A/N: I'm looking for beta readers. PM me if you're interested. :)
Peeta comes home 12 days later. It always takes a few days to patch up a victor so that he or she is presentable to the Capitol. Although his injuries didn't appear life threatening, it took a week until they had him ready for his interview and viewing. After looking at his face during the replay of the games, I'm pretty sure it's not his body that needed healing. His eyes were sunken, dark circles around them. They were rimmed with red, and Peeta shook throughout the interview.
I stand at the train station, fidgeting in my mother's old blue dress. Even though it's only end of June, the air is thick with humidity and the sun beats down, unseasonably warm. As one of the people regularly interviewed, I am required to be there for "reaction shots" for "continuity." I may punch a reporter. As Peeta gets off the train, I hang back, with Madge, allowing him space with his family and closer friends. Madge and I had not been particularly close to each other (or Peeta for that matter) before Peeta was reaped, mostly just eating lunch together at school, but we've become closer in the past few weeks. Even so, neither of us is much of a talker, so we haven't really said much despite spending a lot of time together. I realize I have no clue why Madge is here at all.
"Why were you there that day...in the justice building?"
"I live next door."
"You know what I mean...why did you visit Peeta?"
"Why did you? You don't know him."
I'm not sure how to respond, so I don't. We stand in silence. Suddenly Madge leans in to hug me, tighter than her celebratory hugs a few days before. She lets her hair fall over her face, and whispers quickly, in my ear. "Meet me behind the empty candy shop after they take him up to Victor's Village." She pulls away, hands still on my shoulders, staring directly into my eyes. I nod, and we are ushered forward to greet Peeta for the cameras.
The hug I share with Peeta is awkward, and I fight the urge to run. "Thank you for coming to welcome me home" he mutters, his voice flat and emotionless, and he shivers even in the baking sun. What have they given him?
Remembering the cameras, I look him in the eyes as we step away. "I'm glad you came back." It's genuine. He returns a small smile (also genuine?) and walks back toward Haymitch and Effie, the capitol escort. They head up to the Victor's Village, most of the camera crews following behind.
Cressida calls "the kids" (as she's nicknamed his friends) over to her. "From this point on, we're going to focus on his family. No more interviews will be necessary." Her voice falters, and she hesitates for a moment, making eye contact with Madge. "You're...welcome...to be present for the dance and the party, but be aware that all of Panem...the Capitol...is watching." Her eyebrows raise and her chin lowers as she looks at us.
Madge nods and smiles in return. "We have a lot of homework!" she says cheerfully. This is a lie. There's only a week left of school, and we haven't really had homework since Peeta made it to the final eight. But I agree with her, and Cressida waves her hand, as if to dismiss us.
"Separately..." Madge mutters under her breath, so I turn off the sidewalk, taking the path that loops around the back of the town square, and she heads on the path that leads directly to the center of town. As I circle around the school and into the alley, I try to remember which building is the candy store. I know it's been closed as long as I can remember. Next to the old apothecary? My mom grew up working at the apothecary, but when she married my dad, her parents had disowned her from the family business, and she never managed to save up the money to buy it back after they passed. My dad pointed it out to me once or twice, standing empty next to the bakery. The candy store had been on the other side.
"Why's that one empty, daddy?" I had asked one day.
"Once upon a time there were two little girls who were supposed to keep the store running when their parents were gone. One passed away, and the other married the Mayor. She was so busy helping the Mayor that she didn't have time to run a candy store."
The Mayor. The Mayor is Madge's dad, which means her mom was meant to run the candy store. Of course, that's why we're meeting here.
This section of the block is quiet. Of the six businesses, 3 stand empty. One is the bakery, and Peeta's parents and brothers are all up in the Victor's Village, probably touring their brand new mansion (will they keep running the bakery even though Peeta won?), and the dress shop is dark. The shoe store (home of the slightly annoying Delly Cartwright), is also closed and quiet. I walk quietly up to the back of what I guess is the candy store, two doors away from the bakery.
Madge slowly opens the door, glances around, and beckons me to follow her. She leads me silently up the stairs, to the apartment above the empty store. The room is covered in dust, and old furniture (even an empty bird cage) litter the corners. The heat is almost oppressive up here, thick with the years of abandonment.
"I can't open a window...there's too many people in town today that would ask questions."
I nod, knowing that we probably shouldn't be here at all. She quietly drags me into the abandoned bathroom, disturbing the thick layer of dust that covers everything in the apartment. She turns on the sink and the shower, the unused pipes groaning as they fill with water.
"I don't think they listen here, but this makes it so they can't pick us up..."
"They?" I ask, already knowing the answer.
"The Capitol. Anyone with a connection to the mayor probably has bugs in their house...and now probably anyone connected to Peeta." She looks at me meaningfully. "So try to downplay..." she trails off, and seems to start a new train of thought. "Ok, we have a few minutes. This is why I was there: there is a small group of people in 12 who want to overthrow the government. My mom is involved, my dad looks the other way. The group is small, and gets smaller every year. But Haymitch..."
"HAYmitch?!"
"Yes, Haymitch is our only connection to the other districts without using my dad's official lines. And he's been useless for a long time, so we're not sure if the other districts know we have rebels. Mom hoped Peeta would make it past the bloodbath, get some screen time, so we could get a sign on him, let people know we're still here..."
The pin. It seemed so odd, so incongruous, that a big strong blonde boy would wear a gold Mockingjay pin on the edge of his jacket. No one saw it before the actual games, so no one asked about it. I had dismissed it, figuring it was from Delly or his mom.
"The Mockingjay?"
"Yes" continued Madge, quietly and fervently. "Since we went to that dance last year, mom figured it wouldn't look too out of place if I gave it to him. When we said goodbye, I asked him to please wear it for the district. And he did it. And now they know we're here."
"They?" I ask again, this time unsure of the answer.
"The rebels. In the other districts. We know 11 is in, 'cause Haymitch does talk to Chaff while they drink. Maybe 8...anyway, why were you there?"
I hesitate a moment, then come to the realization that no matter how embarrassed I feel, how ashamed I am about the bread, how confused I feel about the kiss, how reluctant I am to open up, Madge has just trusted me with something bigger and far more dangerous than my confused feelings. If I hold out on her now, she won't trust me again. Our halting friendship will be over. And the idea of rebellion hangs tantalizingly in the air.
So I tell her. I tell her about my father, my mother's numb emptiness, the starving days...Prim getting thinner and thinner. I tell her about digging through the garbage, and Peeta's mom screaming at me, calling me a "seam brat."
"She's a bitch." Madge interjects. "Everyone in town hates her."
I smile and continue. I tell her about the bread, how he was beaten so that I could live. "I owed him." I finish. "I never thanked him...he probably thought I was so ungrateful. And I realized that was probably my last chance to thank him, so I went."
"He likes you." Madge states, matter-of-fact, turning off the water. Apparently this piece of news isn't a secret. "All the town kids know. His friends always told him to let it go...that his mother would never allow him to date you anyway, and that you were probably with Gale..."
"I'm not with Gale. I'm not with anyone, and I won't be. I'm never having kids, I'm never getting married. Not with how things are."
"Fine. But I think you should know about Peeta's feelings." She leads me downstairs toward the back door.
"He kissed me." I say quietly, not making eye contact. Her hand grabs my forearm.
"Katniss! When!" And suddenly we're 2 normal 16-year-old girls, talking about boys instead of rebellion, something neither of us expected. We both giggle nervously.
"After I went to the justice building to say goodbye. I ran."
"You RAN?! Katniss, was that your first kiss?"
I blush and nod as we leave the candy shop. Madge brings a small key from her pocket to lock up, and my mind wanders to my second kiss.
I ran from the justice building, the feeling of Peeta's lips still on mine, soft and warm.
"He's going to die, you know" my mind whispered, and I felt the tears begin to prick behind my eyes. I ran into my house long enough to grab my game bag and shout at my mother, who looked remarkably distraught for a woman whose kids weren't reaped.
"We made a special dinner tonight, so don't stay too long" she said absently.
I ran again. Into the woods, about half a mile from town, pausing only long enough to grab my bow. In the distance, I heard the train moving, taking Peeta and Violet to their deaths. I collapsed to the ground next to the creek, and curled into a ball, sobs wracking my body. I was so confused. I said my thanks. I made it right. I didn't owe him any more, so why was my heart breaking? Why did he kiss me?
About 30 minutes later, I had recovered somewhat and was simply sitting on the cool earth, watching the creek pass by when I heard quiet footsteps behind me.
Gale sat down next to me, settling close beside me. "I didn't get reaped. I'm done" he whispered, more to himself than to me. "Katniss, I made it through the reapings..." quiet joy was in his voice, and I looked over to see him smiling.
Ignoring (or not seeing) my red-rimmed eyes, he suddenly grabbed my face in his hands, kissing me forcefully. A kiss from Gale was so different from a kiss from Peeta. Rougher, more forceful, his lips less hesitant. I felt the same stirring of warmth in my chest. And I responded the same way: by running. Back to the fence, back to the seam, back to my house. I curled up in the bed, covering myself with the blanket as my mom and Prim tried to ply me with goat cheese and salad.
Before I feel asleep, I heard Prim mutter to my mom "but she didn't even know him..."
Madge and I walk wordlessly around the square. As we pause at her door, I hug her tightly, whispering in her ear "will your friends need help?"
She nods, knowing I'm talking about the rebels. "Hopefully. I'll let you know if they make contact." And she disappears into the Mayor's house.
My mind wanders again as I walk back to the seam.
The next day was Saturday, a day for Gale and I to hunt. This was even more important than normal, because Gale only had a few Saturdays left before he went to the mines.
In some of the other districts, school stops and starts for the harvest or the spring calving. Not in district 12. Here, we have school year round. "To keep us busy" my dad had once explained. Every year on July 1st, we move up a year. This year, I'll become a 17, even though my birthday isn't until May. And Gale will cease to be an 18. He'll be an adult, and he'll have to go work in the mines.
I met up with Gale on that Saturday morning, the day after the reaping. My eyes were probably still swollen, but he didn't say a word. Neither did I. As we sat, eating a breakfast of berries and leftover bread, he finally broke the silence.
"I'm sorry, Catnip" he began quietly, using his nickname for me. "I always told myself that when I was free from the reapings, I'd let you know how I felt. I didn't think you'd..."
Turn him down. He didn't think I'd turn him down. We spend all of our free time together. We can speak without talking, and we've joked about running away together. He assumed what my mom and everyone else assumes, which is that we'll end up together, married with a gaggle of kids in a house at the edge of the seam.
"I can't, Gale. I'm not falling in love, I'm not getting married. I'm not having kids."
"I'm not asking you to get married. I just hoped you'd kiss me back." His voice was thick and somewhat bitter.
I didn't respond. Without a word, we began hunting, and never talked about it again. Then Peeta made the final 8 and reporters descended on the district, descended on me, and I missed out on the last 2 weeks of hunting with my best friend. At least we'd have Sundays.
Gale is going to start in the mines on Tuesday.
The capitol people leave Sunday night, and town returns to normal. Gale and I both skip school on Monday, enjoying his last day of freedom. We don't say a word about Peeta or the kiss. But he does lean down to hug me as we separate at the fork in the road between our houses.
"See you on Sunday, Catnip" his voice is almost steady.
"Be careful." My voice betrays the worry I feel. "I'm going to worry about you every day."
"Every day?" he asks, surprised at my honesty.
"Every day." I say confidently, and turn down the road.
When I enter my house, my mom looks at the squirrel I've brought, and the basket of greens and mint. "Hunting?" she asks. "They knew you weren't in school. I told the peacekeeper I didn't know where you were. It was Darius."
I nod. "Thanks." There's not much my mom can do to care for me anymore, but lying to peacekeepers is on the list. Luckily, Darius knew exactly where I was, and didn't care. In fact, he had bought a rabbit off of me at the Hob that afternoon.
She walks over and puts her arms around me. "He'll be fine, Katniss." She's rarely affectionate, and I shrug off her hug, staring her in the face.
I think of the day the mine exploded and my father died. How she had collapsed and spent months in numb nothingness. Dad wasn't fine. I open my mouth to argue, scream...but instead I just nod.
That night, I dream of mines caving in on Gale's head, leaving nothing but dust.
