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Thursday Afternoons

The First Week

His hands were shaking as he took the steps to River's front door. He was scared, terrified really. The Time Lord was spending an afternoon with his son. His son. A small child that was part him, albeit the child himself wasn't actually aware of the connection. He didn't know how to act around that concept and knew that River Song was not one for the idea of sharing the child's paternity with the young boy, just yet anyway.

Knocking on the door with an air of forced confidence The Doctor waited for the sounds of life inside that would alert him to the beginning of his afternoon. River was the one who opened the door, surprised to find his face beyond it. "You're early." She looked as startled as he felt scared. "He's not home." The Doctor nodded. Right, he knew that. Smiling softly River stepped aside, she eyed her husband up and down curiously, inspecting the messenger bag that was slung over his shoulder as she let him into the house.

"I, ah, the TARDIS, um." He stuttered, embarrassed, hands in his hair. "Clever old girl she, uh, reminded me that it was Thursday – not that I forgot or anything but you know. Space and Time Continuum, I get caught up in it sometimes." The woman hummed, she knew that he would happily spend hundreds of years on adventures and not even think as to the possibility of an hour passing. His excuse had always been that time could be rewritten, he would simply travel back and do something he missed again. But that was what she was scared of. He would hurt her son in doing that. Isaiah wasn't a stupid boy and River knew that he would pick up on the man's differences if he had been away for thousands of years before coming back to visit again and that was something she wasn't ready to explain. It was going to happen regardless of what River thought, she just hopped that The Doctor wouldn't forget their son in the process. She didn't want to clean up that inevitable mess. And after she cleaned it up, sorted her son out and knew he was going to be as okay as he could, she would find The Doctor and she would rip him to shreds. "Made me wait a whole week and everything." She couldn't help but think that he looked like their son as he put his hands in his pockets and refused to give eye contact, uncomfortable with the situation. Her heart contracted at the sight, his sincerity was heartbreaking.

River smiled shyly. She knew this man, she loved this man but there was something about him that made her shy and nervous, she never left like that around him, ever. But now that they shared a child, another living soul and it was known to the two of them. There was something odd between them an air of another wall, distance in a sense.

"River?" He stopped her as she led him through the house and to the kitchen. "I did some research." He told her shyly as he deposited his bag on the counter and pulled out a large book. "Cystic Fibrosis, it'll kill him." She nodded slowly, forcing herself into distraction as she set about making tea. It was only 3 o'clock, Isaiah wouldn't be home for half an hour. She had to survive this conversation with her husband, the one she didn't want to have without her child there to be the buffer. River knew it was wrong to use her child's presence in order to avoid a conversation but this was one she definitely didn't want to have and she would succeed to any length of being a bad parent in order not to have it.

But to say she wasn't prepared for this conversation she would be lying to herself. From the day River Song found out her son had a genetic disease found within humans that would undeniably kill him some time into his young adult hood, she had practiced how to tell her husband. She just wasn't ready now, she couldn't break him like this. He had only just found out about Isaiah, which had been her fault, but River knew he would want to claim the time he missed and the times that will be ripped away from him.

"There's a cure. It's a few centuries away though but I have the TARDIS and, and he might regenerate. I mean there's a chance that he'll regenerate, right?" The Doctor's face was a mixture of worry and excitement. He thought he was helping. It was a pity that he wasn't; he was only making it worse for himself.

Hands pressed to the counter, eyes closed River breathed heavily as she muttered something to herself, a reminder of why she hadn't told him about Isaiah. "Stop." She told him. "Just enjoy Isa while he's here. No heroic measures, Doctor. There are rules:" She whispered. "No talk about regenerations, about the TARDIS and the universe beyond his understanding. They're all faerie tales to him, Doctor. The TARDIS, The Raggedy Man, he is in love with the stars because it was breed into his DNA but he also sees the impossible wonder of them. Don't show him that he can physically reach the stars. Don't even do as so much to even imply that he could do so." She could feel her heart tightening, contracting with the pain. His face was falling right before her eyes, his own green ones flying about the room trying desperately to think of something else to say.

"But Rive-" Was all he managed out before she stopped him. The Doctor had to take her seriously, he had to trust her.

"I have to ask you to do something. I don't even know if he does have it, but I need you to take his regeneration energy." Her voice cracked, her eyes avoiding his as his were found glued to the side of her face in shock. "He can't – he can't regenerate. There's no promise that he will be rid of the disease if he regenerates. I can't have him living like that and dying over and over again by the same thing just begging for it to get so bad that it kills him completely." Her husband wanted to interrupt, he wanted to tell her that every time regeneration reared its ugly head at him he wanted it to take him under, swallow him whole and just end everything already. But, he didn't have a place to speak out against her wishes for their child. She was the one who had raised him, he didn't even know the boy existed. River cleared her throat, her hand wiping at her face to rid her cheeks of tears he hadn't seen fall. "I want you to take his regeneration energy, if he has any and he mustn't know that you've done it."

He tried to speak to her again, her name barely making it passed his lips before she held up a hand to stop him, her head hanging limply as tears clouded her vision. She had made this decision a long time ago and she had to make it alone, he couldn't question her, he couldn't help he was only making things worse. "But what if I regenerate, how do I explain that to him?"

Her head snapped up from its downcast place where her fingers were drawing figure eights on the counter top, her eyes were wide when she looked at him, scared and terribly frightened. The look was a mixture of panic but also a look of complete simplicity towards his question. "You don't." River wiped at her face again with the back of her hands as she willed her voice to be strong. "You turn up looking like you." She stepped forward, close enough to poke him in the chest. "This is the life I have had to lead, Doctor. I'm trying to keep him save, to let him live peacefully before his lungs give up on him. I need you to respect that."

The Doctor nodded for a moment before he started to shake his head. "River," he pleaded "he was made for so much more than just an average human life. Let me show him the stars, please. The planets must be calling his name. We'll defeat aliens and we, you and I, we can find him a cure. We can show him our lives, our real lives. And of course in between adventures you can teach him all about the archaeology you love while I teach him about Gallifrey and we –" She stopped him, her finger pressed to his lips delicately.

Fresh tears burnt at the back of her eyelids as she forced herself to look him in the eye. "This was why I couldn't tell you about him. You're almost as excited about this as he is about everything." She let out a shaky breath, her eyes darting from his only for a second. "I can't," River shook her head "I'm sorry, I can't do this." She pulled away from him, creating space between them to avoid the temptation of her guilty mind. "You need to go and just, don't – don't come back." She turned slightly just to see if he was going to move but the man didn't budge.

The Doctor stood to her left, a few steps away his mouth open, stunned. He wasn't speaking and some part of her was okay with that. She could hear his heavy breaths and although he wasn't doing as she asked River found that she need him there, even with the space between them. "But," He started, his hands clenched by his side. "He's my son. I just found him, you can't ask me to leave. River, just, just let me help."

All she could do was shake her head before the words finally found her mouth. "No." Her head continued to shake. "You turn up on Thursdays and you love him. That's it. I can't watch my baby suffer but I have to. You can't just swoop in and be his superhero because I am trying to protect him and I don't need your help."

"You didn't have to keep him here. Of all the places River you chose the 21st century."

"I do, I do have to stay here. I'm not selfishly mending his health. This is what happens when you and I are together, this is what happens when we touch. Let Isaiah be a reminder to that."

"River …" Her name was a dense exhale.

"No, you weren't there when he was born, when he stopped breathing in his sleep, every time I wished you were there you weren't. I was so, so scared and you –"

He was fidgeting now, his hands clenching and unclenching in frustration with her words. "You wouldn't let me!" The Doctor shouted, almost a growl.

"Do you see the life you live?! How could I expose a child to that? A sick child none the less!"

"We can fix him!"

"He doesn't need fixing!" She heard the sound of Isaiah's footsteps in the hall. "I don't think you seeing him will be a good idea." She uttered in a scared voice hinting for the second time that day that he should leave.

"Mr. Smith!" Isaiah exclaimed. It was too late, he had seen the older man now and there was no talking either of them out of the visit. "Why are you here?"

He knew he was going to be in trouble if he spoke so he did it anyway. Crouching down in front of the boy his face softened from the argument before tending to the child. "I thought we could play soccer. Do you want to go change your clothes?" Looking up at his mother before he answered, seeing the apprehension in her eyes he was weary to nod towards John Smith's question. But he did so anyway, nodding slowly as his mother gave him a reassuring smile before he dropped his bag behind the door and darted upstairs to change his clothes.

"No TARDIS," she whispered harshly. "No bigger on the inside, life changing, eye opening experiences. You got that? I want him home in one piece in an hour."

[…]

Kicking the soccer ball between the two of them, trying to out trick the other The Doctor forgot about his anger with River and her anger with him. It was easy just to love the little boy when he threw himself into the moment without a care. He stopped thinking about how Isaiah was breathing heavily, and after three quarters of an hour was starting to get sluggish in his movements. The Doctor reminded himself to not think about it, he's dying but he's not limited to his sick bed, he had to chant, to think over and over before it sunk in. Besides, all children ran out of energy at some point.

"Mum's angry with you." Isaiah huffed as he kicked the ball back to The Doctor and trotted over slowly. Knowing internally that their time was almost up, fifteen minutes was left and then 168 hours until he could see him again. He mumbled something in return to the boy telling him not to worry about the adults, just to be a kid. "How do you know my mum? Because you do?"

She's my wife, I'm a Time Lord and she didn't tell me that you were my son, sorry about that. He let out a heavy breath while he closed his eyes. There were so many ways in which he could answer that question, he wanted to do so honestly but he had to reserve most details. My companions were her parents, they conceived your mother on my TARDIS. No, that wouldn't work. She tried to kill me, no. We're married, again, no. Scrubbing a hand over his face The Doctor huffed and settled for the most simple. "Your mum and I, I've known her for a very long time we're good friends, close friends."

The boy seemed happy with the short and simple answer. Picking up the ball that was now at The Doctor's feet Isaiah moved to throw it up in the air but a sudden thought stopped him from doing so. "Do you know about her stories of the Raggedy Man?" He asked innocently, green eyes wide as The Doctor hummed and nodded slowly unsure as to how far he could go on this topic. "Do you think he's real? Mum says he's not, but I think she's lying. I think the Raggedy Man is real!" The Doctor stopped breathing, he had to stop doing something. His wife was telling their son stories about them under fictional pretences and the little boy saw right through her.

The Doctor lowered himself to his sons level, eye to eye as they stood in the park, Isaiah still holding on to their soccer ball. "I think he is as real as your mother wants him to be. Her mum used to talk about the Raggedy Man too, when your mum and I were young that is. I don't think someone like the Raggedy Man would be involved in both of their lives."

"No one's that old!" The boy laughed, his hand pawing at the air beside him.

The Doctor roared, "Exactly."

Isaiah stopped, his smile fading slightly as he watched the lines of John Smith's face. His eyes changed colour depending on how he moved. His mother's eyes did that, so did his. He was told once about how The Raggedy Man was both young and old and how it could be seen through his eyes. That story came back to him as he stared at John Smith. "Are you the Raggedy Man?" He whispered quietly, stepping closer as if to avoid sharing his secret with the nearby tree. The man did say he was twelve-hundred-and-three.

"Are you Isaiah Song?" The boy frowned, his little face crinkling. Isaiah didn't understand what did his being himself have to do with John Smith and the Raggedy Man? He nodded confirming audibly that he was indeed Isaiah Song. John Smith smiled and for the first time the boy noticed his bowtie - The Raggedy Man wore bowties. In an instant Isaiah's whole face lit up faster than the night sky on New Years Eve, his eyes ran over The Doctor's face committing it to memory as childish bedtime stories suddenly seemed so very real. "Shhh…" The Doctor whispered pressing his finger to his mouth. Isaiah complied easily happy to not tell his mother that he knew her secret.

"Am I going to see you more, Raggedy Man?" The boy whispered leaning ever closer to the point that their noses nearly touched.

"Every Thursday if that's okay with you and well, if your mum still lets me."

"She will!" Isaiah jumped explaining that his mother wouldn't turn him down if he asked for anything, well maybe she would say no about ice-cream for breakfast but this was completely different. She couldn't say no, simply couldn't.

Instead of believing the young child's words about his mother's attitude The Doctor worried at his bottom lip as he and the boy walked back to his house but Isaiah was calm, bouncing the ball every few steps happily. "John?" He asked, stopping as they passed his mother's gate "are you my Raggedy Man now?" The Doctor stopped beside him, his own mind compelled. But it was true, he was Amy's Raggedy Man and through her he became River's. Really, if he thought about it, his spirit was already alive in Isaiah. The Doctor nodded, he supposed he was. "I'm glad." With a nod Isaiah slipped his little arms around The Doctor's waist squeezing him tightly before pulling away and skipping up the stairs.

River pulled the door open just as Isaiah reached for the handle, smiling lovingly at her little boy she ruffled his fluffy hair as he past her, slipping into the house with his own silly smile. "Tea?" She called out to The Doctor who was loitering at the gate unsure if he was welcome in her home again. To be honest she let him see Isaiah on this day, he wasn't about ready to push that luck and stroll into her home. But she asked, offered really, and who was he to turn down a cup of tea with his wife.

With tea River sat a pack of Jammie Dodgers by her husband's arm as she put a glass of juice down next to the animatedly talking Isaiah who was too busy explaining his math homework instead of actually doing the math homework. River muttered something about being in the study if they should so need her before pocketing a biscuit and pulling back from the table to collect her own tea.

The Doctor helped Isaiah get started with the second grade math work his teacher had given him instead of the work the other children in reception were doing. He was far too smart compared to the rest of them and worryingly it was starting to show. Isaiah was destined to be a smart boy, he might be mostly human but there is still Time Lord in him even a little bit would keep him ahead of the other children.

The boy didn't really need help with the math homework. Instead he used it as an opportunity to blabber on about visiting a Year One class twice a week to keep him 'mentally stimulated'. He patiently listened when The Doctor, his Raggedy Man, started to speak, explaining the simple mathematics in confusing circles.

Isaiah pushed him away after only a few minutes, the man's rambling talk and constantly moving limbs eventually getting to the little boy who was attempting to grind through his work before his mother got mad. The Doctor left him, the child's tongue stuck out in concentration as he soaked in the quite absence and The Doctor himself curiously crossed the hall in search of River Song and her office.

He found River with her nose buried in a large book in a little study that was spat out from the living room. "I'm sorry." The Doctor muttered as he watched her body tense, he couldn't sneak up on her, she always knew that he was there. "I'm sorry that I turned up without notice like always. I'm sorry that my being here is causing a headache for you but I do still want to see him. I never thought that I would have children again, it never even crossed my mind and when it dared to I shoved the thought away because I was scared. But now, there he is sitting in that room doing math homework and he's breathing. He's real. I never knew how much I wanted it again until today. Last week I was scared, I didn't want to believe you but today, playing with him, talking to him. Wow, River I just – I can't walk away from that." River had put her book down so she could watch her husband fiddle in the doorway, his hands in his pockets as his feet shuffled nervously. "I overstepped a boundary today."

She nodded; "you did."

"But I still mean it. Maybe when he's older, we can talk to him. You can talk to him he might want to go see The Sisters of the Infinite Schism. He might want to live." River nodded again, although she wasn't happy with the idea. The Doctor had a point though, maybe they could sit down with him tell him about the TARDIS and their adventures, tell him that he could be cured and let him do so. She didn't know how much she actually wanted him to do so. She was protecting her boy like her parents didn't get to protect her. That was her greatest sacrifice. She didn't want it to go to waste but she didn't want her son to die.