Alice sat down in the rocking chair by the window. It was mid-morning and the sunlight that poured in was spread across her lap. She smoothed out her sky blue dress and sighed. The house was out in the country, backed by woods. Dr. Wilson made sure it would be peaceful, but still in walking distance from the town. It was a tranquil way of life, but she couldn't help feeling alone.

The warmth from the sun was starting to make Alice drowsy. She leaned her head back, closed her eyes, and let her mind drift. It wasn't long before her thoughts centered on what had happened in her life since leaving Rutledge's. Dr. Wilson found this house for her. He handed her the bottle of medicine and told her that when she needed more, she could walk into town and see him. She closed her eyes tighter.

She was starting to remember…

Bad memories.

Memories she didn't want.

It happened one night when she was leaving town. She had gone to the hospital later than usual, and left later as a result. Her home wasn't very far. She thought she'd be safe. So she was caught entirely off guard when someone pulled her into a dark alley.

After that everything went black.

When she woke up she was back in Rutledge's and almost completely re-hospitalized. Several months later, at twenty six years old, she gave birth to Vira, her only child. The doctor said he couldn't give her any medication to forget that event. Vira would need to know how and why she existed. After that, he sent her a new bottle every few weeks.

Alice shivered, even though the sun was still strong and warm on her face. She hated to think that of all people, it had happened to her. But in a way, she was glad. If it hadn't been for that, she wouldn't have Vira.

Vira.

The thought of her daughter made her smile. Vira helped her not to feel alone. Her shoulder-length auburn hair and pale skin was a mirror image of Alice. The only striking difference between them was their eyes. Alice's eyes were a brilliant emerald green, their youthful twinkle softened by many years. Vira's were like the sky after a storm, a soft, cloudy grey, still alive with spirit and curiosity.

Alice opened her eyes, gazing out the window at the forest behind the house. Vira was out in the forest, exploring the paths like she did everyday. Alice sat up and looked at the sunlight. The rays had moved from her lap to the floor. How long had she been thinking? How long had Vira been in the woods? When she called her name, would her daughter hear her?

She walked to the back door and leaned outside. "Vira!"


Out in the grassy fields, the sun radiated heavy and hot on the ground. In the woods, it was exactly the opposite. Patches of light shined through gaps in the tree branches, illuminating the forest with soft light. Vira walked down the wide path, slowly taking in what was around her. Their house, the fields, and the forest were all Vira really knew. She didn't mind, though. They were all that mattered. To her, those three things could be the whole world.

She stopped where the path did. It wound a long way into the woods, but stopped at an enormous field of white flowers. She wasn't quite sure why she never ventured into the field. Perhaps she thought it was going too far? She didn't want to stray too far from the house. Even though she loved the forest, Vira didn't like being away from her mother for too long.

The fourteen year old sat down on a nearby rock, brushing a leaf off her black dress. Her thoughts drifted away from the flowers, and she started thinking about her mother. Once everyday, Alice would take a dose of her raspberry-smelling medicine. Sometimes more than once. When Vira asked her why, Alice suddenly looked unhappy and rather confused. After a long pause, Alice said that she took it because the doctor told her to.

There were a lot of things Vira didn't know about her mother. Alice never spoke about her childhood, and she sincerely didn't know why she took her medicine. Vira did know what happened when Alice was twenty six. She couldn't suppress a shudder. That she knew about.

She was stood up and was about to start walking home. When she took a last look at the flowers, something on the other side of the field caught her eye. A white rabbit was sitting on its hind legs, looking over the flowers. It appeared to be looking directly at her. She jumped slightly when a grey cat popped up next to the rabbit. That was strange. She thought cats liked to chase rabbits, but this cat wasn't moving. Neither one was moving. They were both staring…at her.

She took a deep breath and was about to step onto the field when Alice's voice echoed through the trees.

"Vira!"

Not wanting to worry her mother, she shouted back, "Coming, mum!" After taking one last glance at the two strange animals, she turned and sprinted back through the woods, jumping over rocks and tree roots.


Alice sighed with relief when Vira emerged from the woods. "Why don't we have some tea?"

Vira nodded and followed her mother into the house.

When she sat down at the small table near the back window, Alice noticed that Vira was looking out at the woods, as if she was trying to see something. "Vira? What are you looking at?"

She turned away from the window. "Nothing…I just saw a white rabbit before. Usually we only see the brown ones."

Alice was staring down at the table. "A white one…that's…odd." She was starting to hear voices. Faint voices, calling her name. Her head was starting to hurt, like something in the back of her mind was trying to force its way forward. She reached for the bottle of medicine. The doctor told her to take it whenever she got that feeling.

Alice took a gulp of the medicine. The voices faded away and her head stopped throbbing. She looked over at Vira. "I…I don't want you in the woods anymore."

Vira looked at her in disbelief. "What? Why not?"

Alice put the bottle down. "Because I don't think it's a good idea."

A fire of injustice flared inside of Vira. She stood up. "You told me to stay out of the open fields. Now the forest too? Well I think that you taking that disgusting medicine isn't a good idea!"

Alice stood up to face her daughter across the table. "Sit down. I said you aren't going in the woods anymore."

Vira swung her hand forward and knocked the bottle over. Half of the medicine poured out of it before Alice could pick it up. Vira turned and ran to the back door. "I'm going in the woods and you aren't stopping me!"

After a quick moment of hesitation, Alice went after her.


With all the speed she could muster, Vira charged across the backyard to the shade of the forest. Her thoughts were jumbled and blurred, like the sight of the trees as she ran down the path she knew so well. Why did Alice suddenly ban her from the woods she held so dear? What was that medicine for anyway? Why was her mother such a mystery?

She skidded to a stop in front of the field of flowers. It wasn't long before she saw the white rabbit, then the grey cat. The time to cross the field was now. She walked slowly into the flowers, being careful to avoid stepping on as many as possible. She worked her way across, drawing closer to the two animals. When she was just about to reach out and touch the rabbit, it turned and sprinted into a hole. The cat followed it, its sleek form disappearing as well. Vira knelt on the ground and peered into the hole, trying to see how deep they had gone.

Suddenly it felt like the earth was shifting beneath her. The ground opened up and she fell headfirst into the rabbit hole, her scream echoing across the empty field.


Alice reached the door just in time to see her daughter vanish into the woods. She ran out into the backyard, the grass still wet with dew. Vira knew the forest. Alice didn't. She slowly turned and went back to the house. It was strange how the mention of a rabbit made Alice's head hurt.

Alice…

She spun around, hoping to see Vira at the edge of the forest, calling her name. There was no one there.

Alice…

Frightened, Alice hurried back to the house and wrenched the door open. "Medicine…I need it…there's still some left…"

She dashed in and ran to the table. Her boots, still covered in dew from the grass, slid on the hardwood floor. She fell forward and pain exploded in her head as it collided with the table.

Alice was unconscious before she hit the ground.


Twenty six years and seems like I've just begun to understand my intimate is no one. When the director sold the show, who bought its last rites? They cut the cast, the music, and the lights. This is my line. This is eternal. How did I ever end up here? Discarnate. Preternatural. My prayers to disappear, ungranted in dead time left me disowned, absent of grace, marked as infernal. To this nature, so unnatural. I remain alone. Twenty six years end. Still speaking in these tongues. Such revelations while understood by no acquired taste. Give me something. Give me something. Give me something real. I lay strewn across the floor, can't solve this puzzle. Everyday another small piece can't be found. I lay strewn across the floor pieced up in sorrow. The pieces are lost, these pieces don't fit. Pieced together incomplete and empty.

-AFI
...but home is nowhere