So here they are, one a mutant anthropomorphic wolf with drinking issues. The other a mutant anthropomorphic cat with mental issues. Both with social and personality issues, and are also known to be criminally mischievous, being surrounded by the greatest of heroes the world or maybe even the universe has ever known.
One can't help but think that they are screwed.
As the heroes walked off the warp pad to go their separate ways, Trak and Rodney couldn't help but look around. "Wow, I think we entered the set of a new Star Trek movie." said Rodney.
"You are such a geek." said Trak only to receive an annoyed look from Rodney.
They walked off the warp pad, Trak took his hood off and Rodney took his hat off, and noticed almost all the people there were looking at them. Instantly Trak and Rodney both asked "What the hell are you all looking at?"
One hero, in a red and white costume with what looked like red strips for a cape, answered them "We're looking at you both of you weirdoes"
"Hey who are you calling weirdoes, Jerk-wad" said Trak.
"I just said you, idiot" said the hero.
Another hero, in a light blue and white costume, walked up and said "Hawk, don't argue with them, Superman obviously thinks they have something to contribute to the league if they're here."
"Actually they came here by accident" said Superman though not loud enough for everyone to hear.
The hero, now identified as Hawk, then asked in a sneering tone "Okay then, Dove, what makes them so special that they can be in the League?"
Before Dove could answer Trak said proudly "Well, I just stole your wallet." As he showed the object in his hand.
To which Hawk was now checking himself only to find out his wallet was gone.
Rodney then said "And I just stole your friends' cell phone." As he flipped through Dove's phone Rodney said "Ya know for a straight guy you sure do have a lot of boys on this phone, but don't worry buddy your secret's safe with me."
Most people began to whisper amongst one another but one sentence was heard loudest of all "After all those dates he was offered by some of the other heroines this sure explains a lot."
"I-It's not true!" exclaims Dove. "Sure it's not, and Al Sharpton's the President" said Rodney.
During an uncomfortable silence between the two mutants and the two heroes Trak and Rodney took a second to look around until something caught their eyes.
Rodney was looking at Ice once more but this time he got a good look at her, beautiful snow white hair, a pretty face and the body of a goddess in a skin tight body suit, yup folks, Rodney is in love.
Trak was looking at the person next to Ice with hearts in his eyes. She was Brazilian with the body of a super model, has green hair, a green tube top, in green spandex pants and green shoes.
(Could it be that Trak too is in love? Or could it be that both Trak and Rodney are having a heart attack. No, wait, it is love. Awww ain't that cute. But it's WRONG!)
(Meanwhile back in reality with Hawk and Dove)
Hawk was angry. He was very angry and humiliated, especially because he was trying to impress some of the heroines before this argument started.
He was so very angry in fact that he took back his wallet and lunged at Trak. While this was happening Dove lunged Rodney.
But before they realized it Trak and Rodney had moved and they had crashed into each other.
"Where'd they go?" Asked Hawk as he and Dove started searching for our two heroes
(With Trak and Rodney in front of Fire and Ice)
"Um… Hi?" Said Ice to Rodney as he stared and smiled at her dumbly
"Wha? Oh sorry (ahem) hello I'm Rod…" said Rodney before Trak interrupted him by pulling him to the side.
"Trak, what the hell." "Rodney what are you doing, don't tell people our names, we are among the greatest heroes ever and are in front of two very sexy ladies." "So, what's your point?" "My point, you foolish mutant lycanthrope, is that since we are in front of heroes we should be using alias names." "Why?" "A great number of reasons" "Give me two." "Fine. One, our names may not be great by word of mouth, but if someone looks us up online they'll find that we have bad rap sheets with things we don't want people knowing about. Especially that shit that went down in the U.K. with the Queen and all." "Ooh good point." "Second, they may be in contact with some of the heroes in Hobojunction and I don't want to deal with Star Jam or Amazonia or especially Captain Crappy again." The two friends whispered to each other.
As they were whispering Fire and Ice spoke to each other.
"They're a little weird" said Fire
"I don't know, the dog faced one is kind of funny." Said Ice
Trak and Rodney turned back to Fire and Ice. Rodney spoke first.
"Okay forget what I was going to say, my name is El Commode." he said proudly
Everyone listening thought the same thing 'Did he just call himself "The Toilet"?'
"And I am "Eccks the Vindicator"." said Trak equally as proud as Rodney.
"Like the letter "X"?" asked Fire
"No E-C-C-K-S, like in that kick-ass movie." Said Trak
"That movie sucked." Said Rodney
""Cable Guy" sucked" Responded Trak
"Blasphemy!" Rodney and Ice yelled together.
"You like that movie too? So do I." they both asked each other at the same time.
"Oh, brother there she/he goes again." Said Trak and Fire
"I take it your friend goes "geek mode" for that movie." Asked Trak "yeah"
"Over there." Dove said pointing Trak and Rodney in front of Fire and Ice.
"…And again I'm sorry making you guys have that accident" said Ice
"It's cool, don't worry about it, we're fine." Said Trak before he and Rodney were tackled from behind.
The other heroes couldn't believe what was happening, two of the most level headed heroes are acting like they were in a bar fight.
As Hawk was beating the hell out of Trak he got the urge to beat him even harder. For you see one of the heroines he was trying to impress earlier was Fire.
When some of the heroes pried Hawk and Dove off of Trak and Rodney, our two favorite idiots couldn't let their beatings go without something to say about it.
"Oh wow, was that supposed to be an ass kicking? Because it felt like chicken taps." said Rodney further angering Dove.
"You know Hawk, it's not good to be such a jive turkey so close to Thanksgiving." …"Okay that was lame" said Trak
As they were getting up Trak said "God, what kind of names are Hawk and Dove anyway? Kind of reminds me of war and peace."
"Trak, I don't think that was a coincidence." said Rodney putting a hand on his bruised face.
"You mean to tell me that they intentionally named themselves after the animal representations of war and peace?" said Trak
"Obviously!" says Dove
Trak and Rodney just looked at each other then at Hawk and Dove, then tried their hardest to stifle their laughter until "…BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"
"Oh my God you two are political themed heroes? Oh man you guys suck!" said Trak
This earned a chuckle from those listening which soon turned to full blown laughter after hearing…
"What do you do? Debate your enemies in to submission? HA!" said Rodney "Nice one." Said Trak
All the insults and hardy laughter did was further agitate the siblings.
"Who do two think you are?" Came the question from the clearly pissed Dove "Yeah I'll bet you were just trying to impress them so you can get in their pants." Said Hawk causing the crowd of heroes and reporters to gasp by what was just said.
""Get in to their pants?" We were just trying to be nice and make new friends." Said Rodney
"Besides ladies that fine you have to romance first, words can only get you but so far. It's not they're easy or sluts you know" said Trak with Rodney nodding his head in agreement and said "I concur."
"That's probably what you were thinking maybe." Said Rodney
"Yeah, what are you two a couple of male chauvinistic ass-holes that think all women are good for is fuckin' and having babies?" Said Trak
This caused the people to look at Hawk and Dove with disgusted and angered looks especially from the women.
'Don't you think that was a bit much?' "Shut up brain." Said Trak
Hawk and Dove now saw red and once they got out of the grasp of the other heroes they once again pounced on and beat the crap out of our favorite duo.
As this was going on the reporters from various news media, who were here for a walk through of the Watchtower, reported the entire fight.
-2 Hours later-
(Justice League: Medical Wing)
Trak awoke and found that he couldn't move but he could see, and what he saw was what he guessed was Rodney in a full body cast.
Rodney couldn't move but he could see Trak strapped to his bed and wrapped in bandages, especially his mouth, with an annoyed look in his eyes.
(Meanwhile in the Justice League Conference Room Hawk and Dove received a severe dressing down.)
"Do you two know how much trouble you two are in?" said the Green Lantern
"But they-" said Hawk before he was interrupted by Hawkgirl "Save it! You two idiots made the League look like a bunch of thugs."
"Why were they here in the first place?" asked Dove
"That's not important right now. What is important is the media backlash we're getting." came the reply from J'onn J'onzz the Martian Manhunter.
"Weren't both of you aware that reporters were amongst the spectators of your one sided brawl?" came the stern question from Batman.
"Just look how media portrays us." said Wonder Woman as she turned up the sound on the television in the room.
-and in the end there were no survivors. In other news, it looks like our superheroes have become super zeroes. Caught on tape; the heroes Hawk and Dove began beating up two well meaning straight "A" college students like a couple of thugs."
Then suddenly at the conference room doorway "Wow look at that, we look good on T.V. Despite the horrible beating we received. And since when were we straight "A" college students?" asked Trak
"Cool, I must say you seven look amazing, dynamic, and very scary" said Rodney
"Weren't you both in full body casts?" asked Flash
"Meh, we got better." Said Rodney
"Also why was I the only one strapped down?" asked Trak
Martian Manhunter answered "You kept thrashing around and yelling about the Blackie-Whiteies coming to kill you."
"Huh, well that explains a lot." Said Rodney before he took notice of the Martian Manhunter's eyes glowing.
"Damned BWBs, even in my dreams they haunt me so." Said Trak
"What are you two doing here?" asked Superman
"Well…" Rodney began "it seems to me that the Justice League is in need of help at times like this, and since we need money and slash or a job I figure we could help each other out." said Rodney completely unsure if his scheme would work.
"Correction you need a job, I just need a better job." Said Trak "Shut up Trak" responded Rodney
"Look, sorry but we're not really hiring anyone at the moment" said the Flash
"Actually, we want to be part of the Justice League" said Trak
"No thanks, we have enough problems on our hands at the moment" said Hawkgirl immediately rejecting the two hopeful heroes.
"Well as Rodney said before you guys look like you need help so how about if we can get the tabloid reporters off your backs you not only keep Hawk and Dove on roster but you also let us come on to the League as retainer heroes" said Trak
After saying this which surprised some of the heroes, especially Hawk and Dove, some of them were considering letting Trak and Rodney do so.
"Oh Sweet Merciful God!" came the sudden shout of the Martian Manhunter. After he realized what he did, he clears his throat and ushered Trak to continue talking.
"Okay, um especially since Superman promised us food a drinks for jumping the gun in Smallville." Said Trak
"Unless by food you meant eating punches and our own teeth and by drinks you mean tasting and choking on our own blood." Said Rodney
Superman spoke "Okay, uh…Trak was it? I appreciate that you've taken an interest in joining the Justice League but…" "Wait, wait, wait," Rodney interrupted
"Before you come to a decision let us take care of the media problem." Said Rodney
"That's not…" Wonder Woman said before she was interrupted
"We'll see you in two days. TTFN." Finished Trak before him and Rodney quickly left the room with Hawk and Dove right behind them
"TTFN?" Asked Wonder Woman
"Tata for now." Explained Flash
(In the Hallway)
As the two were leaving they were stopped by Hawk and Dove.
Dove started speaking "We can't thank you guys enough if it weren't for you we would have been kicked out of the League."
"It's cool, don't worry about it." Said Trak
"Of course were it not for you, we wouldn't have been in that position in the first place" said Hawk
"Well I didn't throw the first punch and neither did Trak, you did genius" said Rodney
"Why you…" "Anyway, we're sorry for attacking you. What can we do to repay two of you for helping us stay on the League?" asked Dove stopping his brother from starting yet another fight.
"I'll let Trak answer that" said Rodney
"Fifty grand little man.
Put that shit in my hand.
If you don't, you are goanna, Oh e oh e owe.
That's my Jungle Love, oh e oh e oh.
My Jungle Love, Oh e oh e oh".
"All we have is fifty bucks" said Hawk as he showed them what they had.
"Deal!" Trak and Rodney both said as they took the money and ran off to start their self imposed mission.
(Meanwhile back in the Conference Room)
"Should we even bother letting them in?" asked Hawkgirl
"Well they seem nice enough when they are not being rude" said Wonder Woman
"Those two are funny" said Flash
"J'onn what do you think?" asked Superman
"I think they're both very foolish" said the Martian Manhunter
"Did you try to read their minds?" Asked Hawkgirl
"I tried and couldn't." answered the Martian Manhunter
"Why not, could they have mental defenses?" Asked Hawkgirl
"Well what I encountered could be a form of mental defense…" said the Martian remembering and explaining what took place just a few minutes ago.
(Flashback - Seven minutes earlier)
After answering Traks' question about why he was strapped down, the Martian Manhunter tried to read Rodney's mind first.
Inside Rodney's mind a song an annoying song was playing.
My bologna has a first name its O-S-C-A-R
My bologna has a second name Its M-A-Y-E-R
I love to eat it everyday and if you ask me why I'll saaaay
Cause Oscar Mayer has a way with B-O-L-O-G-N-A
After a small pause it started again.
My bologna has a first name its…
The Martian Manhunter, who couldn't take the dumb song any more, quickly got out of there and tried to see what was in Trak's mind only to come across just as bad.
Inside Trak's mind the Martian heard a song being sung. A song just as annoying as the one that played in Rodney's mind. An annoying song sung by hundreds of the same voice.
Oh, I wish I were an Oscar Meyer wiener Oh, I'm glad I'm not an Oscar Meyer wiener
that is what I'd really like to beee
'cause if I were an Oscar Meyer wiener
everyone would be in love with me
that is what I'd never want to beee
'cause if I were an Oscar Meyer wiener
everyone would take a bite of me
He quickly got out of there and decided this time to try again in Rodney's head.
(Once again in Rodney's head.)
The Martian Manhunter was determined to find out what their intentions were, but instead found not the bologna song but…
I feel like chicken tonight, like chicken tonight, like chicken tonight YEAH,
I feel like chicken tonight, like chicken tonight, like chicken tonight
I feel like chicken tonight, like chicken tonight, like chicken tonight
I feel like chicken tonight, like chicken tonight, like chicken tonight YEAH,
I feel like chicken tonight, like chicken tonight, like chicken tonight
I feel like chicken tonight, like chicken tonight, like chicken tonight
The Martian Manhunter could take no more. And like a glutton for punishment he went into Trak's mind, only to experience something far worse, far, far worse.
(Once again in Trak's Mind)
Meow, meow, meow, meow.
Meow, meow, meow, meow.
Meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow.
Meow, meow, meow, meow.
Meow, meow, meow, meow.
Meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow,
Meow. Meow. Meow.
MEOW!
That was all the Martian could take before getting out of there like a bat out of hell and back into his own mind. Still very disturbed by what he experienced he let out a yell "Oh Sweet Merciful God!"
(End Flashback)
"Oh, so that's what that outburst was about. Are you going to be alright?" asked The Flash
"Yes I'll be fine." Said The Martian Manhunter.
"Okay if they caused that kind of reaction out of J'onn then there is clearly something wrong with them." Said the Green Lantern
"Granted, but I do think we may benefit more with them on our side rather than against us" came the sudden answer from Batman
"How do you figure?" asked Green Lantern
"You'll find out when they come back" replied Batman
Author's note
If you hadn't figured it out yet that's the "Meow Mix" song
Hope you like the chapter.
