Chapter 2 of 6: Spiked Pumpkin Juice

The Gryffindor Common Room was heaving. The air was thick with the smell of cigarettes, alcohol and sweat. The floor itself seemed to be pulsing to the beat of the music blaring from Sirius Black's magically enhanced boombox. The room was a disorientating mass of bodies, noise and colour. Huge cauldrons floated and bobbed around the room, sloshing violently orange punch onto the carpet and replenishing themselves whenever a cup was filled. A makeshift dance floor had formed in the centre of the room where students were earnestly pressing themselves against each other, inexpertly gyrating to the music.

Wafting a cloud of smoke away from his face, Remus Lupin squeezed through the crowd. I must be the worst prefect in Gryffindor history he thought guiltily as he sidestepped two sixth years engaged in a writhing, passionate embrace. He passed below a firework-spewing banner of his own design - 'Liberty, Equality, Nonconformity!' - as he attempted to reach the edge of the party and escape the crush of his classmates' moist bodies.

The heat was truly oppressive. Remus clutched at the collar of the denim shirt he'd been leant for the event, trying to open it as far as possible without having to actually undo a button. James had taken pity on his meagre collection of clothing insisting 'What sort of friend would I be if I let you go to a party in this?' as he held up the threadbare grey jumper Remus had been planning to wear in disgust. Remus was aware that he must have looked faintly ridiculous - buttoned right to the neck and with not so much as a rolled up sleeve - whilst everyone around him seemed to be wearing as little clothes as possible. Sirius and James were wearing their shirts completely open and some girls were….well…Remus gulped and forced his eyes away. If he were to wear his shirt open, there would be mass panic. It was best for everyone if he kept the jagged black scar that encircled his left waist safely concealed.

Finally reaching the edge of the room, Remus felt the wall nervously. It had been his own idea to create a soundproofed room-within-a-room inside Gryffindor tower. The charm created a semi-transparent membrane that clung to the carpet, walls and ceiling. It was an idea that had slipped out before he'd been able to stop it when James, Sirius and Peter had been keenly debating how to get around the fact that the walls of the Common Room repelled silencing charms. His pride in their delight at this solution had made him momentarily forget that he had now aided and abetted the organisation of - yet another - illegal rave in the school. But then aiding and abetting seemed to come hand in hand with being friends with James and Sirius.

The two of them had been determined to have a party ("What teacher would expect the rave to happen BEFORE OWLs are over? It's the perfect plan!") and there was nothing Remus could have done to prevent them. He reasoned instead that it was his role to make sure that things didn't get too out of hand. He'd insisted on a strict age limit of fifth years and above (the rest of Gryffindor house had to be locked in their dorms and bribed with as much Honeydukes as James', admittedly rather substantial, monthly allowance could buy). The party was for their house only and Remus had also requested a limit to the amount of alcohol smuggled in but - Remus sighed as he noticed two Ravenclaw sixth years doing firewhisky shots off a floating tray - these rules didn't seem to be working out so well. James and Sirius had been known to occasionally instigate a "what Moony doesn't know won't hurt him" approach ever since he'd been made a prefect.

The humid atmosphere was now making Remus' head spin. Clutching the Marauders Map, which he checked periodically for any signs of McGonagall or Filch, he paused his circling of the room to take a deep, steadying breath. Closing his eyes, he fought the nausea rising in his stomach and struggled to ignore the ache in each of his joints. Why did they have to hold a party the night before the next full moon? Even with the slight relief that came with Summer's longer daylight hours, Remus was still feeling weaker and sicker as every hour passed. At this time of the month, he'd normally be wearily horizontal - eating chocolate and reading a book whilst tucked under a duvet - but this month he found himself supervising a teenage rave.

Remus squinted down at the Marauder's Map again, eyes stinging from yet another cloud of sweet-smelling smoke. The Common Room was so crammed full of people that it was impossible to read the individual names they were so tightly packed. His eyes scanned the castle, searching for any danger zones. Filch was in the trophy room with Peeves - good. Mrs Norris was skulking around the Great Hall - even better. McGonagall was in her personal quarters - excellent.

What Remus saw next sent an irrational chill down his spine. The tiny calligraphied name of Severus Snape was in the Slytherin Common Room, moving swiftly and relentlessly back and forth. Something about Snape's repetitive pacing made him uneasy - what was he planning now? Remus' anxiety about being exposed was at fever pitch. When James had pulled Snape's homemade surveillance device out of Remus' robes, Remus had had to stifle a shout of horror and shock. It was physical proof that Snape suspected him…that he would stop at nothing to find out where he was disappearing off to and why. Remus had dreaded running into Snape ever since. He was afraid of the suspicion in those cold, black eyes.

Still, Remus wished that James and Sirius would lay off Snape. The increasing animosity between them could only end badly. His insides squirmed with shame at the memory at what had happened beside the lake that week. Snape had been tormented and humiliated, whilst he himself had just sat there. Remus was acutely aware of his own hypocrisy in allowing it to happen, because he knew exactly what it was like to be an outsider. It was merely a bizarre twist of fate that Remus even had friends. The fact that James, Sirius and Peter protected him, understood him, liked him - despite what he was - was a miracle that he felt thankful for every day. Because if the rest of the school found out…Remus shuddered…being turned upside down and taunted would be the least of his worries.

Bubbly, fizzing liquid suddenly splashed onto the map and Remus looked up.

Oh Merlin. I really am the most irresponsible prefect Gryffindor has ever had Remus thought as he stared at James Potter - completely shirtless now - firing a shaken-up bottle of Flavia's Forever Fizzy Wizard's Champagne into a group of girls nearby who were screaming and laughing, dancing in the spray. Next to him, Sirius was downing the contents of an enormous pointed wizard hat whilst the Quidditch team chanted his name.

Shaking his head and failing to hold back a smile - seeing his friends happy never failed to cheer him up a little bit - Remus pushed on through the dancing students until he finally reached the person he had been looking for.

'Wormtail!' Remus wheeled his friend round by the shoulder to face him. 'It's your turn on map-watch'

'Whassat Moony?'

Remus noticed with dismay that Peter Pettigrew's eyes weren't focusing. He had one hand on the charmed party wall in a vain attempt to steady himself and his round face was tinged with green.

"Never mind, mate" Remus said as he conjured a bucket which Peter dutifully began vomiting into.

Remus gave his friend a sympathetic pat and replaced whatever had been in the cup at his feet with water. Continuing his round of the room again - conjuring more buckets where required, making sure no first years had escaped from their dorms - he gently pushed through a group of Ravenclaw 7th years who gave him friendly, but slightly quizzical, looks. Remus was used to this. Most people just knew him as 'James Potter and Sirius Black's friend' and were often surprised when they met him: expecting a similarly larger-than-life character but instead being greeted with a calm and dry humoured prefect. "Pale and uninteresting" he'd overheard someone say about him once. But that was just how Remus liked it. It was too risky to draw attention to himself. He was better off being friends with James, Sirius, Peter and, -

"Remus Lupin! You must be the most irresponsible prefect Gryffindor has ever had"

Ducking under a "Fuck Blood Purity" banner, her cheeks slightly flushed and with a thin sheen of sweat covering the white skin of her shoulders and collarbones, Lily Evans emerged from the crowd with a mischevious grin on her face.

'Hey Lily' said Remus, smiling guiltily back at her.

"Look, I know you hate it when I speak ill of the Marauders'" - Lily always said this nickname with pained sarcasm - "But they've really gone too far this time" She started counting the sins down on her fingers. "A rave in the Gryffindor Common Room…during exam season…with underage drinking…a hell of a lot of sexual contact…..oh and not to mention, table dancing"

Remus followed Lily's sardonic look towards a table in the middle of the room on which James was now dancing. He was still bare-chested - his brown, toned stomach tensing as he danced - but now he was wearing his Chaser's cape around his shoulders. Oh Prongs, why?

"But…I have to admit" Lily continued, pulling a large glass of spiked pumpkin juice from behind her back and taking a swig, "It's a bloody good party"

Remus laughed. Lily was one of the most fiercely moral people he had ever met - she wore her values and convictions on her sleeve and woe betide anyone who crossed them. But a party was a victimless crime as far as she was concerned and, though proudly ethical, no one could accuse Lily Evans of being a kill joy. And absolutely never a snitch.

They slipped into their easy repartee: trading jokes about the party; complaining about revision; laughing at the antics of the people around them. Remus hadn't expected to meet anyone he felt as at ease with as he did with James, Peter and Sirius, but his friendship with Lily had come so naturally. At first, James hadn't been sure how to feel about it but, given that Remus was hardly a threat, he ultimately labelled it as A Good Thing and promptly requested that he put a good word for him. Remus hadn't dare try this. Utter derision didn't even begin to cover how Lily felt about James.

"Remus, guess what?" Lily grabbed his arm excitedly.

"You got the internship?!"

She nodded, delighted.

"That's brilliant, Lily!" Remus beamed and hugged her. "You deserved it!"

"I'm so excited" Lily gushed as they broke apart. She had applied for one of the most competitive summer programs at The International Confederation of Wizards. Remus had helped proofread her application. "I won't be stuck in Cokeworth again this Summer - thank Merlin!"

"Professor Slughorn must be very proud"

"Oh - he's over the moon" Lily said with a knowing smile. Slughorn was determined that his favourite student would follow in the illustrious footsteps of the other Slug Club alumni and secure a top position in the Wizarding World. She did an impression of Slughorn's plummy tones: " 'Lily, you have a sparkling career ahead of you'…He keeps insisting that the war will be over by Christmas. He refuses to entertain the idea that I'll be fighting in it…"

Lily trailed off and they looked at each other for a moment, smiles fading slightly. Neither of them believed the war would be over by Christmas.

"Can I borrow Stanley?" Asked Lily, keen to move the conversation away from the war. "I need to tell my parents that I won't be home for the Summer"

"Of course!" Said Remus. He was well aware that Lily wasn't allowed an owl of her own; her Muggle sister had put her foot down and flatly refused to share a house with one during the holidays. "They'll be so pleased for you"

"Yeah" Lily paused before continuing, "To tell you the truth…it was nice to have some good news. I had a bit of a shock this afternoon…"

"What happened?" Remus asked, concerned. There was a sadness in Lily's eyes.

But before Lily could answer, a curly-haired Ravenclaw interrupted them: "Hey Lils! I got you some pumpkin punch from one of those cauldrons. It's amazing…you just take a cup and it keeps refilling itself! Unbelievable!"

It was Rodigan Breely. The Head of the Gobstones club and, in Remus' private opinion, punching well above his weight.

"Er - thanks Roddy" Said Lily. "I've already got some though, why don't you give that one to Remus?"

"Sure! Here you go, mate"

Rodigan passed him the cup, sizing him up with his eyes as he did so, unsure whether to label Remus as a competitor or not. Out of the corner of his eye, Remus could see that James' head had turned towards them. It was okay to accept a drink from a rival, right? At least it wasn't from a Slytherin. Remus took a sip, trying not to visibly wince at the burn of the firewhisky on his throat.

"Lily! Come and dance!" A gaggle of Lily's dorm-mates had found her now and were ushering her onto the dance floor with them, whilst Rodigan followed hopefully. Remus gave her a wave as she gave in and allowed herself to be dragged off.

"See you later, Remus!" She called.

"Bye Lily" He smiled.

"Oh - and Remus?" Lily turned back to him, shouting over the music.

"Yes?"

"Don't forget to enjoy yourself"

Remus watched as Lily was swallowed up by the scrum of people. He stood by himself now, awkwardly shuffling to the music, and feeling a little drab in the midst of his vibrant, energetic classmates. His head was pounding now. His senses - always horribly sharp this close to the full moon - were overwhelmed. Resolving to join James and Sirius, he set off around the room again - trying to ignore the ever-increasing number of kissing couples.

Remus did his best to avoid romantic situations. Since he'd had a growth spurt the previous summer and James and Sirius' fame within the school had grown, girls had started showing more interest in him than ever before. At one stage, Remus had been considering repelling charms but it was Peter who had come up with the solution: a fake long-distance girlfriend. Camille from Beauxbatons. Or was it Chloe? Remus took another sip of his drink. It was depressing, he had to admit, being confined to the sidelines whilst his classmates - even Peter - gained boyfriends and girlfriends, kissed each other, lost their virginity to each other….

"Hey Remus!"

Oh dear…

It was Audrey Clements. A Hufflepuff he had got talking to during Care of Magical Creatures when Professor Kettleburn had made them partners. She'd laughed at his bowtruckle joke and had blushed when he'd complimented her sketching skills. Since then, she'd been looking at him differently…

"Audrey…hi"

She was swaying slightly, leaning towards him. Dammit Sirius, I told you not to make that pumpkin punch too strong, Remus thought.

"This is the best party of my life, EVER!" She shouted in his ear, spilling some of the noxious, orange liquid on his shirt. "Are you having fun?"

Remus took a huge gulp of his drink, horribly aware that he didn't know what to do with his hands. He felt the warmth of the alcohol dulling the ache in his limbs slightly and stilling the shakes that had been starting to take hold. Audrey was a sweet, generous-spirited person. He liked the way her eyes crinkled when she smiled. And he liked the red dress she was wearing.

"Of course. Reckless hedonism. Destruction of Gryffindor property. What's not to enjoy?" He replied.

She laughed and put her hand on his wrist. As he looked down at her, Remus' mind strayed down the dangerous path of imagining what it would be like to be normal. To be able to put his arm around her…to tell her how pretty she looked…to let her lead him up to her empty dorm upstairs…

Stop he warned himself. This was what James and Peter called "Moony's Quandary" (and what Sirius - less charitably - called "Moony's Vow of Chastity"). For Remus, having a physical relationship with someone, without telling them that he was a werewolf, would be a terrible betrayal of trust and a guarantee of certain heartache. But the problem was that, even if he got close enough to someone to feel comfortable telling them that he was a werewolf, once they found out they would be too disgusted or frightened to even consider sleeping with him.

"I like your shirt" Said Audrey, smiling up at him.

"James and Sirius know how to plan a good party" Replied Remus, clumsily changing the subject and pretending not to have heard her.

"They certainly look like they're in their element" Said Audrey, looking over to the table in the centre of the room.

Remus instantly regretted diverting her attention over there. Sirius was now passionately kissing Steve Wiley - a tall, blond Ravenclaw seventh year and rival beater at Quidditch - whilst James did body shots with Mandy O'Hara, one of the Gryffindor chasers. The latter Remus suspected was in the vain hope of making Lily jealous but, Remus noticed, she seemed pretty busy with Rodigan herself.

Oh Merlin, why did everyone choose this particular moment to start getting off with each other?

"Remus …there's something I want to tell you"

Remus cast around wildly for some way to throw off this line of conversation. Audrey didn't deserve to be brushed off - but then again, she didn't deserve a werewolf for a boyfriend. Remus - as he always seemed to end up doing - settled for the lesser of two evils.

"Uh - I actually have to -" Remus started to move, but found his way blocked by one of the floating cauldrons. With relief, he saw that Peter was making his way through the crowd towards them. He had obviously heeded Remus' panicked look and was valiantly attempting to come to the rescue, despite looking more than a little queasy still.

"I know you've got a girlfriend…but…I just wanted to tell you…I really like you." Audrey was very close to him now.

Over her shoulder, Remus saw Peter get trapped behind the massive frame of a Hufflepuff beater.

"You're…you're different to all the other boys"

She's not wrong about that, Remus thought, finding himself unable to speak. His face must have been frozen in worry, but Audrey pressed on.

"I just wanted to say that…if you were ever interested in dating someone a little closer to home…"

Panic set in and Remus took a large, dramatic step away from her.

"Audrey I…I'm sorry…"

Woosh

A tug on his ankle suddenly turned the world upside down.Thank Merlin for jeans Remus thought as he was floated across the room towards James and Sirius who were pointing their wands at him and laughing, still standing on the table. Remus landed in a heap between them.

"Cheers" He said with relief, attempting to unruffle himself and stand up with some modicum of dignity.

"You're such a heartbreaker, Moony" Shouted James in his ear.

"You'll never lose your virginity at this rate" Agreed Sirius in the other.

With a sudden stab of fear, Remus pulled out the map - but all was well. Tucking it safely back in his robes, Remus attempted to move his body to the music with a fraction of the grace that James and Sirius had. Even as the two of them danced madly, outrageously, they still managed to look cool. Remus supposed it was something to do with confidence.

From the elevated position on top of the table, Remus realised that he had a direct view of the Common Room's largest window. The moon was so nearly full, almost a perfect circle. Even through the soundproofed wall and the window glass, Remus was seized with dread at its harsh, white light; it seemed to stare right at him, piercing below the skin. Fear rose up inside him, freezing him to the spot. The wolf was so close. This brought on a horror so intense that it made him gasp and his legs buckle. Remus would have fallen off the table, but he felt Sirius' strong arms hook beneath his armpits, supporting him.

"Hey Moony" James was looking into his face, clicking his fingers and making his eyes focus on him instead of the view out of the window. "It's alright, mate. You're alright"

James cast a spell to close the curtains and block the sight of the moon. Remus felt his back being rubbed by a warm hand. It was Peter: "Take deep, slow breaths Moony" he was saying. Sirius had seized Remus' cup and was topping it up.

With the moon out of sight and another glug of spiked pumpkin juice in his system, the sharp edges of Remus' nerves began to smooth out. He breathed deeply; willing himself himself to relax. Their favourite song was suddenly blaring out of the boombox and Remus found himself laughing as his friends wrapped their arms around him and started jumping and singing along. Now they were dancing together - Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot and Prongs - not caring how they looked or who was watching: James twirled Peter in ever-faster circles; Sirius and Remus did a silly exaggerated waltz. Remus revelled in the overwhelming joy that came from being with his friends. The only thing that helped him cope with the darkness that lived inside him.

More and more punch started appearing from nowhere, fireworks were bouncing around the room and the roar of the crowd was growing. Sirius filled up the huge pointed hat and winked at Remus. Then the chant started:

"Lu-pin, Lu-pin, Lu-pin!"

Sirius thrust the wobbling hat into his hands. James and Peter were clapping, shouting encouragement. The people below them were yelling and grinning. Remus hesitated as he looked down at the swirling mixture: he didn't know for sure what effect this much alcohol would have on his body at this time of the month.

"Come on" Sirius shouted at him. Then, grabbing Remus by the hair and placing his mouth to his ear - so close Remus could feel his stubble against his skin - Sirius whispered "Don't you ever want to take a break from being yourself?"

Remus threw his head back and gulped down the contents of the hat. The crowd erupted. Remus reeled. The room was spinning. All he could see were faces: Sirius shouting gleefully at the crowd; James laughing; Peter smiling dazedly; Lily rolling her eyes; Audrey looking tearful. Then, there was a strange feeling of suspension: Remus hit the floor with a thud.

As he struggled up on his elbows, Remus became aware of a sudden and dramatic shift. Blinking, he saw the cauldrons drop with loud thuds to the floor. A 'Keep Calm and Hex Slytherins' poster floated down to the rubbish-strewn floor. The enchanted wall had vanished. The music had stopped. By the portrait hole, over the heads of the jostling, screaming students, Remus could see the unmistakeable portent of their doom: a tall, tartan nightcap.

Amongst the chaos of pushing and panicking students, James was standing stock still, looking entirely unfazed. Puffing out his chest, he proclaimed "The captain always goes down with the ship" Sirius stood beside him, smirking, "Well said, Prongs". Peter bit his nails and moved from one foot to the other but similarly did not move. Remus staggered to his feet, taking his dizzy place beside his friends ("M'here. I'll try to…'splain to McGona…McGa…McConical…" he hiccuped). A painful feeling of regret settling in his already churning stomach. He had liked being a prefect…

"Not you, Moony. You're not losing that badge because of us" James said, holding Remus in place by the shoulder and pointing his wand directly at his chest.

Before Remus could protest, he was blasted off his feet. His body, limp and completely out of his control, zoomed backwards and over the heads of the other boys attempting to escape to the dorms. Once inside, James' spell dropped him gently onto his four-poster bed and Remus heard the click of the lock turning in the door.

With the room turning incessantly around him, Remus was too dazed to remove his clothes or pull the curtains around him. He could feel himself slipping into an intoxicated, disturbed sleep. The wolf was waiting for him as it always was. But even as Remus felt the claws in his brain dragging him deep into the nightmare, his final thought before losing consciousness was a strangely peaceful one. I have the best friends in the world.

A/N: Please drink responsibly (and legally)!