"…so then I went to Malaysia to access a new fruit-based treatment there, but the little buggers kept persisting! So here I am, going to London. I hope the doctor will-"

"That is all very interesting," L forced out, leaning as far away as possible from the lice lady and actually crossing his legs, "but I think we should listen to what the flight attendants are telling us about the safety features." He couldn't stop himself form reaching up and compulsively scratching his head.

And…Just where was Light?! L craned his neck around, but didn't catch sight of the other man anywhere. Oh well, he had probably just gone to the bathroom or something.

"Sir? Will you please buckle your seatbelt?"

L looked up and saw a flight attendant leaning over toward him. "Oh, yes. And…do you think you could locate someone for me? He is supposed to be on this flight, and I have lost sight of him," the detective requested. "His name is Light Yagami."

The attendant nodded. "Do you think he's in the bathroom, sir?" she asked politely.

"I don't know." L felt himself getting a bit concerned. If Light hadn't made it on this flight, then he would be stranded in the airport. And L knew Light didn't have his cell phone with him, not that the detective could turn his own on in the plane…

"What does he look like?"

L blinked at the woman. "Well, he has brown hair, he's Japanese…he's twenty, dresses like a prude, struts around like a peacock-"

"Alright," she interrupted. "I'll go look for his name on the passenger list. Just a moment."

"Thank you." L sat back and glanced at the empty seat next to him.

Where could Light be?

DNDNDNDN

"Oh, darling? Yes, why don't you come and fill up my glass…What the hell, just bring the whole bottle over here."

"Yes, sir."

To say that Light was having a good time in first class was an understatement.

"Sir?"

Light, with a cocky grin plastered on his face, looked up at the attendant who had just come up the stairs. "What is it?"

"There's someone downstairs looking for you."

"Oh." Light frowned. "Does he have big, black, poofy hair, really pale skin, and," Light lowered his voice to an L-like monotone, "does he talk like this?"

"Yes."

"Tell him that I send my regards."

DNDNDNDN

"He sends his regards?! And how did he get up into first class?"

"I don't know." The woman crossed her arms and huffed at L. "I really have to be going now, sir."

"Very well." L watched the lady walk away and cringed when he felt his ears pop from the altitude increasing. "Ouch."

"Anyway!" the lice lady continued, leaning over towards him, "you are one of the nicest men I've ever met."

"Why, thank you." L cleared his throat and shifted away from her.

"Are you taken? It'd be a shame if you weren't."

"I am in a relationship."

"That's what I thought. What's her name?" the woman inquired nosily.

"Um…I really should go up to first class," L muttered, more to himself than to the lady. "I'll be back in a moment."

"Okay, hurry back!"

L got up and moved past her, trying to ignore the groping he received in the process, and shuffled down the aisle to get to the stairs. There was a man with a clipboard standing at the foot of the staircase, and he held out an arm to stop L from proceeding upwards.

"Name, sir?"

"I need to go have a chat with Light Yagami," L said.

"What is your name, sir? Are you in first class?" the man pressed.

"No, but I need to go up there."

"You cannot." The man lowered his clipboard to peer down at L. "Please go sit back in your section."

L, pursing his lips together, stepped closer to the guy. "I need to speak to him concerning a topic which I am most unprepared to mention in front of you. It is of utmost importance to several pivotal business matters in London. If you do not move, then he will be most displeased at having to come down into coach and speak to me there," L said, speeding up his rambling to make it sound realistic. "And you do not want to face him when he is angry."

The man moved back and almost tripped over his own feet, feeling more than a little frightened of this strange, pale man hunched over in front of him. "W-well," he sputtered out, "could you tell me your name, sir, and I will go up and see if it is okay with him?"

"Tell him that the panda wishes to have a word with him."

"Right away, sir!"

Once the man went rushing up the stairs, L calmed his temper and looked around the plane. Right near him was a food cart with some peanut bags on it, so he snagged one and stuffed it into his pocket for later. Peanuts were better than no food at all, and since Light had thrown away that melted gob of gummies, L didn't have much to snack on.

"Sir, he is ready for you."

L turned back around and walked past the clipboard man and up the stairs, immediately spotting Light once he got to the top. "Light-kun!"

Light was sitting in the front seat, pillows surrounding him, wine in hand, and watching some kind of documentary on his miniature television. "Hello, Ryuu…" he said quietly.

"Light-kun will feel my wrath at leaving me with the lice woman!"

"Don't be like that-"

L leaned down into Light's face. "The woman next to me has lice, and the man one seat away from me cannot control his bodily gasses." He looked around at the first-class people and scowled back down at Light. "I see you have no such problems up here."

"…Would you like a cookie?" Light held up a basket of chocolate chip cookies as a peace offering.

"I will take the cookies." L grabbed the whole basket and reached down for Light's wine. After taking a healthy swig of it, he slammed the glass back down and pinched Light's ear.

"Ouch!"

"I will return." With that, L went slouching back down the stairs and back to his seat, cooking in hand.

"Ooh, cookies!" The live lady took the liberty of eating one of L's treats the moment he sat back down. "So, who did you have to see?"

"My insignificant other." L crammed an entire cookie into his mouth and reached forward to turn on his mini-TV, which was built in to the seat in front of him.

"So, what's her name? Is she pretty? What does she do?"

"His name is Light. He is not pretty. He follows me around like a dog."

L glanced to the side and saw the woman's face light up. "Oh, you swing that way? I understand now!"

"Goody." L let his sarcasm seep into his answer, but the lady still didn't catch on.

"Hey, buddy, you wanna give me one of those?"

L looked over at the man seated near him and blinked. "What?"

"Give me a cookie." The guy held out a hand and raised an eyebrow. "Come on."

"Okay." L plucked a tiny, warped cookie from the bottom of his basket and dropped it into the man's hand. "Enjoy," he said blandly, turning back to his TV. He plugged his headphones in, pushed a few buttons and ended up on a soap opera.

This was going to be a long flight.

DNDNDNDN

"Sir? Would you like some peanuts?"

It was two hours into the flight, and the attendants were finally handing out some food. L sat up and watched as the man next to him tore into his tiny peanut bag.

"And you, ma'am?"

L frowned. Why had the steward skipped over him?

The lice lady grabbed her peanuts and the attendant began to move away, but L stopped him.

"Excuse me?" he asked. "Don't I get some peanuts as well?"

"Sir, you've already had your peanuts."

"What?"

"I saw you take some from my cart earlier." The man crossed his arms and gave L a snide look. "So you've had your share of the nuts."

L glared up at the man and began chewing on his thumb. The steward walked away smugly.

"Here."

The lice woman handed him a single peanut. He stared at it.

"…Thank you."

DNDNDNDN

"Another sundae, please!"

"Yes, sir."

Light smiled as he dug to his third ice cream sundae. Thighs and stomach be damned, this ice cream was the best he'd ever had and he wouldn't give it up for anything! Not even…

"Please fasten your seatbelts; we are moving into a turbulent zone," a voice came from over the speakers. "Once again, please-"

"Turbulent?!" Light exclaimed, turning around to wave a stewardess over. "What's happening…Why do we have to put our seatbelts on? Is it dangerous?! Will we-"

"Sir, this happens all the time, and we're perfectly safe," the woman assured him, as the plane began jerking around. "Please do not get up from your seat."

"Okay…" Light reached down and nearly crushed his stomach when he tightened his seatbelt as much as he could. He let out a little yap when the plane bounced around again.

"Sir, are you okay…?"

"Yes, I'm fine! I look fine, don't I?!" Light yelled, his arm spazzing and knocking his ice cream over. "Look what you made me do! My sundae! Stop bothering me, we're all going to die!"

"Sir-"

"Aaah!" Light gripped on to his armrests for dear life when the plane shook again. "Dammit, doesn't the pilot know what he's doing?!"

DNDNDNDN

L had tried.

He'd tried his very hardest- with all his power, his might, his strength! His will was solid; his confidence unwavering even throughout the most turbulent of times…But, even with his efforts, L lost his grip on the armrest and smacked heads with the lice woman.

I'm contaminated! he thought frantically, head tingling from the collision. The lice! The lice are surely on my head right now, building colonies, cities, communes! No! No, now Light won't even want to be on the same continent as me, let alone in the same bed!

L felt himself boil over.

"Who," he growled at the lice lady, "goes onto a plane and sits next to someone, knowingly spreading her lice onto others' heads?"

"Well-" she started, but L held up a hand.

"You, in just under five hours, have given me a case of lice that will no doubt last months. Do you know what kind of an impact that will have on my sex life?"

"I'll have sex with you," she replied, perfectly serious about her offer.

L blinked disbelievingly at the lady sitting next to him. "Are you stupid?" he asked quietly.

"Only if you want me to be!"

"…"

DNDNDNDN

Light (after being repeatedly calmed down by numerous people) stood once the turbulence passed and headed off to the lavatory. Not surprisingly, so did everyone else, so he decided to go downstairs to see if the coach ones had lines. Luckily, he was able to walk right into one.

After he was finished with his business, he opened the door, only to see L standing right outside it.

"Ryuu, hi! I'm so glad you're okay, after all that turbulence!" Light reached forward and tugged L into the tiny lavatory with him, locking the door. "I've missed you…"

"Light-kun-"

"Hm? Come here, you look all ruffled!" Light grabbed L and pulled him a bit closer, smashing their bodies up against one another. "Calm down-"

"I believe that I may have lice, Light-kun."

Light froze.

"WHAT?!"

The people waiting for the bathroom all jumped back as L came flying out of one of the little rooms all of a sudden.

"You stay the hell away from me!" Light screeched, stepping out after the black-haired man and striding over to the stairs.

"Light-kun!" L pushed himself away from the wall he had crashed into and tried to go after Light, but was unsuccessful.

"I'm not letting you back up there," the clipboard-staircase man sneered. "Shoo."

Rejected and humiliated, L slumped back to his seat, where the filthy man was shooting him a nasty look.

"Why were you in the bathroom with that guy?" he asked gruffly, leaning over toward L and scratching his mustache. "You get in a fight?"

"It was a lovers' tiff, wasn't it?" the lice lady squealed on L's other side.

"Lovers?" the smelly man asked. "You're with a guy?"

"Of course he is!" the woman defended. She leaned way over L, so her head was right in front of his face.

"Why don't you let him answer, lady?"

"Because you're bothering him!"

"No I'm not!"

L pressed the button for his seat to go back and leaned as far away from the argument as possible, until the little girl behind him gave his chair a swift kick.

"Hey, mister! You're squishing me! Daddy, the creepy man is squishing me!"

L turned around just in time to see a very angry father glaring at him. "Move up, you little creep," the man ordered. "Don't crush my little princess."

"Sorry, sir." L moved his seat back up, and was rewarded with hearing more of the argument between Mr. Smelly and Ms. Lice. Unfortunately, Smelly couldn't hold back his saliva while he was yelling, so L got a generous helping of that right on the side of his face. And…why was his head itching? L reached up and frantically clawed at his scalp.

The lice! The lice are planning a takeover of my body!

"…Well, shut up, lady! If I wanna ask the guy a question, then I can! Are you his sister or something?"

"No! He's my very good, personal friend and he doesn't want to answer your questions!"

L closed his eyes. Since when were Lady Lice and I good friends?

"Pfft!" Mr. Smelly retorted, offering up another serving of spit that showered L's face.

Okay, positive thinking exercises, L thought in desperation. List positive things about my life: I have money. I have food. I have Light…Or not, because of the LICE infesting my hair…I have to use the lavatory, because I never got a chance to because of the LICE. Oh Lord, I have to get out of here. I'm going to become like Light.

DNDNDNDN

Upstairs, Light had ordered one of the stewardesses bring him a damp washcloth and a plastic bag. Without looking around to see the many people staring at him, he covered his hair with the washcloth and put the bag over it, like a shower cap. It was wishful thinking, but he had limited means and suffocating the lice was his only option.

…If this was the correct way to suffocate lice. Light, being fabulously sparkly and clean all the time, wouldn't know about such disgusting matters.

I don't even know if I have lice, but I'm sure anything could live in Ryuu's hair. He recalled a particularly frightening incident involving L's hair and a toe ring Light had never seen again.

Banishing the image of L's monstrous hair-creature out of his mind, Light began feasting on some more ice cream, washing it down with a nice, cold soda and a few chocolate bars. He could see why L ate like this all the time; he was feeling energized! Whew!

"Can I have some more cookies up here?" he called over his shoulder. "And maybe you could bring me that steak right about now!"

DNDNDNDN

"Chicken or pasta?"

"Pasta."

"Chicken or pasta?"

"Chicken…No, pasta."

"Chicken or pasta?"

"Chicken."

The attendant fixed his bland gaze upon L. "Chicken or pasta?"

L looked at the little foil-covered plastic containers the man was handing out, their "delicious, complimentary meal," and sighed. "Pasta." He took it from the guy and opened it up, only to be greeted with possibly the foulest odor he had ever encountered.

"Do you want to trade?" the lice woman asked, holding out her tray, which looked too much like vomit to really be chicken.

"No, thank you." L unwrapped his plastic fork and slurped up one of his hardened noodles. He gagged.

DNDNDNDN

"We will be arriving at our destination in approximately ten minutes."

L grunted and blinked his eyes open at this announcement. He must have fallen asleep after choking down that pasta, and now they were almost there! Looking around at the fools on either side of him, his heart leapt with joy at knowing he would never see them again!

"It has been nice talking to you," he said to his lice-plagued companion. "Good luck with your problem."

"Thank you!"

Meanwhile, up in first class, Light let out a little belch and sunk back into his seat. He had been eating nonstop for several hours and was suddenly not feeling so well. No, he wasn't feeling well at all.

Once they landed, the brunette heaved himself to his feet and grabbed his suitcase from the overhead bin. Stomach protesting his every move, he waddled down the stairs and out into the airport to wait for L.

"Light-kun!"

Though he was tempted to hug Light at first, L found it wasn't a hard thought to resist when he saw the hellish state his lover was in: He had some kind of plastic cap on his head, was extremely pale, and looked a bit fuller than was normal.

"…Did Light-kun consume too much food?" L asked, leading the way through the massively busy Heathrow airport. "I hope not, because we have quite a car ride ahead of us. You see, I could only fly into London on such a short notice, but we are headed elsewhere. Follow me."

"Hold that thought, Ryuu. I'm nauseous."

L watched as Light shoved his way into a restroom and flipped out his cell phone to contact Watari, who would apparently be driving them to the orphanage from wherever the hell he had been before. (How Watari got from place to place so fast, L would never know. When he was a child, he had suspected the older man had been something like Superman, and that theory was sometimes tempting to believe even now.)

"Watari?"

"I will be there in five minutes."

"Good. Light is," L glanced toward the restroom, where Light was just emerging from, "feeling a bit off."

"He is nauseous?"

"Yes. How do you kn-"

"I have something for him. You know where to meet me." Click.

"He is so efficient," L muttered to himself, turning towards the sickly brunette. "Come on, Light-kun. Pull yourself together."

"I feel horrible."

"That is Light-kun's own fault for being a glutton."

"Hmph. I like ice cream!"

"I do not care. And," L grabbed both suitcases and began walking off, "why is Light-kun wearing a bag on his head?"

"To suffocate the lice!"

L kept walking and decided to tell Light later that, to successfully suffocate lice, one had to use vinegar or mayonnaise. He clearly remembered the lice episode with Mello ten years back. What a nightmare.

DNDNDNDNDNDNDNDN

A/N: : ) Thanks for reviewing, guys!! You… I don't even know what to say, except I'm happy you liked it!

L: "I thank you all most graciously for the panda food you gave me last time."

Light: "Now, please feed me with some reviews. I'm feeling left out, dammit! No one ever gives me any love! Everyone likes that panda-face better than me, when I am obviously the superi-"

L: "Sorry about him."

Up next: Arrival