Mary took my dress away as soon as I had changed into my nightgown, deeming it necessary to clean the stain from it as soon as possible. I sat on my bed in my white nightgown, holding a book in my hand and reading about the history of Roman civilisation. Mary had left me for the evening, informing me that she would retire as soon as she had sorted my dress out. I assured her that it could wait until morning, but she was adamant.
And so I sat up in my chamber, deciding to do nothing more for the evening. I thought back to Edward and his charming smile along with his floppy blonde hair. There was no denying that he was handsome. Although I was used to handsome men. They were normally everywhere in my social circles.
Yet Edward seemed different. He was typically English and charming as we laughed on the way back to my cabin which was down the hall from Cal's room. I was well aware that Cal was going to be in a foul mood when I saw him again. He already had his spy keeping his eye on me which was quite annoying. He seemed to do nothing if not watch me and make sure I behaved. Walking down the corridors with a servant was not something which was proper behaviour.
I thought no more of my brother until I heard a knock on my cabin door. The sound was forceful and not the usual tap which Mary made when she waited for me to answer.
"Emily, open this door right now." I squirmed slightly at the sound of Cal's voice, but pushed the quilt back from my body. I decided to move quickly, scrambling over to the door and opening it. He stood there, watching me intently and waiting for me to move to the side for entry.
"I assume you're here because of your spy?" I checked with him and he forced me to the side, walking into the room. I closed the door and turned around, watching as Cal stood there, his hands on his hips as he looked me up and down, obviously inspecting me.
"Have you eaten dinner?" he wondered firstly. Of course he did care for my health. He also thought that I was too gaunt and that mother would have a fit if she saw me looking so thin.
"I wasn't hungry," I replied simply, looking down to the floor for a moment.
"No, I suppose you wouldn't be," Cal spoke, a small dark chuckle coming from his lips as he did so. "You were too busy spending time with a servant, weren't you?"
"He had come to ask for my forgiveness," I snapped at him. "I didn't realise you were against that? I thought manners were everything in today's society?"
"And you deemed it necessary for him to walk you back here?" Cal checked with me and I rolled my eyes.
"Don't you have a fiancée to tend to?" I wondered from him, motioning to the door and wanting nothing more than peace and quiet for the evening. I couldn't be bothered with Cal and his speech on properness and ladylike behaviour.
"Do not dismiss me, Emily," he snapped at me. "Honestly, what has become of you? Mother will be disgusted if you speak to her in such a manner."
"Cal," I complained, "he walked me back here. That is all there is to it? Why are you acting like this? He did nothing wrong. Honestly, you need to calm down."
"And you need to remember that you are a Hockley. You are not to associate with low life."
"You really do have a stick up your ass like father," I spat at him, tiring of his behaviour. He looked at me with utter disgust for a moment and I knew I had angered him more than I should have. His jaw locked and his cheeks reddened slightly as I folded my arms across my stomach, my throat drying up as I shook my head.
"I'm sorry," I began to apologise. "I didn't-"
"-You meant it," Cal concluded to me, moving closer with intent. "You mean everything that you say, Emily. You're nothing if not outspoken."
"Cal," I drawled. "I'm tired and you are overreacting."
"You are my sister," Cal snapped at me, his hand moving quickly and grabbing onto my chin. He forced me to look at him, dropping his shoulders and hunching over so that he was looking me straight in the eye.
"You are my own flesh and blood, Emily," Cal spoke. "I care about what happens to you. I want the best for you. Wandering around with a servant is not the best for you. The Hockley name is something which you need to live up to. You are twenty years old and you should know etiquette by now. Rose certainly does."
"I'm not a doting fiancée," I responded. "Although your fiancée is hardly doting, is she?"
"What is that supposed to mean?" Cal wondered, dropping my chin and standing tall once again. I shook my head, rolling my eyes as I did so. I could hardly believe that he didn't recognise it. She couldn't make her distaste for my brother anymore obvious.
"Nothing," I mumbled. "Surely you see how Rose is anything but doting."
"Are you implying that my fiancée is unhappy?"
"I'm not implying anything," I snapped at him. "Stop putting words into my mouth."
He regarded me with distaste for another moment, the look in his eye something I had not seen before. Cal had always been kind to me when I was young. He had been an elder brother who had protected his younger sister. But he had changed during the years. Time with father and the business had changed him, and not for the better.
"You're to act like a proper lady from now on, Emily," he warned me and I nodded. It was much easier to agree than to argue with him. And all I wanted at the moment in time was for him to leave me alone. "No more running around with servants and no more speaking against me."
"As you wish," I mumbled and Cal nodded, moving his hand out and brushing his knuckles down my cheek. He regarded me with content for a moment before moving to the door again.
"Father should never have given into your commands. Education seems to have disagreed with your duty as a woman." He said and the door finally shut. I watched the wood for a moment before shaking my head and moving back to my bed. I knew that sleep wouldn't come easily, for every time I closed my eyes, I thought of my future in Philadelphia.
...
"Cal was rather angry last night."
I looked up as the voice sounded, turning my head to the side and seeing the woman who had taken a seat beside me. I sat on a lounger on deck, a book in my hand as I escaped Cal's watchful gaze after spending half an hour discussing family arrangements. The red head had taken her seat beside me, her head looking at the book which I was reading.
"I gathered that when he stormed into my room and demanded that I act like a Hockley should."
"And how is that?" she asked me.
"With respect and decorum. Apparently spending time with a servant does not satisfy that criteria." I complained, watching as her gaze found mine and a small smile graced her features. "Tell me, do you actually feel anything for my brother?"
My question seemed to take her off guard, her gaze leaving mine and turning to look back at the ocean for a few moments. She seemed thoughtful and I knew that her answer was not the one which Cal longed to hear.
"Whatever you feel does not change my opinion," I promised her. "I've seen the way you look at him. You look at him with distaste. You look at him with toleration, not what a fiancée should look."
Rose turned back to stare at me and I shrugged at her nonchalantly. She shook her head and glanced to the floor of the deck.
"Cal is a generous man," Rose said to me.
"But you don't love him," I concluded. "You don't need to worry. I'm not going to say anything. I have the joy of suffering the same fate as you when I return to Philadelphia."
"You're a Hockley," she spoke. "Surely you do not need to marry. You're financially secure."
"I do not need to do a lot of things that I do," I replied. "It is expected of me to marry. I promised my parents that I would when I returned home."
"Cal spoke highly of you," Rose said. "I thought that you were like him...he said you were prim and proper..."
"And you realised that Cal was wrong I hope?" I smirked and she smiled back at me, nodding softly in agreement.
"You're very well educated. I admit that I was shocked that you were so outspoken." Rose said and I snorted in disbelief, shaking my head back and forth before pushing a hand through my hair.
"Cal detests that trait," I said. "I think he detests many things about me. The years have changed us."
"Yet you are a dutiful sister in his presence," Rose said. "You admit that you are going back to marry a stranger. You do not speak out against that."
"Is there any point?" I wondered. "I made an agreement with my parents. I need to honour that...I could run away...I have thought about it...but there is no point. Cal has come to bring me home and I cannot do anything more."
"It looks as though we are to suffer the same fates," Rose informed me and it dawned on me that we were. We may be different, and I may not have taken to Rose, but we were in a similar position.
"Miss Emily."
We both looked up to where the voice had come from and I saw Edward stood there, fresh towels in his hands as he smiled softly down at me. Any trace of nervousness from the previous night seemed to have disappeared from him. We had managed to get along splendidly on the walk back to the cabin, laughing and joking as we went.
"Edward," I replied, instantly slapping my book shut and jumping to stand up. Rose remained sat where she was, looking up at me as the young boy stood there.
"I just thought I'd be polite," he spoke, explaining his sudden behaviour.
"Of course," I replied. "Anyway...Edward...this is Rose...my brother's fiancée."
"Pleasure," Edward bowed and Rose stood up. I flashed her a cautious glance as she offered her hand to Edward. He looked at it for a moment, taking it slowly and shaking it slowly as Rose watched him cautiously.
"Nice to meet you, Edward," Rose said. "Emily, I should be returning to Cal. I shall tell him that you've retired to your chamber for a nap."
I eyed Rose with suspicion for a moment, turning to look at Edward as he held the towels. A brief look of understanding passed between us and I watched her leave, her white gown flowing behind her as she went. Perhaps she was not who I had first thought her to be.
"I was just on the way to return these towels and then I have a break," Edward informed me. "Perhaps we can walk around the boat together?"
"Do you think that proper?" I wondered from him and he looked at me with suspicion for a moment. He arched a brow, confusion coming over him before he finally understood what I was talking of.
"I'm sorry, Miss," he spoke. "I thought that...but...you are a lady and I..."
"It doesn't matter," I assured him quickly. At hearing him blabber I decided that. I didn't care what Cal thought anymore. I had a small amount of time on this ship and I intended to use it wisely and have fun. God only knew I would have none of that when I returned home.
"You go and take the towels. I'll be here when you return."
He nodded at me and rushed away. I did nothing for a few moments, standing where I was and looking out onto the sea. I willed for Cal not to make an appearance and I thought of what Rose had told me. She had seemed different when we had spoken earlier. It was almost as though she and I had a mutual understanding about what was happening.
"May I escort you?"
I turned my head over my shoulder as Edward stood there, offering me his arm. I took it slowly, walking by his side around the deck of the ship. We walked slowly by each other's side, the sun shining down on us as a breeze came across.
"Your brother won't mind, will he?" Edward wondered from me. "He didn't seem awfully pleased with me last night."
"No...well...he doesn't need to know..." I whispered lowly to him.
"And if he did know?"
"No doubt I would be yelled at," I said. "Cal believes that I already act unladylike. Running around with servants doesn't please him. Besides, it is not good behaviour for a woman who is to marry."
"You're to marry?" Edward checked with me and I nodded, bowing my head as his green gaze settled on my face. "I didn't know, Miss."
"Few do," I admitted to him. "But...we're simply talking so I do not see there being any harm."
"I admit, Miss," he spoke. "I have been thinking of you quite a bit."
I arched a brow at hearing that, looking across to him as he blushed red, his timid gaze finding mine and I smiled before laughing loudly, attracting stares from people who moved around us. Edward said nothing, his smile increasing as both of us stopped walking and turned to look out to sea.
"Do you say that to all the girls?" I asked him, my hands lacing around the wooden railing as he leant against it, his elbow resting on the flat surface.
"Only the good looking ones," he joked and I snorted in an unladylike fashion. I ran my hands over my cream dress skirts before turning to look up at him. "I've meet many gals in first class," he told me. "None of them have been like you. None of them have stuck up for me before."
"Most of them are spoilt brats," I informed him and he smirked at hearing that. "Besides, I haven't spent time with many of them."
"What was it like in Cambridge? They say only a few gals get to study there."
"It's true," I said. "There were many men there who consider it improper for a woman to find an education in her life."
"I think it is a good thing," he said to me. "Besides, you've proved you're not just another pretty face."
"Why thank you very much," I laughed again and he said nothing, pushing a hand through his hair and then turning to look at me. "And how did you end up here?"
"Quite a simple story," he assured me. "Mother died when I was a baby. My father was a drunk who barely managed to take care of me. I've spent most of my life in work and serving those above me. I try not to think of my past too much."
"Why?"
"Nothing but bad memories," he shrugged. "I prefer to look forward to the future. It's much more promising, isn't it?"
"I suppose so," I whispered, not truly understanding how easy my life was in comparison. I never thought of it. I chose only to think of those things which were bad. And when I look at them, they are hardly terrible.
"Anyway, we don't want to change the conversation to a topic of sadness, do we?" he replied with an upbeat smirk. I said nothing as he looked back to the sea before us. "It's been real nice to meet you, Miss Emily. I promise you that. You're a real nice gal."
"Emily."
I froze as I heard the distinct voice of Cal ring into my ears. Edward stiffened to, turning to look at Cal who was moving closer to us. Rose stood behind him, stuck to the spot and unable to move any closer. She had tried to lie for me yet Cal had seemingly insisted on a walk. A walk that would lead them to me and Edward.
"What do you think you are doing with my sister?" Cal snapped quickly and I rolled my eyes.
"We were talking," I replied. "Is that a crime, brother?"
"I shall speak with you later," Cal warned me and I shook my head in disgust. "Answer me, boy."
"I simply wanted to talk with Miss Hockley," he replied. "I meant no harm."
"And why would you want to speak with my sister? Why would you want to associate with her? Don't tell me you have taken a futile fancy to her, have you? A pretty rich girl who you can try and have?"
"Cal!" I snapped at him. "That's enough. Leave him alone!"
"Miss Emily is a nice lady," Edward said. "I meant no disrespect."
"He knows," I promised Edward. "Everything is fine."
"Nothing is fine, Emily," Cal replied to me and he took hold of my wrist in his sweating palm. I wormed around in his hold as he shot another glare in Edward's direction. He began to open his mouth, intent on saying something to my brother, but I shook my head, urging him to remain silent.
"Do you always intend to defy me?" Cal wondered, dragging me back into the enclosed space of the ship, walking through the halls with purpose. Rose followed dutifully, her eyes downcast as she did so. She said nothing, knowing full well that it was pointless in speaking against Cal.
"Stop it, Cal," I snapped at him. "You're hurting me."
"Don't moan to me, Emily," he warned me and I shook my head, annoyance taking over as we finally came to his cabin. He opened the door, ushering me and Rose inside before slamming the door shut. He dropped his hands to his hips as Rose stood beside me, her gaze focused on Cal.
Perhaps she had never seen his nasty streak before.
"Edward and I were talking," I defended him. "What would you have me do? Be rude and ignore him? One moment you want me to be polite and the next you want me to be rude. There really is no winning, is there?"
"Your defiance is persistent, Emily. I shall give you that," Cal said. "Why do you feel as though you should speak to a serving boy? There are plenty of people on this ship to speak with."
"And the ones you would prefer me to speak with are beyond boring," I complained to him. "I fail to care what shade of pink goes best with my hair. I fail to care how to behave like a proper woman. If being with Edward is the only form of relief then I am willing to take it."
"You've known the boy one day," Cal said in disbelief.
"And he has been the most interesting person I have met in the past day," I said. "Honestly, you know how to make a mountain out of a mole hill, don't you?"
"You're not see him again. I do not need you tarnishing the Hockley reputation," Cal informed me and I scoffed.
"I am twenty years old," I reminded him. "You cannot tell me what to do, Cal. You cannot tell me how to behave."
"I am your brother and I can," Cal snapped at me and I shook my head. "Do you not understand that you are to be engaged? You cannot be running around with servants like some common whore. Unless that is what you want to be?"
"You bastard!" I snapped at him and he shook his head. I felt a tear escape my eye. Since when did Cal turn into this? Since when did he become so controlling and hateful? "I am to go back and marry a man who I do not know! I am to spend years being willing and submissive and that is not what I want! I don't want to marry him! I want...I want to go back to Cambridge...I want everything to be as it was two years ago!"
"Grow up, Emily," he urged me, stepping forwards and running his hand down the back of my head, cupping it as his fingers curled into my hair. "I know you are scared, sister. I know you are worried. Mother and father will have found you a nice man. They will have found you someone to take care of you well. Trust me; running around with strangers is not the answer to your problems. It may make you feel better, but it is not ladylike."
Rose remained silent the entire time Cal stood in front of me, holding me firmly in place, his fingers moving and tickling against my skin. He took a deep breath, looking across to Rose for a moment.
"Leave us for a moment, Rose," he urged her. She nodded and moved to the private promenade whilst Cal placed his other hand on my cheek sweetly. He looked me in the eye, taking a deep breath before a small smile fell on his face.
I could see that he was desperately trying to reign in his emotions of anger. He was trying to control himself in front of me for he didn't often enjoy showing his nasty streak to me. Yet it had been something which I had become accustomed to in the past week in his company.
"I know that you are scared," Cal said. "Rose knew me before our marriage was arranged. You are going into the unknown...and...marriage is not something which you will be suited to. I know that."
I nodded in agreement, wondering if he was going to come to my rescue. I wondered if he was going to tell our parents that this marriage wouldn't work. Perhaps he was going to be the brother I had known.
"But marriage is necessary," Cal informed me. "You will have children and you will be the most envied girl in Philadelphia. You are beautiful, Emily. You have a future ahead of you which is expected of you. You don't want to disappoint out parents, do you?"
"Of course not, but-"
"-There you go then," Cal said, refusing to listen to me anymore. He pressed his lips on my forehead, holding me tight to him for a moment as I closed my eyes. He wasn't going to listen. I doubted he cared. He moved his thumbs to wipe away my tears before stepping back for a moment.
"You need to ready yourself for dinner. We are dining with some others from first class. You need to make a good impression on them if you are to be accepted into their circle after such a long time away from it."
"Do you ever listen to me?" I wondered from him as he poured himself a whiskey. He kept his back to me as I glared at him.
"Of course I do," he promised me. "But I know better than you, Emily. You're simply scared. That is all it is. You'll get over the fear soon enough."
I said nothing, turning on my heel and storming out from the room, slamming the door behind me as I went. I trudged across the hall back to my own room, opening the door and closing it quickly.
"I have your gown laid out for tonight, Miss Emily," Mary informed me as soon as I had closed the door. She looked at me, her eyes narrowing at my obvious frustrated appearance.
"Thank you, Mary," I said.
"Is everything alright, Miss?" she wondered cautiously.
"No," I admitted to her. "And it won't be for a long time unless I find a way out of this mess."
...
A/N: Ee! Five reviews for the first chapter! Thank you to lynn from pa, ArtyLou, cassie, et-spiritus-sancti and yruniwylio for reviewing! Please do keep letting me know what you think!
