A/n: warning. Very long, emotionally heavy chapter ahead! The good news is that we finally get to talk about Persona.
Lupin-kun
Written by Aiyumi
Disclaimer: Persona and all related characters are property of Atlus, Inc. Lupin III and all related characters are property of Monkey Punch. Any trademarks that may be referenced in this fan fiction are properties of their respective owners. I am just a fan and do not have any relations to said people/companies.
Chapter 2: I Am You
The new school was a bit nicer, although it also had its share of troublemakers. By that point, Kazushi had a lot of experience from having observed people's behavior in the previous school. He was much more adept at identifying potential bullies, and managed to avoid a lot of undesirable situations. One of the traits he had observed was that the bullies tended to go after people that looked weak and insecure. So, Kazushi did his best to keep his head high and a neutral expression on his face. That was when he used his savings to buy a pair of glasses. He figured that wearing glasses gave him an air of seriousness and made it harder for others to read his facial expressions.
Even so, a few troublemakers still tried to bully him. Kazushi knew from experience that it wouldn't end well for him if it turned into a fight, and decided to specialize in the art of running and hiding. It was then that he began dedicating himself more to physical exercises in order to train his body. He got into the habit of jogging on his way to school or any other place he went, and at home, for lack of anything better to do, he began using a timer to track his records of running laps around the backyard. It was hard work, but in the end it really paid off. Kazushi made the bullies waste so much of their time trying to catch him that most of them eventually concluded it wasn't worth their trouble and gave up. However, sometimes fights were inevitable. Thankfully, the new school's teachers were more reasonable and usually put the blame on the right people.
Not really "bullying," but Kazushi also faced some other classmate-related issues in middle school. He always got picked by bad students to do group assignments with them, and they forced him to do all the work while they did nothing. Kazushi didn't have much choice if he wanted to get acceptable grades. He eventually began choosing to join other groups before the bad students had a chance to pick him. That proved to work a bit better, although Kazushi's interactions with the group members was only limited to the assignments they did together. Now that Kazushi wasn't labeled as a problem student by everyone in the new school, he wished he could get along with his classmates and finally make some friends, but it didn't work out. Their conversations just didn't flow.
At home, making up games to help him study wasn't so effective as before, though, because it reminded him of Ms. Ishihara and that he couldn't talk to her anymore. Besides, Lupin had already been arrested, and Kazushi no longer had any big objective to keep him motivated. He stopped making up games, and just studied normally. He soon noticed that his parents didn't seem to care much about his grades as long as they were a bit above average. It was as though his parents were disappointed but decided to accept that life wasn't perfect, and that Kazushi would never exceed their expectations. So, Kazushi didn't see any reason to keep stressing himself trying to get perfect scores. He decided he would only make the minimum effort required to guarantee that he would pass the grade. And his years of middle school flew by...
Kazushi graduated middle school and had to enroll in yet another institution to attend high school. His first year of high school didn't pose him much trouble, and his parents didn't nag him as much. It was only that year that his parents gave him a cellphone, though they heavily limited the amount of money he was allowed to spend on phone calls... not that he had many people to talk to, anyway...
However, soon after Kazushi graduated first year, his life took a turn for the worse.
Kazushi was enjoying a walk on a lazy spring night when he heard a woman's voice desperately shouting for help. He got a really bad feeling about the situation. Deep down, he felt it was none of his business and that he should simply ignore it, but his body was already sprinting toward the usually deserted alley where the voice had come from. When Kazushi realized it, he was already at the scene, and he witnessed something he had never imagined he would see in real life.
Things went downhill very quickly, and Kazushi found himself alone locked up in a room in the police station as he went over what had happened. He had become enraged to see the man harassing the poor woman. Kazushi intervened and shoved the man, and the woman managed to run away safely. However, someone had heard the commotion and called the police. The man merely said, "This kid suddenly came running and punched me out of nowhere." The police believed him outright, and Kazushi didn't even get a chance to give his version of the story. Kazushi ended up in the police station, where he would have to stay until the police decided what to do with him. When he tried to argue, the guard simply ignored him and went on and on about how delinquent kids like him made the world a worse place.
Kazushi spent the night sleeping awkwardly on the carpeted floor of the room he was locked up in. That night, he had a weird dream.
X:X:X:X:X
Kazushi found himself in a prisoner uniform, and in a prison where everything was velvet blue. He was sitting on a chair inside the prison cell.
"Now, it is time to begin your rehabilitation. Welcome to my Velvet Room." An old man with an unusually long nose said in a booming tone.
"... Huh?" That place was too surreal. Kazushi didn't know what to make of it. "... Dream?" He muttered.
"More or less," The old man said. "This is the Velvet Room. It is a place between mind and matter, dreams and reality. This place represents the state of mind of the contractor."
"Contractor...?"
"Yes. In other words, you."
Kazushi said nothing. He didn't even know what to say. Neither the place or the man's words made any sense to him.
A door opened, and two little girls appeared through it. They wore blue prison guard uniforms, and from their similar appearances, Kazushi concluded they must be twins.
"My apologies. I still have not introduced myself," the man said. "My name is Igor. I am the proprietor of the Velvet Room."
"My name is Caroline," One of the girls said in an authoritative tone.
"And I'm Justine." The other one seemed much more calm. "We'll be your correctional officers."
Kazushi stared at them dumbfounded. "Huh? But... you're kids..."
Caroline didn't take well to his statement. "Do not judge us by appearance! For your information, we are much older than you! And do not even think about asking by how much!"
Kazushi concluded it was best to not argue. That surreal place could only be a dream, and dreams weren't known for making sense.
"Only those who have signed, or are bound to sign a contract are able to enter the Velvet Room." Igor explained, but it still didn't make any sense at all. "You are here. This means you will get a contract soon enough."
"We are your correctional officers." Caroline reiterated. "If you do not want to suffer the consequences, you must get into line! Do you understand?!"
Honestly, Kazushi didn't understand a thing. Contract? Consequences? What was all that about? Get into line? He didn't even do anything wrong! ... Or did he...? What were those people accusing him of? Was it just because he injured the man? That man was the one wrong and should have been the one punished. Kazushi's actions were for a good cause! But now he was imprisoned, and even his dreams took the form of a prison. What had he done to deserve that?
Kazushi was tired. Tired of suffering injustice. Tired of not being heard, of not being acknowledged for his efforts, of not getting anything good in his life. Everything that he had bottled up during all those years came to the surface at once. He felt anger build up inside him, until he snapped and all sorts of disturbing thoughts flashed in his mind. That was it. Only those who did wrong things got their way, wasn't it? Kazushi never got anything out of behaving well and doing everything right. Then, perhaps he should change his ways. He thought about trying to escape the police station when the guards came to check up on him, and taking the police's weapons to use against them. He thought about stealing from people to finally get everything that he could never have. He thought about taking revenge against that world that hated him so much. He even considered going as far as to kill the man he had punched earlier, the one responsible for putting him in that situation.
Kazushi's vision blurred, and he lost consciousness. Then, he found himself in what seemed to be another dream.
xxx
As bad as he was at communicating with others, he somehow managed to assemble a group of other rebellious people. Together, they did all sorts of bad things.
"They didn't even know what hit 'em!" A teenager boy's voice said.
"That was awesome, Joker!" A childlike voice complimented him with admiration.
"Victory! Yay!" Then, a teenager girl's voice.
Unfamiliar voice after unfamiliar voice spoke at each of Kazushi's successful plans. He no longer regretted doing what was wrong. He was no longer afraid of stealing or harming people. He wasn't afraid of getting caught. Even if he were to continue behaving well and walking the straight and narrow, he would somehow end up caught and punished for something he hadn't done. He would get caught either way. So, he didn't care anymore. He would have fun while it lasted.
The images were hazy, but the sensations were real. The thrill of sneaking into important places and avoiding security, and running away from the police. The satisfaction from the touch of valuable items in his hands...
Different scenarios continued playing. In one of them, Kazushi got in the way of a dangerous organization. Their members subdued him and were ready to kill him. He didn't resist. Living wouldn't make any difference. His life had never been worth living anyway. He was actually surprised it had lasted this long...
But then, that scenario got replaced with another one. Kazushi formed his group like he had done the first time. He couldn't see the figures clearly, but he was pretty sure they were the same people. Kazushi and his group caused a lot of mischief. He got caught again, by different enemies, who also were about to kill him.
Before that could happen, though, a new scenario started once more. Kazushi established his group and they were involved in lots of stealing, destruction, and chaos in general. At the end, once again, someone tried to kill him. And the worst part of all. He was always the only one who got caught. Nothing ever happened to any other member of his group. So, in the next scenario, he wasn't afraid to manipulate his group members, abandon them when he had no more use for them, betray them, or even hurt them. In each scenario that followed, Kazushi changed for the worse, until he was completely unrecognizable from the quiet and gentle person he had once been. However, none of those scenarios ended well for him. The last ones had him actually being punished for having manipulated his group members, with them betraying him and turning him in to the police, or even trying to kill him themselves.
xxx
"Ah!" Kazushi opened his eyes in alarm. His head spun, his heart raced, and he was covered in sweat. Was it a nightmare? No, multiple nightmares in one... no. He realized he was still dreaming, still in the blue prison. His nightmare wasn't over yet.
"Now, you know what you should do. Or rather, what you should not..." It was one of those little guards. The calmer one. Justine, if Kazushi remembered right. "In other words, you've just had a glimpse of your future. Actually, the different possibilities for your future. You saw what will happen if you follow through with those dangerous lines of thought."
Kazushi's mouth hung open.
"You must get into line if you don't want to suffer the consequences." The other one, Caroline, spoke. "Do you understand now?!"
Kazushi understood, and nodded slowly. It meant that if he took the wrong path, his story certainly wouldn't have a happy ending. As much as he was convinced that his life wasn't worth living, deep down, he still wanted to achieve something good. He still wanted to find his place in the world, and a reason to live.
"You are a captive. A captive of fate." It was Justine again. "This is an unfair game that is nearly impossible to win. Your easiest options are either to let others control your life, or follow the temptations leading to the wrong. In both of those options, your path to a good future is completely closed. However, you still have a chance to change that. You have a huge potential, and might be able to change not only your own future, but also the futures of many people around you. You must keep walking into line, and must not lose sight of yourself."
"Not lose sight of... myself...?" Kazushi muttered.
"Exactly." This time it was Caroline. "Soon, you will face your first trial. Then we shall see if you have what it takes... heheheh."
Igor and the two little guards walked away and left Kazushi alone in the velvet prison cell.
Kazushi was utterly confused. When he came to his senses in the velvet blue prison, he had thought he was dreaming. But then he had all those nightmares that ended just as he was about to be killed. A lot of nightmares inside another nightmare. Kazushi was tired, and not in the mood to keep thinking about any of that. All he wanted right now was a peaceful night of sleep. He closed his eyes, in hope that he would at least get some rest before finally waking up.
But when Kazushi opened his eyes again, he was still in the velvet blue prison. Neither Igor or the two little guards were there.
"Ha, ha, ha!" A sudden laugh made Kazushi jump. "You're finally here."
"Wh-what? Who...?" Kazushi turned his head in alarm at the realization that he had company inside the prison cell, but he saw no one...
"Took you long enough to get here, considering that you've always been accused of doing something or another." The voice came from behind him. It was a male voice, and there was something disturbingly familiar about it.
"Who... is there?!" Kazushi asked shakily and stood up from the chair. But before he could turn around to face the person, he was seized by the shoulders from behind. Great. Now he was going to be bullied inside the prison, too.
"Don't you recognize me? How sad..." His assailant spoke in his ear. "But I recognize you. How could I not? You're the one who got me trapped here, after all."
"... What?" Kazushi was puzzled. Why was he being accused of getting that person imprisoned? Kazushi didn't ever do anything to get anyone in trouble! In fact, he was usually the one who got in trouble while the real troublemakers got away. "I-I don't know what you're talking about!"
"Ah. You really forgot..." The person released a disappointed sigh. "After all that work you went through to put me here..."
Kazushi tried to keep calm. If he had to share the cell with that person, Kazushi needed to at least try to be on good terms with him. "Sorry. This must be a misunderstanding. I really don't know what you're talking about. You must be confusing me with someone else."
"No, I'm not confusing you with anyone. I'm indeed addressing you, Kazushi Miura."
Kazushi gulped. "How do you even know my name?"
"I know everything about you. Everything you've done, every injustice you've suffered... I know it all."
"H-how? I don't get it..."
"I saw everything. I was there. And this is because..."
The figure finally released its hold on Kazushi and walked into his view. Kazushi gasped.
"Yes. Because I am you, Kazushi Miura."
Kazushi could only stare with his mouth hanging open. In front of him stood someone that looked exactly like himself. Well, except for the yellow eyes, and the lack of glasses. Also the person's voice sounded like his own, although not in the quiet tone in which Kazushi usually spoke. It was much more firm and powerful, but it was indeed his own voice.
"Hmm? Aren't you going to deny it like you always did?"
"I... always did...?" Kazushi was confused. He didn't understand what that guy was talking about, and didn't know what to make of that situation. "Uh, wait. Basically, you're saying I'm talking to myself...?"
"You don't deny it, then?" The clone's expression relaxed and became more friendly all of a sudden. In fact, the look he directed at Kazushi seemed expectant now.
Kazushi was pretty sure that the velvet blue prison was a dream, and in dreams anything was possible. "I... I don't know what to even think... but it's possible, I guess."
"Great." For some reason, the clone seemed relieved, and flashed a smug smirk very uncharacteristic of Kazushi.
"Do I even smirk like that?" Convinced that his current situation was merely a dream, Kazushi concluded he shouldn't be afraid to throw weird questions around.
"You would, if only you'd let me out."
"L-let you out?"
"Yes. I'm you. I'm your Shadow. The part of you that you've been suppressing until now. The cold and calculating part of you that got stronger with each injustice you suffered, but you were afraid of letting out. The rebellious part of you that desires to do justice even if it's through questionable means, which is coincidentally too similar to a certain fictional character, and that you rejected because you didn't want to admit that the thought of using questionable means actually crossed your mind. And that was why you tried to get rid of me and threw me here in this velvet blue prison." The clone motioned with his hand to the environment around them.
Kazushi didn't understand most of what his clone had said. What was that about a fictional character? "And now you hold a grudge against me or something?"
The clone shook his head. "A grudge? No. I'm not one to hold grudges. I want acceptance, that's all."
Kazushi stared, totally clueless as to what his clone meant by "acceptance." He decided to throw another random question instead. "Um, do you have a name? Or should I call you by my name since you are me?"
His double raised an eyebrow. "Good question. I actually never expected you to ask me this! And yes, I have a name." He smirked. "You may call me Arsène."
"Arsène..." Why did that name sound familiar? "Uh, okay. So... now what?"
"Kazushi, let's make a deal. If you accept me, I'll help you achieve freedom. What do you say?"
"Accept you? How?"
"You have too many things bottled up. Just let loose once in a while. You'll feel much better, trust me."
The offer of help was tempting, but the devious smirk on Arsène's face looked anything but trustworthy, and Kazushi wondered if accepting that deal was really a good idea. Arsène reached out for a handshake. Kazushi hesitated. It felt as though accepting the deal meant that he was making a pact with the devil. But... it was a dream. What was the harm in accepting it, anyway? He would only wake up, and everything would be back to normal.
Slowly, Kazushi also reached out, and shook hands with his double. "Aaaaaaaaah!" Kazushi screamed in pain as he heard a sound similar to shattering glass, and he felt as though something had exploded inside his head.
X:X:X:X:X
Kazushi awoke covered in sweat on the floor of the police station room. He sat up and breathed deeply a few times to try to calm down. What a strange nightmare that was.
"Ah, you're awake." A guard opened the door. "Your parents are here to get you."
Kazushi learned that he was going to be released, but he would have to move to another city to attend a school with a delinquent rehabilitation program. He was against it. He didn't need that! He didn't need to correct his behavior. The people around him were the ones wrong, not him!
His parents came to get him. His father had even skipped work to be able to come. They returned home in a heavy silence. Obviously, his parents were furious. The three Miuras sat down at the living room table to talk.
"Why, Kazushi?" His mother was both angry and frustrated. "Now that we had thought you had started behaving better..."
"This time, you've gone too far!" It was his father. "We feel greatly ashamed of you, Kazushi."
This was the last straw. Kazushi couldn't keep it in anymore. "Why should I care?! Neither of you ever cared about what I feel. Why should I care about what you feel, then?"
His parents gasped in shock at the unexpected reaction. Even Kazushi himself was horrified at the words that had just left his mouth. His tone was cold and harsh, very different from his usually quiet and soft tone. Actually, it reminded him of his double from his dream last night.
"Oh my god..." Mrs. Miura seemed about to cry. "I can't believe it. We took so much care to keep our son in line so that he wouldn't become a delinquent... and he still went and grew into this?!"
"Grew into what?" Kazushi couldn't bring himself to stop. His chest constricted, his eyes watered, and words kept shooting out of his mouth like sharp daggers. "You have no idea what I've gone through! You've never listened to anything I had to say. The countless times I was bullied at school, with the other kids stealing my lunch money or even beating me for no reason at all. Then when I got bruises at school, you didn't even let me explain what happened, and outright scolded me and told me to stay quiet in my room! Some influential bullies spread lies about me to the teachers, and then the teachers told you. So many times I tried to explain the real story, but you only believed the teachers, of course, because your son's words are worth nothing to you." Kazushi spat with disdain. "You never let me buy anything for myself besides lunch. You never talked normally to me, never praised me for anything. All you ever did was yell at me and badmouth me to the neighbors! Aside from letting me live here in this house, you've never done anything for me!"
Mr. Miura slammed his hand on the table. "How dare you say that?! From the time you were born, we've been working hard to save up money to pay your college expenses and to open a department store for you to work at! How dare you say we've done nothing for you!"
"What?!" Kazushi's face flushed in anger, and he glared at his father. "College expenses? A store? What's this about all of a sudden? It's the first time I've heard about any of this! Why are you telling me only now?!"
His parents traded awkward looks, one expecting the other to help formulate a response, but neither of them managed to say anything.
"You know what?" Kazushi stood up abruptly. "I don't need your help! I don't need your store! You never helped me with anything. Everything I've achieved until now was through my own efforts. I never needed your help, and I sure don't need it now!" Kazushi turned his back to his parents and stormed out of the living room.
Kazushi locked himself in his bedroom. He still couldn't believe what he had done. He kept recalling how his voice had raised dangerously, and sounded much like Arsène's voice from his dream last night.
Kazushi plopped onto his bed and tried to fall asleep. Spending the night on the floor in the police station didn't provide him any rest at all. However, sleep didn't come. Kazushi kept recalling how he lost hold of himself in front of his parents, and couldn't avoid thinking about his nightmares where he was violent and didn't hesitate to hurt people. Kazushi was afraid of himself now. What if he lost control of himself and did something irreversible? He didn't want to sleep anymore. What if he had those nightmares again? However, the irony wasn't on his side. When he wanted sleep, it didn't come. And when he gave up on it, it came quickly and took over him with no warning.
X:X:X:X:X
When Kazushi came to his senses, he was seated on the chair in the velvet blue prison once more. Even though he had considered the possibility of having those multiple scenario nightmares again, he hadn't expected to dream about that blue prison.
"Now didn't that feel great?" ... nor to find his double standing in front of him with a satisfied smirk on his face.
"Arsène...!" Kazushi glared at his double. "That was horrible! Are you saying you had something to do with it!?"
"Well, yes. It was you who wanted to do it. I answered your call, and you actually didn't hold me back this time. Being able to let loose was so refreshing!" Arsène had an unsettling crazed expression on his face.
Kazushi didn't share his double's sentiment. He was overcome with guilt and regret for having shouted at his parents. "My parents will kill me..."
"Or they'll finally wake up," Arsène said nonchalantly. "For how many years have you been bottling all that up? You needed to say it, and they needed to hear it."
Kazushi hung his head low in shame. "No, that was wrong. Arsène... please, don't do that kind of thing again." He pleaded in a quiet and shaky voice.
Arsène's expression finally turned serious. He seemed hurt, and it looked like any wrong move might set him off. "You said you'd accept me. We made a deal, didn't we?"
Kazushi nodded, unsure about how to deal with the sudden change in his double's demeanor. "That's not it! I-I didn't say anything about not accepting you. The thing is... I'm scared. I keep remembering those nightmares where I did all sorts of bad stuff. What if I lose control of myself and actually do those things? What if I really begin hurting people, or even..." Kazushi was unable to finish his sentence.
Arsène's expression relaxed. "That won't happen. You're in control. As rebellious as I am, I wouldn't do anything that drastic. Unless you wanted me to, of course. But I know you don't. Those visions were just a warning, because your line of thought was getting too dangerous. But you don't entertain those ideas anymore, otherwise you wouldn't be having second thoughts right now."
Kazushi nodded again. "I don't want to become like that. In those nightmares, I stopped caring. I stopped regretting. Feeling regret like I'm feeling now is horrible, but it means that I'm still sane, that I haven't gone of the deep end. From everything that I've gone through, I learned one thing. I don't like when people humiliate others and cause harm to others. If I were to become someone that does those things, and worse, that feels no remorse for it, I... I'd hate myself."
Arsène had a proud look in his eyes. "That's the spirit. It means that you still have hope. And I believe you made a special promise, too. You promised to become a nice adult and serve as a good example to others, and to not lose hope. Wasn't that it?"
Kazushi recalled the promise, and how fond a memory it was. "Yeah, that's right. From the time I made that promise, it felt like it's the right thing to do. It's a shame that I'd completely forgotten about that."
Arsène shook his head. "No, not 'completely.' If you had indeed forgotten it completely, I wouldn't have remembered it, either. Good thing I was here to remind you, huh?" Arsène grinned.
"Thanks." Kazushi finally raised his head. "Alright. But what now? I said I don't need my parents' help and stuff, but to tell the truth, I don't really have anything to pursue in life."
Arsène placed his hands on Kazushi's shoulders and stared at him with determination. "What are you talking about? Can't you see the opportunity you got!?"
"What do you mean?" Kazushi couldn't see anything good awaiting him.
"You'll be moving to another city, to another school. New home, new life! Your parents won't be there to nag you, and you won't be bound by their restrictions anymore. This means you can live in any way you want!"
Kazushi gaped. He hadn't thought about it that way.
Arsène wasn't done yet, though. "When you were little, you said you didn't want to grow up. Back them, no one took your words seriously because you were a child. You waited for so long, and now you've grown up. Now your words have more weight, and your actions have the power to actually change things. It's your chance! Your life's your own, and you should be the one to decide what to do with it! Don't let anyone control your life anymore. It's time to show what you're made of. Just go and steal back your future!"
"Steal back...?" Kazushi uttered. "That sounds... uh..."
"Dangerous? Risky?" Arsène removed his hands from Kazushi's shoulders and grinned smugly. "Yes, no one said it'd be easy. But it's possible, and I'm totally up for the challenge. You?"
Kazushi was unsure. He didn't exactly understand the suggestion and its implications, but the way Arsène said it didn't sit quite right with him. Kazushi stared intently at his double's face. "You seem so confident..."
"Of course." Arsène puffed his chest, completely full of himself. "I wasn't named Arsène for nothing!"
"Huh." Kazushi still didn't understand what his double was getting at. "Whatever. I only wish I had your confidence."
"You have it. You are me, remember?" Arsène winked. "You just need to lose the fear of showing the hidden part of yourself."
Kazushi chuckled bitterly. "You make it sound so easy..."
Arsène said nothing, and only left Kazushi to his thoughts.
Kazushi sighed. How sad his situation was. He was so lonely that the only person he could confide in was a weird look a like inside his dreams.
"Sounds like someone's coming. Good luck."
"Huh?" Before Kazushi could ask what that was supposed to mean, his dream faded away.
X:X:X:X:X
Kazushi awoke to a knock at his bedroom's door. He rolled out of bed, scrambled to the door and opened it.
"Kazushi..." It was his mother. She looked tired, and her eyes were red from crying. "Um, lunch is ready."
Kazushi felt a pang in his chest when he saw his mother's state.
"Um, you haven't eaten anything today, so I thought..." His mother was hesitant. "But if you don't want it..."
"Coming." Kazushi uttered weakly and followed his mother out of his bedroom.
The family had lunch in an uncomfortable silence.
Once everyone's bowls were empty, Kazushi gathered the courage and spoke up. "Uh, Mom, Dad... earlier, I..." He paused. The words got stuck in his throat. "... I-I'm sorry."
"No, Kazushi. Don't be," his mother said, with pain showing in her eyes.
"You're right. You're absolutely right..." His father added. "We should be the ones apologizing. We really haven't been doing a good job of communicating with you."
"We were too worried about your future, and forgot to pay attention to you while you grew up." His mother sounded ashamed. "We're sorry, Kazushi. We hadn't realized you had suffered so much..."
That was totally unexpected. Speechless, Kazushi could only gape at his parents.
"We know that simply apologizing isn't enough." It was his father again. "We're willing to talk to you more, to listen to you more. Starting with yesterday's incident." He added after a pause, "If you don't want to talk about it now, that's fine. Tell us whenever you're ready. We promise we'll listen this time."
It took a while until Kazushi recovered his speech. Once he did, he nodded and began narrating the story about how he ended up detained. He told them what he saw, what he thought, what he did, what the guards said, and how everything went wrong.
"I know, I was reckless." Kazushi admitted. "But when I heard that woman's cry for help, it felt wrong to just ignore it, and my body moved on its own. I thought that if I helped her, I'd prevent her from being traumatized for the rest of her life. And look where that got me. Now not only she, but I'll have to live with the weight of this incident too..." Kazushi sighed resignedly. "But what was done was done, I guess."
"Kazushi, you've really grown up..." His father looked at him in wonder. "We really failed you. Time passed so fast, and we didn't realize you were growing up. We didn't talk to you much because we thought you wouldn't understand. But look at you now... so mature, so strong, and so determined despite everything that went wrong... I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said that I was ashamed of you. If anything, we should be ashamed of ourselves."
His mother nodded. "If it were me in your place, I'd have given up a long time ago. You could really have turned into a delinquent. You could have become a lost cause, and could be causing harm or even killing people, and you wouldn't be saying any of these things."
What his mother had just said was right. Kazushi almost gave in to the pressure of all the injustice he suffered during his whole life. His detention was the last straw, and he almost lost hold of himself last night. Kazushi recalled his multiple nightmares again, and he felt his chest tighten. Dreams or not, those warnings seemed real.
His mother didn't give him time to continue thinking about that, though. "But you're strong, Kazushi. You're stronger and more mature than both Dad and me combined. I feel so stupid. Despite having lived with you in the same house during all this time, I wasn't seeing you. I wasn't seeing the person you were turning into..."
"Mom... D-Dad..." Kazushi couldn't hold the tears off.
Everyone stood up. The three Miuras hugged each other and cried together. They stayed quiet for a couple of minutes. When they broke apart, everyone had serene expressions on their faces, and it seemed like a huge weight was removed from their shoulders.
"Um, about the rehabilitation program..." Kazushi spoke up. "I'll really have to take part in it so that I can prove myself to the law, right?"
"Yes." His mother nodded. "I'm sorry that you're being forced to take part in that. We can do nothing about it. The police got the papers filled already. You'll be sent to Tokyo."
"You got assigned to the rehabilitation program in a school called Syujin High School." His father informed. "You'll have to live by yourself, in a big city no less... it won't be easy. We can't help you much with that, but we know someone that owns a cafe in Tokyo. I can see if he lets you stay there."
Mr. Miura left for the living room, where he spent nearly an hour on the phone catching up with his acquaintance and explaining the situation. When he returned to deliver the news, his mood had improved substantially. His talk on the phone had clearly done him some good.
"Kazushi, I talked to the person I mentioned. His name is Sojiro Sakura, and he owns a cafe called Cafe Leblanc. I explained the situation to him, and he said he'll let you stay there as long as you help the workers out. Oh, and he has a daughter one year younger than you. He told me she, uh... doesn't have friends... I hope you'll get along with her."
Out of everything that his father said, one single word stood out to Kazushi. "Leblanc...?"
"It's the surname of a writer that Sojiro-san likes," Kazushi's mother said.
"A writer that he 'Likes?' No kidding. He's obsessed with that guy's works!" Mr. Miura gesticulated to make his point. "A lot of times when we talked, he went on and on about those books about this gentleman thief, how society deals with its problems, and so forth..."
Then, Kazushi remembered. Ms. Ishihara had mentioned that writer, the creator of the "original!" "Maurice Leblanc..." Kazushi muttered.
"Oh, so you knew?" His father was surprised.
"Uh, not really. Only heard about him in passing."
"Then, be prepared!" Mr. Miura said, more amused than his words implied. "If you show any hint of interest in the topic, Sojiro-san will talk about it to no end."
"I think I'm up for that." Kazushi finally allowed himself to crack a smirk of his own.
X:X:X:X:X
During his sleep that night, Kazushi was taken to the velvet blue prison again. Once more, he was in the company of his double.
Kazushi looked at his double with suspicion. "Arsène Lupin, huh?"
The other laughed. "Took you long enough to connect the dots. You'd be a really bad detective if you were to be one."
After so many years, Kazushi had totally forgotten about the character named Arsène Lupin. Kazushi chuckled, and his expression softened. "So, which one are you? The original, or the one from the manga?"
"Neither." Arsène answered. "I'm the one inside you."
"Oh."
Kazushi silently stared at his... his other self. The persona he had created, but had rejected right away because he refused to accept its rebellious nature. Kazushi recalled how Ms. Ishihara addressing him as "Lupin-kun" bothered him greatly back them, and the countless times he had insisted that he was not Lupin. Kazushi had disliked that nickname. He had had reservations about the character because he had been envious of how Lupin always got his way doing questionable things, while Kazushi had always done everything right but had never gotten anything good out of it. He had been envious, and wanted to be better than Lupin. He had created all those study games to pretend to "outsmart" Lupin and punish him for having achieved so much through questionable means. Kazushi had suffered so much injustice, and all he wanted was to get justice. Sometimes the use of questionable means crossed his mind, and deep down, Kazushi wanted to be like Lupin, but he didn't want to admit it.
After a while of silent staring, Kazushi smiled. He stood up from the chair and walked up to his double. "Thank you, Arsène. For the company, the encouragement, everything. And... sorry for having trapped you."
His Shadow grinned. "It's all good. Like I said before, I'm not one to hold grudges. Just like you, I guess. You accept me now. It's all that matters to me. It was what I wanted the most." A pause. "Kazushi."
"Yeah?"
"Since you fully accept me as part of yourself now, you and I will truly become one. There'll be no more distinction between the two of us."
"We'll become one? ... Wait. You're basically saying that you'll disappear? Does this mean we won't be able to talk like this anymore?" As weird as interacting with his double was, Kazushi was getting used to it, and it actually wasn't that bad. "This situation is very weird, with this blue prison and all... but... talking to you was nice."
"I admit. Interacting with you was more enjoyable than I had expected." Arsène seemed relieved. "I was worried that you would keep denying me. Thankfully, it didn't happen. You were more understanding and friendlier than I had imagined."
"You too. It's a bit sad that you'll have to leave. Just when we began getting along..." Kazushi smiled sadly. "I'll miss the company."
Arsène scoffed. "You're so lonely that your only solace is talking to yourself? How depressing..." The Shadow's mockery proved to be only a facade, though. "Well, you're good company, too. Here's hoping that the people from Tokyo think the same and you manage to make new friends. Remember, new home, new life." Arsène placed a comforting hand on Kazushi's left shoulder. "But don't worry. I'm not going anywhere. I'll be always with you." After a few seconds of silence, Arsène smiled and withdrew his hand from Kazushi's shoulder, then looked him in the eye. "It's time. From now on, my thoughts will be your thoughts. Your voice will be my voice. And... in moments of need, call upon me, and I will be your strength. When the time comes, say this word, and I will come to your aid. The word is... ... Persona."
A blinding light enveloped Arsène and expanded until it also enveloped Kazushi, who instinctively closed his eyes. When the light had subsided and Kazushi opened his eyes, Arsène was nowhere to be seen.
"Goodbye, Arsène..." Kazushi shook his head. "No, that's not it. It should be, 'welcome back,' shouldn't it? Let's do our best together. Or, well, I'll do my best, and I know you will, too. After all, I am you, and you are me..." Kazushi muttered to himself as a calm sensation washed over him.
"This was quite interesting." A familiar voice suddenly boomed in the room. "You have succeeded in your first trial."
"Ah!" Kazushi startled. Then he realized that the long-nosed man and the two creepy little guards were back.
"Impressive," One of the guards said. It was the calmer one. Justine? Caroline? Kazushi no longer remembered which one was which. "People facing difficult issues such as yours rarely deal with their Shadow selves that well. People tend to show resistance or to reject their Shadows outright."
"Oh, is that so...?" This raised a question in Kazushi's head. "What would have happened if I were to reject him?"
The same guard answered. "Your Shadow would have gone mad at being rejected. It would have attacked you. Worst case scenario, it might have... killed you."
"... Arsène could have killed me...?!" Kazushi's eyes widened in shock. He hadn't imagined it might have had such implications.
"Yes." It was the more aggressive guard. "In that case, you would have died in the outside world. And ironically, it might have been considered suicide, since it would mean that you would have killed yourself."
Kazushi was speechless.
The long-nosed man, which Kazushi recalled was named Igor, elaborated. "A Shadow self can be said to be an individual's darkest mask, born as a response to external stimuli, and which the individual tends to refuse to show to the outer world. If rejected, the Shadow selves go berserk and attack their owners. On the other hand, if the individuals come to terms with their Shadow selves, said Shadows manifest as these individuals' inner strength. The manifestation of one's mask as his or her inner strength is called a Persona."
"Persona..." Kazushi muttered. It was the word that Arsène had mentioned.
Igor continued. "You do not need to worry about this at the moment. What matters the most right now is that you proved to have the power to change people's hearts. The Velvet Room represents the current state of your mind, and the obstacles you must overcome. You view yourself as being trapped by the rules imposed by society, and this is why you see the Velvet Room as a prison."
"As I said before, you are a captive of fate," The calm guard said. "However, the way you faced your Shadow showed that you have what it takes to achieve freedom, not only for yourself, but also for others. You grew up hardened by all the injustice you have suffered, and now you have the power to take action against further injustice."
"This is the power to change hearts which I spoke of." It was Igor again. "You must use it in order to achieve freedom. You must change not only your own, but also the hearts of others, in order to turn the world around you into a better place. Your action managed to cause a change in your parents' hearts. However, in many cases, changing other people's hearts is beyond dialogue and reasoning, and you will have to take your power to the next level."
It was too much for Kazushi to take in. "... I don't understand..."
Igor chuckled at Kazushi's confusion. "Do not worry about understanding everything right now. You will understand in due time. We will get into more detail at another opportunity. Now, you must wake up in your world. Until we meet again..."
And the Velvet Room faded away.
X:X:X:X:X
When Kazushi awoke, he was surprised to find that it was past ten in the morning. It was no problem since he was on spring break and didn't have any plans for the day, but still, he had really slept a lot.
Kazushi went to the bathroom and did his morning routine. While he washed his face, he kept thinking back on his weird dreams about the velvet blue prison. Once he was finished, Kazushi looked in the mirror.
"Morning, Arsène," Kazushi said, but closed his eyes in embarrassment and chuckled awkwardly at his own stupidity. "What am I even doing?" Even though he was sure his talks with Arsène had been just a dream, Kazushi missed the company already. "I'm so lonely that the only person I can talk to is myself. How depressing indeed..." He laughed to himself. He opened his eyes to stare into the mirror again. His reflection stared back, but didn't look depressed at all. It seemed to be in a very good mood, in fact. "Whatever." Kazushi shrugged and left the bathroom.
"Good morning, Kazushi." His mother greeted him when he entered the living room.
"Morning. Or is it afternoon? I slept in really bad..."
"But you seem to be in a good mood. It shows on your face."
Kazushi agreed. That was exactly what he had seen in the mirror. And yes, he felt refreshed. "Yeah, I'm indeed feeling great. I don't remember when was the last time I rested so well."
His mother smiled. "Good. Dad and I slept very well last night too." She began walking toward the kitchen. "I'll prepare your breakfast."
A sudden idea struck Kazushi. "Um, actually, I think I'll try to do it myself." He quickly added, "Uh, not that I'm refusing your food or anything. But since I'll have to live by myself, I'd better learn the basics, right? Eating convenience store bento or fast food every day doesn't sound like a good idea."
"Yes, you're right." His mother agreed. "I can stay nearby and give you some tips if you want."
Kazushi nodded and they headed to the kitchen.
Until that day, Kazushi's experiences in the kitchen had been limited to heating leftovers and washing dishes. He had never really tried to cook. He thought it was a bother, but today he felt willing enough to try his hand at it. With his mother's help, he managed to put together a bowl of rice and a fried egg. Nothing spectacular, but a good start.
"That looks good." His mother commented.
Kazushi began to eat his breakfast. "It's... normal, I guess. Well, it's just rice and eggs. Not much could've gone wrong, could it?"
"You'd be surprised. Not in a good way, I might add." His mother seemed amused. "When Dad and I were dating, I used to prepare bento for him. Even if it were only rice and eggs, it came out totally different every time, and didn't always taste good. Oh, speaking of bento, how about I teach you to prepare bento? Don't worry. Now I know how to make it turn out out good consistently." She grinned mischievously. "And if you find a girl you like over at the new school, you'll be able to prepare bento for her! I'm sure she'll consider it very charming."
"Huh?" Kazushi blinked at the unexpected offer.
"What? Don't you have any strategy to get girls yet? Now I realize you're at an age you might want to be prepared for these things."
"Well, I haven't thought much about that." Kazushi admitted. "I've never had much luck trying to make friends. Getting a girlfriend must be even harder... and if I were to become interested in anyone, I'm sure you know the possible implications. I've always thought you and Dad wouldn't have supported me in those things anyway."
His mother frowned. "Oh, yes, we might not have. But now I'm curious about which kind of girl you might be interested in. If you decide to get into anything serious, you'll need our approval, of course. But remember this. Looks aren't everything. The heart is what matters most."
After his breakfast, Kazushi tried to prepare a bento as per his mother's instructions.
"Good job!" His mother proudly praised him when the bento was ready.
A nice feeling washed over Kazushi. This was the first praise he had heard from his mother in who knows how many years. "Thanks." He murmured and cracked a satisfied smile.
"Ah..." Mrs. Miura heaved a deep sigh, and a dreamy expression took over her face. "I had forgotten how fulfilling it felt to watch you make progress while learning to do something. When you were little and were learning to walk, I cheered at every step you took without falling. It was so heartwarming... but that's all I remember. Along the way, I stopped paying attention to you, and completely forgot that nice feeling. You grew up and was forced to learn everything by yourself, and I didn't even look at you. I feel so stupid... I wasted so much time..."
Kazushi didn't know what to say, but he felt he needed to say something. "Uh... better late than never?"
"Yes, I guess. But it's already too late. In just a few days, you'll be sent to Tokyo, and we'll be far apart. I won't be able to watch your progress anymore."
"I'll keep in touch," was all he could say to comfort her.
Then, his mother's cellphone rang. "Hello? Dear? ... Oh, I see..."
Kazushi could tell that it was his father calling. "What happened?"
"Dad forgot his folder on the desk in his room." His mother informed.
"I can go deliver it."Kazushi offered. He had nothing to do anyway.
"Oh, really? Thanks," she said to Kazushi, then went back to talking on the phone. "Kazushi said he'll deliver it. Ah, alright..."
Kazushi changed into clothes more appropriate for going out, put his glasses on, located the folder on the desk in his father's room, and left the house. He did a deep intake of fresh air. The weather was nice, and the surroundings seemed much livelier than usual. Or maybe he was the one livelier than usual... either way, he felt better than ever before.
Kazushi arrived at the building where his father worked. He talked to the receptionist and stated the reason of his visit.
"Oh, you're Kazushi-kun!" The woman looked at him with surprise. "Wow, how you've grown! I remember having seen you with your father a few times after he picked you up from kindergarten. You've changed so much!"
That was obvious. "Well, it's been more than ten years..."
"Ah, yes, yes." The woman was embarrassed. "But it's still a wonder. You know, adults' appearances don't change that much in ten years." She regained her composure and went back to business. "I'll call your father in a minute."
Shortly later, Mr. Miura was there. "Oh, Kazushi. You came all the way here to deliver this to me." He received the folder. "Sorry for the trouble."
"It's no trouble. I wanted to take a walk anyway."
"If you say so. Either way, thank you. I'll go back to work. See you at home."
As Kazushi left the building's main hall, he could catch a snippet of conversation between the receptionist and his father.
"He's so sweet, isn't he?" The receptionist said.
"Yes, he is. He's a good boy." Mr. Miura sighed. "Sadly, I only came to realize it now. During all this time, I was so caught up in work that I didn't give him the attention and support he deserved while he grew up. It's only now that I'm getting to know him. In a few days, he'll move to Tokyo to attend another school, all by himself... I wish I had spent more time with him..."
Kazushi still found it hard to believe how he had managed to sort out the issue with his parents so suddenly. He had never imagined he would be able to muster up the courage to open up to them like that. But in the end, all he had needed to do was to let his thoughts out. His parents came to act so differently after his outburst. It was as though they had had a change of heart.
"What matters the most right now is that you proved to have the power to change people's hearts." Igor's words replayed in Kazushi's mind. "... You must use it in order to achieve freedom. You must change not only your own, but also the hearts of others, in order to turn the world around you into a better place."
That dream was complex. "The Velvet Room," "power to change hearts," "Persona..." even though dreams usually didn't make sense, the ones about the Velvet Room had something special to them, and Kazushi kept wondering whether they actually had any significance. But no matter how hard he thought back on them, he couldn't arrive at any conclusion. Now he was sure of at least one thing, though. His parents were actually nice.
Days passed, and Kazushi had no more dreams about the Velvet Room.
It was the day before he would move to Tokyo. Kazushi stared out of his bedroom's window. He had never considered the view of their backyard to be anything special, but now he found it sad that he had no idea when he would be able to see it again.
He caught the sight of a bird taking flight. It seemed to be enjoying the feeling of freedom and the fact that the sky was the only limit.
"Freedom..." Kazushi murmured, and Igor's words from the dream inadvertently surfaced again.
"The Velvet Room represents the current state of your mind, and the obstacles you must overcome. You view yourself as being trapped by the rules imposed by society, and this is why you see the Velvet Room as a prison."
"Once the rehabilitation thing is over, will I really get freedom?" Kazushi asked to no one in particular. "Will I be able to 'fly,' too?" He chuckled to himself. "Uh, that was kinda weird... what's gotten into me? I wasn't this... poetic before, was I?" No one was there to answer. Kazushi heaved another sigh. "I hope I can achieve something good in my life..."
He began packing up his things to go to Tokyo. Not that he had many possessions to begin with. Mostly clothes, other basic things, and some books. He was going to skip the books, but thought again and considered taking something to read during the train ride.
"Hm?" Kazushi found an interesting item among his books. It was the Lupin manga from all those years ago, and it was mostly intact. "Ah. It's been a while..." Kazushi mumbled as he flipped through the pages and reminisced about the summary he had done for the summer break homework on his last year of elementary school. He remembered about how he managed to buy that manga despite being too young for it. About Ms. Ishihara, and that nickname that had bothered him so much back then. About his promise to become a nice adult and a good example to others. "I wonder if Ms. Ishihara still remembers me... I hope she's found a place where her colleagues respect her." He absentmindedly fiddled with the manga. "Either way, it looks like the time to fulfill that promise is near..."
Kazushi snapped to focus and went back to what he was doing, which was looking for something to read during the train ride. As he stared at the manga in his hands, he realized that his search was over. He would read it again, from a different perspective now that he had grown up.
His parents came to see him off at the train station.
"The time has come..." Mr. Miura lamented. "Just when we were beginning to actually know you..."
"Yeah..." Kazushi shared the sentiment.
"Are you nervous?" His mother asked.
Kazushi shifted the weight of his suitcase. "Yeah, a bit."
The train arrived.
"Good luck, Kazushi!" His father shouted as Kazushi prepared to board the train. "We'll be cheering you on!"
"Take care! Be sure to give us a call when you arrive in Tokyo!" His mother followed.
Kazushi nodded assuringly. He boarded the train and took a seat. Soon, the train was moving, taking Kazushi towards his new life.
Kazushi took the manga out and proceeded to read it. He recalled how Lupin's creative methods had impressed him the first time he read that manga, despite his reservations against Lupin. However, rather than Lupin's shenanigans, what stood out to Kazushi the most this time around was something totally different. Despite each member of the gang seeming to have their own agenda, in times of need, Lupin was always there for his allies and vice versa. This inevitably brought back the memories about how Kazushi manipulated and betrayed his allies in his nightmares. That was it. Kazushi made up his mind. If he ever formed a group to pursue a common goal, he would be there for his allies, just like Lupin did. He would even go as far as to protect them with his life if necessary.
Protect them? Kazushi wasn't sure why he thought that his group would need protection. Maybe it was because they were involved in dangerous activities in those nightmares. Either way, if he came to form a group, he would make sure to support his allies in any way he could, and to not lose sight of himself. The last thing he wanted was to become an evil person and have those nightmares come true.
Tired of reading, Kazushi closed the manga and took a nap. He dreamed that he and some other people had just robbed a bank and were trying to escape. Security guards turned into monsters, and things were pretty messed up. They managed to leave the facility and escaped by riding a strange bus with a cat tail. Nothing bad happened to him or his group this time, although the events were really weird. But again, it was a dream, so...
"Attention passengers. We are entering Tokyo. Our next stop is the Shibuya station." The voice from the speaker announced and woke Kazushi up.
Kazushi sighed. Why did he have to dream that he was stealing things? It was almost as though he and his group were Lupin's gang. The group even had about the right number of people, too. Yes, the Lupin manga was too fresh in his head, and he must have had that dream because of it.
"We are entering Tokyo. Our next stop is the Shibuya station." The voice from the speakers repeated.
Alright! Kazushi thought as he stared out the window. No one could tell by looking at his face, but his insides were flaring with determination. He would do his best in Tokyo and successfully finish his rehabilitation to prove himself to the law. Tokyo, here I come!
A/n: in the July 19 2016 official Japanese P5 live stream event, the video of the game's prologue was shown, where the police accuses the MC of a lot of crimes. Fan theories began flying around saying that the game was a flashback, or that the prologue was a timeline where things went wrong and the game was time travel, or that the prologue was a premonition. This is where the premonition idea for this fic came from. Though in the official game, according to reports of people that played the demo, it looks like the prologue happens six months into the action and the actual game is a flashback. Let's see which one it is once the game comes out.
Isn't the Shadow form Arsène quite the nice guy? I had initially planned to have him say harsh and humiliating things, then threaten to kill the MC, but as soon as Kazushi set aside the possibility of rejecting him, Arsène kind of wrote himself and turned out very friendly. What if Kazushi had rejected him, though? I've read some fan theories saying that the way Arsène is summoned in the trailer makes it look like he's possessing/controlling the MC. If Kazushi were to reject him, I think this might very well have happened. Then, Kazushi might have gone to the point of no return, and his nightmares might have come true. Or Arsène might have killed Kazushi right them and there. In other words, while Kazushi interacted with Arsène, he had no idea of the danger he was in...
the part where Kazushi takes note of the bird taking flight is a reference to the bird mask he's going to wear in the future as a Phantom Thief, and Arsène (the Persona)'s wings.
I still want to know what is the relation between Sojiro and Futaba. I'm guessing she's his daughter, but there's no official confirmation yet. If it turns out that she's not his daughter, I'll correct the information in the fic.
And we finally got to the trailer quotes. As for the lines that were in Japanese, these are my translations, and might be worded differently than the other fan translations around.
"Now, it is time to begin your rehabilitation. Welcome to my Velvet Room." From Igor in PV 04.
"Steal back your future." From PV 02.
"You are a captive. A captive of fate." Adapted from Justine's voice in the game's prologue (also plays in PV 03).
"This is an unfair game that is nearly impossible to win." Adapted from Justine's voice in the game's prologue.
"Victory! Yay!" Anne's victory quote from the E3 gameplay footage.
I could have ended the story here, but there are more quotes I want to use, and more things I want to address. So, until next chapter.
