Batgirl & Robin: The Fairytale Duelling Duo
CHAPTER 2: You Ate My Apple
Dick landed on his behind on a road of dirt. But that didn't matter. He looked around, totally awestricken, and he had a feeling that he wasn't in Gotham anymore. There were no cars in sight. No factories. No planes. The people around him were wearing folk clothes, and were selling stuff from markets, talking to their neighbour or hanging with children. The buildings were either made out of wood or stone.
Then, he looked down at himself, and had twice the surprise. He was no longer wearing his street clothes. He had a maroon vest jacket over a dark green T-Shirt, and black pants. His outfit made him look like an everyday, old times person, as he noticed he was wearing…sandals.
"Um…excuse me? Can you tell me where we are?" he asked a nearby man.
"Oh, hello there chap. We're in Far-Away." he replied, with a sad tone/
"F-far-Away?"
"Yes, we're called that because we're the town in the middle of nowhere, far away from anywhere else in the world!" he gloomily said, as he trudged on his way.
Gees, what's with him?
Dick looked around, realising that everyone was in the same mood as the man he met before. A woman and her child walked past, as he went to ask them.
"Sorry to bother you, but, why is everyone so sad?" he asked.
The woman looked up, as he saw that she was in tears.
"The princess is dead. B-by an apple soaked in poison by the evil queen." she sobbed.
The moment the woman mentioned 'princess', something clicked in his mind. Where was Babs? He'd been so busy figuring out where he was that he'd forgotten all about Barbara.
"Can you tell me what this princess looks like?" he asked.
"Sh-she had skin as white as snow, all except for her cheeks. They w-were rosy pink. And she was tall, and the most beautiful in all the land." cried the woman.
Her child was crying too, though silently. He was sucking his thumb, while looking up at this stranger who was talking to his mother.
"Uh, nice…anything else? Maybe…hair colour?" he asked.
"Oh, and sh-she had red hair, that shone like the m-moon." the woman answered.
It HAD to be Babs!
"Do you know where she's being held?" he asked for the last time.
"P-past the bridge and next to the yellow cottage, d-dear" she answered.
"Thanks!" he called as he began to run over to the bridge.
As he crossed the bridge, something came to his mind. Skin as white as snow. Apple soaked in poison. Evil queen. It almost sounded like…the tale of Snow White and the Seven Dwarves!
The princess is put into a deep sleep, until the prince comes along and gives her a kiss to wake her up. W-wait. A kiss? For Babs?
He passed a tree, with a wooden plank on it that said:
WHOEVER MAKES THE NEVER-SMILING PRINCESS LAUGH, WILL BECOME HER HUSBAND
Ha! Who'd become a husband to someone who never smiles? Must be hard taking photos.
His thoughts were interrupted when his vision was focused on the yellow cottage, where seven little men were crowding around some sort of…coffin. Wasting no time, Dick sprinted towards the scene. When he got there, none of the dwarves looked up. They all had their eyes fixed on their friend under the glass. Dick's breath was taken away when he saw his fellow colleague in the coffin. Her red hair seemed to droop, and it was woven in a delicate way. She had a light purple dress on, that went down to her ankles and had shrivelled violet flowers on the hem. And what worried Dick the most, was that her skin was no longer the rosy-pinkie it was before. It was dead white. With tints of blue.
"B-Barbara…"
A dwarf looked up at him, wiping his runny nose. Dick was guessing that he was Sneezy, because he was sneezing a lot.
"H-her name is S-s-s…ACHOO! S-Snow W-white." he sobbed.
Two others looked up. One looked very angry, with his face all red and purple. Dick guessed that he was Grumpy, and the other one was Dopey, because he seemed the smallest, and didn't say a word.
"I-is she…"
"N-no…the e-evil queen put a curse on our b-beloved friend. Sh-she's going to sleep forever." one cried.
Doc. Dick thought as the dwarf that just spoke adjusted his glasses.
"Only a k-kiss from a p-prince can wake S-Snow up." whispered Bashful.
"And-d there's n-no p-prince in the land of Far A-away." sobbed Sleep, as he rubbed his eyes.
No prince? Then how are we going to save Barbara? The prophecy said we had to make every fairytale have a happy ending, and so far, I don't see any happy faces.
Suddenly, Dick had an idea. It was crazy. It was weird. Stupid even. But, he had to do it. For him. For them. For Babs.
"I'll become a prince." he whispered.
All seven dwarves looked up at him, with surprised expressions on their faces.
"I'll become the prince, her prince, and I'll kiss her and wake her up." Dick said a little louder.
"How-w are y-you going t-to do that-t?" asked Doc.
Dick remembered the sign he'd passed earlier. If he made that princess laugh, then he'd become her husband, which meant he'd become a prince. Then, he'd be able to save Barbara.
"Don't worry. I know what I'm doing. I'll be back before you know it. Just…take really good care of her. She's… a good friend. She's very important to me." Dick told them.
They nodded as he took off.
*****
Dick tried to recall all the jokes he'd told Barbara that made her laugh. Then he thought harder, and decided to use the jokes that Alfred laugh, since he was more harder.
He'd reached the palace of the Never-Smiling princess, and was fifth from being next. Dick looked at the princess, who was sitting on the high throne. She had black hair, that was straight and reached her knees. Her royal robe was red and black, and her face was…dull and gloomy. Her father was standing next to her, and was anxious to see if she could get a husband at all.
A scrawny skinny man was trying to tell a funny joke.
"Uh…o-okay. W-why did the aardvark cross the road?" asked the man.
"I don't know." sighed the princess, as she studied her nails.
"To get to the other side!"
The man thought it was hilarious, but the princess kept her sinister look. Her father had a doubtful expression on his face, as beads of sweat poured down from his forehead.
"NEXT!" yelled the princess.
The man's shoulders drooped as he left the palace.
Maybe my jokes weren't so great after all.
Then he remember this one facial expression that made Bruce laugh one time. If Bruce would laugh at something like that, he wasn't sure who wouldn't.
Dick glanced behind him, where a poor peasant stood. He was the last in line. He seemed unhealthy, and wore ripped clothing. Dick's eyes widened when he realised what fairytale this was. The Princess Who Never Laughed. And he was the peasant who is supposed to trip and fall in a puddle of mud, and make the princess laugh. Then he'd become a handsome prince, and he'd live happily ever after with the princess. If Dick were to take his place, then he'd wreck his ending. He sighed as he turned his body around to the poor man.
"Hey, tough contest, huh?" he remarked.
"Indeed. I'm hoping to win, so I can finally live like the others do. Full bellies at the end of the day, clothes that would last for decades and a beautiful wife." sighed the peasant.
"Tell you what, you can go in front of me. I think you deserve it most." Dick said.
The poor man looked very excited.
"Really? I am most pleased! Thankyou! Thankyou ever so much! I will repay you at any cost after I win this contest!" the man squeaked.
"No problem, sir." Dick smiled.
It was the peasant's turn. He tried telling the princess a joke, and after it failed, he turned and tripped over a rock, and landed face first into a muddy puddle. The crowd howled with laughter, along with the princess, who was most impressed. Her father looked the most pleased, as he was jumping up and down.
"My daughter, has found a HUSBAND!" the king shouted as he signalled the guards to give the man the crown.
The crowd cheered as the king anointed the man. He immediately became a handsome prince, and the first thing he did after he stood up, was run up to Dick and give him a big hug.
"Thankyou so much, friend. As I promised, I will repay you for your good deed. A palace like mine? A horse drawn cart? A wife of your own?" he asked.
Dick laughed when he mentioned him having to be paid to have a wife, and thought back to Barbara, who was still asleep in the glass coffin.
"There is…ONE thing you can do…"
*****
The princess, who laughed so often now, was standing at the carriage with Dick and the prince, just beside Barbara's coffin. The dwarves were in hope, and talking to her in her coffin.
"So, let me get this straight; my new husband, has to kiss that girl, in order for her to wake up from her death sleep?" asked the princess.
"Um, yes. Is that okay with you?" asked Dick.
"Come on, honey. It's just one little kiss. It's not like I'm in love with her…I mean…who need her when I have you?" the peasant/prince chuckled.
The princess giggled and sighed.
"Oh, okay. Just one quick peck."
Dick and the prince made their way to the coffin, as the dwarves stepped aside. Sleep and Grumpy opened the glass case, as the smell of roses and strawberry filled the air.
"Wow. She is beautiful!" gasped the prince.
Dick nodded and smiled.
"She is, isn't she? But don't tell her that I said that, okay?"
"Oh, I see. You love her, don't you?"
"N-no! No I don't! She's just a friend-"
"No you love her, Mr. Dick. More than anything in the world! I know that look-"
"Just hurry up and kiss her!"
The prince shrugged and lowered his head to kiss Barbara's lips. Dick looked away uncomfortably, as he felt himself clench his fists. The prince stepped back once he'd kissed her. The princess had joined him, and everyone watched nervously at the sleeping girl. Slowly, her eyelids fluttered as she began to rise and yawn from her coffin. The dwarves cheered as the newly weds laughed happily. Dick grinned and swooped down to hug her.
"D-Dick?"
"BABS! OH, I'M SO HAPPY YOU'RE ALIVE!"
"W-what's going on? Where are we?" she asked with confusion.
Purple smoke started to surround the two, as Dick helped Barbara up.
"We're in the land of Far-Away and…"
"Snow White! You're alive!"
Barbara suddenly felt seven pairs of arms wrapped around her shinbones, as she laughed.
"I see, you must be the seven dwarves. So cute!" cooed Barbara.
"How come you don't coo when I'm around? I'm cute, right?" asked Dick.
"In your dreams, Boy Wonder."
"Speaking of dreams, how do we get out of this one?" Dick remarked.
"This isn't a dream, Blunder. We're trapped inside a book. And it's about time we turned to the next chapter. Now, where's that apple?"
Barbara began to look around, the dwarves willing to help. Dick looked confused.
"Um, Babs? What are you doing? Why are you looking for an apple?" he asked.
"The message said we have to collect eight items from each story. And I'm guessing our first one is the apple Snow White bit." Barbara explained.
"And what's mine supposed to be?" asked Dick.
Barbara sighed happily as she held the bitten apple in her hand, then frowned as she thought.
"They're from the Princess Who Never Laughed, right? Take his crown, it's a symbol that he's become a prince from a peasant." she said.
The peasant/prince gave them his crown, with a toothy grin.
"Please, take it. I have plenty more in my new home." he chuckled.
The princess giggled with him. Purple smoke started to form around Dick and Barbara.
"Thankyou for everything, and I'll miss you guys!" Barbara said as she gave each other the seven dwarves a quick hug.
"Yeah, thankyou." Dick said as he waved.
"Oh, and we almost forgot!"
Happy ran up with his chubby little legs and handed Dick a little bag.
"Thanks, little man. What's this?"
The purple smoke started to rise above their waists.
"Magic dust, to warn off the ugly stepsisters." replied Happy.
And that was the last thing Dick and Barbara heard from Far-Away land.
