Chapter 2

Emi chided herself silently and then told Adam, "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you. I'll try and be more careful."

Adam knew he should say something … anything … to let her know it wasn't her fault but he couldn't. To try and explain would reveal just how big a fool he was, how wasted it had all been, and he wasn't ready for that. Not yet. Not while pictures of Gary and Reni stared at him accusingly from across the small room.

What Adam didn't realize is that Emi had decided that whatever was wrong with him took precedent over what had happened between them in the past. Adam had been there for her during some of the darkest moments of her life and she'd been there for him when he and Michelle had broken up and he'd been so devastated. So what if she'd just been a rebound for him. A temporary fix. A placeholder. That didn't matter because she'd seen how he'd struggle with the aftermath of Michelle wanting him back and then finding out she was pregnant. And then the confusion of trying to figure out how he felt about it all and deal with his new responsibilities.

"Adam, I know … um … you said you didn't want to talk about Michelle but … is she hurt? Or … is it the baby?" It was the only thing she could think of that would tear him up like this.

Adam wrenched away Emi, stood up and started toward the door, only able to think about leaving, escaping. He wasn't ready for her to know. Didn't want anyone to know except because of what happened today some already knew. He just couldn't stand her knowing because somehow her knowing would make it worse than it already was.

"Adam!" Emi cried, moving quickly to prevent him from escaping. "In case you've forgotten, I'm only half Irish. You'll remember the other half is Creole. Do not make me go Creole on you. Neither one of us will like it. I'll probably feel as bad as you will by the time I'm finished … well almost probably or maybe even worse."

"Emi … this … I can't …"

Emi stood in front of him, hands on hips, one foot tapping. When Adam made to brush her aside a small but very pointed growl escaped her lips and surprised him so much he looked down and blinked owlishly. "Did … did you just …?"

"Yep. I've also been known to bite as well so get your brawlin' butt in that chair and don't move until I'm finished with you." The faint Irish lilt was now threaded through with the summer heat and humidity of Louisiana.

"Uh …"

"I mean it Adam. If you don't want to talk to me then fine though you know good and well I'll always be on your side no matter what it is. But you are going to let me take care of you otherwise I swear I'll … I'll …" Then lighting on the one thing she knew Adam wasn't proof against she said, "Or I'll cry."

"What?!"

"You heard me. And the longer you fight me the worse I'll cry. You fight me too far and you are going to wind up with a braying, snotty nosed woman on your hands, howling loud enough to bring all the neighbors running, and not just the ones on this floor either."

Emi had been backing Adam up – thanks mostly to the fact that she'd stunned him with her threat – and when the back of his knees hit the chair she reached out with one dainty foot and swept his out from under him leaving him no choice but to sit or fall down.

Adam winced at the impact of landing and jarring what was already sore which made Emi wince but only for a second before she got a mulish look on her face that Adam knew meant she wasn't kidding and wasn't giving up. It was either acquiesce or suffer the consequences. He'd known she was capable of it. He'd watched her have to use the same resolute intent with Gary; but the thought of being like Gary, the thought that she might think he was like Gary, made Adam's stomach churn worse than it already was. And then it happened and he accepted the inevitable.

Sighing he muttered in an annoyed voice, "I am woman. Hear me roar."

"You're not a woman, you're all pig-headed man. And I said howl, not roar."

Both of them jumped, neither having expected the brief exchange to actually come out of their mouths though they'd had similar brief dust ups throughout their friendship. Surprisingly Adam was one of the few people that stood up to Emi, which was something she recognized she needed to remind her to not simply steamroll over people even if she thought it was for their own good. As a result Emi gave Adam a lot of respect which is something he didn't get enough of. Emi blushed and looked guiltily at Adam from the corner of eye. Adam's mouth hung open for a full five seconds before he closed it and allowed the corners to turn up slightly in humor. When his shoulders started shaking with what she thought was suppressed laughter she stepped closer to make sure the butterfly bandage on his cheek would stay where she put it. Only Adam reached out and roughly pulled her closer yet and hid his face against her stomach.

Any smile that she'd thought to have aborted before its birth as Emi realized Adam wasn't chuckling but was trying not to do his own bit of howling. Only once before had she'd seen him close to this state and it had involved his father. Not knowing what else to do Emi held him to her and ran her hands through his hair and across his shoulders, patting his back when she felt him shudder. This kind of pain couldn't be stopped, it could only be endured. Whatever it was Emi knew she was strong enough that Adam could use her for this and they'd both survive it. She actually felt pride that he was venting whatever it was with her even if he wasn't quite doing it willingly. Emi was the kind of person that needed to be needed. Desperately needed it as some kind of justification for her continued existence on this planet. She'd inherited that from both her parents. Not for the first time she thought that it was a blessing that they'd died together with the twins and Michael; they wouldn't have survived the loss the way she'd had to. They would have been immeasurably and inconsolably alone without each other, unable to go on without whatever it was in the other that completed them. But Emi was a half measure of both of her parents, and that allowed her to live even though there had been days that she hadn't wanted to.

Slowly, silently, Adam finally got himself under control but was too shamed to turn Emi loose like he knew he should. God how he'd missed this; her total acceptance of who he was warts and all. Not even Michelle had done that though she'd tried, especially in the early days, before his job had gotten in the way.

"Come along Adam, you need to rest. Let me look now and see what else needs doing so that you can have a lie down. Well … a shower first then a lie down." Unintentionally she mimicked her mother's gentle but thicker Irish accent.

Adam, ready to show his own bit of mulishness, managed despite his emotional struggle to say, "No."

Taking his refusal in stride Emi shrugged. "No? You sure? Well, maybe a cup of chamomile tea would be better. When is the last time you've eaten? I baked some cookies last night if you want some."

A muffled sigh from Adam that she could feel as well as hear was followed by, "I know. I smelled them. I almost … but … she'd just left. And I couldn't. I wanted to but I … it was too soon. I didn't know how."

Ignoring some of the tale that was slowly unfolding Emi said, "Tea it is then. You can dunk your cookies in the tea to soften them. That should be easier on your mouth. You'll have both the hot and the sweet and lose this shocky appearance. Your forehead is too cool and clammy for my comfort. Honestly I'm going to twist the tail of whoever did this to you. Brawlin' is one thing but it's like they chose their targets to be especially mean on purpose."

"They did. A couple of perps came back to a scene to clean up the mess they'd left behind, not realizing our team was already there processing. They knocked out the cop that was with us then they jumped me. I knew I'd eventually do down but I was able to hold them off long enough that Lindsey could get in the car and lock up with the evidence we'd already collected."

From previous conversations and a brief meeting at an office party Emi knew he was referring to a woman he worked with. "Lindsey is back from maternity leave?"

Adam leaned back from her and said almost normally, "Yeah. It was her first day in the field. Danny was freaking out good by the time he got to the warehouse. Mac was the only one that stood between him and the Hanson Brothers."

"Uh …?"

"The perps."

"Oh. But Lindsey is ok?"

"Yeah. Doc wants her to take a day off but she's ok. Danny might need stitches though."

"So … uh … Danny got in on the action with the Hanson Brothers?"

"No. Lindsey threatened to hit him in the head with her case if he didn't notch back the Italian."

"Oh. Well yeah, I can see that happening. I only met him the once but he seems … yeah … anyway I Hope for his sake that Danny backs off. Head stitches aren't fun."

"It's the whole father thing," Adam said and then he just seemed to collapse in on himself again.

Alarmed at the sudden change Emi searched Adam's face and watched as grief etched its inevitable presence there. Still unable to look her in the eyes he stared at the picture of Reni on the table beside her father. Trying to keep his anger at bay, knowing none of it was her fault, in a voice that sounded like broken glass he told her, "The baby isn't mine. That month she moved in with her sister …"

When he stuttered to a stop Emi nodded though she knew she wasn't going to like the explanation that was coming. "When you nearly got shot and fell down that flight of stairs and busted a rib. She decided she couldn't deal with your fieldwork as a CSI; she was afraid of what could happen, what she'd be left with … or without … if something happened to you."

"Yeah. Then. Her old boyfriend came around that first week, telling her he still had feelings for her, and that he was sorry they'd broken up, that he wanted another chance. She says she was conflicted but agreed to have a few drinks. A few turned into more than a few for both of them … and then into what sometimes happens when you have a few too many whether you meant to or not. Next morning they both regretted what they'd done and agreed that both of them needed more space to figure things out. She put it from her mind, thinking it was over and done with. A … a non-event since … er … there was evidence they'd used protection. She said that she just wasn't thinking straight and didn't want a new problem before she'd dealt with the old one. Then … you know the rest from what she told me. She found out she was pregnant. She claims she never even considered that the baby couldn't be mine. Until yesterday. We … we went to the doctor … together. She had that test done. Because some of her bloodwork came back weird. She was scared about the results so I went with her. I tried to tell her it didn't matter one way or the other; t was in it no matter what but she started freaking out. Because …"

Trying to hide the cynicism in her voice Emi said, "Because she didn't want a child like Reni."

Embarrassed though he had no reason to be Adam nodded. "Yeah. Like Reni. Or like the health problems her niece is developing. But the baby is ok and she was happy about it – we both were and I'm still happy about that part of it but then the rest of it happened. The doctor lays it on the line and I find out I'm not the father."

"Oh Adam," she whispers, knowing he'd thrown himself into the whole father thing to prove, if nothing else that he wasn't going to repeat his own parental unit's mistakes. Had even admitted guiltily to her that he'd started to love the baby for its own sake. Adam had worried that he'd hurt her by the admission but to Emi that was her vindication for continuing to believe that Adam was one of the good guys of the world.

Adam shuddered and once again ran his hands roughly through his hair in reaction to the deeply caring expression that had settled deeply onto Emi's face. "Don't. Please God don't. I'm barely hanging on here."

Emi stilled the denial and hurt on his behalf that wanted to pour from her tongue and instead reached out and gently pulled him back against her. "Whatever you're feeling Adam, I'm here for you, for as long as you need me to be."

From the safe haven she was offering him he asked, "How can you be? How?! God, I was such a prick."

Louisiana was back in her voice just that fast. "Language Adam Dear, there's a lady present … or at least a woman trying to act like a lady. Give me reason not to be a lady and I'll have to go hunt me up a few people, stake them out, and skin them proper. And that'll only make more work for your office."

The arms around her became almost unbearably tight and then Adam's whole body seemed to relax before he pulled back from her and said, "Tea sounds good."