And this one is very silly...Imoen explains why she has her terrible fear of cats...

The Cat's Eyes

Imoen was woken by the flapping of window shutters as the morning breeze drafted in. She usually shared a room with Aerie, who liked to leave the windows open because of her claustrophobia. It had been a warm night, so Imoen had no problem.

The rogue redheaded mage yawned and stretched under the blankets. She really didn't want to get up. Maybe she would just send a note to Tarant telling him she had 'woman's problems'. That was a little trick she'd learnt from Jaelle. No man would ever dare to question it if you told them you had 'woman's problems', as it just causes them to freak.

But, she could hear the days activity starting downstairs as the regulars filled the Inn. She could hear the clink of gold and… who knows what other bright and shiny trinkets, and she knew she would have a full days work ahead of her. Relieving those poor people of all that excess weight they had to carry around. Oh, but, she could lie on for a few more minutes. Living the adventurer's lifestyle it wasn't often she got to sleep in such a warm and comfortable bed.

There was movement in the room. Very odd. She was sure Aerie hadn't woken up yet. Well, it had to be the breeze. She might have to get up after all just to close the window. The redhead rolled on her side and allowed her eyes to flicker open. There were… paws… silverish fur… green eyes… whiskers, a tail, pointed ears…

"Meow?" The cat said.

"AH!" Imoen screamed and somersaulted out of her bed and over Aerie's. "Aerie! Aerie! Wake up you… wake up!" She cried out desperately.

"Hmm?" The avariel turned herself over, pulling the blankets up over her head.

"Hey!" Imoen pulled the blankets away, exposing the blonde elf in her night robe. "Wake up you… you thatch-roofed little… elf…" She was in such a panicked state she couldn't even string together a poignant insult.

"But, Momma… I don't have to go to school today…" Aerie then sat up groggily and rubbed the dust from her eyes. "Er… I-Imoen?" She said, not hiding her disappointment. "Did… did you need something?"

"Yes. I need you to get rid of that cat!"

"Huh… cat?" The avariel wasn't fully awake yet.

"Yes, look, there's a cat in the room!"

Aerie looked at the creature her friend was yelling about. Imoen's scream had caused it to back into a corner where it stood with it's straight on it's arched back.

"Meow?" It said.

"Y-yes… a cat… must have… cr-crept in through the window…" the elf yawned.

"Thankyou," Imoen looked annoyed. "I had figured that much out on my own."

"Wha…what did you need me for again?"

"Getridofit! Getridofit!" Imoen screeched and waved her hands desperately, like a frightened schoolgirl.

"Why? I-it's not hurting anyone. It… it's probably just hungry."

"So? Let it go and kill a mouse or something… look, I just don't like cats, okay? Not since… look, there isn't time to go into that right now, just get rid of that thing!"

"How?"

"What?!"

"How do you want me to get of it?"

"I don't know. You must have some idea what to do with them… I mean, you had cats in the circus right?"

"Er, y-yes, but… they were a lot bigger than this one," Aerie rested her head on her palm for a few seconds, apparently deep in thought. "Oh! I… I know what to do."

"Yes?" Imoen was getting the idea that Aerie was actually stalling.

"If… if there's one thing I've learned in the circus about cats, it's that they're very afraid of chairs. Do… do you have a chair?"

"That's just a very silly joke, isn't it?" Indeed, the little avariel could hardly suppress her giggles. Steam hissed from Imoen's ears. "This is no laughing matter!" The redhead shouted. "I have a genuine phobia! And I'll have thought you, of all people, would be a little more sensitive about something like that. Don't you dare start using this as an excuse to make fun of me! Believe me, I have plenty on you!" She shook her finger pointedly.

"I get scared," Aerie sighed. "But not… not paralyzed-scared like you obviously are. You… you're right though. It's wrong of me to make fun. I-I'm sorry," the elf regained control of herself. "But… I don't understand. There are cats all over the city. I've… I've never seen you react like this."

"I'm okay when they're outside," Imoen sighed as well. "I just don't like being in a room with them. It's… an incident that goes back to my childhood. Now… will you please, just pick up that cat and put it back outside the window. I'm sure it can find it's own way back down from there."

"Al-alright," Aerie picked herself up off the bed, catching a glimpse of herself in her recently polished small shield. For some reason, she thought her hair looked like a straw thatched-roof. She guessed it always did in the mornings.

The cat was still arched in the corner, glancing nervously between the two looming figures. When Aerie crouched down and reached for it, the cat screeched and slashed out, causing the elf to recoil just slightly. It had left a deep mark on the back of her hand.

"You see that!" Imoen wailed. "They're horrible, evil creatures! I don't understand how anyone can like them. Hurry up and get rid of it!"

"It's… it's just because you're scaring it," said Aerie.

"I'm scaring it? Hello!? I'm not the one who has claws she can unsheathe whenever she feels like hurting someone. Are you alright?"

"It's just a scratch," Aerie assured her friend. "I'm fine, really. You know… I-I used to get scratched all the time in the circus. And b-bitten… and kicked."

"That's why you're the only one qualified to this job. I really don't know anything about animals."

"Animals?" Aerie asked. "Oh, yes… Well… they could be pretty rough too, I guess."

"Trouble is," Imoen started to observe. "I don't actually know that you are joking. Just concentrate on that cat."

The avariel was grinning facetiously, but did as her friend asked. This time, she didn't bother being cautious. She just quickly grabbed it by the scruff of the neck and lifted the cat from the ground. It struggled viciously for a few moments before finally the little creature punched itself out and came to rest in her arms. Then, still grinning facetiously, Aerie glared at Imoen.

"W-what?" A knot suddenly formed in the redheads stomach. "What are thinking of doing. Just… no! No… d-don't bring that thing over here! Stay away!" Her grey eyes went wider than the elf's wide blue orbs as the rogue-mage somehow managed to climb backwards up the dresser.

"I'm forced to face my fears all the time. I haven't any choice," Aerie explained. "Facing yours might do you some good. Look," she held the cat out at arms length.

"Meow?" It whined piteously. But Imoen literally was paralyzed. She tried desperately to scream, but, terror took the sound before she made it.

"It's just a little cat," Aerie tried reassuring her. "Not… not at all like the lions and tigers I had to feed and clean up after every day. This little thing can't hurt you," Imoen's bulging eyes went to the gash on Aerie's hand. "Well, it… it can't hurt you much."

"G-get rid of it…" Imoen finally gained enough composure to speak. Or, more accurately, to hiss between her gritted teeth.

"Won't you even try?" The avariel sounded very let down. "You… you don't have to hold it. Just come and stroke it's back."

"No!" The redhead tried sounding angry, but her fear was still very evident. "I've told you to get rid of it!"

"Fine," again today, Aerie did nothing to hide her disappointment. "But… I-I want something from you."

"Just get rid of it Aerie, or… I'll show everyone the cartoons you drew of them. Huh? How would you like that?"

Imoen glared. Aerie, knowing it was very rare she had the opportunity to demand anything from someone, glared back. It became a contest of wills. And, despite outward appearances, it was the little blonde elf's that was by far the stronger.

"Fine," the rogue-mage said, giving in. "What do you want?"

"Well… it's two things really. First, I-I want to know where you hid my ring of protection."

"The green one? But you never wear it. You have much better rings now."

"It… was a gift from my uncle. So… please? I'd really like to have it back."

"Oh… I didn't know it was important to you. I'm sorry. You… you'll find it at the bottom of the bag Jaheira keeps all her herbs and stuff in. Now hurry up, what else?"

"I… I just want to tell me why it is you're so afraid of cats."

"That's all?" Clearly it wasn't as bad as Imoen had thought it might be. Really, Aerie could have asked for anything. She could have asked for Imoen to let her ride around on the redhead's back all day and her wish would have been granted. "Alright, I'll tell you. But what I say must never leave this room… and first, you have to get rid of that darn cat!"

The avariel coddled the cat one last time before finally heading to the window. Half-way there, another thought struck her and she turned back to Imoen.

"Um… could you let…"

"No."

Fair enough. It was a pretty silly idea anyway. Aerie gently placed the cat out on the ledge where it instantly shot off, disappearing into the not-very-welcoming streets of Athkatla. Imoen climbed off the dresser and breathed a heavy, long sigh of relief.

Moments later, the two young women were sat opposite each-other on their beds, as Imoen wasn't one who broke promises. Okay, she was, but she usually made exceptions in her best friend's case. She started to tell of the childhood incident that had left her permanently scarred.

"You see, it all began when we were on that quest to find the final resting place of that dragon… you know, Fir-grig… something. You remember?"

"W-well, yes," Aerie answered, becoming just a little. "But… that wasn't your childhood. It… was a few months ago."

"Huh?" Imoen looked up as she sat cross-legged, twiddling her hair and sucking her thumb.

"Oh… er, n-nothing. Go on."

"Anyway, it was another one of those cold, dank dungeons, and we were all waiting outside…"


"Where is Jaelle?" Tarant, Imoen's half-elven older half-brother marched up and down frustratedly. They'd been waiting by the entrance to this cold, dank dungeon for almost ten minutes, and Tarant was not well-known for his patience. About two minutes later, a cube shaped machine about the size of a fist clicked and clogged it's way through the undergrowth and marched up to Tarant's foot. He bent down and snatched a small parchment from the modron-replica's tiny arm.

"She's sent us a note," Tarant informed the party.

"Well, what's it say?" Imoen asked, shivering in the cold.

"It says, 'I would really love to be crawling through a cold and dank dungeon with you all today, but afraid I can't because I am experiencing… woman's problems'. What? What in the hells does that mean?" Tarant looked wearily to the three remaining women in his party. "Actually, forget it. I really don't want to know. Anyway, it says 'I look forward to meeting you back at the tavern later'." He sneered and threw away the paper.

"Guess it will just be us then," Imoen chattered.

"Wait!" Tarant ordered the little cube as it was about to head away. "Aerie, do you still have that quill and parchment?"

"Y-yes sir," the avariel affirmed.

"Good. Then I want you to write a reply, as follows: 'Dear Jaelle, May not be possible to meet you later, as I am experiencing man-problems. You know, I quite like the tavern and all, but I'm not entirely sure I can commit to it.' Got that?"

"Um… yes sir," Aerie rolled up the hastily written note and handed it to the machine, which was then on it's way.

"Bloody women," Tarant sneered.

"Where?!" Minsc bolted into the centre of the group, his two-handed sword at the ready.

"What are you doing?" Tarant asked, typically unclear as to whether he was amused or just about ready to kill everyone he could lay his hands on.

"Oh, Minsc has heard stories of these 'women'," the huge bald ranger declared. "They look like normal people, like you or I or Imoen, but they are not! Little people grow inside them, and then, when it is least expected, burst out from their bellies!"

"Er… M-Minsc," Aerie stepped forward. "I-I'm a woman. And… so is Imoen, and so is Jaheira."

"No," Minsc refused to accept that. "You are Minsc's witch!"

"Yes, I am, but… a witch is also a woman."

"You mean… you have a little person growing inside you?"

"Well, no. N-not at the moment. I mean… I-I've never, er…ah…" Aerie looked pleadingly around all her companions, begging them for a way out of this. Rescue came from what was, to her, a most unexpected source.

"Yes Minsc," Tarant intervened. "I find it hard to believe sometimes as well, but Aerie is a woman," The avariel looked at him a little angrily, but was more relieved by the fact that she didn't have to start trying to explain the facts of life to Minsc. At least not for the time-being. "Look closely at her chest. You have to look really close… well, you can't really see anything there at all can you? Look at Jaheira. She has breasts, not like the ones a fat man has, but woman's breasts…"


"Yes," Aerie interrupted the story. "I-I remember all this. Can… can we just… get to the relevant parts of the story, please?"

"I was setting the scene," Imoen explained. "Introducing the characters. Honestly, do you know nothing about narrative?"

"But… I already know all the characters. And… I-I don't need to know all this. I was there. I think… all… all you're doing is wasting time."

"What about the rest of the audience?"

"I am the entire audience."

"Oh. Right. Okay then."


After Tarant spent an even more frustrating two hours trying to explain to Minsc what a woman was, and getting punched, on average, once every thirteen minutes by Jaheira, the party went in. Shortly thereafter, they split up in order to cover the dungeon more quickly. Aerie went with Minsc of course, Jaheira with Tarant so that she could keep an eye on him, and Imoen found herself with Valygar.

"Hey," Imoen said, getting all giggly. "Why… hehe… why did mushroom go the party?" She asked. Valygar stared ahead broodily. "You're supposed to say, 'I don't know, why did the mushroom go the party?'" He kept staring ahead broodily. "Heehee… because, he was a fun-gi! Get it? Huh? Did you get it?"

Slowly, the head of the dark-skinned man turned downwards towards his companion. "I heard that joke when I was five years old," he said, irritated.

"Wow. That was an entire sentence," Imoen teased. "Just, take it easy there big fella. You should be saving your energy for all that brooding you have to do later."

"We do not know what enemies are waiting for us along these halls. So will you please be quiet," he seemed to make a point of shoving into her slightly as he passed on by.

"Sheez… I was only trying to make conversation," whined Imoen. "Well, I could talk to myself I suppose. Hello Imoen, how are you today. I'm fine, thank you so much for asking. How are you? Why, I'm fine too, thankyou. Hey, what do you think of Valygar person? The broody guy? Well, he's a bit of a waste of space if you ask me… ah!" Imoen screeched as Valygar's head shot out of the darkness, stopping nose to nose with her own. A few seconds ago he had merely been irritated. Now he looked really mad. "I… I'll be quiet now," the redhead whimpered.

"Good." And on that, he disappeared into the darkness again. Imoen followed, but at a very discreet distance.

"I'mtheonlyonewhoeverwantstohaveanyfun," she kept muttering under her breath. "Stoopidknuckleheads…"

After a short time, she came upon a cross-section in the corridor, but no sign of Valygar.

"Awww, come on. Val?" She called, but she was careful not to be too loud. "Which way did you go? This… this isn't funny."

"Meow?" Called the cat as it graciously strolled towards the redheaded mage.

"Aw, a little kitty!" Imoen beamed. "How did you get down here? Are you lost? If you are it's no good coming to me because… so am I."

"Meow?"

"Well, somehow, don't ask me how, but someone I annoyed Valygar and he's ran off and left me. Don't you just hate it when people are sensitive like that?"

"Meow?" It said, as it brushed against her leg.

"What? I should follow you? I guess… well I guess I have no better ideas. Alright."

The cat didn't lead her to Valygar, or back to the entrance, but, it led her to another cat. This cat however was sat in the middle of a large hall, which had probably once been some kind of worship place. The image of the cat was clearly important, or had been important, to whomever had lived here, as it was painted on all the walls. The cat sat in the middle of the hall was twelve foot two and cast in gold. It was the eyes however, that really caught Imoen's attention. They were bright sparkling emeralds. She tried to resist but, it was no use. She just had to have them.

Climbing up was tricky. Gold was a difficult surface to hold on too. But, through perserverance, she managed to shimmy her way up and get into a quite precarious perch just behind it's ears. Very carefully, she pulled her dagger and used it to pry the emeralds from the cat's eyes. They came loose in matter of seconds.

The rogue mage was just thinking this couldn't have been any easier, when she lost her grip and fell to the cat's side, badly twisting her ankle in the process.

"Beeswax!" She yelled as she hopped about on her one good foot. Eventually, she leant back against the statue, still biting down on her own lip. She heaved and sighed through the pain. But, at least she got the jewels. If nothing else, Tarant could sell them for some more money, which would probably cheer him up just a very tiny fraction. Imoen waited for the pain to subside a little before setting off to resume her quest to find Valygar.

And it was then, just as she was walking away, that she heard a noise that sounded like gold scraping against stone, because, in fact, it was gold scraping against stone.


"Is… is that it?" Aerie asked. "The… cat statue just fell on top of you, and that's why you're afraid of cats?"

"You have got to learn to hide your disappointment," Imoen rolled her eyes. "And no, for your information, that wasn't it. I got trapped under the statue, and that cat who led me there? Well, he went away, then he came back with about a dozen friends. Turned out, they were hungry. They started trying to nibble at me. I was there for three whole hours before Valygar finally showed up to rescue me."

"That… that's horrible," the avariel shed a sympathetic tear. "You… you can keep the ring. I don't want it now."

"No Aerie, you keep your Uncle's ring. I've got lots anyway."

"I just… I can't believe Valygar will have ran off and left you alone like that."

"Imagine how surprised I was? Of course, he claims he was planning to come back after just a few minutes, but ran into problems of his own. Something about a hundred year old golem on the loose… but, who knows? I'm telling you, he doesn't like either of us. You know he's got a thing about magic users, right?"

Aerie did know that, but still she couldn't imagine that the dark-skinned ranger will have left Imoen alone that long intentionally.

"It's horrible," the avariel said again. "But… i-its not what I was expecting."

"What do you mean?"

"I… don't know. I guess for some reason, I was expecting something a little more silly. Perhaps even mystical. But… you were just trapped in a room, with cats. It… must have been horrible."

"Yeah," Imoen scratched her head. "But… did I mention the cats were actually the ghosts of dead cats whose owner used to throw them against walls for fun?"

"Were they?"

"No. They were just ordinary cats as far as I could tell."

Aerie smiled warmly. "Have… have you thought, that maybe the statue d-didn't just topple over on it's own? That maybe, what… whatever god had once been a resident there was punishing you for stealing?"

"Oh, Aerie," Imoen giggled. "You say 'stealing' like it's something that's morally wrong. Like murder or something."

"Um… ste-stealing is wrong," Aerie said, starting to look concerned for her friend. "At least… it-it is according to nearly all the moral theories I know of. It's not as bad as murder, but still… still wrong. You… you're taking things you haven't earned."

"What are you talking about? You don't think I earnt those emeralds? After three hour's stuck with those cats?"

"Well… I guess in that, particular case…"

"In every case, Aerie. Being a thief requires a lot of skill and practice, not to mention risk. So, you see, every time I steal something, I earn it, wouldn't you say?"

"Well… I… I guess… you… you could look at things that way. B-but…"

"Exactly. Now let's hear no more of it. Isn't it time for breakfast? I'm starving."

Imoen quickly shooed Aerie along, the avariel not resisting as she was still pondering how it is she couldn't communicate to Imoen the simple truth that stealing was morally wrong.

"Meow?" Said the cat sat just inside the window.

"Er… Aerie…" the rogue mage called for her friend.

"I-I'm sorry," Aerie said. "I was sure I'd shut it properly."

"Meow?" Said the cat's friend and "Meow" said another.

"H-how many of them are there?" Imoen gulped.

"L-lots," Aerie succinctly answered.

"Meow?"

"Th-they must be attracted by s-some kind of smell," Imoen stammered. "A-are you wearing any kind of perfume, or… or something?"

"No," the avariel shook her head.

"Meow?"

"M-maybe, because you didn't learn your lesson," Aerie offered. "The… the cat-god is sending them back after you."

"D-don't be silly, Aerie," Imoen giggled very nervously. "That… that can't be it… they… they're getting nearer aren't they… oh gods…"

"Meow? Meow?" The chorus of cats went on.

And so it was that Imoen of Candlekeep, daughter of Bhaal, learnt that one should never take that which is not yours. And also, night became day, black became white, water ran uphill, pigs could fly and Edwin became a really, truly nice guy.

The End.