Chapter 2
Megamind learned that night that one should never take a drink before your wife gave you life-changing news. It was amazing how quickly a soothing liquid could turn on you like that.
He sprayed water all over the table, coughing and hacking. When he regained his breath, he stared in shock at Roxanne, his jaw hanging wide hope. His chest was heaving. Did his ears momentarily malfunction? Had she really said what he thought she did?
"Are you alright?" Roxanne inquired. Megamind didn't answer for several moments.
"You're pregnant?" He finally blurted. Of course, this caught the attention of other diners, but one glance at the maitre-d refrained them from crowding around the table again.
"You're pregnant?" He asked again, quieter this time. "Are you sure? How can that even happen?"
It was Roxanne's turn to waggle her eyebrows at him. "Well Megs, that's usually what happens when a man and woman have intercourse."
Megamind's cheeks turned a lavender color. "No, no, that's not what I mean! How could you and I ever have a child? You're a human and I'm an alien!"
"Well, apparently, it IS possible, because I AM pregnant."
"Are you sure? For all you know it could be a…food spawn, whatever those are."
"It's not just a food baby." Roxanne sighed. "I bought two pregnancy tests from the grocers and went to the doctor's office just to be sure. We are having a baby."
Megamind stared at her, his jaw still slackened. His large mind, which had previously been plotting furiously was now just stuck on one word: pregnant.
Roxanne fidgeted under his gaze. There was a long, awkward silence. "Say something." She finally pleaded.
The only thing Megamind was able to do was close his mouth. He was absolutely robbed of speech. Even when Tighten was just about to kill him, he was still capable of witty comebacks. He was a man who was in love with the sound of his own voice.
But this…he had no words. His voice had deserted him. He hadn't realized that he had spaced out until he heard Roxanne's chair scraping loudly against the floor. Her expression was hurt and tears were welling up in her eyes. She stormed towards the door.
"Wait, Roxanne!"
If the door had been capable of it, she probably would have slammed it. He quickly got up from his chair, his legs getting tangled in the ridiculous cape. It gave Roxanne a head start, but thank God she didn't have the keys to the Invisible Car, or else he'd never be able to catch up to her. Finally releasing himself from the mess, he ran after her, only pausing very briefly to pay for dinner, tossing a hundred dollar bill at the maitre-d for the 30-dollar meal.
"Keep the change, Fernando!" He added breathlessly, already heading out the door.
"It's Frank." But Megamind was already gone.
Why was it that whenever Roxanne left that restaurant, it was ALWAYS raining outside?
Roxanne hugged herself, attempting to keep warm in her sleek, sleeveless dress, but she made no such attempt to keep the tears at bay. It only served to piss her off more, because she was NOT a woman who cried often. Stupid hormones, stupid rain, stupid Megamind…stupid Roxanne.
She'd just been so STUPID. Here she thought that he'd be happy, ecstatic even, to be having a baby. They'd talked of adoption several times, feeling terrible that they could never have a child of their own. But now that they knew that it was possible, that she could have his child…he acted like he didn't want it. She really should've seen this coming. Same old selfish Megamind would want to be free to continue being the hero of Metro City, not having to worry or take care of a child. Hell, he practically WAS a child himself. What had she been thinking?
She heard the rumble of a car, but she didn't really give it any thought…until she bumped into the Invisible Car. Megamind rolled down the passenger-side window.
"My bad!" He said, seeing Roxanne clutching her hip where she'd bumped into the car. "That's my bad."
Roxanne glared at him. "Go away!" She began feeling around the exterior of the car, trying to find where it ended.
"Wait, Roxanne! Don't go." He jumped out of the car, coming to stand in front of her. He gently gripped her by the arms, but she pushed him away. He sighed.
"At least get in the car. It won't be good for the baby if you catch a cold."
"Why do YOU care?" She yelled. "You just sat there like an idiot! I thought you'd be happy that we're having a baby, but apparently I was wrong!"
"You just caught me off guard!" he exclaimed. "I didn't know what to say! I thought you were going to tell me that you got a promotion or something like that, not that we're going to be parents!"
Roxanne stared hard and long into his face. A childish part of her wanted to see some hint of mockery, just so she could have an excuse to stay mad at him. All she saw though was sincerity.
"Do you want this baby?" She asked firmly, looking at him directly in the eyes.
He nodded without a hint of hesitation. "More than anything."
Damn. Now it was really hard to be mad at him, especially with that cute, dorky smile on his face. That childish part of her had been hoping faintly for just a little hint of hesitation. But it was promptly smothered with overwhelming joy. A wide smile blossomed across her face and she pulled her husband close in a tight hug.
"Let's go home, Roxie."
Any hopes he had of being completely forgiven were dashed when they began to drive off.
"You're still sleeping in the lair tonight."
Their home was the abandoned factory with the fake observatory on the roof that had served as Megamind's lair. It had been cleared of all graffiti on the outside and had a moderately sized vegetable garden outside it now. The inside had been tastefully redecorated with Roxanne's supervision and she had ignored all of Megamind's pleas to put up gaudy gothic candelabras or black velvet drapes, and the furniture was NOT allowed to be leather. But she had finally caved when he insisted that they keep the lair. Every man needed his man-cave, after all.
"I wasn't expecting to see you in here, sir." Minion said when Megamind came out of the elevator. "You do have a room with Miss Roxanne downstairs."
"Roxanne locked me out." Megamind replied glumly. He made his way over to his leather office chair settling down and gently petting the brain-bot that came his way.
"Why would she do that? Did something happen, sir?"
Megamind sighed. "She's pregnant, Minion."
The fish's face broke out into a wide, pleasantly surprised smile. "So, that was the important news? Well, congratulations sir!"
Megamind tried to give him a smile, but he failed miserably. Minion's own smile fell.
"Wait, she locked you out because she's pregnant?" His brow rose in confusion. "Why would she do that?"
"Apparently, I didn't give the correct response at the restaurant." Megamind grumbled, resting his chin in his palm. "Why do women have to be so complicated?"
"Aren't you happy about the baby, sir?"
"I am! Really, I'm happy about it, but…" he sighed, turning towards the blank monitors. "I just can't help feeling so…mel-on-cholly."
Silence reigned for several moments, aside from the whirring of machines and the brain-bot's purring.
"Sir, why do you feel that way about your child? You were excited by the idea of adoption just a few weeks ago, and now that you're actually going to have your own kid…" Minion trailed off, not needing to finish his thought.
Megamind turned back to his friend. "What if it doesn't survive? If we adopted, the child would be completely human, but the one she's carrying is a hee-bride."
"Hybrid, sir."
Megamind threw his hands up in the air in exasperation, accidentally flinging the brain-bot into the wall. "Whatever. What if there's too many complications and the child dies?"
Minion was still, thinking quitely to himself. "Well sir," he said, "even though your wife is a different species than you, you are still a humanoid and your genotypes should be very similar to that of a human. The odds are in your favor that the baby will live and be healthy."
Despite his reassurances, Megamind wasn't so sure. His doubts still clung to him like leeches, whispering in his mind that the baby would die, or that he'd be a terrible father. After all, the only fatherly role-models he'd had were the inmates and the Warden. What if he did wrong? What if his child hated him? Finally, he stood up, pulling off his cape.
"Hang this up," He told Minion. "I'm going to bed."
Minion stared after him, holding the Midnight Tango in his metal hands. He hadn't seen his master so unhappy since Metro Man had died.
"Right away, sir." He whispered into the open space.
Ah, angst. Don't worry, it won't last long. Megs is just having standard Daddy issues. He'll get over it.
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