Here's chap two…. I hope you enjoy it ;) personally I loved making Naruto look like an idiot (I have nothing against him, I swear! But he's just so easy to make fun from and I just couldn't resist xD)
Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto. If I did, SOME of the characters would be found dead in a gutter (a.k.a Karin…)
Claimer: I do own (what's his name again..?) Dakante
"Speaking"
'Thinking'
Inner Sakura or Zetsu's dark side is in bold
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The hokage hit the desk with her fist.
"Explain yourself!" the hokage shouted. "How can you continue doing such childish acts if you want to be hokage some day?" Lady Tsunade fumed "why have you been acting as the knucklehead brat you once were?!?! I know you haven't grown mentally, but you're not 12 and not a genin! Even Konohamaru, the kid that takes after you, knows better! Now will explain yourself! And don't give me that bullshit about you being bored!"
"I…" Naruto tried to pipe in. But it seemed that the hokage was on a role and didn't plan on stopping. The said blond ninja decided to shut his yap and for once let the lady spill everything out. It seemed wiser than arguing with her now. Not that Naruto was wiser…
"And don't even try to sweet-talk out of it! I want to know why exactly you pulled a prank like this!" Lady Tsunade was not even listening to Naruto. She was in her own little world and wrecking her fury on poor Naruto, who could only tremble in fear. It seemed funny back then, but now….
Flashback
One
shadow moved in the stillness of the night. What soul could not be
sleeping at a time like this? It was way passed midnight. The jonin
guards have already switched their last watch. Some tired men went to
their humble homes when the others went to get a drink or a ten to a
local club, leaving the grumpy ninja to patrol the beloved
village.
But the club was in the complete opposite way the person was headed. Could the village have been infiltrated?
CRASH!!!!!
"Damn it!" the number one knucklehead ninja yelled. Then quickly covered his mouth 'I 'I'm an idiot! Did they hear me?!?!' he though looking around fanatically. 'I've got to hide and fast!' he jumped into an …..(A/N boy, this is hard!) PUTRID BARREL.
No, no such enemies could be so clumsy… It could only be…only Naruto…
A second later two jonin stood right in the same place where Naruto previously was.
"What was that?" said one jonin looking around. The other jonin leaned on the old putrid barrel. Naruto didn't even dare to breathe. But he couldn't hold his breath for that long, so eventually he decided just to stay still and be quiet.
"I have no idea. Maybe it was an intruder? We should investigate the area but as quietly as possible. There is no need for a false alarm at this kind of hour: the hokage is probably drunk and trust me you don't want to deal with her right now" said the obviously older and more experienced jonin while leaning on the barrel. "Let us look around. You'll go left and I'll take right."
"Hai!" agreed the younger ninja.
'Now I'm so toasted!' Naruto panicked in his head. Now all his plans were in the gutter. He needed to think fast. Sadly that wasn't his strong side.
Suddenly an idea hit him. This would affect his pride, but…. It could just get him out of this mess.
"Mew, mew, meeeeew" Naruto started mewing. He sounded like a cat that had its vocal chords operated. Did he actually believe that this will trick the jonin?
The younger jonin stopped dead in his tracks. Then he chuckled and turned around.
"Hehe…False alarm there Kouta-san (A/N I just 'came up' with this name -_-). It's probably just a stray cat or something…." He said while scratching the back of his head… "We should probably go patrol elsewhere, shouldn't we?
'I said 'mew' damn it! What else could it be, Kiba's dog?' Naruto though. But otherwise he couldn't believe his luck! All those genin chasing cats missions and bringing them back to their snobby owners finally paid off!! And he was almost beginning to doubt the experience he gained by doing so! 'Those jonin are getting stupider every year…' he snickered while grinning like a maniac. 'I wonder how stupid they will get when I become hokage… I'll be the leader of those idiots! The king of all idiots in the Hidden Leaf Village! ' then he frowned. 'That didn't sound right at all!!!'
"No Dakante (A/N ok, I REALLY came up with that…honest!). You're too jumpy, as always. I think we should investigate this further….. I have a weird feeling about this…" the older jonin stated. This guy wasn't that ignorant.
'Damn you, old geezer! Can't you just mind own business?!' Naruto cursed. Why did those jonin have to patrol in pairs!?
GRUURRRR. Something groaned.
'ISSss…IS that a summon?' Naruto panicked. Cold sweat began forming on his forehead. 'It sounds like some wild beast, I should just get out of here, forget my plan and everything, run for my life!' The blond ninja wasn't so eager on pulling pranks now… His life could by in danger!
"Kouta-san! It's your stomach!" laughed Dakante. "Sensei, you know, no ninja can work on an empty stomach! It's proven scientifically!" the younger jonin tried pushing the elder in the direction of the not so near by pub in vain. "Let's go…. You need to loosen up! If something dreadful happens, it's on me, ok sensei?" the boy tried to convince his previous teacher. The kid, in fact, was hungry himself and so was trying desperately to get his sensei's approval. "It's my treat, can we go now?" That was the last ace Dakante had. Surely his sensei couldn't resist now! Even if he left empty handed…
A cocky smirk found its place on the elder jonin's face. He had won. "Hmmm…This isn't right Dakante… We shouldn't abandon your duties, even if we are hungry and tired… If I told the Hokage about this, she would surely punish you… And I would blame her… Of course I won't tell her! You were my student after all and it would be my fault as well. So I think I'll let this slide just once, only this time I repeat. Don't you try this again, you understand boy?" Kouta lectured. But as his previous student could sense it, this was all just an act. "On one condition though… Everything's on you. And I mean everything" the old man winked.
Dakante knew his sensei quite well, so he already knew that the old man would give in. If not for the yummy food, then because of the fact that Dakante was his favorite student after all… Although the older man didn't show it, he cared for the boy as his own son. So usually Dakante would get just about everything he wanted… But sometimes the boy would still make deals and parleys with the sensei that weren't very useful for him, not considering the fact that he could easily convince the old man to go his way. Dakante would just let the man believe that he had some influence on the boy's actions…Sometimes.
"Alright sensei… You're the boss here…" Dakante agreed while scratching his neck.
Naruto was almost falling asleep. Would they make their mind already?! He had places to go, pranks to pull! He didn't have all night, ya know! The blonde even considered sneaking out of the barrel and silently making his way towards his destination, he was almost sure that the jonin wouldn't notice him with their yapping! The young one at least… About the other Naruto didn't know…
A moment later everything was quiet once again. You couldn't even tell that there was a disturbance before. Slowly the top of the barrel popped up. A blonde head peeped through the opening.
'They're gone?! How…when, why hadn't I noticed!?' he mentally slapped himself…
But that mean… That he was back on the plan…
End of flashback
"Oh Naruto… Why do you do these stupid things..?" Now Tsunade was not so angry, sad was more like it. "I mean… what is your problem..?" she asked while rubbing her temples.
"Well…gulp… Grandma Tsunad.." said ninja began. He didn't have an excuse, the knucklehead didn't think about being caught. Actually, he never did think about being caught red–handed.
"DOON"T EVER CALL ME THAT!" the woman shrieked. She really hated when the kid called her that… she just felt so, so old!
"Umh… could I ask why, oh your honorable hokage?" Naruto asked in a voice five times lower than it usually was. This woman was really scary when angered.
"Because….it just makes me fell so OLD!" the other blonde confessed. Wow, she was really talkative today. Usually she would just answer with an ordinary 'Cuz I said so' or with a more extravagant 'don't question the Hokage!!!', or would just hit him over his head, yelling something not so very nice.
"But aren't you old grandma?" Naruto enquired. This was probable his last and biggest mistake ever.
A couple of veins popped on Tsunade's forehead. She was barely controlling her rage. She couldn't just pulverize the kid on such a pretty day, could she?
'Keep it together, Tsunade,' she tried to calm down. 'You can't kill him… Though in several other parts in the world killing annoying brats is legal…it's not in Konaha sadly… You can do this without violence! I know you can! Believe in yourself!' she assured herself. 'Believe… hey, didn't I just sound like Naruto!?'
",.Brat." she spitted through clenched teeth. "...." she continued
"Umh, my punishment for the prank or for calling you old lady Tsunade?" Naruto enquired again. The kid didn't know when to run for his life, did he?
"JUST GET OUT!" the now so very pissed Hokage screamed.
Meanwhile
In a not so very far off place, other known as the main Akatsuki base, the leader couldn't work with these distractions. It seemed that in a place where the most feared criminals lived would be dead silent, everybody would mind their own business, interacting with each other wouldn't even be considered! Who ever said that should get his head examined. The base usually wasn't SO noisy, but it wasn't peaceful either. This was just too much. Sometimes he truly felt as the leader of some nursery (if there was such occupation at least).
'Either way they shut up or there'd be hell to pay.' the leader growled. Leading an evil world-wide organization was stressful enough! He didn't need someone else stressing him out more!
"DON'T make me come down there!" he shouted. He was sure they'd heard him. He wasn't deaf, he heard the massive laughing afterwards his little outburst. He gritted his teeth. THAT'S why he didn't give 'vacation' days often. By vacation, he meant no missions or other crap for a couple of days. But every time he gave his 'trusty minions' a little time off, he would highly regret it.
Although, this time off wasn't just out of the leaders generosity. Hell no. The truth was that there weren't any missions available. And if there were, Pein would consider deeply if the pay was worth the trouble (not the members of his organization, but his – doing all the paperwork!).
'Let the idiots rest for now... When I'm done with the paperwork, they'll feel my wrath.' he evilly though. But, considering the fact that the paperwork was piled not only on the desk, but on the floor as well, the 'wrath' would have to wait.
Pein sighted. Why did HE have to do that goddamn paperwork? Why couldn't he just order someone to do it? The answer came rushing to his head – they would just ruin everything, as always. Kukuzu would require payment, Itachi was half blind, so he was out of the question (lucky bastard!), Zetsu would just probably eat it all (on the bright side, at least it would be gone!), Deidara would, like Zetsu, 'dispose' of the annoying papers by blowing them up or setting them on fire. Hidan and Kisame were out of the question. And Tobi...NO! He will never ever let that kid near his office again!!!
In the living room
The place was so messy; it was hardly believable someone could live there. Blood, leftovers from dinner/lunch/breakfast, shreds of paper lay everywhere on the floor. What could those 'men' been doing?
Simple – Deidara was standing on the very expensive couch one leg in the air, right next to the reading Sasori, holding Hidan's head in one of his hands, yelling something to Kisame. In the other side of the room, Kisame was holding Samehada and giving it a couple of test swings. They were playing 'hit Hidan's head with a huge sword'. Of course, Hidan's participation in that event wasn't on voluntary basis.
Sasori was reading a book and trying to ignore all the annoying shouts from Deidara. Well, actually, Sasori was waiting for one of his soon to be puppets bleed to death. In the living room! That was where all the blood had come from. That, and from the gap on Hidan's head, of course. Anyway Sasori had hung his victim on the crystal luster and was now waiting patiently for the blood to stop dripping. Again in the living room!
Tobi was sitting on the floor (he managed to find a clean spot) and watching his sempai stupefied. On the floor he had paper and some chalk. Tobi was drawing pictures of his beloved sempai and was waiting for Deidara to notice his 'art'. Knowing the blond clay master, the masked ninja should not expect such things.
Itachi was also sitting on the couch right next to Sasori, watching some random soap opera. Sasori highly doubted the Uchiha could see the TV screen from this far, but said nothing.
Kakuzu was also sitting on the floor, far away from the other ninja, mumbling something about a 'stupid Uchiha, he's not the one who's paying the TV bills' and clipping out coupons from newspapers and other sources.
And Hidan was roughly being held by Deidara, luckily not by his hair at least. The blond ninja knew that people didn't like being pulled by their hair and Hidan truly appreciated that. But still he was swearing loudly and yelling to his body to pick his ##*ing head from the #%&$$$$$#ing blonde artist.
"Try to hit this, Salmon!" Deidara yelled while swinging the head
Kisame chuckled and lifted Samehada. No way he could miss, the sword was big as a…as a… the sword was huge!
"GOOOooooooo Sempai!!! Woooo!!!" Tobi sheered with his hands up it the air
"Shut up you…" Deidara started obviously annoyed by the kid on the floor.
"DON'T make me come down there!" the leader yelled.
Everybody started laughing. Kisame and Deidara were roaring from laughter. Tobi followed suit after his Sempai. Even the Uchiha chuckled. If annoying the Leader was an Olympic evebt, they'd win gold for sure.
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Sorry for not updating…. But I think this chapy's long enough… well at leads compared to the previous chapter xD any who sorry for all the grammar, misspelled words and other errors!
I'm starting the other chap right now (well not now, but I've already got smth) :)
Ja ne!
Lotz of luv
BTW: R&R! Plz, I'll buy you a really tasty cookie!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Evil-er-Tayuya
