Around one I'm in the lobby as we check in from lunch at this Itlatian diner, and I can't look Tony or Jessie in the eyes. I munch on a chocolate muffin we bought at the diner. People wizz by us as Jessie and Tony discuss matters between themselves. I feel someone tug on my peach and black poka dot shirt. "Emma, how's your muffin? I would of got one, but I thought they would be too much."
"It's fine. You would like it." I say and we go to the elevator, Jessie finishing her conversation.
I continue gnawing at my muffin, not realizing I'm eating it too fast. "Emma, slow down before you chew your way to China."
I stop and hold the muffin and look at Jessie and then at the elevator. And back again. I squeeze my stomach as I feel sick. The door opens and we enter our penthouse. I notice roses on the living room table, them not being there before. Jessie wonders into the kitchen and I look at the tag on the roses. it reads,"See you tonight. I had fun last night. And my uncle didn't kill me about the suit. :)"
I let it go and slouch on the couch. Jessie comes in and notices the sad look on my face that I wasn't noticing I was making until she said so. "You okay Emma?"
"No, I'm perfectly fine." I lie as she notices the roses.
"Who are these from?" she asks.
"You guess."
"Stingy."
"Whatever."
She carefully reads the tag and smiles. "Aw, how sweet is he?"
"I don't know, you've only had one date, you know, not counting the other four that went down in flames." I say and pull out my phone.
"Are you really okay? You're acting kinda stingy." she says, catching on.
"I'm fine." I just stare at my phone, faking reading text messages.
"Okay then." she says and stops before walking up the stairs, "Now if you excuse me, I have to prepare for my date."
I watch her as she walks up the stairs. Then I make sure no one is coming, and let a few tears slip again. I can just think of her putting on the best dress and me sitting on her bed telling her she looks fine, even if it's last season.
And I keep daydreaming about how she'd throw it back in the closet and change into another dress. And how we'd be in there for hours on end trying to get it right. And then my daydream takes me to her date. How they laugh and flirt playfully. And how they eat their dinner and smiling like fools because they're happy. And then they kiss, and i just stop dead in my tracks and die completely. I just runaway crying and no one notices. I just cry like a moron and I can't tell anyone why. I can't preach out about how I just can't say those three words to her. Or how I keep everything inside and play dumb around her all the time. And how every night I'm crying in mourning.
But then I drift back to reality, and i notice I've been crying because there's tear stains on the couch. I get up and slowly walk to Jessie's room and knock on her door. The door opens and she smiles. "Here to help?"
"Of course! You need help from someone who's fashion forward. No offense." I say in my usual preppy voice and enter her room and she steps out of the way.
"None taken." she says and stands in the middle of the room as I flop on her bed, "So, what do you think?"
Lord, please help me.
