The Real Story : A Troy Parody

: Part Two :

Looking over the countryside of Phtia. Camera moves to view golden god handsome boy and a less handsome replica of golden god handsome boy.

Achilles: Picking up sword slowly. "I suppose we really should practice sparring."

Patroclus: Nods. "Yes, I guess your right."

Achilles: Sits down on a rock. "In a few minutes. Pass the gatorade will you."

Patroclus: Sighs reaching for gatorade. "We're not supposed to drink it until we're done working out." Glances at the bottle of gatorade. "But your right, I think we should just drink it now.

An hour goes by, Patroclus and Achilles have finished the gatorade and are now sitting lazily. A noise of horses and approaching riders meets their ears.

Achilles: Looks surprised and then worried. Digs Patroclus in the ribs. "Hey! Get up! It's Odysseus."

Patroclus: Opens one eye. "Who's that."

Achilles: "Big important king guy. I'm trying to get a loan off him, gotta make a good impression. Get up, we have to act like we're great warriors." Jumps to feet and starts hefting sword energetically.

Patroclus: Sighs. "You mean we actually have to swing those big heavy things?" Get slowly to feet and picks up sword, swinging it carelessly at Achilles' head.

Achilles: Ducks, Patroclus's blade just missing his head. "Hey! Watch it, these things are sharp. They're not those plastic things your mom buys for you."

Patroclus: "Your supposed to block it!"

Achilles: "Hey, who's the warrior here? Don't tell me what to do. Now come, lets make this look good."

The two starts swinging swords together, trying to put a good show on.

Achilles: Turns as if just noticing Odysseus's arrival. Whispers to Patroclus. "Watch this, he's sure to be impressed." Grabs up spear and throws it.

Spears whistles by, inches from Odysseus head and crashes into a soldier behind him.

Patroclus: Looks dubious. "How is killing one of his guards supposed to impress him?"

Achilles: "OOPS." Tries to act as though he meant to do that.

Odysseus: "Zeus! What the !#!!#!#." Looks at Achilles. "What do you think you're doing? He was my cousin on my mother's side, twice removed."

Achilles: "He insulted me."

Odysseus: "If I wasn't in the midst of the script I'd insult you! Later though. Now where was I... Oh yes." Steps forward, pasting a smile on. "Ah, Achilles. Good to see you! Word of your welcome travels." Smile slips somewhat, mutters under breath, "Yeah, what a welcome."

Achilles: Smiles back, hoping Odysseus will still give him that loan he wants. "Greetings! Ah, here's my cousin Patroclus, I don't believe you've met him.

Patroclus: Frowns, thinking hard. "Wait. That's wrong. They've got that wrong." Glances accusing at Script Writers. "I'm not your cousin, I'm your best friend. Also, I think I heard from somewhere that I'm supposed to be your lover. Not sure where I heard that though."

Script Editor: "Hey! We were on a roll! One of the few times Achilles doesn't forget his lines and you have to foul things up! Great job buddy! " Sarcastically.

Patroclus: Looks hurt. "Well, I'm just saying.

Achilles: "He's right. I didn't forget my lines! Yay!" Jumps up and down before remembering he's supposed to look dignified.

Script Editor: Glares at Patroclus. "Now, just shut up and go with the bloody script!"

Odysseus: "Now you've got me all confused." Pauses for a long time. "Oh yes. I knew your parents. They were wonderful people. Too bad they committed suicide."

Patroclus: Looks up, startled. "They committed suicide!"

Odysseus: "Wups. I forgot, you weren't supposed to know."

Achilles: "Nice going Odysseus." Lays comforting hand on sobbing Patroclus's shoulder.

Script Editor: "This entire scene is completely junked up! Achilles, look at that dead guy over there. Do you know how much explaining I'm going to have to do to his family! There might even be lawsuits! Patroclus, shut up, you sound like a two-year old. Odysseus... Well, your the only one who didn't foul things up."

Odysseus: Looks smug and sticks tongue out at Achilles.

Achilles: Stars sobbing along with Patroclus.

Scene darkens.

: End of Part Two :