Chapter 2:
Quizzical Thoughts
I nodded my head, slightly in a trance by his electric eyes, and shuffled out the door. I let out a rough sigh and slouched against the wall for comfort. I felt like if the wall wasn't there, my legs would crumble beneath the weight of the tension between my Professor and me.
Mae was the kind of student that always paid attention in class. She made high marks and prided herself on her schooling; even though she attended Community College, she was proud. It was her only choice due to her desire to hold off student loan debt as long as she could. It will be unavoidable next semester when she finally transfers.
I regain my composure and reach into my bag, grasp my iPod, place the gigantic headphones over my ears, and play the first song that comes on via shuffle: Father Figure by George Michael. Are you fucking kidding me? Damn, I have no time to change it; I have to rush over to my next class…which starts in ten minutes...across campus. My feet speed walk up the steep hill; my breaths are laborious and long. I self-consciously pretend to yawn or sigh to prevent attention to my hard breathing. Thoughts of my Professor plagued my mind. I began to slip away into a perverted coma; thinking of different ways to tie him up. He seems like the person who would like to be dominated. An image of him with his hands handcuffed in the back of him, chained up to a hook in the chalk board, his bare chest heaving in and out…what the hell? I gotta get to my next class! I always tend to feel a bit strangely vulnerable when thinking of those situations. Sure enough, I slip back into my coma and swoon at the slight protrusion of his clavicle, the beautiful slope of his nose, his scent: Sandalwood and Honey. I would give anything to trace, ever so lightly, the muscles on his bicep or every rib in his chest.
Coming back into reality I was climbing the stairs leading up to my next class. Shit, here already? My steps were short but in a fast pace. I get to the room with five minutes to spare. How is that even possible? I plopped down next to my friend who is smiling cutely at me, her short blonde hair glistening under the florescent lights. I have always envied her for her amazing golden locks, so wild and full of volume. "You seem a bit preoccupied." She giggled at me and shuffled her books. I loved the way her slender neck met her shoulders in a graceful creamy angle, her hands small but dainty, her abs were flat from years of athletic practice. I envied her, no matter what. My awkward body was proof of that. My tummy was a medium sized paunch, which made me look three months pregnant under all the wrong circumstances. I was tall though, 5'7", and my legs were long and nicely toned. My ankles are unnaturally skinny to hold all my weight on them, and my breasts were pretty big themselves. I was considered healthy, at least to BMI standards. I was curvy, I guess you could say. Nothing compared to Charlotte. Nothing compared to her body at all. She was perfect. Petite and busty. I envied the fuck out of her. Oh well, no use in obsessing over her. I wanna get back to my Professor…no…I shouldn't! I enlightened Charlotte on my little endeavor, and big surprise, she gasped and flailed her arms everywhere. "Oh my GOD Mae! That is so awesome!" she screamed at me.
"How is it awesome? I have a crush on someone who is, by no measure, ever going to be interested in me!" I tried to quietly whisper to her, as if to calm her down. It was no use; she was in full swing now.
"When you bumped into him did you touch his dick?" Charlotte giggled from underneath her eyelashes.
"WHAT? No! Wait…I don't know! What ever happened was purely accidental!" I barked at her. Our professor came in fashionably late, as always, and started discussing the story we had to read for homework. Charlotte passed me a note: it was a crudely drawn picture depicting me on my knees with a collar and a tall man holding a leash attached to the middle link in the leather choker. I gasped and immediately slapped her thigh underneath the desk, looked at her, and she mouthed "Flip it over!" I turned over the picture and read the words "Some attention would do you some good!" I shot her a look. Not this kind of attention. I sighed and shook my head at her. She responded with a shrug, looking forward to our professor at hand.
I thought more obsessively, picking apart every word he used. In any other context it would be completely innocent, maybe I was over thinking it. Maybe he meant nothing by it at all; maybe he was just genuinely concerned for my understanding of the material. I was always trying my best to keep up the discussion in class and ask questions when confused. I can really be like that sometimes, spinning the meaning of words so it benefits me. I guess it really wasn't anything to worry about. It's only Monday anyway. I have one more class with him before his office hours so I can get this mess out of my head!
I glanced over at Charlotte who was staring at me strangely. I gave her a quizzical look and she just whispered, "It seemed like you were having some fun in your mind there. I thought I lost you forever to your fantasies!"
I sighed, "It's not like that" looked down at my paper "I was just thinking that it is all nonsense. I'm over thinking it. He was being cordial."
She snorted, "Yeah, cordially shoving his crotch in your face." I shuddered out of embarrassment and giggled slightly. The professor left the room to go to the bathroom. I thumbed through my notes and found the scribbled up page when, in his class, I caught his gaze after checking him out. "Oh shit and I thought my handwriting was bad!" Charlotte commented on the chicken scratch of notes that I had jotted down, "He must have really caught your attention 'cause you definitely weren't paying any attention to whatever you were writing!"
I slumped over onto the top of my desk, "What am I going to do, Charlotte?" Looking onto the ink-filled crater that was my notebook I felt at a loss for ideas. I peeked over to her in the corner of my eye and I saw her staring into me.
I turned my head to her and she uttered, "I think you should wait it out. If he makes any real advances than I say 'what have you got to lose?'"
I smiled gracefully, wrapped my arms around her, and took her toward me in a warm embrace, "Thank you, sweetie."
