Thank you so much for all the reviews for the first chapter! I hope you enjoy this one just as much :) I can't stop writing this story, it's going crazy places! Just so you're aware for the rest of the story, any flashbacks/ dreams will be in italics.


His eyes widened, a loud scream billowing up from his chest, shaking him to his core as the body fell limply to the ground.

His hand already wrapped around the metal, he tightened the grip. Firmly grasping onto the cold handle as he tugged it roughly upwards.

Sent one shot straight forward.

He stood, momentarily frozen as the bullet hit hard- straight into skull. Watched as the figure fell lifelessly to the floor in a mound and he swallowed the large lump forming at the base of his throat.

Took a quick step forward. A large, hurried movement toward him. Screamed out his name in panic. Heart racing rapidly in his chest as his breathing quickened and he could already see the pool of thick, scarlet liquid seeping onto the dark wood floor.

He took another step forward. His foot hitting the ground just as the sound of two loud shots ricocheted off the walls, echoing into the darkness.

Feet instantly stilling as a loud sob broke through his lips. His eyes closed for only a moment as he turned his head behind him.

Jay jumped, limbs flailing as the blanket fell from his body onto the deep chestnut stained floor. His heart beat rapidly in his chest, pounding against his head- echoing through his skull. Eyes locked shut, unable to fully come back to the surface, to bring himself back to reality. His breaths came out rigid and uneven as he tried unsuccessfully to shake the overwhelming sensation rumbling from his core. The short intake of air made it impossible for his lungs to fill, panic overtaking his senses. Sweat pooled at his hairline, dripping down to mix in across his furrowed brows.

As his eyes stayed clenched tightly closed, Jay swallowed roughly. Taking one deep jagged breath, his hand swung up, swiping roughly across his knitted brows. As he took another deep breath in, his heartrate began to even. Jay blinked rapidly, eyes adjusting to the dim streetlight oozing into the dark room through the sheer curtains. The small amount of light enough to make his eyes widen.

His hands dropped quickly to the bed, fingers skimming across the familiar satin sheets. Eyes only widened more as his fists wrapped around the material. "What the fuck!?"

Rolling to his side, Jay let in another sharp breath. Fully aware of the constant throbbing against his skull. He sent a hand up to rub hurriedly across his temple as his eyes searched out the alarm clock on the bedside table.

8:32pm

Shit. That couldn't be right, he slept all day? It was definitely a late night, but there was no way that he had slept through an entire day. The pounding in his head caused a mess of jumbled words to fall from his lips and he stopped the argument playing out in his head as he swung his feet over the edge of the bed. Adjusted himself into a sitting position and narrowed his eyes toward his destination.

"Shit." He mumbled out again. His feet stumbling as they adjusted to the weight of his body and he tried to balance himself against the cool wood beneath him.

As he reached the door, his hand instinctively slammed around the corner, sliding up the wall until his fingers brushed up against the cool metal. He flicked the switch up and immediately regretted it as his eyes crashed shut and he winced at the brightness of the vanity light.

His mind raced as he rummaged through the small cabinets against the back wall. The pounding in his head digging into his jumbled thoughts, making his jaw ache and the floor move beneath his feet. Jay flung out his hand, grasping firmly onto the sink. Taking a few deep breaths, he clenched his eyes closed. The pulsing room soon turned to blackness as he tried to piece together the events of the previous night in his mind.

How the hell did he end up here?

He swallowed roughly, another sharp breath shaking his body. Bringing up a hand, he ran it through his short, brown, wavy locks atop his head- no longer held in place by gel. It was then that he let his eyes slowly creep open and he stole a small glance at himself in the vanity mirror. His eyes widened in shock as he looked at the reflection staring back at him. Deep purple bags surrounded his eyes and his already pale skin was stark-white in the bright light of the bathroom. His cheeks were hollowed-in and he stilled for a moment, silently pondering when the last actual meal he had was. The normal, short scruff he kept on his face was in need of a desperate trim, reddish-brown hairs wildly growing off his chin. And his hair was a mess, random waves flew out in opposite directions on his bed-head making him shake his head and frown, quickly adverting his eyes from the mirror.

Opening the small overhead cabinet to the right, a small smile fell against his lips as Jay grabbed onto the bottle of migraine medication. Quickly pouring three into his hand before staring down at them, pouring three more and then popping them into his mouth. He left the bottle on the counter as he shuffled out of the bathroom.

Taking large strides across the master bedroom, Jay swiped his boots and jacket off the ground as he took hold of the door handle. A small click echoed into the room as he pushed the door wide enough to poke his head around the corner, searching the open floor plan of the apartment.

His eyes hardened as he made out Erin and Will standing by the built-in island in the kitchen. Speaking quietly between one another, worry etched across both of their faces.

"Will. He's fine, we're all fine. Go to work. I've got this." Erin assured, pointing toward the door.

"God only knows what he took. What he's been taking! He needs a hospital, Erin. No offence, but there's no way in hell I'm leaving him here alone with you, especially not like this." Will said, voice low but full of determination.

"Well it's a good thing you won't have to then." Jay stated, making Erin and Will jump slightly at his presence.

Looking between the two of them, he gave a short nod before setting his eyes on the couch and sluggishly making his way over. He quickly slipped the discarded boots back onto his feet before turning his head over his shoulder to look back at the pair behind him. "Thanks for letting me crash here. I better get going."

Erin shook her head, confused by his reaction. She took a step forward, setting down the cup in her hand. "Crash here? Jay, this is your home."

He chuckled, standing from the couch. "Didn't we already have this talk?"

"Why don't we have it again? This time you could actually try listening." Erin argued, a hint of anger in her voice.

Jay grinned, shaking his head as he grabbed the discarded jacket from the couch. "That's real cute, Erin."

She gritted her teeth. She was tired of this, tired of the act he was putting on. The games he was playing, all his walls secured around himself to mask the pain that was building right below the surface. She thought getting him home would be a step forward, but he was just as stubborn as she was. He had no intention of making this easy, no reason to want to.

Stealing a glance back at Will, she watched as he gave one short nod and she turned to face Jay once again. Taking another step forward so she stood just in front of him, a deep frown spread across her face, her eyes pleading. "Jay, talk to me. Please."

He groaned, running his hands roughly through his tousled hair. "I shouldn't have come with you last night."

"You know that's not true. This is where you need to be." she said, her eyes soft as they searched his. "You can't just keep running, Jay. Someday it'll catch up to you, and if you don't deal with it now, it'll hurt a thousand times worse later on. If you think it's bad now- if you think the grief is eating you alive now, it'll only get worse. You know that."

The words were sincere, spoken out of complete knowledge and understanding. The events of Nadia's death three years earlier had nearly ripped her world to shards, sending her down the same deep hole she desperately crawled out of fifteen years earlier. The reason she came back was obvious- Jay. The reason she stayed wasn't as simple.

Six months into being back on the job, starting a solid relationship for the first time in her thirty years of living, Erin's world felt like it was crashing in. They started as occasional nightmares after Yates returned, but after a few weeks they turned into nightly panic attacks followed by cold sweats and shaky limbs. Restless nights that lead to restless weeks. Soon, Erin found herself pulling back again, quickly retreating to a small pub or a bottle of Jack after a long case instead of Molly's with the unit. Except this time, he wouldn't let her be alone. Jay would search her out, no matter how well she thought she was hiding. Carry her home if he had to, force her into work the next day- force her into reality.

Jay suggested regular sessions with Dr. Charles. At first she protested, adamant that it was just a rough couple of weeks, being around Nadia's birthday and all. But as he laced their fingers together and let out a strangled sigh, Erin looked deep into his eyes. Momentarily captured in time by the shimmer of the crisp, ocean-blue color staring back at her. It was then that he gave her his signature Halstead grin, bringing her hand to his lips, brushing them gently against the soft skin. Whispered his love into the back of her hand. Three words she had never heard spoken to her in such a sincere way in her entire life. And she nodded. A firm and direct nod as she cleared her throat, spoke through her hoarse voice.

Three years ago she had started attending sessions with Dr. Charles. Only dropping them down to twice a month instead of once a week a little less than a year ago. Once she was sure she could fully handle the effects the events had caused her. Discussing not only recent events, but delving deep into her past, her childhood. Life before Intelligence, before Jay, before Voight.

"Jay." Erin said, voice hard and focused. "Whatever this is, however this is affecting you. You gotta face it head on."

He shook his head, rolling his eyes at her familiar comment as he crossed his arms hard against his chest. "Like I told you before, Erin. I'm fine."

Fine. Fine was the word they used with things were falling to shit and the world was seconds from crumpling beneath them. 'Fine' always meant the opposite of fine.

She let her eyes close for a brief second, a hollow chuckle escaping her lips. "Could you just clue me in a little bit to how you're really doing? Like how you're actually, truly doing? I haven't seen you in weeks; you barley return any of my messages, and now you're standing here, letting me know everything is just 'fine'?"

Jay stared at her blankly as she spoke, his eyes never directly meeting hers. Her eyes widened slightly, hand gesturing toward him, silently communicating that it was his turn to speak, but he stood silent. She let out a frustrated groan, raking a hand roughly through her hair.

"What is it with you, huh? This isn't fine, Jay! None of this is fucking fine!" she screamed. Her eyes welling with unshed tears as Will took a cautious step forward, standing inches behind her.

"Fine would be where we were two months ago. Actually, that would be fucking great! Did you forget about that!? Planning for a future we couldn't wait to have together. The two of us, finally. After all this damn time, it was Right. Fucking. There. Jay!"

She took another step forward, pressing her finger up roughly into the hard muscles of his chest. She glared as he shrugged, completely unaffected as she lost her shit.

"Talk to me! Tell me what's going on with you! Tell me how you're doing! I want to help you, to be there for you. Let me help you. Talk to me. Talk to me!" she yelled, slamming her fists into his chest as tears streamed down her face.

Jay's feet stumbled back at the force of her hands, his eyes widening with each blow. His chest rose hard and fast as her words came out loud and jumbled and the tears flowed down her cheeks. He swallowed- hard. Bringing a hand up quickly to his face to rub his heavy eyes.

Erin's eyes focused as she studied the glint masked behind rough hands. She shook her head, silently willing him to open up. He let out another strangled sigh. Dropping his hands dejectedly to his side as his eyes hardened. "I'm just…peachy." he declared.

A rough strangled laugh broke through her sobs. "Are you fucking kidding me? ARE YOU!?"

"What do you want me to say here, Erin?" Jay screamed, throwing his coat back down onto the couch. "He's dead. He's dead, Erin!"

He took a step closer, once again leaving no space between them as he towered over her, hard eyes fixed on her as she glared up at him.

"He's fucking dead and that's on me. Everything that happened, everything. It's all on me. Every single thing." He swallowed through the lump in his throat. Tears welling up in his eyes, he shook his head as a jagged breath escaped his lips.

"So excuse me if I don't want to sit on the couch with you and some shitty takeout watching some shitty movie as we talk about our 'one day.' One day is never gonna happen, Erin. Get the fuck over it."

"Jay-" Erin tried, tears streaming down her cheeks. She lifted a hand slowly, cupping his cheek in her palm.

He stilled for a moment, leaning into her touch. Sighing heavily as he attempted to breath through the pain. And then in a single instant, his eyes darkened- the color vanishing as gray invaded his irises. Quickly he snapped his hand out, effectively gripping onto her wrist and pulling her hand away from his cheek.

"This isn't happening." he stated, pushing her hand down- forcing it to fall limply to her side. "I said we weren't having this conversation again and I meant it. I'm not talking about it. It's over. I don't get why you keep trying to force me to talk about it again." he said, voice rising with each word. "Why don't you try doing us both a favor and actually listening to me for once, okay? Stay the fuck away from me, get the fuck out of my life, and I swear if I have to-"

"Hey!" Will shouted, finally having enough of Jay's behavior. He stepped firmly between them, placing a hard hand on Jay's chest and shoving him backward. "What the fuck is wrong with you, huh?"

Jay stood silent for a moment. Shock evident on his face as he glanced at his brother. His eyes traveled from Will to Erin and back again as his chest heaved, tightening more and more with each second. He shook his head rapidly, a deep chuckle escaping his lips as he ran a hand through his hair.

"Great. Fucking great." He mumbled.

He sent Erin one final look as his jaw tightened. Set hard on a deep scowl as he gritted his teeth and he rolled his eyes. Turned on his heels, only stopping momentarily to grab his coat from the back of the couch before taking quick strides toward the front of the apartment. The loud THUD of the front door the only sound echoing through the room.


A/N: So this didn't go so well...I couldn't make it that easy! It'll take a little bit more before Jay starts to fully recover.

I can't promise how often I'll update, I know these were pretty close. But I'll try for at least once a week. Let me know what you thought!