Sorry for the loooonnnnnggggg wait. Aha. So before you start reading this chapter Imma just let you know that there is mention of self-harm. I don't feel so hot about this chapter but here's chapter 2! Enjoy! : )
Save Me – Nicki Minaj
The walls were closing in on him. His self-esteem getting lower and lower with every breath he took. The razor he held in his hand, just begging to be used, but there was that tiny voice in the back of his head, screaming at him not to do it. He knew he shouldn't be doing this either. He promised himself, he promised his lover he would never come back to this, but the pain was just too much. He couldn't take it anymore. He couldn't take all the dirty looks, the harsh whispers behind his back. He most importantly couldn't take the words thrown at his face with every step he took. The words stung more than anything, and he just needed the pain to stop, he just needed to be saved.
James lifted up his sleeve, placing the razor blade on his wrist, not making a move just yet. He began to have second thoughts, knowing if he found out, he would be very disappointed in James. The first time the older boy caught James cutting, he was lost at words, not believing it was true. Then the blonde held the sobbing teen in his arms for nearly two hours, telling him everything will get better and he'll be here for James. That was nearly two months ago, and James was doing so well with the help of his boyfriend.
James put the razor down, knowing he couldn't live with the guilt, knowing he couldn't live with disappointing Kendall after how proud he was at the younger brunette. The pretty just sat against the bathtub, staring off into space. He was in deep thought when all the hurtful words came flooding his mind. The teen let out a broken sob as he picked the razor back up, slicing his wrist. With every negative word that traveled James' head, he would cut himself.
Fag. One cut.
Worthless. Another.
Unloved. Another cut to the wrist.
Screw up. Trash. Ugly. Nothing. The words kept coming and James kept slicing up his wrist. Just go kill yourself; no one even cares about you. Someone once told James. The pretty boy was sobbing uncontrollably now. He was such a screw up and deserved nobody, he didn't deserve to live.
Just go kill yourself.
Kendall sighed as he flipped through the channels on the TV. His mind wasn't really paying attention to the show he stopped on. He couldn't help nut to worry about James. Earlier he and the younger boy took a walk in the park. It was such a beautiful day out and Kendall decided on getting out of the apartment.
The two were having a great time sharing jokes and laughing. As the couple was walking hand in hand, Kendall telling James a corny joke, someone shouted the word Kendall despised so much.
"Fags!" A group of teenage jocks shouted out, making the blonde see red. He bawled his free hand into a tight fist, the other squeezing James' hand so tight the pretty boy hissed a little.
"Hey, ignore them. They aren't worth our time." James said calmly, placing a hand on Kendall's shoulder, trying to calm his down. He knew once you pissed the blonde off, all hell was going to break loose.
Surprised by James' words, Kendall turned towards him, "But, they and you. Are you okay?"
"It doesn't bother me anymore." Only that was a lie. "Thanks to you, their words no longer bring me down." James gave Kendall a fake smile for reassurance.
The blonde took a deep, his grip on James' hand fading away. "Ok." He said after a moment and James kissed his cheek, only it was the wrong move.
"Ew! Get the fuck out of here you faggots!" The leader of the jocks shout, Kendall's anger rising once more.
"Come on, let's just go home." James suggested, pulling the blonde in the direction of the palm woods.
The whole walk home was silent, James distancing away from Kendall, trying to make the least amount of contact with the older boy. As soon as they got back to apartment 2J, James told Kendall he was going to take a shower and maybe take a small nap. That was almost 30 minutes ago and Kendall never heard the shower turn on.
Sighing, Kendall turned the TV off, walking over to his and James' shared room. Opening the door, James was nowhere to be found. Then the blonde heard a heartbroken sob from their bathroom. Slowly, Kendall made his way over to the bathroom, heart hammering in his chest as he knew what he was soon about to face. When he opened the door, Kendall wanted to cry out himself. James had his knees pulled up to his chest, his back up against the bathtub, and his bloody wrist dangling off to the side as he continued to let the sobs escape past his lips.
"Oh James." Kendall said softly, dropping down to his knees as he pulled his boyfriend into his chest. Kendall snatched the razor out of James' hand, tossing it into the trashcan.
"I-I'm so s-sorry Kendall!" James sobbed out, gripping onto Kendall for dear life. The blonde only shushed him, slightly rocking back and forth.
"Shh. It's okay baby. Everything will get better; I'm here for you always."
Those words made James calm down a little. He knew the blonde wasn't lying. Kendall was James' rock. Whenever the brunette fell apart, Kendall was right there to pull him right back up. When James was about to give up and end it all, the blonde was there tell him to keep fighting, that he's stronger than that. He would always remind James that he was never fighting alone, he was never alone because Kendall was right by his side, helping him every step of the way. Kendall was James' saver.
This time won't you save me?
I will never write anything like this again. OMFG! I hated this so much! . UGH! Anyway so I'll be updating to First Timers later on when i get back home. But for now, Review please?
~Kaylah : )
