+ WARNINGS FOR THIS CHAPTER: The usual language, implied Kai/Tala sex, Lee singing very wrong lyrics to 'Mary Had A Little Lamb', and drunkenness.
+ Disclaimer: In first chapters, ninnies. Mrs. McFahrt remains the property of me. Though I will auction her off for a high price. The 'bum crack of dawn' does not belong to me. Watch Viva La Spring Break. Then you'll get it. The new lyrics to 'Mary Had A Little Lamb' are mine, now XD Mary also belongs to me, for she is my Mother.
+ A/N: It seems that I finally found out how to stop the story from getting all underlined and stuff. Which is good, because it was really annoying me XD Oh well, onwards and upwards with the next chapter! And thank you for the reviews on the last chapter! I apologise, for this chapter isn't as long as the last, but I've tried to make it as funny as possible D The next chapter will be longer wink. Enjoy and please review D
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Confessions Of A Blader
Chapter 2: But I Thought He Was Gay?
Friday 14th September 2007
6.10 in the am
Up at the bum crack of dawn. Quite literally. Tyson has woken me up with his snoring, and I rolled over to glare at him, and his bum crack is revealing itself to the extreme. We don't even have to be up until 7. This is ridiculous.
A minute later
I am going to entertain myself by writing things on Tyson's face. In permanent marker. Hee hee.
A minute later
OK, I haven't as such written anything on his face. But I have drawn a penis on his forehead. Do you know what the funny thing is? He won't even notice until someone points it out later. And that someone will not be me.
I can hear banging and moaning from the room next door. Wait…? That's Kai's and Tala's room!! And they have the cheek to tell us to shut up when we were… Hang on… Banging and moaning? Tala and Kai?
Oh God.
5 minutes later
I have hidden under my duvet, and trying to ignore it as best as I can. Actually, if I just uncover my ear… Yes, they've stopped. I REALLY don't want to imagine what they were doing in there. Well, actually, I know what they probably doing. I just don't want to let the images get in my- oh, wait, too late. There they are. The images. I will not be able to look Kai and Tala in the eyes later.
Hell, I won't be able to look at them at all.
7.00 in the am
Tyson's alarm is going off. Not that it ever wakes him up. Usually, if I pour a glass of water on him like this…
"FUCKING HELL, MAX!"
Hahaha. Owned.
7.15 in the am
Tyson has gone back to sleep. But that's cool, because if I let him sleep late, it means he won't have time to have a full wash and therefore won't look in the mirror to see that he has a penis on his head.
7.52 in the am
Tyson's rushing around like a fool, trying to get ready, and is blaming me for not waking him up, which I find very unfair, because I did wake him up. It's not my fault the lazy slob went back to sleep.
Breakfast
8.02 in the am
Tyson keeps wondering why everyone we pass is staring at him. And also why the canteen ladies' were looking at his forehead, and missed his plate when trying to give him scrambled egg. I am trying sooooo hard not to laugh.
Obviously, I am failing. Tyson is glaring at me.
"Alright, Max. Why is everyone staring at my forehead, and why are you laughing? What have you done?"
Damn.
A minute later
Tyson didn't find the news that someone, I.e. me, had drawn a penis on his forehead in permanent marker very funny. I find it bloody hilarious, in all honesty. As do Tala and… Oh noooo, not Tala and his moaning. Out of my head, mental images!
Anyway, I now have a bruised cheek from where Tyson punched me. He says that it's half of his payback. I don't even want to think what the other half of his payback is.
Hilary's just wandered over to us. Uh-oh.
"Hi Max, friend of Max," Hilary glared at Tyson.
"Er, hi, Hilary?" I replied.
"I wanted to know if you'd meet me later in the gardens at lunch," Hilary smiled sweetly.
Oh noooo. No, Max. Say no. Say no, dammit!
"Er, yeah, sure. Why not?"
WHAT?! MAX TO BRAIN! WHYYYY DON'T YOU LISTEN TO ME?! MAX TO MOUTH! WHY DO YOU DO WHAT BRAIN SAYS AND NOT MEEE?!
Hilary wandered off with a big smile on her face. Tyson looked positively furious.
"Don't worry, Tyson. Nothing will happen. You can come along and hide behind a tree or in a bush or something to make sure nothing happens," I try my cutest smile. Tyson just nods.
I really hope Hilary doesn't try anything now. I will be deader than dead if she does.
English
10.10 in the am
Did I mention that we do normal lessons as well as Beyblading lessons and training and stuff? No? Well, we do normal lessons as well as Beyblading lessons and training and stuff. Hahahaha. Shut up, brain.
We, being Tyson and myself, happen to be sat behind Kai and Tala. Unfortunately, I can't help but think about this morning, and their moaning. I reaaalllllyyyy hope they weren't doing what I think they were doing. I can only just handle (oo-er) Tyson being gay.
The only problem with us being sat behind Kai and Tala, is that Tyson isn't concentrating on the work, and instead is letting his eyes wander down to where we all know Kai's butt is sat. I think Tyson has the horn. For Kai. Eek.
Lunch
I went and met Hilary, like she wanted me to. Tyson's hidden in a bush just a little way from the bench we're sat on. Hopefully, Hilary doesn't suspect he's there.
"So, erm… What did you want to meet up for?"
"Well, actually, to give you this."
Huh?
That's when she leaned in towards me and closed her eyes and KISSED me! OH. MY. GOD. Max to brain, tell hands to push her away!
Nooooo!! Lips!! DON'T KISS BACK!
I am being betrayed by my own body parts!!
HANDS! GET DOWN! Ahhhh, one of my arms have wrapped themselves around Hilary's waist, and the other hand is stroking her hair.
I have no control over my own body.
"AHEM!"
Ahhh the arrival of Tyson. I am about to be killed. Good, lips have pulled away, as have the hands. Now, legs, if you just stand up…
"Oh, nothing will happen will it?!"
"Tyson…. She started it." Max, that was a lame defence.
"I did, Tyson. Because Max is lovely and you are a twat. See you later." Hilary walked off.
What?
Tyson is looking daggers at me. He's clearly not happy.
But I thought he was gay?
"I thought you were gay?"
"I am. But she's still my ex-girlfriend, and therefore no friend should do anything with her."
"Fair point, well made. I still stick to the fact that she started it."
"I saw that she did. I just wondered why you didn't stop it."
Ahhh… Yeah.
"Well… It seems I have no control over my body."
"Like this morning when your hand just slipped and drew a cock on my head?"
"Exactly."
Tea
Why do the English call it 'tea'? We don't get it in a cup, and it is therefore not a cup of tea. Maybe I'm just reading too much into the English culture and why they are weird for it. Then again, they think we are weird because we call pants 'pants'. When they call pants 'trousers'.
Tyson has forgiven me (ish) for the kissing-Hilary-scenario. He blames it on her, which is good. He still wants revenge, though. For the kissing-Hilary-scenario, and the slip of the hand that caused me to draw a penis on his forehead. Which is still there, I might add.
I'd also like to point out that the kiss with Hilary was my first ever kiss. I'm thinking about it way too much. As Tyson said, even though he is gay and no longer with Hilary, she is off-limits. I will never find myself attached to her lips ever again.
5 minutes later
The Barthez Battalions have just announced that they're throwing a party tonight, and everyone's invited. They have added that there will also be alcohol. They also really need to change their name.
11.21 in the pm
Everyone is going to be very hungover and exhausted tomorrow morning. I'm feeling the tipsyness myself. Thank God it's actually Saturday tomorrow. All we ever do on Saturday's is practice matches.
OK, I've decided I'm not tipsy. I am very drunk. Very, very drunk. Because tipsyness isn't even a word. Hahaha.
Tyson's as pissed as a fart. No, he's pissed as a McFahrt, in fact. Hahaha. That could be like a new McDonald's meal or something. Not that anyone would want to try a Crispy McFahrt burger.
OK, I really am drunk.
I can see Hilary dancing with Michael. Well, actually, I can see two Hilary's dancing with two Michael's. But my point is that they are dancing, the four of them, and Tyson is giving them the eagle eye.
"Dudes, you needs to get overrr her," oh God. I'm slurring.
"Yeah, I know." How come Tyson isn't slurring?
I can see two Kai's snogging two random redhead's. Can't make out who the two redhead's are, though. Mainly because they are in a dark secluded corner of this room. Also, because my vision has gotten super bad, now. I can only tell it's Kai by his hair.
Lee has just gotten up on the stage. Where the Barthez Battalions got a stage from, I don't know.
"Listennnnn up everyone. I'm going to sings a songgg. Do you knows what my songs is going to be?"
He is drunk as a McFahrt.
"I am going to sings 'Mary Hads A Little Tramp'."
Now, I may be drunk, but I'm pretty sure he doesn't mean that. I'm also sure that what he's singing aren't the real lyrics.
"Mary hads a little tramp, its Priest was white as a blooowwwwjooob!"
Those really aren't the real words. You can't have little kids singing that. Oh, look, there's Mariah and Ray dragging Lee of the stage. He's started stripping.
What have they put in this alcohol?
For some peculiar reason, I've got up on the stage, now.
"Listens up peoples. I has something to announces."
Must. Stop. Slurring.
On the other hand, I have gotten the attention of everyone in the room. Bar the two Kai's and their two redheads.
"I can't holds this to myselves anymore. I needs to tell you, that Emily. And the Emily next to you, for you are the same persons, but I'm seeing you both. I really fancies the arses off you both."
What?
Everyone has started giggling, and Tyson has dragged me off the stage, shouting, "NICE ONE MATIES! THE EMILYS CAN'T RESIST YOU NOW!".
I can see two very red-faced Emily's over the other side of the room.
Well, I could, until I collapsed and fell on the floor. Tyson thought it was a game and laughed and fell down as well.
Maybe I'd had a bit too much to drink…
