"Merlyn?" I turned my head slightly to the direction of his voice
and allowed a curt smile to form. I could see his large frame moving
around the benches to the one I had taken over by the fountain.
"Dr. Granger."
He sat down in an adjacent bench, thankfully respecting my wish for distance. I noticed that today he had brought a small notebook and a pen. "So is today a good day or a bad day?" He smiled, a genuine smile, one that did not hold any hidden meaning. I stared at the notebook, wondering what he would write down. Would that be where my secrets would soon be stored? I didn't realize I had been holding my breath until he spoke again, his tone a little more jovial. "I'm not as young as you are, Merlyn. If I don't take notes, I might fail the exam later."
I couldn't help but laugh. I had only been. awake. for about a week and I was surprised myself by my own laughter. How could I laugh? There was only one reason. "Today is an. okay day." I looked at him hopefully.
"Okay is a good start, Merlyn." I took another breath as he crossed his long legs, revealing that his socks didn't really match the light blue long sleeved shirt that he was wearing. Dr. Granger didn't really fit the picture of most psychiatrists' that I had seen in movies. He always wore jeans, never a lab coat. Sometimes he wore tennis shoes but today he had on a pair of brown loafers and brown socks. Dr. Granger had a face and demeanor that just compelled me to trust him. At first I was a little afraid of him because he was so tall, so much taller than myself but he would be the first in a long time to earn my trust so freely. He had broad shoulders and was a tiny bit overweight. I would note later that he always tried to hide his stomach by not tucking in his shirts. He never seemed to mind about his balding head though; there wasn't much left on the top, a few strands that seemed to be holding on for posterity. On the sides he kept his dark brown hair trimmed very close to the scalp. I think the only reason that he had grown the beard was to make him look distinguished to his patients.
I looked up and around the conservatory. Despite my trust of him, his office had made me nervous. If I wanted I couldn't get away from him in his office. Here in the conservatory I could. Lush beauty, benches, and fountains surrounded us and even though it was inside, there was a small patch of grass in the center of the large glass structure. No one ever stepped on the grass, I noticed. We all walked around it as if it were some magical piece of earth that we were afraid of but then again I had only been "awake" for a short while. I liked the fountain, though. It was peaceful and set apart from the rest of the conservatory. I could be alone, which for now is what I wanted. I had so many thoughts running through my head that the silence that came with that corner of the large glass structure was calming.
"You've been here every day they say," I just looked at him, no emotion on my face, wondering if I was supposed to reply to that. "Not many of the people here want to be this secluded, despite what they say." He smiled; I knew he was trying to encourage me.
We sat a few more minutes; the only sound was the trickle and splash of the water moving over the five tiers of the concrete fountain. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw him move to say something else but I interrupted him, noting the look of surprise on his face.
Unconsciously, I fiddled with the tie on my dark blue terry cloth robe. I had kicked off my slippers earlier, before the good Doctor had come and sat down. "I had such a happy childhood at first. I guess I had one of those American dream upbringings. My parents.my parents. they were good people, successful. He was a professor at a community college, so I was convinced that he knew everything there ever was to know. My mother, she was a veterinarian. We lived in a suburb on the west side of Atlanta, Magnolia Estates. Have you ever heard of it?" I dipped one hand in the water of the fountain. We weren't supposed to get that close to it but I didn't care. It felt cool on my skin, almost chilly. I wished I could dip my whole body in the water. It had been so long since I had felt that kind of freedom.
The doctor never answered my question but I think he knew that I had not meant for him to reply. "It's a nice neighborhood. Brick houses, mostly two-story, the Parson's at the end of Hobstop, my street, have a one- story. Grass green yards with chain link fences to enclose the backyard; lampposts that had been held over from the 40's at the end of every walkway. If the city itself weren't 20 minutes away, you would have thought we lived in the country. The trees grow so thick that it creates a canopy over most of Hobstop. We have this large oak in our front yard; Dad always made me rake in the winter when the leaves started to fall. I hated that." I laughed lightly recalling the times when he and I would argue about it.
"It's all my fault that it all changed.
"Dr. Granger."
He sat down in an adjacent bench, thankfully respecting my wish for distance. I noticed that today he had brought a small notebook and a pen. "So is today a good day or a bad day?" He smiled, a genuine smile, one that did not hold any hidden meaning. I stared at the notebook, wondering what he would write down. Would that be where my secrets would soon be stored? I didn't realize I had been holding my breath until he spoke again, his tone a little more jovial. "I'm not as young as you are, Merlyn. If I don't take notes, I might fail the exam later."
I couldn't help but laugh. I had only been. awake. for about a week and I was surprised myself by my own laughter. How could I laugh? There was only one reason. "Today is an. okay day." I looked at him hopefully.
"Okay is a good start, Merlyn." I took another breath as he crossed his long legs, revealing that his socks didn't really match the light blue long sleeved shirt that he was wearing. Dr. Granger didn't really fit the picture of most psychiatrists' that I had seen in movies. He always wore jeans, never a lab coat. Sometimes he wore tennis shoes but today he had on a pair of brown loafers and brown socks. Dr. Granger had a face and demeanor that just compelled me to trust him. At first I was a little afraid of him because he was so tall, so much taller than myself but he would be the first in a long time to earn my trust so freely. He had broad shoulders and was a tiny bit overweight. I would note later that he always tried to hide his stomach by not tucking in his shirts. He never seemed to mind about his balding head though; there wasn't much left on the top, a few strands that seemed to be holding on for posterity. On the sides he kept his dark brown hair trimmed very close to the scalp. I think the only reason that he had grown the beard was to make him look distinguished to his patients.
I looked up and around the conservatory. Despite my trust of him, his office had made me nervous. If I wanted I couldn't get away from him in his office. Here in the conservatory I could. Lush beauty, benches, and fountains surrounded us and even though it was inside, there was a small patch of grass in the center of the large glass structure. No one ever stepped on the grass, I noticed. We all walked around it as if it were some magical piece of earth that we were afraid of but then again I had only been "awake" for a short while. I liked the fountain, though. It was peaceful and set apart from the rest of the conservatory. I could be alone, which for now is what I wanted. I had so many thoughts running through my head that the silence that came with that corner of the large glass structure was calming.
"You've been here every day they say," I just looked at him, no emotion on my face, wondering if I was supposed to reply to that. "Not many of the people here want to be this secluded, despite what they say." He smiled; I knew he was trying to encourage me.
We sat a few more minutes; the only sound was the trickle and splash of the water moving over the five tiers of the concrete fountain. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw him move to say something else but I interrupted him, noting the look of surprise on his face.
Unconsciously, I fiddled with the tie on my dark blue terry cloth robe. I had kicked off my slippers earlier, before the good Doctor had come and sat down. "I had such a happy childhood at first. I guess I had one of those American dream upbringings. My parents.my parents. they were good people, successful. He was a professor at a community college, so I was convinced that he knew everything there ever was to know. My mother, she was a veterinarian. We lived in a suburb on the west side of Atlanta, Magnolia Estates. Have you ever heard of it?" I dipped one hand in the water of the fountain. We weren't supposed to get that close to it but I didn't care. It felt cool on my skin, almost chilly. I wished I could dip my whole body in the water. It had been so long since I had felt that kind of freedom.
The doctor never answered my question but I think he knew that I had not meant for him to reply. "It's a nice neighborhood. Brick houses, mostly two-story, the Parson's at the end of Hobstop, my street, have a one- story. Grass green yards with chain link fences to enclose the backyard; lampposts that had been held over from the 40's at the end of every walkway. If the city itself weren't 20 minutes away, you would have thought we lived in the country. The trees grow so thick that it creates a canopy over most of Hobstop. We have this large oak in our front yard; Dad always made me rake in the winter when the leaves started to fall. I hated that." I laughed lightly recalling the times when he and I would argue about it.
"It's all my fault that it all changed.
