Disclaimer: all rights belong to their respective owners

Like usual school days, I made my trip to Oga's house before going to school. Being Oga, he will always be late unless I get there to fetch his ass to bring him to school.

So imagine my surprise when I found Oga was already at his home gate, in complete school uniform, a green-haired baby on his back and his 'wife' at his side in school uniform.

"Oh look, it's Creepichi," Hilda greeted in indifference.

"Shut up," I don't even bother to correct her misspelling. "Hey Oga-"

He turned to me.

"You look..."

...

"Wraggle fraggle."

"Look like shit, actually."

Lazy eyes, black hair that is even messier than before and drools running down the side of his mouth. Yep, look like shit.

"Sweet mother of Gabe Newell, what happen to you?" I asked worriedly, I'm NOT GAY, just basic friend rules.

"En..." Oga groaned, sounding like a zombie who smoked a lot of black and mild cigarettes.

"I told you about that kid bro."

"Dah~" even Beel agrees with me.

"Aren't we be going, guys?" Hilda reminded.

" Right, right, school-"Oga was about to say but then-

"Oh wow, that baby carrying badass looks like shit," a wild delinquent appeared on the other side of the road. "Now's my chance to beat this assclown down!"

Delinquent used head-on charge.

Oga lifted his leg up.

Delinquent goes slammed hard on Oga's shoe.

Delinquent fainted. Face caving in and all.

Wow, i can't believe im trying to blow up my word count with that pathetic battle segment. If that actually passed the editing process, Im going to saw off my own dick with a butter knife.

"Can you attack me some other times? I don't feel so good right now," Oga asked, then we went off brisk walking to school as if nothing happened. That's random encounter rule no. 27. Rule number 18 is that every several steps you take, there's a random encounter.

Again, all defeated with Oga's brogue kick.

And now my ghost writer's gonna drop an anvil right now-

That may look like an half-assed battle segments but in the manga, any battle that isn't a boss last about 5 pages long maximum.

Geez, I never really like overly long battle segments(like fucking Naruto)but at least get it like how Fairy Tail done it: about one chapter long.

Me? I'm just keeping it real for the canon, even though I will be most likely be screwed over everytime a new Beelzebub manga is out. But anyway, now with that rant out of the way...

I took this opportunity to ask Oga where was he last night. The game center, he responded. A step closer, I concluded mentally, slow but steady.

I ask what happen last night.

"Remember? Ummm...SSF4...me Dan vs En...he sucks hard urrrgh... as hard as my hotdog with mayonnaise and uh...no sleep...uh...zzzz?"

Did he just fell asleep while walking?

"Okay, um...anything else?" I asked.

"Wuh, yeah, I would like another large coke, another fries and-"

Beel slapped the back of his head to retrigger him back to our world.

"Uh, I mean...nothing else...THERE CAN BE ONLY zzzzzz zzzz."

"Well, that was helpful, thanks."

"Wraggle fraggle."

So much for that one step process...

"Hey, Creepichi," Hilda asked out of the blue."I think the answer is in my past memory but how do you get white hair?"

"Just like how my third cousin named Dante got HIS white hair," I answered." Long story though."

"Can you summarize it, then?"

"Yeah, sure," I began."A long twisting, overly complicated story over such menial hair dye and should be retcon out of DMC's canon and instead put in another awesome storyline again."

"Eh? DMC? What's that?" she asked, without any hint of sarcasm or irony.

...

"You didn't play Devil May Cry,didn't you?"

"Um, no, I didn't, is that like some sort horror game?"

"Forget what I said, then," I ended the topic, besides, we've already reached school. It's your average ass upper middle class school: fairly clean, simple design and a clock tower. Entering the hallway, I just need to ask one more thing before we reach the classroom dedicated to us all Ishyama High students.

"Were you there with Oga last night?"

"I...," she tried to answer, while subconsciously readjusting her fringe in order to dig into her memory."I think so but i can't remember, however, there's one thing-"

"Wait," I observed something out of place."Did you get hurt?"

"And only now, you've just noticed the bandage wraps on my forehead? What are you focusing on, then?" she deadpanned, giving me a disappointed 'you pervert' look.

Oh shit, she activated her trap card, um, think, Furuichi, think of a way to turn things around or at least evade it-my God, I still can't believe how big those-

"You are looking at my breast!" she wildly accused me while pointing at my straying eyes, then she slapped me on the left cheeks and it stinged like all the other slaps I've gotten-

Then on the right side...

Then left, then right, then left and right, added an uppercut that launched me to the air or as much air as I can before getting head stuck in the ceiling.

"Aw, man," some random St Ishyama student commented."You could've fit in Wolverine's fatal claw if it weren't for the low ceiling."

Then by Newton's law, I was pulled down by gravity and landed face first onto the floor.

I rolled over and-

"Eek!" she she screamed while holding back her skirt. At least I've took a peek at her panty, any pain I felt after she cave my face in with her foot was worth it.

She ran off with a blushed face, yelling "Oga was right! Creepichi is creepy!"

"Wasn't that obvious?" another random student commented.

After all that perverted madness, violence, brutal pain and MvC3 reference, what Oga contributed was holding out his hands, with Beel climbing up to his head and exclaimed:

"Of course I'm right, Hilda! How do you think I got enrolled into Saint Ishyama?"

"Ishyama High you idiot!" I corrected. I'm not really sure at that point whether he was genuinely sleepy or in trolling mode switch /b/.

"Haiyo!" and I heard that overly enthusiastic voice calling out."How are you guys going?"

"In the shitter," I responded.

"Your ass is ass and I'm the grassman," Oga babbled." Oh and Beel...ass is like some...donkey..."

"Wow, that sounds great! What sort of epic fights do you get into?" the delinquent wannabe asked. Umm, what's his name again, hold on, let me check the wiki...uh, oh yeah-

"Hey, Kazuya," I greeted back as I stood up from the pain of a dropped combo."Also, yeah, that was some rare defeat i got."

"Cool, what're you fighting about?"

"About..." well, i can't say I got curbstomped just for looking at tits because admittedly, what kind of dude you are who didn't focus on the bust the first time you saw Hilda? "Something about last night, I can't remember anything at that time, though."

"Woah, really? Can I help you find your memory?"

There he goes with his enthusiastic self again but he wouldn't be Kazuya, now would he? Still...

"That depends...did you see me anywhere from last night?"

"Umm...no...but I did go on a school trip to the forensic science museum and-"

"You actually believe that it'll actually help?" Oga blurted out."Ha, since when any trips are useful?"

I would respond with a simple 'shut up' but pretty much what he said is true.

"Yeah, pretty much," I blatantly agreed with Oga, earning a noticeable low moan from Kazuya. Despite that, he replied "Eh, that's okay, then, maybe I'm more helpful in fighting, covering up evidence or blood mopping, you handle all the intelligent work, I'll be working in the limelight, supporting you guys like a pillar."

"I knew you would understand your place, you're a real homie, bro," Oga complimented and gave Kazuya a thumbs up while leaning on my shoulder. Perhaps it's because of his sleepiness, his sense of judgment are more hastened but still...

"Ohaiyo!"another, more feminine but equally enthusiastic voice called out. This time, though, it's easier to identify its owner: sporting on a long black twin-tail hairstyle, a cutie and even just having the same name, she looks a lot like Azusa from K-

"Why the long face?" she asked Kazuya whom is now in dissapointed hunch back form, dragging his feet to his class.

"No, nothing, just another mild disappointment."

"Oh, okay then, then lets go!" and she's just as clueless as Oga. But before she joined Kazuya(while she's in a normal walking stance, of course)to get to class, she clicked her fingers in sudden remembrance, turned to me and gave me a...

"Here's the canteen bottle, you drop this while you're on a date with Freddie Mercury!"

"No I did not have any relat...uh...what?" I began to deny like a CIA agent on crack that I ever go out with Alain but, really? Freddie? that lead singer of Queens, who happens to be homosexual? I've never thought of that resemblance before...

"I mean, yeah, I'm on a date with Fred, and thank you for the bottle, I guess."

Even though she mention it already, I still shake the bottle to check the content's quantity. She's right.

"I'm a huge Queens fan, you know," Azusa suddenly said in a strangely seductive voice, winked at me, stick her tongue out slightly and doing an okay gesture with her right hand over her winking eye.

So, basically, I got a second girl already just by carrying a Freddie lookalike on my back.

Hmm...

"Hey girls~," I called a random group of girls."I had a date with Freddie Mercury last night!"

I couldn't believe my ears at first but the girls were actually jumping and squeeing in excitement. Watch out, guys, the Casanova have came out of its pathetic past self and here to steal your crushes and girlfriends-

"Hooray," one of them cheered in intelligible English after all said squeeing."Now this Creepichi douche will no longer stalk us after all!"

Wait, what?

"N...No, no, I'm not gay!" now I'm an agent on heroine, complete with waving my arms out to further emphasize said denying. "I'm...bisexual!"

"Pfft, yeah, right," she replied, I tried to do a clever comeback on a intelligent level as Charlie Brooker but they left almost immediately and went into the girl's bathroom just next to us. Well, so much for a queenly pick-up line.

"Aaaaah! OH MAH GOD!" a piercing pained scream was emitted from the bathroom, causing me to jump bck and the same girls from before vacates the bathroom just as fast as they reject my once-in-a-lifetime love offer."Aaah! It's so big! How the hell did he manage to get it inside of me? Aaaah! Paaa~ne."

...

All I could do, and seemingly the same case for every students within hearing distance, was simply stand there, stare at the door and go WTF?

"Hnnngh! Ah~," after what seems to be a final push, she sounded relaxed. The rest of the students continued to walk after the relief and not much later, Yuka came out with her trumpet in her hand, screwing back the mouthpiece. Upon setting her eyes on me, the first and only thing she did was to mildly scold me about the fact that I lied about us being late.

"Well, late for me to pick up my friend," I made an excuse.

I lied, it's because it's easier to transit the previous chapter to this chapter.

"A better question would be; did you...uh-"

"That's okay, I've already washed it!" she assured, though it does not making me feel easy as began to test it out by playing that Less Than Jake song that came from that Digimon movie. She seemed satisfied with its conditions.

The strangest part is that I actually find that scream...erotic.

"Well, lets get to class?" Yuka proposed after fixing her hairpin cum disguised dagger into her slick orange hair. Does she have any mishaps of putting it in the wrong way before?

By the way, Oga was not being sidetracked, he's just sleeping while standing up.

Geez, if my ghost writer keep that up, Oga would be severely flanderised.

Ghost writer's note: what a great way to end a story there, eh, Furuichi? As for the actual note, um, not really much of what I can think of, right now, except asking for constructive criticism. Well, see you guys in the next chapter. Behind the computer screen and a wall of text.

*forever alone'd*