August 28, 1992

Dear Friend,

Today marks the end of my first week as a Sophomore. All I can say is that things are different. Not the school, or the people, or the teachers, really. Maybe it's just me that is.

Bill has given me a new book to read, but to be honest, I haven't even looked at it yet. It's not that I don't want to read it, it's just that I sort of wish everything would stop spinning sometimes and just stay the same for a little while. Or go back to how it was last year. I have a confession to make. Remember last year, when Sam went away and I gave her and Patrick my copies of my books? I went out the other day and bought some of them back. I felt bad about it at first, and almost returned them, because I sort of felt like I was going around behind Sam's and Patrick's backs, making them think they had my books when they didn't. But then I thought those copies they had were still special because they were my first copies and I had given Sam and Patrick them. So I felt a little better about it then.

I just reread the Great Gatsby, I felt bad about that too. Not being able to read a new book for a while. Or watch a new movie or anything. Everything was just so different with all my friends gone, that I sometimes just felt like if maybe I did something I did last year, like read the Great Gatsby or listen to Asleep or see the Rocky Horror enough times, that maybe for a little while I wouldn't feel so different. It hasn't worked yet, but anyway I still really like the book. I just sometimes wish it had a happier ending.

I went to the Big Boy tonight before I went to the Rocky Horror. I sort of looked around hoping I'd maybe see somebody like Patrick or Mary Elizabeth. But I was also not hoping to see them. I wanted to see my friends, if maybe they were there. But if they were, some part of me also didn't want to see them, because that would mean they had gone and not had called me or anything, even though they'd all told me they would.

Besides when Patrick called me on my "first day" the phone has been quiet all week.

I know they're all getting used to college or whatever 'next step' they've taken and that I shouldn't take it personally. But I just miss them a lot.

Love always,

Charlie