I OWN INVADER ZIM
...T-shirts
Zim and Dib's Excellent-ish Adventure!
Chapter 2: Death Race (or more drive-by shootings)
As the train sped towards the doomed foursome, Zim regained his wits just in time to reactivate the miraculously unbroken thrusters and barrel down the tracks, bumping and crashing along the way.
"I'm gonna try to repair the wing!" Zim shouted over the rattling of the car. He kicked open the door to his left and, grabbing carefully onto the roof of the vehicle, sidled over until he was directly above the car's wing. That's when the bullets started whizzing past his face and glancing off of his PAK.
Pulling himself onto the roof of the car, Zim stood to stare at several S.W.A.T. Team members who were positioned on the roof of the train. "You wanna play, bitches? I'll give you something to play with!" Zim yelled at the soldiers. Stepping carefully onto a panel positioned near the center of the Ferrari's roof, the panel lit up, slid out to reveal a hole, and in its place a large turret which could not possibly fit inside the thin roof popped up out of the hole.
Zim jumped into a seat positioned directly underneath the main cannons. Zim grabbed hold of two control sticks and simultaneously clicked the red buttons on the ends of them. Two of the cannons on either end of the turret fired two lasers directly at the soldiers, while four machine guns positioned in the middle of the turret began to fire at the same time.
However, one of the S.W.A.T. Members pulled out a giant shield made of antimatter. "Have a taste of our classified government weaponry!" the man shouted. As the laser beams and bullets were swallowed up, a giant dragon flew out of the shield.
"That doesn't even make sense!" Zim shouted.
"It doesn't have to! It's classified government weaponry!" the guy shouted back.
Zim opened a compartment in the side of the turret marked GRENADES and pulled out a 36M, removing the pin and throwing the ball of destruction at the dragon. The two blew up in midair, and the dragon's remains fell onto the train, crushing the guy and his shield, which vaporized for whatever reason.
"Ha! Even mythical beasts tremble at my superiority!" Zim cackled. Just then he remembered the wing of the car, and upon sending the turret back into the roof, Zim crawled back to where the broken wing jutted out of the Ferrari. Kicking the remainder of the piece off, Zim stuck his hand into the hole where the wing came from and pressed a few buttons. In seconds, another wing jutted out.
"What the hell took you so long?" Dib yelled as Zim slid back into the driver's seat.
"I had to fight a dragon," Zim replied casually.
"You fought a dragon!" Dib asked incredulously.
"Yeah. And a guy with an antimatter shield."
"You do know how stupid that sounds, right?"
"The writer sure didn't seem to think so," Zim snapped back, pulling the Ferrari into an upwards position right before they hit a giant rock that was mysteriously placed in the middle of the railroad. The train exploded upon impact with the boulder as the Ferrari zoomed up into the sky.
"That was close!" Dib exclaimed. "So... now what?"
"We get off of this filthy refrigerator-infested rock!"
"Why do you hate refrigerators so much?" Dib muttered under his breath.
Suddenly, the jet thrusters began to sputter, and quickly gave out, causing the four to fall from the sky once more.
"Watch out! We're gonna land in that raceway down there!"
"NOOOOOO!" Dib screamed.
"What? We're gonna be fine, Dib!" Zim yelled back.
"I have an irrational fear of race tracks!" Dib screamed.
"That's stupid!" Gaz reprimanded Dib.
Visibly shaking, Dib was launched upward as the Ferrari hit the ground, his seatbelt merely causing his guts to hurt more as it restrained him from traveling further into the sky.
"And it seems a Ferrari with wings has descended from the sky and contains a man in an alien costume, a robot, and two scared and possibly kidnapped children! Huh. Anyways, it's time for the T-SHIRT CANNON!" an announcer blared as several smiling cheerleaders brought out the aforementioned cannon.
"Alright, here's the plan," Zim explained to those in the car with him. "I'm going to go steal some fuel from those greasy monkey things over in that hole. I want you to grab the wheel once I've jumped out Gir... Ready? NOW!" Zim launched himself from the car and began to mercilessly beat several pit crew workers, and upon grabbing several containers of car fuel, he turned back and boosted himself off the ground via his PAK legs and landed effortlessly on the Ferrari's wing.
"Hey! That's cheating!" a fat redneck, complete with a baseball cap and a plaid shirt covering a white shirt, poked his head out of the car behind Zim. Pulling out a generic redneck shotgun, he began to fire at the alien, who barely escaped back inside the car as one of the tires was shot.
"That's cheating too!" Zim whined as the redneck sped past him.
"Yeah well I'm a redneck so it don't matter bitches!" the redneck yelled.
"Douchebag," Zim sighed. Firing another rocket from the car's wings, Zim took small pleasure in the giant fiery explosion that consumed the howling redneck and his car. Zim then retracted the wings so they wouldn't break again and pushed a button to re-inflate the busted tire. "Gir, I need you to take over while I convert this into jet fuel," the Invader commanded Gir.
"WOO-HOO! Joyride!" the robot squealed with delight.
Zim popped out a large toaster-like mechanism from the glove box and poured the fuel into one hole and set a dial to point to the label Jet Fuel. After a few seconds, the fuel seemingly evaporated from the first hole and then filled up the second with the converted fuel. Pouring it back into the fuel canisters, Zim handed the fuel to two mechanical arms that came out of the jet engines that still remained on the back side of the car. The arms set about pouring the fuel into a convenient tube marked GAS HOLE.
"Zim, we've got company!" Dib informed the Irken. "Robot cheerleaders are headed this way!"
Sure enough, the cheerleaders were in fact robots, and they were flying at supersonic speeds towards the Ferrari. They were each marked as property of the CIA.
"CIA bastards!" Zim made a fist. "Here, I'll-"
"No, I'll do it," Gaz decided, seeing as she hadn't really done or said anything yet.
"Oh, OK," and that was that. Gaz jumped out of the backseat door and rolled along the cement, then quickly stood up to face the cheerleaders.
"All right you bitches," Gaz clawed a rip in Earth's very matter, because she can do that now and because it sounds cool, and pulled out a 30 foot longsword. "Taste my steel!" she swung the sword so it cut each one of the cheerleaders, who had descended from the sky to attack her, in half. They exploded in a fiery inferno. "Clean up on Aisle 5," Gaz said nonchalantly, then jumped into the rift which transported her back into her seat.
Finally, Zim re-extended the wings of the Ferrari and the four finally took off. "Activating space transport mode!" Zim exclaimed as they reached the edge of Earth's atmosphere, and the wings became more feather-y like bird wings and the car filled with oxygen.
"Huh. I thought the Earth was going to be destroyed by the evil forces of doom that were ransacking the planet," Dib said.
"Yeah. I guess not," Zim replied. Then the Earth exploded (in another fiery inferno), its debris flying everywhere.
"Never mind," Zim said as the four sped away in their winged Ferrari.
A/N: I like explosions.
Also, if you haven't noticed, each chapter is/will be named after a movie (yes, Death Race is the name of a movie). Furthermore, I guess you can add scientific inaccuracies to the list of action/sci-fi cliches this is parodying now. Next up: Zim reveals his intentions for saving Dib and Gaz, but complications ruin his plan! What is his plan? How is it ruined? Why is Dib afraid of race tracks? Why does Zim hate refrigerators? Answers to these and other questions will be revealed later in Zim and Dib's Excellentish Adventure!
