Settling down at the bar while her head throbbed with the relentless beat of inane dance music, Caroline ordered another drink. She usually kept count, but she wasn't bothering tonight. There was no need to cling to a particle of sobriety; Jane had plenty of other bridesmaids to keep her company.
It was strangely freeing, a rare opportunity to relax in a public setting. Caroline was the sole keeper of the family reputation, now that Bing was busy finding himself or whatever he thought he was doing in New York. No distinguished doctor to carry on the proud Lee name, so it was entirely up to her. She prided herself on being able to carry the burden alone, but sometimes she needed a break. Sometimes she envied Bing.
She watched as Jane's little sister ambled up to the bar. Speaking of….Caroline wouldn't admit it to a soul, not ever her close-mouthed therapist, but sometimes she envied Lydia. Not her relative poverty or her garish fashion sense, obviously. But she wondered, now and then, how it would be if no one had any expectations of her. There'd be no way to disappoint anyone. No reputation to uphold.
It was bad enough for Lydia when that tape almost went public. A misstep like that would be professional and social suicide for Caroline. Trusting anyone completely and utterly, letting herself become that vulnerable, was entirely out of the question.
And her traitor subconscious zeroed in on Darcy and Lizzie, sitting cozily together at a table across the room, an incisive reminder of the sort of relationship she didn't want, didn't need and probably couldn't get if she tried.
"So, were you, like, in love with him?"
Caroline started. She hadn't noticed Lydia choosing a seat so close by, clutching some fruity, sugary drink in her hand. In spite of her tendency to talk like a thirteen-year-old, there was real sympathy in her voice. And Caroline found herself forcing down her knee-jerk tendency toward sarcasm, giving the question genuine consideration.
"No, I don't think so. I saw potential there. We made a good team." She tapped a finger to the rim of her glass. "But he didn't make any romantic motions, so I kept my emotional distance. I'm not the sort of woman who pines."
"Yeah, that doesn't surprise me."
"Really?" She arched an eyebrow. "You don't pity me, poor Caroline, left in the dust because she didn't deserve Darcy like Lizzie did?"
"Oh, you got messages from Lizzie's angry fans too, huh?" Lydia sipped her drink. "I guess you would have. That sucks."
"Frankly, those were the nice ones. The others - well, you learn to filter them out after a while."
"Yeah. Eventually."
Caroline hesitated, then found herself going on, "They were right, in one sense. Darcy has a sentimental side that I find hard to stomach. We wouldn't have worked out in the long run. And your sister might actually be good for him, in spite of my initial assumptions."
"That's, like, super-mature and stuff."
"Thank you, Lydia. You've matured well yourself."
Lydia snorted. "You saw me on the dance floor a few minutes ago, right?"
Caroline smiled. "I believe it's considered socially acceptable to let loose at a wedding. And I wasn't comparing you to myself. The only comparison that matters is with your own past self."
"Sounds like one of those dumb motivational posters."
"But true regardless."
"Sure. Well," Lydia started ticking it off on her fingers, "I've got a college degree, an awesome boyfriend and a job. So that's a whole crapload better than two years ago. You?"
"No complaints. I just got a promotion, I've had a full month of stellar hair days, and I've stopped baby-sitting my brother through every one of his dubious life choices." She lifted her glass. "To progress?"
"To progress," Lydia echoed, and they clinked their drinks together.
