His top bag fell to the ground with a splat. "Oops," he grinned. Hopefully not too forced. 'Oblivious idiot' was easy to adopt, though not the best guise for a teacher; 'bumbling idiot,' however more appropriate, was really Tsuna's favorite cover and harder to act than it looked.

He blinked, and the bag was gone.

"He~llo, Yamato-sensei! Ah, that's Irina-sensei's master over there," Koro-sensei explained. Irina looked aside with a grumble. "Lovro-san."

Well that explained the familiarity. Lovro Brofski, the hitman dealer. Yamamoto had heard the rumors—a retired freelancer who now trained and organized other freelancers. Lovro was old, the dusk of his prime just overlapping Reborn's rise, and it showed in his wrinkles and grey pallor. But that didn't mean he wasn't still dangerous. Hitmen had to earn their place in the Vongola files, after all.

"Nice to meet you, Lovro-san. I've heard the stories about you! I'm Yamato by the way." He maneuvered a hand free and waved, not reaching for a handshake—they weren't at that level of trust yet. Lovro kept his arms by his sides, hands in plain sight. Hitman language for "I won't kill you—yet." Not a bad start.

"Pleased to make your acquaintance, Yamato-san." Lovro said.

"So what's this gathering about?" Yamamoto asked, keeping his words light. Reborn'd have his hide if he ever underestimated someone and lost because of it.

"Lovro-san claims that it is absolutely impossible for Irina-sensei to assassinate me, which is true, but then again no one could ever kill me, so instead I proposed they have a fun assassination competition with Karasuma-sensei as the target to see who's the least incompetent at assassinations!" Koro-sensei's infuriating sense with words earned him three glares and a grin.

"Haha, sounds fun! An assassination game!" Ah, the middle school memories of such games. Too bad the games grew less and less fun as time went on… But a true game like this sounded fun! "Can I play?"

"Nurufufufu, of course! You can be Karasuma-sensei's bodyguard!" Koro-sensei lit bright orange approval. And Karasuma didn't seem displeased with the idea, though with his never smiling face it was kinda hard to tell. Irina, on the other hand, protested immediately.

"Wait! Two on one isn't fair!" she wailed.

"Hmph, and the two of us against the one of him is?" Lovro scoffed.

"But the two of us aren't working together!"

"Now, Irina, since when was life fair?"

Irina bit back a defeated scowl. "Fine. I agree."

Yamamoto could see where Koro-sensei was heading with all this complicated stuff. It was almost Reborn-esque in a way, minus the just-for-kicks torture.

"Okay! So it's agreed: the first to kill Karasuma-sensei wins! Attacks to Yamato-sensei don't count. Ditching of classes will not be tolerated! Otherwise disrupting lessons will also lead to disqualification! And no obstructing each other's assassinations! The assassination will start with the school day tomorrow!" Koro-sensei had set the rules, all that awaited was game start.

Karasuma stalked off first, still pissy over being the target. Yamamoto followed after at a slight jog to catch up, careful not to jostle his bags too much. "Ne, Karasuma-sensei." When he got no response, he nudged the guy with his shoulder and repeated, "Ne, Karasuma-sensei."

This time, Karasuma turned to face him, apologizing first, cursing the octopus second, and finally ready for conversation. "Just Karasuma is fine." He grabbed two of Yamamoto's bags, and they continued to the kitchen.

"Thanks! Got any plans for tomorrow?" Yamamoto asked.

Karasuma shrugged. "I'll take them as they come. When are you teaching tomorrow?"

"Second hour." They both knew that would be the most opportune time to strike. "You could come watch my class if you'd like! I'm starting them on cucumber rolls for some fun before we start on lessons!"

"I'll need to finish some reports first. I can join you for the second half of the period."

"Coming for the taste testing, eh? Freeloader," Yamamoto teased.

"I'll be fine," Karasuma continued, as if Yamamoto hadn't spoken. "I've handled worse." It was stated as fact and Yamamoto had no reason to doubt him. But hurr, that wasn't any fun. The guy could've at least humored him with a whack or something, as Hibari often did.

"'Kay then, and thanks for helping!"

They stepped through the threshold and Karasuma sat his bags down next to the one that had disappeared earlier with a "no problem," then watched wordlessly as Yamamoto unloaded his heap of goods. Five packs of nori, 3 dozen eggs, a bundle of avocados, a box of imitation crab, half a tuna, many radishes, more cucumbers, two bottles of vinegar, and a 20 kilo sack of rice. Then he moved on to Karasuma's bags and pulled out 10 liters of milk, another 7 of orange juice, and a 2 baby watermelon. The final bag had around 3 kilos of assorted fish eggs, 6 squids, and 2 eels.

When he was done shoving everything in the fridge, he looked up to see Karasuma gaping in a way that somehow blended concern and curiosity with deadpan.

"How."

Oops, he'd forgotten that some people weren't used to such a sight. "Well let's just say I know a kid who stores a bazooka, a metric ton of grenades, and enough grape candies to satisfy all of Italy in his hair. So I just learned a few tricks from him!" He shot his best smile.

Karasuma did not look impressed.

"Hehe?" Yamamoto tried.

"Just leave it," Karasuma said finally, and walked away.

-:-:-

There was definitely something fishy going on. Kurahashi could smell it. Well, she could see it too, a not-really-camouflaged Koro-sensei not-quite-hiding behind some bushes with Bitch-sensei and some old man, but that was beside the point. Bloodlust was in the air, and if she followed the wisps, they led directly to Karasuma-sensei, who seemed to be more uptight than usual. Not that that was a bad thing or anything.

Ok, and there may have been a Yamato-sensei in the way as well, smiling as he watched the students struggling with their knife work up on those high poles. He seemed perfectly at ease standing in the middle of the stream of bloodlust, while Kurahashi, watching back from the poles some few meter away, couldn't help the shivers that coursed up her spine.

Finally, Kurahashi had had enough of the suspense and crouched to ask, "Sensei, over there…"

"Just ignore it," gritted Karasuma before she could finish, "Continue as you were."

But something was definitely up.

Another while passed and the awkwardness still hung in the air. Finally, with class almost over and having acknowledged that no one was fully into their exercises, Karasuma sighed and motioned everyone to gather. So they gathered and sat and listened to the plights of their poor Karasuma-sensei.

Then as soon as he dismissed class, Bitch-sensei stepped out of the bushes with a thermos, oozing cheer and goodwill, and waltzed up to Yamato-sensei.

"Yamato-sensei~" Irina batted her eyelashes.

"Jelavic-sensei! Hiya!" Yamato smiled dutifully at her.

"It's your first full day of work, so I've prepared a nice, cool drink as a welcoming present," sung Irina, proffering the brimming cup. It was suspicious, and given the backstory they've just heard, probably contained something nasty. But she was almost as straightforward as Okuda in her offerings that Yamato must have sensed it too. And if he didn't? Well…

"Muscle relaxant, most like. Knock him out early and leave me unprotected," Karasuma informed them in an aside. "Though frankly she'd never get close enough to attack me, with or without Yamato." He too was watching how the scene would play out. Hmm, maybe Yamato-sensei would show his hitman skills today.

"It's really good, and I've made it just for you, Yamato-sensei," wheedled Irina, while Yamato held his hands up in apology, shaking his head. And wow, Kurahashi wanted to know how one smiles with genuine ruefulness in the face of poison like that.

"Please, please? Yamato-sensei?"

"Sorry, Jelavic-sensei—"

"Just call me Irina."

"Sorry, Irina-sensei, but no can do!"

"Pretty pretty pretty please? I'll cry if you don't have any…" Bitch-sensei collapsed in crocodile tears. (Real crocodiles tears actually weren't linked to emotion of any sort, but that was beside the point.) "You meanie! I just wanted to be nice and friendly and you reject my gift?"

Just as Karasuma-sensei stepped forward to end this spectacle, Yamato-sensei gave an "okay, I'll do it."

Well this teacher was certainly full of surprises, kinda like a stick bug. Someone snorted from behind Kurahashi, and Karasuma gave Yamato an appraising look. And Yamato-sensei, who must be oblivious or crazy or just plain stupid, accepted the cup from a rightfully bewildered Bitch-sensei and downed it in a gulp, smile never leaving his face.

"Thanks, Irina-sensei! It's not bad, a bit too bitter to pass as milk tea though… Mm, you could decrease the concentration of metaxalone by a gyuup and add some more flowery tea instead of oolong with a pyat more milk. Let's see… I'll give you a 3!" He beamed, and Irina looked just as mystified as Kurahashi felt, which was very. "Hey, this teacher business is kind of fun!"

Well, he didn't turn colors or change shape, so at least they confirmed that he wasn't an alien. But that still didn't explain his immunity. Maybe he really was a stick bug.

Yamato reached a hand to help Irina up, and a shadow dashed through the bushes past them. Kurahashi glanced to where Koro-sensei and the gray man—Lovro-san, Karasuma had called him—just were. Gone.

"Karasuma-sensei!" she cried, just as Lovro pounced from behind him. But before she could finish her warning, Lovro was twisting to avoid a streak of green while parrying another with his own volley of anti-sensei blades. The whole exchange had lasted under a second. He landed lightly on his feet with a smug purr, and Kurahashi followed his gaze to the knife lying beside Karasuma's shoe.

"Almost," Karasuma growled, smoothing out his suit. Then he glanced back at Yamato, who darted a smile back, and said to him, "Thank you." Eh? But Kurahashi hadn't even noticed Yamato move!

Irina let out a frustrated hiss, and huffed off.

"You see, Irina," Lovro called after her, "you can not do anything here with your skills. Such a disgraceful show, my foolish pupil." Kurahashi decided she didn't like the guy. Even a Bitch-sensei deserved a nicer master.

Then the old man acknowledged Karasuma with a dip of his head, "You are stronger than I thought." And to Yamato, "well thrown." Addressing them both, he said, "Such a mistake will not happen again." Then he left, going the opposite direction of Irina.

Karasuma picked up the blade with a twirl and headed off too. Several students followed after, chattering over flying knives and poison resistance and how cool Karasuma and Yamato and everyone but Bitch-sensei were. Kurahashi went too, after a lingering look at their new specimen of a teacher.

"Well, time for home ec class!" Yamato said, and ushered the others back to the building.

What an odd man and an odd day.

-:-:-

Even from the classroom, Class E could feel the tension in the air. Karasuma-sensei was alone, unpacking his lunch in his usual spot at the edge of the forest.

And there was Irina, striding toward him, knife in hand, determination gleaming in her eyes.

"Bitch-sensei's sure got commitment," Karma commented unnecessarily.

The two spoke for a while, then Irina started to strip.

Okajima whistled.

"Whatcha all looking at?"

Nakamura swore. "Yamato-sensei!" Seriously, the man needed to learn how to not sneak around like a ninja everywhere.

"What did we say about swearing and lifestyle choices yesterday, Nakamura?"

"Sorry, sensei. But what are you doing here?"

"Ssh," shushed Yada before he could answer, "Bitch-sensei's going for the attack!"

And sure enough, Irina had circled around the tree, knife poised to strike.

"Karasuma-sensei said he wanted to eat alone." Yamato peered over her shoulder. "Oh? Looks like Irina-sensei's gonna win this one."

"What are you talking about, sensei? Karasuma-sensei has way more experience," protested Kurahashi.

"He's right," Karma pointed at Bitch-sensei's discarded blouse. A faintly visible wire traced back to Irina.

"Well there's that, but look at her expression." Her eyes were narrowed in sky blue slits, mouth set with slightly knitted brows.

"Now contrast that with Karasuma-sensei's expression." Eyes wary, mouth cocked to breathe a sigh.

"So?" Terasaka drawled from his desk, half listening to their conversation. "What's expression have to do with experience and skill?"

Yamato brought a hand to his chin, rubbing his scar. "Well, Irina-sensei's like blurp-a-glurd while Karasuma-sensei's is more hum hurmph."

Judging by the silence that descended, no one had understood. Nakamura had an inkling about what he was getting at, but…

"I think he's saying that Irina-sensei's expression says 'I need to win' while Karasuma-sensei's says 'let's get this over with.' Um, that's how I see it, anyway." Nagisa looked to Yamato for confirmation. Huh, the pipsqueak threw new surprises every day.

"Yup, what Nagisa said," Yamato agreed. "By stepping out into the open like that, Irina-sensei's turned this into a battle, and every battle is a clash of wills."

Irina moved, pulling the wire in a smooth stroke, and Karasuma flailed, if just for a second. But a second was enough, and she had him straddled beneath her.

"Way to go, Bitch-sensei!" someone shouted.

"Uooh, she actually got him!"

But it still wasn't over. Irina slashed downward with her knife, aiming at Karasuma's face. At the last moment, he blocked, catching her arms as the tip of the blade hovered mere centimeters above his widened eyes. Nakamura wasn't sure what was most impressive at this point: Irina's near success, Karasuma's reflexes, or Yamato's foresight. Nagisa's interpretive skills were also in the running.

"Ne, Sensei," Nakamura said they watched the struggle for control, "how'd you think this will end?"

He raised an eyebrow, sensei-mode engaged, "how do you think this'll end, Nakamura?"

She gave the situation another lookover. Both were gritting their teeth in fierce concentration, but if Karasuma wanted to win, he'd win, even if he had to fight the added force of gravity. She opened her mouth to answer.

"Eeh?" But Kurahashi's exclamation told Nakamura to reassess.

And there it was, Irina now turning on the seduction and Karasuma beyond exasperated.

"Karasuma-sensei's gonna give, isn't he."

Yamato gave her a wry grin, and nodded her to look back out the window.

Karasuma sighed and let go. The knife boinged harmlessly as it met his chest.

"She got him!"

"Awesome!"

"Go Bitch-sensei!"

Irina still looked shocked. She couldn't know of the hope her victory had brought the class as a fellow underdog. Heck half of Class E probably couldn't consciously make the connection either. But if Bitch-sensei could beat Karasuma-sensei, Class E just might stand a chance against the unkillable Koro-sensei. So all's well that ends well, right?

But there was still something nagging at Nakamura. "Sensei, if a battle's a clash of wills, what's an assassination?"

A few heads turned their way. Nagisa was poised to take notes. Even Karma stopped feigning disinterest. Nakamura twisted a strand of hair, thinking she may have dug at something unpleasant. Sure she acted a brazen numskull at times, but she was by no means unwitting.

And Yamato's eyes darkened, his smile faded. Between 'run' and 'apologize' as her instincts screamed, Nakamura settled on 'freeze' as soon as Yamato spoke.

"An assassination—a real assassination—is a cold blooded killing."

It wasn't even directed at them, but the look on his face was so uncharacteristic—if just for the one day they'd known him—that it was absolutely chilling.

The whooping and hollering quieted as the rest of the students caught on. Soon enough, the only noise left was the too-loud scritch scratch of Nagisa's pen on paper. Poof went the idle fantasies of riches and fame, and in their place fell the image of Koro-sensei's corpse at their feet, dead by their very own hands. Nakamura shuddered.

"Sensei, I'm sorry—"

"Ah? Haha um no, I mean, well there's some people out there you're supposed to kill, ok maybe not 'supposed to kill' but 'have to be killed.' Hm, this isn't coming out right… Let me just say this: I hope that your Koro-sensei is the only one you ever have to kill." Yamato was smiling again, forced, looking more like a grimace.

The room went silent, save the furious scrawling of Nagisa. Victorious cries from Irina carried through the glass pane.

"Hm, let me put it this way: an assassination is… a game." His smile twisted cryptically.

"But games and lives are completely different things," said Isogai. "What do you mean?"

Yamato laughed, and Nakamura wasn't sure if the bitterness in it was imagined or not. "Life's a game, Isogai. But with assassinations, you at least have an objective."

"Um, is why you came here?" asked Kayano, timidly.

His expression softened to something that spoke of wry humor with traces of concern—and was that pity in his eyes? "Haha, I haven't had such a fun assignment in a long time!"

Not only was he evading the question, but he was clearly trying to lighten the atmosphere—a nearly impossible task as the cause of such sombriety, as Nakamura would know.

Suddenly and with great timing, Irina banged on the window screaming "woohoo"s and "I did it!"s. With such classic Bitch-sensei antics, whatever darkness had remained lifted as Yamato led the class in laughter. The air was breathable again.

Taking the opportunity to reset the class on happier thoughts, Nakamura hooted, "That's Bitch-sensei for you!"

"Haha, seems so!"

The class dissolved once again in mindless ovation. But when Nakamura looked back at Yamato-sensei, the pensive look still hadn't fully left his face. Not frowning, but not smiling either—the archetypal pre-Koro-sensei Class E look. Lost, defeated by life. If he were any other kid, she would've gone and pinched his cheeks to wipe that glum expression off his face and shoo away whatever ghosts haunted him, but as it were, he was a professional hitman and she a mere middle schooler. He shifted and caught her watching him. Or maybe he was already aware of it and just wanted to acknowledge her. Either way, the corners of his mouth crooked upward, and he stood, saying something about going to congratulate Irina-sensei. He ruffled her hair with a warm hand, and left.

The bell rang.

Nagisa looked over at her and shrugged. He was right, some things were meant to be left alone.


A/N: Yeah... went kinda dark at the end... (were either Nakamura or Yamamoto too OOC in those moments?—I mean this is TYL Yamamoto, but still...)

So this story is mostly gonna weave around canon, much like this chapter, with a few original happenings peppered throughout. This for me is a way to work on some of my weaknesses: long stories, large casts, characterization, and plot. Basically, everything :( So feedback, especially regarding OOCness and writing style, is much appreciated.

Also, are the names switches between "Bitch-sensei" and "Irina" odd? As in I shorten "Karasuma-sensei" to "Karasuma" while "Koro-sensei" is unabbreviable, so what are your thoughts? Or do you not care and I'm just overthinking? I fret too many details.

Finally, does anyone have experience with an actual Japanese Home economics class? Or baseball—does anyone know baseball well and care to help me with future baseball chapters/references? All I know is based off web research, and I'm trying to keep this as realistic as tentacle-monster-mafia stories can be, so thanks in advance :)

Well, I'm finally done rambling. Thanks for all the love, please share your thoughts :3, and have a great day (or night).

God bless,

TreeCat

2/10/16