I hope that my fiction isn't so bad. English isn't my native language and even if I read many of novel in English, I don't know how to exactly write. Especially dialogs parts.
First part of my fiction is about their feelings. I try to show how I read manga, or image thing that Kubo didn't show us.
For the record I didn't put Rukia in this fic, I didn't feel right about that. I still don't know how I would like to show her. And fics that I read in most it show her in negative way… So sorry If somebody would like her here…
After the death of his Mother he promised himself that he would do everything in his power to protect his family. Even his crazy father who provoked him every day, which resulted short fights between them. They were short not because one of them was stronger, but because Yuzu began to cry. Of course in time, she got used to the fights, so she didn't cry anymore. He enjoyed this more than he showed. He hated when his sisters were crying. That drove him crazy with powerlessness, because he never knew what to do, to have them ceased to cry.
He didn't know when she also became an important element in his life. He wasn't ignorant, but he never could remember the names of people he come into a contraction. There was a time that he really try to focus on the personal data, but the next day it was all over. He don't remember any of them. But her, he remember.
He wanted to protect her. It's not that he doesn't mind harm others. Of course, his character didn't allow him to ignore the needy. But in her case there was something else, his desire to protect her from any harm was much larger than the others. He explained to himself that in comparison with others, she is not able to fight. She was too soft to hurt anyone. He knew her character, he knew how she can be naive, and didn't pay much attention to her own safety, so he subconsciously made the decision that he would take care of her. And it went pretty well. As long as his heart didn't shaken. That day, his heart was filled with black clouds. He could blame it on Vaizards, finally they began to persecute him, and remind him of another him that he didn't want to accept. He hated this part of himself. Dark, devoid of any emotion, able only to kill. That day, he wanted to protect her, be her knight and defeat new enemies. Even his ability to detect reiatsu hints to him to better keep her away from this fight. That day he couldn't protect her. He could only watch as she was running to help him. He knew she did it unconsciously, her heart couldn't respond otherwise. But he couldn't accept that. If only he was stronger, he could protected her.
He sat next to her and apologized. He couldn't say anything more. His heart was burning with pain, when he saw her in that condition. He felt that he had failed again, as when because of his less of knowledge his mother died. After all, he promised to himself that it would never happen again.
He couldn't look into her eyes. He always was overcome by shame. He was ashamed of being weak. He could see the pain in her eyes, but he couldn't change that. He failed her. Even if she have never require from him that, he felt he should have done better.
And then Rukia came back. He felt relieved. Of course he felt. Finally, she gave him powers, she allowed him to become really strong. However, he couldn't respond as usual, he couldn't wear his mask. She used it and came into his heart. She gave him the resolutions to become even stronger if he wants to continue to protect the loved ones. Even if it meant working with Vaizards.
When they returned to school she found her and forced him to apologized once again, but he couldn't squeeze out anything. He didn't want to apologize again, he did it a hundred times. This time he officially promised. He will protect her even at the cost of his own life.
He looked at her anxiously. For some time she stopped bringing her own food, instead she buying it in the school cafeteria, and eat almost all day. He bit his lower lip, promised himself that he'll talk to her about it after school.
„Ichigo! How you pick up her?" Chestnut suspended his hands on his arms, sobbing loudly.
He sighed heavily, pushing him away. He didn't know how many times he already go through with it, but it seemed Keigo wasn't bored. In corner of his eye he looked irritated at Ishida, who was from them at a greater distance than before the war of Quincy.
He knew why his friend, was trying to cut off from them, why he began to treat him with the former distance and superiority. But he couldn't do anything about it. Orihime chose him, not Ishida.
He took deep breath with scratching his head. In such situations, he missed Rukia, with her around everyone was somehow less busy with his personal life. He ate the last piece of a sandwich and headed to the girls. He had enough his fellow companies who either despise him by jealousy, or keep stubbornly silent around him. And how he could ask any of them about what he should do with Orihime? How he should explain his vague feeling which obsessed him since he told her about his plans? As soon as he came closer to them, he felt the cool gaze from Tatsuki. He knew that she probably trying to squeeze out something from her, with the same result as he did.
„What do you want? This is a girls meeting." Tatsuki said harshly, clutching already an empty box from the drink.
„So what? Nobody said that I cannot be here." He sat next to Orihime, looking at the brunette with a soft challenge.
"You better not provoke me!" She growled harshly, throwing at him the paper from sandwiches.
„I would not presume to. I don't want once again break the glass with my head."
Orihime looked at them without understanding anything of their conversation. Tatsuki gone mad and went away from them. The boy grinned triumphantly, reaching for the carton of strawberry flavor milk lying at the ground. The girl watched him closely, causing him to shiver. He didn't know how to define this feeling, but it didn't belong to those that caused him annoyance. He liked to be seen by her, it was so natural feeling that he never really think about it.
„Ichigo ..." She said shyly, playing with strands of her hair. "You shouldn't treat that Tatsuki-chan."
„How? It's just a friendly argument, she's angry because she's worried about you." He said quietly, looking at her hands.
„It does not look like a fight about me ..."
"Because you don't know what happened while you were gone."
She blinked her eyes stunned when Ichigo sighed with a dose of disappointment. He don't want to remember that time, his frustration, accusations of Orihime betrayal and Tatsuki anger. He closed his eyes, trying to think about a replacement, that would consume his girlfriend enough to not come back to those memories.
„Um, I don't know." She said in a whisper, finishing her drink.
„Orihime, how about going to the zoo on Saturday? Are you free?" He said quickly, trying to leave behind an unpleasant topic.
The girl looked at him in amazed, a moment later she opened her mouth and looked up at the sky and wondered about it. He smiled gently at this sight, he liked her strange habits. Thanks to this she was HIS Orihime.
„I can't." She looked down, squeezing hands at the end of skirt.
He raised eyebrows in silent question, not understanding what was going on. He knew her work schedule and remember that she should be free this weekend. She smiled faintly, looking at him with a sense of guilt.
„I'm going with Tatsuki-chan for training."
„Oh .." He reply barely, rising slowly. "Well, it's nothing. We'll go out on a date in the other day." He tried to smile, that she could feel less guilty, but was unable. He wanted to spend with her every free moment, at last it took so long before they become a couple. He sigh, not knowing what to do, or what to say. He couldn't understand why her refusal shocked him so much.
„Ichigo?" She asked with concern in her voice, keeping eyes at him.
"You didn't say anything about leaving ..." He said with unconscious reproof, looking at the side.
„She invited me yesterday before classes. Sorry."
He closed his eyes to control nerves. He promised himself that he wouldn't do anything that would force her to apologize. Gritted his teeth, with feeling of a growing aversion to himself. Why he behaving with her like an idiot? He wanted to say something, to turn everything into a joke, when the doorbell rang. The girl rose from her spot moving slowly to the door, he looked after her with disappoint look. He put his fingers to the head, making a shooting gesture.
Being with her, he learned that some topics should be taboo and shouldn't be moved. Her family, the events with Aizen and Tsukishima. He didn't want to hurt her, but he did keep returning to these themes subconsciously.
„It's amazing that you feel the jealousy even over Tatsuki." Mizuiro walked over to him, smiling ironically.
„Say what?!" He grumbled irritably, putting his hands in his pocket. "Who is supposed to be jealous of who?!"
„Admit it Ichigo, you're jealous of her, but you can't show this in-the-sweet-way-from-shoujo-manga." He laughed softly to himself going forward.
~~ Flashback~~
When he woke up early in the morning he didn't realize yet which day is it. The first thing he noticed was the lack of his father in an attempt to greet him. On the one hand, he felt relieved because he had completely enough of it. He lost his shinigami powers, he don't have to train, and yet, he always find someone who reminded him that he should keep the body in good shape. On the other hand, he felt anxiety, the house was too quiet, which wasn't a frequent visitor at this time.
He went down as soon as he get ready to go out and see that no one was in home. He was about to call his father, when he saw a note from Yuzu about his breakfast. He didn't understand why he can eat alone today.
He got the answer a few minutes later when his friends began to paid wishes. It was his birthday.
He knew that his twisted family was planning a surprise party. No matter how many times he said that he don't want this, they did this every year. They love too much of a good time to fulfil the request of the person who should have the final word on how to spend his birthday.
Just as he suspected, as soon as he returned home from school, he found all his friends and family who happily served the guests. He knew that he couldn't win with them, so he quickly changed into some normal clothes and went downstairs. After a hour he noticed that in crowd he couldn't saw his friend. There wasn't Inoue. Intrigued he approached to Tatsuki and ask what happens to a girl who even left school. But even she didn't knew nothing about it and she was clearly annoyed with this.
Before midnight he decided to go for a walk. He was tired of games, watching movies and listening to stupid jokes. He needed to refresh mind. So, as usual, he chose the path towards the river. This time he haven't done this with a sense of guilt, a part of his personality finally accepted everything that had happened to him.
When he got there, he saw the auburn girl sitting on the shore, throwing pebbles into the water. He walked over to her with curiosity, she didn't look sick, but rather worried about something, he was wondering if this has to do with her family.
"Happy birthday Kurosaki-kun. I'm sorry, but I don't have any gift for you." She said suddenly with breaking voice. He could have sworn she was crying recently.
"I never care about gifts for me. But thank you for wishes." He said quietly, sitting down next to her. "Why weren't you at school?"
„I was trying to figure out what to give you, but in the end nothing came up. Sorry, Tatsuki is probably worried?"
„Um, she's worried, and not only her."
„I'm sorry…"
„No need to apologize Inoue, it's not your fault. But wasting the whole day to find me an appropriate gift, it's a bit ridiculous ..." He bit his tongue at the end, feeling like an idiot commenting on her behavior in this way. He swore in his mind, searching for a way to remove it.
„For me, is the most important day of the year ..." She murmured quietly, not looking at him.
„Why?" He looked at her perplexed, wondering why she was not looking at him.
„Um ... Because Kurosaki-kun was born ... and thanks to this I was able to meet you, and the many friends from the Soul Society. Um ..." She hid her face in hands, sobbing quietly. "I'm sorry, don't pay attention to me, I talking nonsense."
„If you talked stupidity you would smile and threw your hands everywhere. Like always you do, when you talk on abstract topics." He sobered abruptly, biting his lower lip. He wasn't stupid. Of course, sometimes he preferred not to notice certain things, afraid of the consequences, especially now when he couldn't defend anyone. After a moment of silence between them, he said. "Orihime ... What do you really want to say?" He felt strange talking to her by given name, but to his own surprise, he said that in such natural way, if it was meant to be forever if he never spoke to her not by given name.
He saw how she swallows, and her hands cover her knees, as if to support. They were silent for a long moment, as if they ran out again of topics to talk. It always has been when they stayed alone, he felt something in the air, but he couldn't ever figure it out, so he often simply ignored it. Now he also wanted to ignore it, laugh and say anything just to get out of this topic. However, he could not do it. He didn't want to go back to calling her by surname, he respected her, he even couldn't tell anybody how important she was for him. So he grabbed the stone and began to throw ducks. He waited. He had no choice this time.
" Because I ... I love you Ichigo. And now I cannot run away from that, I know that you love Rukia and that I'm to you only classmate, or even annoying girl that makes you nothing but trouble ..."
She got hysteria. She cried, wiping her eyes with hands. Probably she didn't even think what she says, the pain was too strong. He waited patiently for her to calm down, to come to herself and allow him to say something. He actually didn't know how to answer that, he didn't want to be understand by her in wrong way.
When he heard her quiet whimper, he stood up stretching his body. He looked up at the sky, which was filled with stars. He haven't seen such a sky in long time. He smiled to himself, feeling like a some burden had fallen from his chest.
" You know Orihime, I not sure if that what I feel towards you is love or not. But I do know that I really, really like you, you are very important to me, you don't even know how much and I never thought that you're a stalker. I just don't want you suffered any harm at the fights. I didn't want to look like your hands become dirty with blood. As for Rukia, she's certainly important to me, but I wouldn't call it love. She changed my life, saved me and my family from death. However, if that the same with the need to fall in love with someone? I'm grateful for what she did, I would do anything for her just to pay off the debt, but I cannot pay in any way." He was speechless for a moment, wondering what he should have said next, he find difficult to focus on his feelings, he didn't like the show them, but this time he didn't want to close heart from her, he wanted her to understand it. "Anyway ... Rukia is a little parasite. Ever since I met her I had a monster in the closet, unannounced visits from shinigami's men's association who are so pathetic that they don't know how to find room for themselves, not to mention about this whole mess. They never asked if I have anything against it, or what my family would say. I would be really mad if I were in love with her, ugly rabbit. - He muttered under his breath, more of perversity than because he really thought that way.
The sky was a lot nicer when in the background he heard her soft laughter.
He walked slowly towards his work, wondering when he actually will find time to talk to Orihime, he knew her well enough to delude himself that she tell him what's bothering her with free will. He had to push her somehow and show that whatever it is, she may depend on him.
„Why so distressed Ichigo?" A familiar man's voice said close to him, forcing him to stop.
„Renji? What are you doing here?" In amazed he looked for a small villians. Sometimes he really think that they could take also his ability to see the spirits, or shinigami. It would be much easier to be normal human.
„Regular patrol. Not a big deal, and you? Soon the whole sea around you will be depressed." He smiled wildly, crossing hands on his chest.
"If you took my shinigami powers, you couldn't deprive me from a view of your stupid mug? - He muttered irritably moving on his way.
„Oh! Why so rude? Would you rather see Rukia?"
"Not necessarily. Seeing her, is equivalent with another blow to the face ..."
"I miss this view." He laughed softly, patting him on the back.
Ichigo just scowled, unable to get to a retort. He felt tired and most of all disappointed. In addition, he had no one to talk to about these things, if his mother had lived she would have advised him something.
„Is something wrong with Inoue?" Red-haired said suddenly, grabbing his arm.
„Hm? What do you mean?" He raised a questioning eyebrow, brushing his hand of him.
„I don't know. For a moment I thought you might break up."
"Why on earth?!"
„You know the men in the Soul Society would be glad of it ..."
„Over my dead body." He muttered dryly, accelerating pace.
He definitely don't allow anyone to take Orihime from him. ANYONE.
Get out your guns, battles begun,
Are you a saint, or a sinner?
