OK, hurry the hell up, Brit's about to come home any minute now and I don't got all day to talk to you prying perverts about us.

First of all, imagine my surprise when I found out that in the final version of what y'all read, there were certain 'corrections' with my story and let me assure you that everything was as accurate as the F- you got on your math tests last week because you were too busy drooling over us to study or too dumb to cheat. Probably both. No offense. I mean, honest to God, Brit's absolutely adorable when she goes all hard-hitting journalist, but frankly, she is so into me, I think she only said those things to, y'know, make me seem less perfect and for all of you to keep your hands to yourselves. You know how it is, it's not easy to keep all of this.

Brittany, if you're reading this, which I know you are (because you refused to let anyone else edit this, not that it even needed editing because hello, Ivy League graduate here), you don't have to worry about me leaving you. Especially for these people. Again, no offense. It's just that Brittany is so much better than all of you in every single way.

But like seriously, I was the hot nerd in high school. Are we all clear on this? I'm just going to assume that you're nodding. Good.

Ok fine. I did 'lose' that chess game against that gay boys school. He cheated. I would've won by a mile if I cheated as well, since I'm an excellent cheater...wait, no that came out wrong. I obviously didn't cheat on my tests. Because those tests are beautiful and gorgeous and makes me laugh and they are the most amazing and I am the luckiest girl to have done them and I would never cheat on them.

Anyways, so where were we. Right, we kissed. And, um, the crowd went crazy. I mean they literally went crazy. I think a bunch of the gays (not a typo, but we'll get to that later, if I'm bored enough) even stood up and clapped. I half expected them to start snapping pictures and tweeting about it. Yes, McKinley used to be that boring that two girls kissing would've easily made the headlines of the Muckraker. Or something. Not like I remember what that crappy newspaper's name was. What? I don't remember every single thing that happened with Brittany like some kind of, um, stalker. I just looked it up again not five minutes ago because I knew ahead of time that you'd want to know every single tiny detail.

Then I charged her double for the pizza. Look on her face? Priceless.

Guess what happened the very next day when I got to glee club? Ding ding ding, well done for guessing correctly, Brittany was there. I looked at Rachel and she just shrugged. So it mustn't have been a dare. I don't want to toot my own horn here but I must've been some kisser. I still am. Just sayin'.

So I took a seat directly in front of her, not before giving out one of my trademark smirks.

Then Mr Schue introduces her, bla bla bla. Boring boring boring. Then the band that we had started playing an upbeat song. Brittany started dancing. Not going to lie, that was the very moment I knew I wanted to have sex with her. Oh, I'm sure you're looking forward to the day when I re-tell that very much...don't even try to deny it. Don't even. It was then that I knew why all the guys wanted her, and undoubtedly some of the girls as well. She didn't even have to open her mouth to be able to seduce and destroy. That girl is what you'd call a life ruiner. Unless she's yours. Which she isn't because she's mine so you better keep away from her or I will do nasty things to the things you love.

Right after, she looked directly at me and I swear on everything that I own, she smirked at me. You know what she did then? Strolled right up to me and said, "Santana, is it? You still owe me for the other night." Oh, ditzy blonde cheerleader, she was not. She knew. She knew exactly what she'd done to me. Fucking ruined me. The entire time in that glee club session she was burning holes at the back of my neck with her insistent staring.

Halfway through, I just couldn't stand the torture anymore. So I left, flushed and yes, horny as Rachel must be to even go anywhere near Finn, let alone let his tongue into her mouth.

First thing I did when I got home? Called up breadstiX and quit.

Now if you'll excuse me I have to go take a shower.


Hi again, I should start calling these 'editor's notes' now that Lord Tubbington's out of the proverbial bag. Yes, I am the one and only official editor of this. I have credentials and everything.

Again, just wanted to add some of my side of the story here. Um, she did owe me for the pizza. People think I'm dumb, but I'm not. I thought it was really really strange that a pizza could cost so much. So I called up the owner and asked for the specific price of the pizza we ordered. He sounded really weird on the phone though. Like he was laughing at random things and wasn't very serious about my question. I'd wanted to write an official complaint to the CEO of breadstix co. about this but Quinn told me not to, because it would get Santana fired. So I didn't.

Also, just making sure you know Santana wasn't really talking about tests earlier. She was talking about me, in that skewed way of being sweet of hers.

She's right about one thing though, I am into her.

I have to go now. I want to invite Santana to be a guest on Fondue for two next week. She's most easily convinced in the shower.