Disclaimer: Don't own nothing

Chapter 02

Politically Erect


Uchiha Itachi looked upon the scene playing before his desk with stoic indifference…

There was his little brother standing to the left and looking as if he'd rather be in hell, then here having to listen to something as trivial as a fashion debate.

Next to Sasuke was his watery team mate (the one who was slightly less annoying than the redhead…), who was obviously very amused by the ongoing chaos.

Then there was the still unconscious Hyuga girl – Itachi liked her the best at the moment…

Three huge, grey dogs were sitting on the sidelines, seeming rather bored with their human companions, while their mistress was still struggling in the grip of her three colleagues, trying to maim his partner.

And the man (more like target, Itachi snickered in his own head) of the hour stood dab in the middle of it all, arms crossed over his chest and sorely enjoying the upheaval he'd created, looking decidedly proud of himself.

Well, he had turned the Hokage's office into a strip club – Itachi supposed his friend had a certain right to feel smug about that.

Looking back to the women he contemplated their attire…

Not only were the skirt and crop top barely covering anything, but to add insult to injury, Kisame had chosen the official Akatsuki colours – red and black – for the Konoha kunoichi to wear. And as an added bonus he'd had the tops made of spandex and even individualized the ensembles for everyone.

The Haruno girl's outfit for example was almost completely black – because of her unusual hair, Itachi assumed – except for a big Red Cross right in the middle of her chest.

Really, Kisame, very clever and so … subtle.

And the weapon's mistress sported a plaid skirt and black top with a big red bow in the front – he really didn't want to know where his friend had gotten the inspiration for that one…

Noticing these small differences for the first time, he recalled that the Inuzuka's chest had been decorated with stylized red fangs, much like the tattoos on her cheeks, one over each…well, let's just say there were two of them.

Itachi heaved a sigh.

Yes, he could understand that his friend was bored with the simple and (at the moment) peaceful live in Konoha. He could even understand what part of his male brain had come up with this little scheme – really, he wholeheartedly understood that one. As much as he didn't want to admit it, he had rather enjoyed the view of the Inuzuka and he doubted the mental image would leave him anytime soon. And if all the other kunoichi were wearing the same, his partner must think himself in paradise…

But did he have to include the barely legal girls of his little brother's class – those Itachi had seen in their diapers on more than one occasion…

He really didn't need to see their bellybuttons or ribs (or their anything for that matter), it was slightly disturbing actually – though his little brother might find it a little difficult to keep up his stoic appearance from now on (if the Haruno's accusation earlier was any indication…), which in turn could lead to a great deal of amusement for Itachi himself – so maybe he could just sit back and watch the chaos unfold…

Again, the Inuzuka's eyes found him before he could even finish the thought.

Kami, isn't the blond supposed to specialize in mind jutsu?

He'd never noticed before how creepy the dog breeder could be – or was it just that she still knew him well enough to predict his whims?

Either way (he didn't discount the possibility that she was indeed able to read his mind until he had proven otherwise…), it wasn't good for him and his peace of mind…

Ahem, back to the problem at hand.

"Haruno," he called out, "who exactly does have the accreditation to nullify it?"

She didn't want to answer, he could see it clearly in her face, so it was obvious whatever she was going to say wasn't going to be popular…

"Well,… the… uhm, the Elder Council. They… they have to revaluate the situation and if the vote is better than two-thirds against the law, it will cease to be effective…"

That settled it then – Itachi hated politics. Of course the Council of Perverts wouldn't be of any help.

But his head was already spinning to find a loophole and it didn't take him long to realize that the absence of one girl in particular was the clue – the annoying redhead his brother had picked up in one of Orochimaru's bases.

God, the snake summoner must've fucked up the boy's mind pretty good, for him to decide she would be a better asset than the pink-haired girl with the super-human strength and the ability to heal just about anything…

As much as Itachi had come to know about the one named Karin, he could only describe her as little more than a glorified bloodhound, her only outstanding ability being her refined chakra sense. Other than that she was really just one of the most annoying and nerve-grating creatures he had ever come across – even worse than the Inuzuka, at least his old team mate had never tried to rape him in his sleep…

Apparently, after the Uchiha brothers had reunited in their family's old hide-out two years ago, the redhead had decided that it didn't really matter to her which one of them she would be able to chain down by her side and from then on made advances on both of them – much to Sasuke's relief and Itachi's never-ending dismay.

He'd tried hurting her (mentally and physically), making her cry and once even killing her, but she was denser than a diamond that one and not nearly as valuable…

And she wasn't here at the moment, which could only mean she had no idea about Kisame's actions – because if she did, she'd no doubt be trying to blind him with her (almost non-existent) boobs.

Again.

So that led him to the conclusion that the new uniform rule only applied to the kunoichi of Konoha, not those who were actual members of the Akatsuki, and all he had to do was get them to wear the customary cloaks and everyone would be happy…

Well, at least he would be happy, because then he'd be rid of this circus – the women would probably be a little harder to convince of the idea.

"Uchiha," apparently his old team mate was done waiting for him to react and took matters into her own hands. "You better do something about this… Soon!"

"I will talk to the council members and convince them of their error on this matter, Inuzuka." Yeah, fancy words that, but he doubted there was even one person in the room who didn't know he was going to threaten the shit out of those old geezers. "It will however take a few days until they will come to a conclusion and until then your uniforms are still in effect."

"I'm not walking around like this for god knows how long." The dog breeder again.

"Yeah, if they wanted this in the first place, they'll probably just drag the vote out till never-never day…" The weapon's mistress chimed in.

"They won't," he tried closing this topic, but saw them both ready to argue again. "Let me rephrase that – I won't let them!"

Let it never be said that Uchiha Itachi has lost his touch…

The underlying tension and murderous calm in his words finally got them to shut up and agree. They did look a little smug about the council's fate and he couldn't even fault them for it – the old farts had it coming.

"So what are we supposed to do until then," the Haruno spoke up now – funnily enough, he had the odd feeling she actually trusted him to take care of the matter and was now calculating what else he was going to do. "We can't very well stay at home for the next week – we all have training and our jobs."

"You'll wear different uniforms until then – those he," here he pointed at his rapidly sobering partner, "had neither the brains nor the balls to outlaw."

Everyone looked at him puzzled.

"Give them your cloaks." He instructed the three baffled men.

"Oh no. No, no no. I am not wearing this potato sack indefinitely."

Of course you won't…

He really hadn't expected them to agree instantly.

"Either the cloak or the cheerleader costume, Inuzuka. Take your pick."

In unison the four women stared down at their clothes and he could see the distaste in their eyes. Thankfully, his old team mate apparently decided that she was done arguing and turned back to the window with a huff. One down, three to go…

The other women also came to a decision and, with eerie synchrony, their heads swivelled around to the three standing men.

"Strip!!"

Itachi had to admit that their hissed command would have been enough to make lesser men faint on the spot and his three male underlings obviously agreed with him, since they each took a small step back and hastened to undo the clasps of their outer uniforms.

An interesting incident occurred while the men held out their coats towards the women and Itachi watched with rapt attention – his little brother was staring at the Haruno girl, apparently trying to catch her eye and obviously offering his garments only to her. She however was stubbornly ignoring him and snatched the cloak from Kisame's outstretched hand instead.

Ah, the drama unfolds…

Sasuke's eyes narrowed to mere slits and his posture stiffened even more, the hurt at her silent rejection barely covered by forced anger and Itachi wondered if his brother was really stupid enough to not have expected that reaction from her.

The younger Uchiha would have to do a lot of explaining after everything he had put his old team through and coming back here with a new team had probably hurt his old friends more than joining Akatsuki even. It would be a long while before they let him back into their hearts (if ever) and it seemed Sasuke had only just realized how much he'd fucked up. He'd be paying for that mistake for a long time to come.

This was even better than those soaps Deidara always used to watch…

"Now that that's settled, you may all leave. And Sasuke, get another cloak for the Hyuga."

All four women's eyes widened at that.

"Hinata-chan! Crap, we completely forgot about her." The Haruno girl jumped into action and rushed over to the couch. The weapon's mistress snatched the water carafe and a glass from his desk and hurried to help her friend.

"She's fine, just the usual," proclaimed the medic after a few minutes and gently shook the shy girl awake.

"Huh?"

"Here, Hinata-chan, drink this. We're in the Hokage's office and the mess with the uniforms is already settled."

It was quite astounding how much their moods could change in a manner of minutes and how their voices softened now that they were talking amongst each other, ignoring the men. The harsh words and angry frowns were gone, so as to comfort and relax their introverted friend.

"Sasuke," Itachi called his brother's attention away from the medic and reminded him, "the cloak."

Instead of doing as he was told however, the brat just quickly glared at his team mate and, with a wave of Sasuke's hand, Suigetsu scrambled off to the supply room. The older Uchiha realized he should have known better than to expect his little brother to perform such menial tasks. He'd have to find a way to change that attitude…

"Why… why are you all wearing this?" The small voice of the Hyuga turned both Uchihas' attention back to the women.

"Just until we get our old uniforms back," Tenten reassured her and she seemingly accepted that explanation for now.

"You can explain the rest outside," he reminded them to leave, "now, scram! Uchiha, Hoshigaki, the same goes for you. And Haruno, you will stay behind, there is something I would like to discuss with you."

Wrong choice of words, apparently, as everyone was watching him suspiciously now. Well, everyone except for Kisame, who obviously found the idea of his partner making advances on a woman (or anyone for that matter) rather amusing.

Sasuke on the other hand was silently seething and this reaction was the main reason Itachi had issued his order in front of everyone in the first place. There was something very satisfying and amusing about taunting the brat.

The other women, of course, were worried what he would do to the girl, if they left them alone and again it was somewhat amusing to see their desire to stay with her battling with their desire to get the hell away from him.

"Now!"

The emphasis was finally enough to get them moving and Itachi watched as they filed out of the room. His brother was the last one, shooting his Hokage a look of pure rage as he pulled the door shut, and Itachi answered him with a satisfied smirk.

Yes, very amusing indeed…

"Sir?"

Alone with the kunoichi he regarded her solemnly for a long time, assessing her and, admittedly, hoping to watch her squirm a little…

…which she didn't, surprisingly enough. She must've gotten used to the Uchiha Scrutiny after spending so much time with his brother as team mates. Standing before his desk with her hands folded behind her back, her spine rigid and her head held high, she showed no visible signs of fear or nervousness in front of his imposing attitude.

His little brother was foolish indeed, if he had given her up willingly and even gone out of his way to ensure she would not come close to him again. That went for the copy-nin and the Uzumaki as well.

"Haruno, you are hereby appointed as my new assistant." That threw her a little and she opened her mouth as if to argue, but apparently thought better of it and kept silent. "You're already familiar with the job from your time with your mentor and you've shown a great deal of knowledge about the politics of this village. Your work begins tomorrow morning, eight am."

He watched as she fought with herself, deciding whether to speak up for herself or to take this new development in stride.

"I can't," she blurted out at last and hastened to explain when he raised his eyebrow in question. "I just don't have the time. I'm on call at the hospital round the clock and when I'm not there, I'm scheduled for training."

"Then cut back at the hospital – there are other medics."

"But I'm the Chief Medic Nin – I'm responsible for the health of every Nin in this village, when I'm not out on missions. I worked hard to get that job and I'm sorry, but I refuse to give that up."

Well, he had to give her credit for putting it as bluntly as that.

"There are only few missions and therefore only few injuries at the moment, so you should be able to split your time between my office and your patients." He spoke in a tone that brooked no argument, but she still had counter points.

"You don't understand. It's not just limited to mission acquired injuries – I'm responsible for every injury whatsoever. Every time an Academy student scrapes his knee, I have to either treat him myself or consult with the attending healer and then write up a report for the files…"

"Sounds like you have as much fun writing them as I have reading them…" he muttered grumpily – he really hated those reports and had been wondering for a while now, why any sane person (and he did consider her one) would bother to write down something as trivial as nosebleeds and colds.

"Well, yeah, but that's how it is. The council wants to be aware of everything – especially when it comes to the health of their fighters. The actual healing isn't the problem and other medics can cover for me for minor injuries, but the reports, that's what's so time consuming."

"And," she was on a roll now and he kind of regretted ever bringing this whole thing up, "then there's also that I have to be available for the other medics at any given time for consult or when the more difficult cases are brought in. Really, it's already difficult to juggle the rest of my life in the limited amount of free time I have – I mean, the last time I went on a date, we didn't even finish the salad course before I got called in…"

"I'd have to be three people to catch up on everything if I were to work here too." She finally finished her tirade and he could see in her slightly desperate eyes that she was actually being honest and not just trying to get out of this assignment. He sighed at that revelation.

"Fine," he conceded, "but the job is still yours…"

Here she tried to protest again, but he raised his voice slightly and cut her off before she could start all over.

"Until you find me someone who does have the time and a reasonable amount of knowledge about politics and diplomacy. So you better hurry up, if you don't want to split yourself."

"Oh… okay. I guess that sounds fine." She turned to leave (without his permission – really, no one in this village paid his title the respect it deserved…) and he turned back to his papers – finally. Maybe he could still finish all this before nightfall…

"There was something else I've been meaning to ask you about, Hokage-sama." She was standing in front of his desk again, apparently just having remembered this, and he kissed another full night's sleep goodbye.

Kami, what now?

"Yes?"

"Well, the semi-annual physical exams are coming up in the next weeks and I need to know if we're supposed to restrict them to the Konoha nin only, or if the Akatsuki members stationed here are to be examined too?" She took on a rather stubborn stance, arms crossed and mouth curling as if she was presented with fried bugs for dinner, obviously preparing herself for a bad outcome. "Because, just to make one thing clear, I am not gonna touch that brother of yours."

"Afraid you'll get his cooties?"

She snorted again in that rather un-ladylike manner.

"I've kissed boys," she spoke mockingly, "I can handle cooties – but god knows what kind of strange bugs and germs he caught in that paedophile's lair…"

Yeah and I know at least one of them, Itachi thought to himself, it's got red hair and the demeanour of a stray bitch in heat…

"Akatsuki have their own healing staff – so you and your medics are safe. Is that all?" She nodded in reply. "You're dismissed, see you at eight."

"Yeah, yeah…" She was obviously a little miffed that she hadn't gotten out of the assignment completely.

"And tell my brother to stop planning my castration – I won't try to take away his girl."

"I am not his girl!" So she had noticed Sasuke's earlier behaviour. "And I'm not gonna walk all over town and search for him, just to tell him something so… so… stupid!"

It was almost as much fun to mess with her as it was with Sasuke…

"Then it's very convenient that he's standing right outside the door, isn't it?"

She faltered at this, confusion spreading over her face – whether she wondered how he knew or why his brother would actually do something so sentimental, Itachi couldn't tell. With a slight shake of her head as if to shrug off the implications of his words, she opened the door and left.

Pulling the door closed with a soft click, Sakura couldn't quite contain her curiosity at Itachi's words and looked around the hallway quickly. To her astonishment, the older Uchiha had assessed his brother's whereabouts correctly and Sasuke was leaning against the wall to her right, next to the frame of the door.

He was a lot closer than she was expecting – not to mention that she had fervently hoped the Hokage's words were only meant to taunt her and not actually based on any kind of inside knowledge he might have into his brother's psyche, so she hadn't really been expecting him to be here at all. She took a small step backwards in surprise and immediately reprimanded herself for allowing him to see that she had noticed and, even worse, reacted to his presence.

She, just as Naruto and Kakashi, had spend the last three month ignoring the younger Uchiha's existence, and subsequently also his presence in Konoha, whenever it was possible – which had resulted in him treating them much the same. Or maybe he had always been planning to disregard them, before he'd even come back here, and their behaviour had had no influence whatsoever on his – who could really ever tell with an emotionally stunted amoebae like him…

But if he'd never had any intention of reconnecting with them – why was he standing here now, waiting for her?

And he had been waiting for her as he revealed a moment later when he started to speak.

"What did he want?"

Well, maybe 'speak' was a little overstatement – it was more of an order and as short as he could possibly phrase it without the meaning becoming incomprehensible.

"What's it to you?"

She turned away to leave, having seen her friends waiting for her at the end of the hall, but he wouldn't let her.

"Sakura!" He sounded angry – but then again, when didn't he sound angry?

"That's Haruno-san to you, Uchiha."

She watched as he rolled his eyes and had to admit that her comeback was rather childish, but she was used to others paying her the respect she had worked so hard to earn over the years and he had better start realizing that soon, if he wanted her to cooperate with him.

"What did he want, Sakura?" He stepped in front of her and spoke slowly, as if to a small child or someone whose mental capacities were a little less than average, purposefully emphasizing her first name, more than making it clear that he had no intention of ever fully respecting her.

He was also wrong, if he thought his attitude would somehow impress or intimidate her…

"Why do you even want to know, Uchiha? Are you afraid I might be servicing your brother and that you're not getting your fair share of the spoils of war?" That stunned him for a moment and he looked at her a little puzzled – of course she took advantage of his silence to drive her point home. "Well, then let me clear this up for you."

"Right now, I'd rather blow him," here she pointed at the door they were standing in front of, "than come within two feet of you – so stay the hell away from me!"

"What are you talking about – did he ask you to do that?"

"God, no, of course he didn't!" She realized too late that she'd let herself be pulled into this argument against her better judgement and was actually reassuring him that she was not sleeping with his brother.

Well, it was her own fault, she realized, for ever bringing that topic up in the first place – of course someone as hormonally imbalanced as he would take her words the entirely wrong way and come to the conclusion that she was a working girl…

She slapped her own forehead. "Damn, you're a moron – do you honestly think this tower would still be standing, if he had really asked me to… to do him sexual favours? Do you think I'm some kind of slut?!"

Her voice reached a shrill pitch at the end of her outraged exclamation and she was honestly angry with him now, not just frustrated and hurt. Of all the insults he'd ever thrown her way, implying she would exchange sex for privileges from the Hokage was the lowest blow to date. Besides, it was none of his business anyway whom she was or wasn't sleeping with and she was not obligated to explain her life choices to him.

And wasn't he shacking up with that obnoxious redhead anyway? So what did it matter to him if Itachi propositioned her…

"I am done playing your emotional trash can, Uchiha!" She was screaming now and heads began turning their way, but she didn't care anymore. "My life is none of your concern and you gave up every right to be included in it a long time ago. So what if I'm not a virgin anymore, so what if I enjoy sex? We can't all be as biblically pure as the hormone-free, sexually uncontaminated Uchiha Orphan…"

"I never s…" He tried to interrupt, but she took little notice – the dam had finally burst and she enjoyed the freedom it awarded her to let go at last.

"I don't know why you would dare to show your face in this village again, but it doesn't really matter anyway, because I simply don't care anymore – be a traitor if it suits you, be an Akatsuki if that challenges you – hell, be a ballerina, if you're so inclined… Doesn't matter to me anymore."

"So don't come near me or my team, stop watching us train, stop miraculously showing up wherever we happen to be eating, stop staring at me – in fact, forget you ever even knew me!"

She began to walk passed him, but he tried to grab her arm and she whirled to face him again, forcefully pulling her arm out of his reach.

"Don't touch me – don't you dare touch me!"

"Sakura!"

"What, Sasuke – which part of that didn't you understand. Is it so hard for you to realize that I don't want you anywhere near me?"

Again he tried to reach for her and interrupt the angry tirade, but she carried on regardless.

"Then let me be more concise," she raised both her hands and extended her middle fingers, pushing the gesture repeatedly in his face. "Fuck you! And fuck you!!"

Finally stunned into inactivity, he didn't stop her as she turned and stomped away. Her friends had obviously witnessed the whole thing and were grinning as she met up with them.

"Damn, forehead." The blond slung her arm around her best friend's shoulders and squeezed. "That was almost poetic."

"He doesn't deserve any better," Sakura spoke quietly, her anger evaporating almost immediately and exhaustion setting in. She hated that she had lost her control so completely and so publicly at that. "He doesn't even deserve my anger."

"Oh, come now, Haruno," the dog breeder chimed up from her other side, "I always found it more than cathartic to scream at an Uchiha – maybe from now on you can use him as a verbal punching bag when you need to let off some steam."

"I've seen you with Itachi, Hana," the medic snorted at the thought, "what you two are doing isn't venting or even really arguing – it's verbal foreplay!"

The others snickered at Hana's dumbfounded and gasping face, and the group slowly made their way down the stairs to the streets…


A/N:

First of all, thank you all for your kind reviews! Thank you Music Lover Always, Cheese Maiden, the blanket, les-liaisons-dangereuses, LiuYa and Beauty Blade Alchemist!

Cheese Maiden: He'll probably try with the naughty things – but if she cooperates is a whole other question…

the blanket: I don't know why, but I love the ItachiHana pairing and it's sadly often overlooked. Maybe it's so interesting, because it's rather random and we don't know much about either of them – but I think there has to be a reason why we have met so few people of Itachi's generation. Most Nin we know are either Sasuke's age or definitely older than Itachi (I think the closest in age is Iruka with 25 – which is already a five year leap from Itachi). Hana is the only one who is of the exact same age as Itachi and there just has to be a reason why only she was introduced from his age-group – or maybe I'm just reading too much into it…

Anyway, I think it's very sad that fandom either tries to force Sakura into relationships with every single male in the manga, or just makes them all gay… There are other girls who need love too! So I like to at least give some of them other potential love-interests and Hana seems just spunky and clever enough to handle Itachi.

So, this chapter isn't quite as flashy as the first, but it lays a few ground rules for the universe the story is playing in. For example that Team 7 is not very happy with Sasuke at the moment and that Sakura in particular is disappointed. And that Itachi is hopelessly lost in his new job and needs a good assistant. And that Sasuke is a moron...

To all the Karin lovers who are reading this: I don't actually hate her character, please remember that it is Itachi who is thinking about her so unfavourably (although I do agree with him to a certain degree) and he's just not usually a nice or overly polite person – especially when you annoy him, which Karin does in this story, a lot.

And I also don't really see the point of her existence in the manga, so I'm not a big fan of her – I mean, basically she is nothing more than an 'Itachi-detector' for Sasuke, but in that vein, Naruto is an even stronger 'Itachi-attractor', which I think would be a lot more useful if you want to find someone, since that someone is coming to you and you don't have to look all over for him. Think about it, Karin's 'radar' only reaches so far and if Team Hebi is searching in Wind Country, while Itachi is in Mist, there's no way in hell she's gonna feel his chakra anywhere. But if Sasuke were with Naruto in Fire Country, then Itachi would inevitably come to the Fire Country sooner or later and they'd meet. Not to mention that she obviously wants to spend as much time with Sasuke as she can and as soon as they find Itachi and Sasuke gets his 'revenge' or whatever the outcome may be, she loses her usefullness to Sasuke - so why shouldn't she accidently on purpose 'overlook' Itachi's trail...

So I'm a little stumped as to her purpose in the whole story, but it's not just her, it's pretty much the same with the rest of Team Hebi. Granted, Juugo is useful and I can see why Sasuke wanted him on his team, but he's also a huge liability if he can't be controlled. And then there's Suigetsu, who can't even carry his own sword (which he probably cuddles at night) and basically you'd only have to steal his water supply and wait till he's hydrated to finish him… Yeah, Sasuke, great team you got there, really. Moron.

Okay, that's it for now…

Thank you all for reading and please review.