A/N: Thank you for all the reviews and alerts! You guys are awesome!
I couldn't get this out of my head.
I think the song Hazy by Rosi Golan was very relevant to this chapter. I love that song by the way (;
Hope you enjoy! :1
I do not own Victorious )"K
Without You Things Go Hazy:
Green eyes studied the auburn haired sleeping beauty. They scanned over the details of the tanned girl's facial expressions, her every feature. It amazed her how serene the brunette appeared. There was no sign of the girl's previous distress. She'd been sleeping most of the weekend, waking every once in a while to eat and chat briefly only to fall back asleep in the Goth's arms. Jade wondered how often Tori had managed to sleep in the last month. She often appeared to be exhausted in school and Jade had taunted her several of times for looking like a mess. She now regretted those moments more than anything realizing that the brunette had not been sleeping at all. Jade probably knew what detained the young Vega from sleeping and all she could feel at that moment was hatred toward herself. She hadn't just belittled the girl and made her feel so low of herself; she'd broken her completely to the point where she could not rest at ease. She'd made her feel so shallow and all Jade did was stand on the side while the girl broke down in front of her. No one knows for certain how much impact they have on the lives of others. She ran her thumb lightly under the dark circles beneath the girl's eyes. She looked so peaceful in her slumber.
Jade had felt like her world had collapsed the moment she watched train depart. She wasn't sure what she would have become of her had Tori actually have left. The pain she felt was indescribable. She'd felt empty for just that moment. She hadn't realized the effect Tori had had in her life. She'd taken it all for granted and nearly lost the singer in the process. Jade was so angry at herself. She'd caused the girl such heartache. If she had felt numb for just a moment, she'd be damned first before she could ever think it could compare to the young Vega's heartache. More than anything, Jade wished she could go back in time and prevent the Tori's despair. She'd give anything to prevent Tori from feeling so hurt. Jade saw it in the brown eyes at the platform. They looked so empty, so broken.
Tori began to stir in the pale arms. They had been dead to the world for the last seventy-two hours, spending the entire weekend at the West residence. Lucky for them Jade's parents were away for the weekend. Tori had been resistance in returning to the Vega's home. She had not insisted on the subject, but Jade suspected the brunette wanted to spend evening with her and secretly she was glad. She didn't want to be apart from the singer. Jade couldn't have cared less for Trina's update on Tori's current location, but for the young Vega's parents sake she had quickly sent the older sibling a text informing her that Tori was fine and would be spending the night at a friend's house for the weekend after they had arrived from the station.
Jade watched eagerly as brown eyes fluttered opened. They blinked a couple of times before focusing on her. Jade felt in ache in her chest. The beautiful chocolate brown eyes looked at her the same way they had each time they opened. They appeared to be attempting to convince themselves that the person before them wasn't an illusion. Each time Jade felt helpless. She didn't know what to do to prove to the girl she was real. She'd do whatever it took to prove to Tori that she wasn't trying to hurt her. She didn't have to be afraid anymore.
"Morning sleepyhead," Jade softly smiled.
Tori gave a small timid smile. "Jade? What time is it?"
Without looking away Jade answered, "It's noon, baby."
Tori blushed at the name. She nodded and sat up. "Wait it's noon. And it's Monday. Jade, we missed school!" she panicked.
Jade sat and stroked the tan girl's back. "Thanks for the update, Vega. Relax I took care of it. Cat will bring us our homework over later." She assured her.
Tori slowly nodded looking up at the pale girl before dropping her gaze. "Jade..." she began.
"Tori I wasn't kidding." Jade answered. It been the same conversation each time the young Vega awoke. Her insecurity was always evident in her eyes. "I love you," Jade whispered gently taking the tan chin and turning her to look at her. Tears appeared in the brown eyes. "Baby, why are you crying?" Jade asked wiping away the tears.
Tori shook her head and leaned her head against the dark haired girl's shoulder. "I'm sorry. I don't mean to be such a crybaby." Her voice was so low it almost sounded nonexistent.
Jade sighed and stroked her back. "Tori, you're not a crybaby. Please calm down." She pulled back to look into the brown eyes.
Tori sniffled and tried to calm her crying. She was trying to get used to the girl's gentle side. She'd only encountered it a couple of times but even then she had managed to convince herself she was only imagining it. Jade would never be nice to her. Life wasn't like that. Not her life. In her life Jade was bitter and hated her and despite the girl's cruel banters she loved Jade.
"Tori we need to talk," Jade said breaking Tori from her thoughts.
The words caused the brunette to panic. Her mind began to race with different scenarios of Jade breaking the truth to her. I knew it! An inside voice told her. She was just messing with you. You idiot, you just beguiled yourself! Why would Jade West ever love you?
Jade watched as the brunette scooted farther away and dropped her gaze. She stared at her hands hard, fidgeting with the end of her shirt. "Tori..." Jade began. She could see that the statement before had been misinterpreted. She grabbed the girl and pressed her against herself before kissing her gently. "Tori please stop over thinking. I'm not going to leave you," she whispered against her lips. "I just want to talk about what happened Friday."
Once Tori had calmed Jade sat face to face with the brunette and took hold of her hand, intertwining it with her own. "Tori, why did you want to abandon your life here and take off?" She asked carefully. The subject was fragile enough for both girls. Jade wanted to burst into tears every time she remembered what it felt like to almost lose Tori. She couldn't imagine how Tori must've felt about the subject herself, but they had to talk about it.
Tori bit her bottom lip. She tried to organize her thoughts in the best way possible to explain to Jade her reasoning for suddenly quitting and running away. It hadn't been an act from the spur of the moment. She had been planning it for a month. She'd distanced herself from her friends and family in attempt to make the departure less agonizing, but she didn't expect to see Jade that day, nevertheless talk to her. Down in the hallway, that moment had changed everything. Originally she had planned on dropping off the letter in the Goth's locker. Given the confrontation, she took the opportunity to say her farewell and plant the letter in the Goth's bag. As she had waited for the train, all Tori could think about how warm Jade had felt in the brief hug. She could only think about how the usually cold green eyes had looked at her for only the slightest moment with concern. When the train arrived and it was time to depart, she couldn't do it. Despite all the planning and arranging she'd gone through, Jade had won. She always won. She didn't know how Jade would react if she'd read the letter, come Monday morning. She was afraid she'd be ridiculed and laughed at for loving Jade West, but that could matter the least. She'd take it all if meant she could see the green eyes again.
"Tori…" Jade tried softly.
Tori continued to think of the day. The weather seemed to be set up for the occasion. Before she had arrived at the station it had begun to pour. Upon making her final decision, Tori couldn't have cared less if it was snowing, all she wanted to do was be alone. She knew she'd have to face Jade's wrath eventually, but she wasn't expecting for the girl to show up looking for her. She had expected her to dismiss the letter, actually. The moment she heard her foreign name come out of the Goth's mouth, she was certain she had lost her mind. Why would Jade West be at the train station on a rainy Friday night? It was more shocking to her when she felt the girl suddenly take her and kiss her. Was it really that difficult for her to believe that Jade had gone to the train station to find her and tell she loved her?
"Tori," Jade said squeezing Tori's hand. "Baby, please come back to me."
Tori looked up to meet the pleading green eyes. "Sorry, I was just thinking about that night."
Jade nodded. "Tori, why?" She didn't want to pressure the girl, but they had to talk about that day.
"I couldn't do it, Jade. I just couldn't leave you behind," Tori spoke softly. "I was determined to start over and make a living up in San Francisco with my aunt I have up there, but I just couldn't leave you."
Jade listened quietly.
Brown eyes searched in green. "I expected you to be furious with me when I saw you. I didn't expect you to…to kiss me." She closed her eyes and reached up to touch her lips with her finger tips, remembering how passionate it had felt to have Jade's lips against her own for the first time. It felt like an eternity to Jade, but eventually the half-Latina finally opened her eyes again. "Why did you kiss me, Jade?"
Jade's gaze softened. "Tori, the moment I thought you were gone," she had to pause to refrain from crying and inhaled to try and swallow the growing lump in her throat. "It felt like my world ended, Tori. I didn't know what I was going to do without you. Without you, nothing makes sense, Tori." She set her jaw and dropped her gaze. "I love you, Tori. I love you so much and I'm so sorry." She pulled her hand back and closed them into tight fists. "I'm so sorry," she cried. Jade had never been one to cry in front of people. She didn't cry for anyone. The final break-up with Beck hadn't taken such a toll on her. Perhaps it was because by that time Jade knew she was in love with Tori. The memory of almost losing Tori struck her heart painfully. It made her want to fall on her knees again and cry out for her. She looked up when she felt a hand rest on her clenched fist.
"Jade," Tori softly spoke. "I'm sorry. I didn't know…"
Jade shook her head. "No, Tori. I'm sorry." She furrowed her brows and grew angry at herself. "I'm so sorry for causing you so much pain. I never meant to hurt you. I never meant to…"She was cut off as Tori cupped her face and kissed.
"Jade, please stop apologizing. We both knew what we were doing." Tori said holding the green eyes with her brown.
Jade wrapped her fingers around Tori's wrist and pressed their foreheads together. "I am sorry, baby." She whispered before leaning in to capture the brunette's lips. Tori nodded into the kiss and buried her finger into the dark locks. Before they knew it they spread out across the bed tangled in each other
"Tell me that you love me," Tori whispered against Jade's lips.
Jade kissed down and along the bronze neck, nipping at the skin. "I love you," she kissed back up the tan jaw line and hovered over the swollen lips. "I love you so much, Tori," she whispered before kissing her once more. "I promise not to hurt you again," Jade whispered against the caramel skin of the neck. "I promise."
…
Tori had sent Trina a text message asking she bring her school bag to school. Tori had insisted they just stop by the house to pick it up, but Jade had none of it. They left the West Residence two hours before school begun and stopped by to eat at the local international house of pancakes. Tori wondered how the Goth knew she liked pancakes. Did she talk in her sleep? As they drove to school in Jade's truck, Tori couldn't help but wonder how things would work out between once they stepped in to the walls of Hollywood Arts. The last time they had been inside together it was supposed to be Tori's final day. Would everything they talked about vanish the moment they walked in?
"You think too much," Jade spoke brushing back a strand of auburn hair from the tanned girl's face.
Tori blushed and looked up at the green-eyed girl. They waited in the school parking lot inside Jade's truck. Jade tilted her head the slightest to level with the brown eyes. "What are you thinking, Tori?" she asked caressing the tan cheek.
It was all new to Tori. Hearing Jade use her first name without malice made her want to melt. She leaned her cheek against the warm hand and closed her eyes. She didn't want to sound like an attached girlfriend. Is that what she was? Jade's girlfriend? "You. Me. Us." She smiled. "What are we, Jade?" Tori placed her hand over the one on her cheek and intertwined them.
Jade studied the girl carefully. She hadn't really thought about. She knew she loved the girl and that she'd do anything to make her happy. "What do you want us to be?" she asked. Given the opportunity, Jade would more than gladly become an item with Tori, but only if she wanted it, too.
Tori's eyes opened and searched in the green ones. She bit her lip and thought. She didn't want to force Jade into being in a relationship she didn't want to be in. Her eyes hardened as she pulled away from the Goth's embrace. "Jade, I don't want to be a burden on you." She stared into the green eyes intently. "You can walk away from whatever this is now. I promise I won't hold a grudge against-"
She was silenced when Jade leaned over to kiss her. "I'm not going anywhere, Tori. You're stuck with me now." She smiled. "Like it or not," she kissed Tori again, harder this time expressing the superfluous passion. Tori nodded feeling light head from the kiss once they parted.
Jade stepped out of the truck and walked around to open the young Vega's door. "Come on, I don't want my girlfriend to be late for class." Jade said giving Tori a wink as she intertwining their hands.
Tori smiled and walked side by side with her girlfriend, Jade. This had to be a dream. It was more than perfect. If it was a dream, she was going to enjoy while it lasted.
…
The day was finally over. Tori wasn't sure how she'd managed to make it through, but she did it. She was glad she'd studied all last week for the chemistry test. Jade had been less than discreet about their relationship. They sat as close as the chairs would allow in Sikowitz's class. To Tori's surprise Sikowitz seemed to be pleased that the two girls were together. Robbie and Cat had smiled at them once they entered the class. Andre had given Tori a knowing look and winked at her before taking his seat. Beck on the other hand had been stoic the entire time. It had made Tori uneasy at first, but the feeling quickly vanished the moment Jade squeezed her hand and gave her a smile that made her stomach flutter. Once lunch came around, Jade guided them to the usual table. Tori felt a little worried about how things would go between Jade and Beck. He took his seat across the girls and glanced between them before giving them a smile and falling into a casual conversation with the rest of the gang.
Jade listened quietly and watched as Tori became animated again as she laughed and chatted with their friends. She'd really missed the young Vega. She wasn't gone in the past month, but she might as well have been. She attacked like such a recluse to her surroundings
"There's the smile I've been missing," said a familiar voice, pulling Tori from her thoughts. She looked up from her locker to see her best friend looking at her with a huge grin.
"How's my favorite brunette doing this fine day? You seem pretty happy." Tori chuckled at Andre's way of addressing her. His expression soon grew serious after a moment. "I missed you, Tori."
She nodded knowing what he meant. Her behavior had affected everyone around her more than she could have expected. She'd noticed it by the way her friends approached during the day. They'd been friendly and more alive than they had been in the last month. "Sorry about that. I was having a midlife crisis." Tori said offering a small smile.
Andre patted her arm. "Hey I get it. I'm just glad to have my best friend back. I should have probably have tried to talk to you about it. I'm sorry about that."
Tori shook her head. "I needed my space. I don't think I would have really listened to anything you had to say." She furrowed her brows thinking about what had happened over the last month and the last couple of days. "I'm doing my best, Andre. I promise you I'm back." She smiled.
Andre nodded and hugged his best friend before turning to walk. "Just remember, Tori that I'm always here if you ever need to talk." He smiled and walked off.
Tori felt so lucky to have such an understanding best friend. He didn't question her behavior. He trusted her enough to know why she couldn't speak about it. She knew now she'd made the right choice in staying.
Tori smiled to herself when she spotted the familiar raven haired girl at her locker. She appeared to be mumbling to herself. "Hey, Jade!" she called out from across the hall. When she didn't respond Tori made her way to the girl and lightly tapped her shoulder. "Jade…" she began.
"What?" Jade snapped quickly in anger. Her eyes grew wide when they settled on the brunette. She could tell by the trembling chin that Tori was desperately trying not to cry. Her eyes were glossy with restrained tears and as she opened and closed her mouth. Jade felt her heart break when Tori gave her a broken smile. "Sorry it's nothing important," Tori managed, again she smiled before turning around and power walking away.
Jade flinched. Why did she apologize? She'd done nothing wrong. She was frozen in place feeling numb. She'd just snapped at Tori. She'd promised she'd never hurt her again and in less than twenty-four hours she had managed to break the promise she knew meant everything to Tori. "Damn it!" she growled at herself before finally reaching her senses and running after the young Vega.
When she finally found her, she was sitting alone in the black box theater. Small tan arms were wrapped around her small frame with her head buried against her knees. She jumped up startled by the pale girl's touch as she sat beside her. "Tori, I didn't mean to..."
"It's okay Jade. I didn't mean to upset you," she murmured.
Jade fought back the urge to cry. "Tori please look at me," she pleaded. "You didn't upset me, baby. I was just angry, but not at you. I had no right to snap at you like that."
Tori shook her head. "I should have known better."
Jade furrowed her brows in confusion. "Known better? Baby you're not psychic."
Again Tori shook her head. "I always make you angry, Jade. Why would three days suddenly change that?" Tori said finally looking up. "I should have known better. This may not be a dream, but it's reality. And in reality you hate me," she smiled sadly. "It's reality Jade."
Tori stood and looked down at the girl. "I'm sorry I wasted your time." She whispered walking away.
Jade growled and stood. She quickly followed behind the brunette and grabbed her wrist spun her around and pressed her against the wall hard as she kissed her senselessly. "You haven't done anything wrong, Tori. I snapped. I'm trying to stop the habit. You could never waste my time. I don't care if this is reality, because in reality I love you, okay." Jade nipped at the girl's ear. "Baby, get that through that pretty little head of yours. I love you. I love you so much." She kissed down the tan neck and up the jaw before pulling back to look into the brown eyes. "I love you, Tori Vega. This will take a lot of work, but I won't give up. I won't stop loving you. And I won't ever allow myself to snap at you like that again. I promise, baby." Pale fingers tightened around the small waist. "You've never made me angry, Tori. You've always made me happy even when I tried to deny it. Please forgive me."
Tori nodded. She smiled at the girl's words. She buried her fingers in the dark locks and brought the girl's lips to hers. "I love you, Jade." Please don't give up on me, she thought. Jade continued to kiss the girl with pure passion before breathing became a must. She rested her forehead against the smaller girl's.
"I just realized I haven't asked you out on a proper date." She whispered breathlessly.
Tori stared into the blue eyes and nodded. "Are you asking me out on a date?" she raised a brow. A hint of the old and passionate Tori Vega appeared and caused Jade's stomach to flutter. She would do whatever it took to bring back the strong and defiant Tori Vega.
Jade smiled and nodded. "Tori Vega, will you go out with me?"
A grin appeared across the brunette's features. "You think I deserve a date with the notorious Jade West?"
Jade gave her a quick kiss. "Tori Vega, I think you're wonderful and deserve all the kisses in the world. On one condition," she smiled, her lips brushing over the other girl's lightly. "That all kisses must be provided by me." She smirked.
Tori grinned and closed the distant between them. "It's a date," she smiled. "And a deal." The two girls continued to playfully kiss for a while longer before they decided to finally leave the talented school. It had been too long of a day for the two. Jade smiled and thought about what she could do to make their first date special. It had to be special. She admired the sleeping brunette and lightly drew circles on her taut stomach as she slept. Tori deserved to be happy. She'd do anything to make her smile. She gently kissed her forehead and rested her head against the crook of the girl's neck and wrapped her arm against the small waist. "I'll find a way to fix you again, Tori," she whispered as she fell asleep against the girl she loved.
A/N: Well? What do you think? This will probably be a three-parter
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The title of the chapter is a lyric from the song Hazy by Rosi Golan
I know I've fallen behind on my other stories, but fear not! Updates will soon appear!
