Dr. Wonderful's Sing Along Blog
Penny stood at the street corner with a bucket labeled "DONATIONS".
"Will you help a ruling fist/to attain the strengh to lead/Only need a cent or two/You don't even have to read/Would you help?/No?/How about you?"
Dr. Wonderrful carefully flung the magnetic SafeHall device he had invented onto the doorway at the entrance to Captain Hammer's fortress. He looked at the guards, who didn't notice him or the device he had placed at all. He began to punch settings in on his iPhone until....
"Will you help a ruling fist/-"
"Aaaaaah... What?"
"I was wondering if I could just... hey, I know you!"
"Hello. You know me? Cool. I mean. Yeah, you do. Do you?"
"From the laundromat."
"Wednesdays and Saturdays except twice last month, you skipped the weekend. Or, if that was you. It could have been someone else, I mean, I've SEEN you. Billy is my name."
"I'm Penny. What are you doing."
"Texting. It is very important or I would stop. What are you doing?"
"I'm collecting donations to fuel some villainous operations to make the world a better place."
"Donations? Villainy?" Dr. Wonderful had a sense of slight contempt in his voice.
"Yeah."
"I'm sorry, go on."
"I was saying, maybe with some more money I can buy devices to fund my next operation. I'm going to steal puppies from a local puppy breeding mill with inhumane practices. Then, I'll give them to a nearby pet store so that they can find a good home... a home somewhere in Seattle with Bill Gates and he can give them cyborg implants and you don't really care about this, do you?"
"The world definitely needs to be a better place. There are awful people out there. But however noble you think your ideals are, human culture is currenly too overloaded with evil. I know you're trying to stop that with 'good' villainy, but I think that villainy is throwing more dirt in an already polluted pond. I say that if your pond is polluted, you should drain the pond."
"Of the human race?"
"It's not a perfect metaphor... But I'm talking about an active effort to prevent ALL people from doing bad things of ANY level."
"I'm all for that, but... I don't really have the resources. And these donations are for the puppy rescue efforts."
"I'd love to donate." Billy took out his wallet and dropped a few bills in. "Sorry, I... I come on strong."
"But you donated."
"I wouldn't want to turn my back on a fellow laundry... person."
"Well if WE can't stick together I'll... I'll probably see you there."
"No I will, I'll... She talked to me. But why did she talk to me NOW?" He slipped behind a support beam, ("A man's gotta do/What a man's gotta do/Don't plan the plan/If you can't follow through/All that matters/Is taking matters into your own hands...") and when he emerged he was in full Dr. Wonderful costume. He pressed the button on the iPhone, causing the ring around the doorway to expand into a tunnel direct to the Wonderflonium. ("Soon he'll control nothing...") He started to walk into it ("My wish is your command-") but Captain Hammer sent a ripple through the tunnel by landing on it and sent a missile at Dr. Wonderful, which he dodged only by escaping the tunnel and standing on the left side. Once out it randomly flew in various directions.
"Stand back everyone/Nothing here to see/Just a foolish hero/In the middle of him/Me!" Captain Hammer applied a punch to Dr. Wonderful's stomach to accompany the line. He stood tall with a streamlined, pitch black, spiky uniform and a black mask covering only the skin around his eyes. "Yes Captain Hammer's here/Crushing dreams with ease/The day needs my evil expertise!/A man's gotta do/What a man's gotta do/Seems destiny ends with me saving you/The only doom that's looming is you loving me to death/So I'll give you a sec to catch your breath." Captain Hammer shoved Penny into a large pile of dumpsters and trash bags, not noticing the incoming missile. However, Dr. Wonderful caused the missile to fall out of the sky elsewhere by pushing the slinky-like SafeHall device into it.
"You idiot! You almost killed her!"
"And?
"Never mind."
Wrapping his hands around Dr. Wonderful's throat, Captain Hammer said, "It's curtains for you, Dr. Wonderful. Lacy, gently wafting curtains." However, he was interrupted by Penny's return.
"Thank you Hammer-Man/I don't think I can/Explain how important it was/That you didn't pan/ic. I would be splattered, I'd be crushed into debris/Thank you sir for saving me"
"I try to help a fellow villain out. A man's gotta do what a man's gotta do."
"You came from above."
"Are you kidding?"
"Seems destiny ends with me saving you."
"What heist were you watching?"
"I wonder what you're captain of."
"Stop looking at her like that!"
"When you're the best you can't rest, what's the use?"
"Did you notice that he threw you in the garbage?"
"My heart is beating like a drum."
"There's ass that need's kicking. Someone that needs to lose."
"Must... must be in shock."
Dr. Wonderful removed the Wonderflonium from the immobile missile, which apparently was powered by the substance. "I stopped this! The remote control was in my hand!"
"The only doom that's looming is you loving me to death."
"Assuming I'm not loving you to death."
"So please give me a sec to catch my breath."
.... "Balls."
