Lori wasn't pleased that Rick was heading out again. Carl was upset too. I could see it, even though Carl didn't cry like his mother. For the rest of the day I was on washing duty with Carol, Andrea, Amy and Jacqui. I hated washing duty, but everybody did their bit around camp. Everyone but Ed. Right now the lazy arse sat in the back of his van, cigarette in his mouth and a scathing look on his face.
My hands were raw from scrubbing, up until now we had been washing in silence. Out of the corner of my eye I saw Shane attempting to teach Carl how to catch frogs.
"I do miss my Maytag," Said Carol, she was scrubbing a pair of jeans on the washboard as she spoke.
"I miss my Benz, my sat-nav." Andrea sighed.
"I miss my coffee maker, with that dual-drip filter and built-in grinder, honey." Jacqui rang out a t-shirt as she spoke.
"I miss my computer… texting." Amy stared off into the water. I missed texting too.
"I miss my x-box… and the internet." I say… Internet, what a blissful thing. I missed it terribly. Who could I stalk on twitter now?
"I miss my vibrator," Andrea said nonchalantly. I snorted into my hand at the comment. A vibrator! Of all things to miss.
"Me too," Carol added. That was it, we all dropped into hysterical laughter at that. Carol. Carol Peletier used a vibrator. Well I didn't see that one coming.
"Whats so funny?" God damn it. Why doesn't Ed just shove off and leave Carol be?
"Just swapping war stories, Ed" Andrea said a snarky hint in her voice. "Problem, Ed?" She asked, when he didn't head back to his truck.
"None that concerns you," He said, venom edging into his voice. "You ought to focus on your work, this ain't no comedy club."
I rolled my eyes at the pig and Andrea scoffed less than quietly. We returned to our work, and awkward silence filling the area where laughter had once been. I could still feel Ed's presence behind us. It was if a gigantic cloud of pure and utter hatred was being thrown over us. Why did he think us worthless? Why did he have the right to tell us what we could and couldn't laugh at?
"Ed, tell you what," Said Andrea, she stood and turned towards him. "You don't like how your laundry's done, then you are welcome to pitch in and do it yourself. Here." She threw his shirt at him forcefully.
Our heads snapped round as Ed tossed it back a lot harder than he should have done. "Ain't my job missy."
"Andrea don't…" Amy warned, she stood, as did the rest of us, apart from Carol.
"What is your job, Ed?" Andrea pressed, walking towards him. "Sitting on your ass smoking cigarettes?"
"Sure as hell ain't listening to some uppity smart mouthed bitch, tell you what." I couldn't hold the growl that echoed in the back of my throat. "Come on, let's go."
Carol got up from where she sat. I put my arm out in front of her as Andrea spoke again. "I don't think she needs to go anywhere with you, Ed."
"And I say it's none of your business, come on now you heard me."
"No, she doesn't have to go with you." I say turning to Carol who walked by my outstretched arm. Andrea rested her hand on Carol's shoulder.
"Please," She whispered. "It doesn't matter."
"Hey! Don't think I won't knock you on your ass." Andrea's mouth was open at the threat.
"You won't knock anyone on their ass. To be fair it's you who needs to get out of yours," I said standing alongside Andrea and Amy. Ed's eyes turned down to me; there was a creepy look in them. I held my ground, my chin up.
"You can shut your yap too, missy." He turned back to Carol, his hand gesturing for her to follow him. "Are you gonna come now, or are you gonna regret it later?"
"So she can show up with fresh bruises later, Ed?" Said Jacqui with venom. "Yeah, we've seen them."
Ed stepped forwards. He was almost chest to chest with Andrea and he was looking down at all of us. Nobody flinched. "Ya'll don't wanna keep prodding the bull here, now I am done talking, come on."
Without so much as another word he grabbed Carol's arm and tried to pull her away from us. "No, Carol you don't have t-"
"Tell you what?" Yelled Ed over all of us, "Tell me what?" His hand stretched back and with a sickening crunch hit Carol in the face. We pulled her back aghast. Andrea was first to shove him back, Amy and Jacqui pulled her away as Andrea and I stood between them. He tried to get to her, tried to grab for her arm, but we kept pushing him back. "Come here!" He yelled.
"No! Get away from her!" I yelled just as he was pulled back by Shane.
"Gerroff me!" He yelled.
Shane threw him to the ground and in a series of sickening punches he hit Ed again and again in the side of his face. Carol was shouting, her eyes pricked with tears. He needed a punch but not like this.
"Shane! Shane stop!" Andrea was yelling.
"You put your hands to your wife, your little girl, or anybody else in this camp, I will not stop next time, d'you hear me?" He asked his hands gripping at Ed's shirt. "I'll beat you to death, Ed." With a final punch to the face Shane stalked off.
Carol scrambled from Amy's grip and over to Ed, she was mumbling over and over, "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, Ed."
After that fiasco Ed was taken back to camp. Carol would no doubt wait on him night and day until he was up and beating her again. I decided to walk back to camp, Andrea and Amy were staying to catch some fish for later on. I walked swiftly, it would no doubt be my job to help skin the squirrels that Daryl brought back from his hunt. I didn't mind the blood, or the smell, I was probably the only female in this camp that didn't mind the sight or the smell.
My dad taught me how to skin. Ma' didn't like the smell in the house, so we had to do it outside. We mostly skinned rabbits. We weren't red-necks, but my dad always thought that it would be good to know how to skin just in case something like this happened. Well, not like this, nobody could have imagined this would happen, but I guess he thought if I ever needed food then it would be a good thing to know.
The camp was quiet when I got back; I took the squirrels from where they were hanging and started to skin a few. Somewhere along the line everybody disappeared off to the top of the hillside. Jim's gone a bit nutty, been digging all day. It's his choice what he does, might be a bit delusional from the heat, but he ain't hurting no one, I don't see any reason why they should be messing in what he's doing.
I made a few slits in the skin before tearing it away. The head was always the hardest to get off but when it did it was easy from there on. I gutted it, dropping the entrails in a tin bucket before slicing the meat away. I'd wash it later. Six squirrels later, I hung the rest back up and gave the meat to Jacqui. Shane was washing fish with Sofia and Carl. It looks like we have an option tonight.
"D'you think they'll come back this time?" Dale asks me as I climb up onto the RV to relieve him of watch.
I sat down my legs dangling over the side, glancing over to the setting sun. "They'll come back. They always do. Besides, they have Glenn, Daryl, and I wouldn't put it past Rick to get back. He wouldn't leave his family again."
"You're right… He seems a good man."
"They were all good men once," I say. Dale hands me the rifle and heads down from the ladder.
Soon the smell of cooked fish and squirrel is filling my nostrils. I wait atop the RV until I am called. Jacqui hands me a plate and I once again take my place on the van. It's chilly so I pull the neck of my jumper up.
I eat slowly, savouring every bite. The dinner is the best I've had in weeks. When the others get back, I'm sure they'll agree. The convocation from the camp flows my way every few moments. I catch snippets of it here and there. Right now it lingers on Dale's watch and why he winds it every day.
The flames of the fire are higher tonight. Morales built the wall higher around it so it couldn't be seen from a distance. I could see that everyone welcomed the heat, it was a calmer, light-heartedness that filled the whole camp. I glance out at the horizon, hoping to see or hear the truck. Glenn would like this meal, if there is any left for them. I'm sure they could cook some up when they got back.
Amy headed to the RV not long after everybody had finished eating. She was attempting to discreetly go to the bathroom but Andrea's questions wouldn't let her do so. I rested my head back in the chair, eyes turned up towards the sky. The stars were exceedingly bright tonight.
"We're out of toilet paper!" She yelled as she exited the van, I chuckled to myself, but the sudden screams cut me off. Amy was screaming, what for I didn't know. I leapt from my perch and looked over the side, a walker was just taking a chunk out of her arm. I stood up and spun around, they were everywhere.
Everyone was shouting and Shane didn't hesitate he pulled his gun and fired. Two walkers fell before I pulled the rifle, there was no time for hesitation. My finger slipped to the trigger, my eyes finding the sight. The nearest walker to the group dropped as a bullet rocketed through its head. I scrambled down from the RV. They were everywhere, blood dripping from feral open mouths as they decided who to pick off first. I shot again and two more walkers fell.
Shot after shot rained down upon them but they just kept coming. They were hungry, they wanted to feed. The tearing of flesh reached my ears and I turned as Jim took out the walker that ripped open Amy's neck. I turned my rifle and smashed the butt into the nearest walker, it fell to its knees and I pulled out my knife stabbing it through the skull. That one was close.
Everyone was making their way back to the RV. More gun shots sounded, the others were back. "Saskia! Come back to the RV!"
I didn't realise how far I had strayed from the vehicle. The adrenaline that was pumping through me didn't allow me to take in much of what was going on. I turned and looked back at the others, big mistake.
I blocked the mouth of the walker that came down on me. Its hands were inches from my clothes and I thanked god that I was wearing long sleeves. Its eyes were burning into mine and I couldn't help the scream that came from my mouth. I turned my head and tried to push it further away. This is it. I'm going to die. Its teeth came down inches from my face and then a gurgled death cry echoed far off in the back of its throat. Its skull had been pierced by an arrow.
I rolled sideways pushing the walker from me and scrambled backwards. I felt the blood on my face and my hands and sucked in a shaky breath. That was too close.
"Sask!" Glenn scrambled down next to me. He was shaking somewhat terrible and sweat beaded his forehead. "Are you ok?"
"I'm fine, Glenn." There was a cry as Glenn helped me to my feet. I turned around; lying on the ground a few feet away was Andrea. She was cradling Amy in her arms. She was dead.
There was blood everywhere, walkers coated the ground but all I could hear was Andrea's cries. The stars were bright that night. We thought we were ok. We thought we were safe. But the world has some pretty fucked up way of showing people they're gonna be ok.
Nobody slept after that. I stayed awake, my back up against the front of the RV. Glenn sat next to me, the others were scattered about the camp. Andrea didn't move, she just stayed there her eyes never moving from Amy.
It was my fault. It was my fault Amy was dead. It was my watch and I didn't see them. It was my fault that they died. I should have seen them… but I was caught in my thoughts. I should have seen them coming but I didn't. It was my fault. It is my fault.
The night wasn't long. Everyone kept quiet but vigilant in case of another attack. But there wasn't. There wasn't another attack. Not another walker showed up. I couldn't help the hot, angry tears that were making their way down my cheeks. As morning came we built a fire. The geeks were hit in the head with a pickaxe and dragged to the fire.
Everyone decided that it was best to get it over with before Amy came back. But Andrea wouldn't move. She even held a gun to Rick when he wanted to tell her straight. It was best to leave her, let her mourn until she accepted the fact that she was one of them now. It would have to be done eventually.
The smell of burning flesh met my nose, Daryl and T-Dog were dragging geeks into the fire. Glenn had to remind them more than once that we don't burn our own. We bury them.
We lost so many people. We are going to lose more. Jim had been bit. Daryl wanted to kill him. We couldn't kill him. We couldn't lose the only part of ourselves that kept us human. We couldn't kill our own. Jim is still here, he's still alive and whether he is bit or not he is still one of us. At the moment. When he turns, I doubt even Rick could stop someone from putting a bullet or pickaxe in his head.
A memorial was held for our own. It was short. Quick. Andrea buried Amy, she did it on her own, Dale offered help but she didn't take it. All I could think was 'what if?' What if I had seen that walker? What if I'd taken the shot? Would Amy still be alive? Would everyone still be alive? Maybe I'd have died instead. I should have died. I would have died. If it wasn't for Daryl. The thought suddenly occurred to me that I, in this ridiculous and screwed up world, owed Daryl Dixon my life.
A decision was made later in the day that we would be travelling to the CDC. We would try and get Jim some help before he turned into a walker. It was a hundred miles away, Jim's fever was already reaching boiling point. He wouldn't last the drive, we all knew it. I had to go to the CDC; I will stay with the group. I've nowhere else to go if I don't go with them.
Morales and his family aren't coming with us. They're gonna try to get to family in Birmingham. They're gonna ride it out. I hope they're right about leaving the group. I hope they'll be ok.
When the sun rose the next morning we left. I took a seat in the back of T-Dogs car with Andrea. The ride was silent. I kept my eyes trained towards the roads, and the woods. I wouldn't let my eyes fail me again. If I saw walkers again I wouldn't let them jump us this time. The drive wasn't that long before something went to shit.
The RV stopped in front of us. The radiator had overheated and we would have to stop for a while. Jim wasn't doing to good either. The fever was worse, he couldn't take much more. He wanted to be left here, at the side of the road. That was his decision, it was on his head. Rick and Shane helped him out of the RV; put him up against a tree. We didn't stay long. Once the radiator cooled down we left. This time I sat in the RV with Jacqui, Glenn and Dale.
It was my fault we had to leave Jim. It was my fault Jim was going to die. It was my fault that we had to leave for the CDC.
I was surprised we reached the CDC before nightfall. The sight was welcome as my butt had become numb halfway into the drive. What wasn't welcomed though was the amount of corpses that littered the outside.
I slung my rifle over my shoulder and walker with the others towards the doors. The stench of bodies was overpowering. The shutters were down on the doors. I stayed behind the others as we walked, my eyes darted about. I would not fail this time. Rick was constantly reminding us to stay quiet but as we reached the doors the whole concept of being quiet was thrown out of the window.
They tried to budge the shutters but they could barely move them. In desperation they banged on the metal, but even if there was anybody inside they wouldn't hear. I watched the perimeter, my eyes darting around, off to my left I noticed Daryl was doing the same.
"There's nobody here," Said T-Dog, his voice dripping with loss.
"Then why are these shutters down?" Asked Rick.
My eyes glanced over to the left, then to the right, my eyes fell upon a walker dressed in army attire. Blood dripped from a wound in his face, his skull was dented slightly. The call went out immediately, but it did not come from me. "Walkers!" Yelled Daryl, pointing his crossbow at the geek and letting the arrow fly. It pierced the skull of the geek and it dropped to the floor.
Daryl was shouting, Carl and Sofia were hysterical. "Shut up!" Yelled Shane, pushing Daryl. "I said, shut up! Rick, this is a dead end!"
"Where are we gonna go?" Asked Carol, she gripped Sofia tightly. Only I was aware of the oncoming walkers that were hearing the racket.
"We have to get out of here!" I shout at the lot of them. "Can't you see? We'll be surrounded like we were last night if we stay here!"
I started to move away from the doors, surprisingly Shane was telling everyone to go as well. Rick was the only one who stayed put. They were coming, there were loads of them. Just like last night, we were sitting ducks.
"The camera!" Yelled Rick, holding up his hand. "It moved!"
"You imagined it," Reasoned Dale.
"It moved… It moved…" He repeated as if one entranced.
My mind was going into overload. We shouldn't still be here. We can't still be here. We're here because I messed up. "We can't stay here!" I yell again, my voice frantic. We can't lose anyone else. We won't lose anyone else.
Rick was yelling, pleading to someone that obviously wasn't there. The walkers were getting closer. My finger pressed lightly on the trigger, if they got to close I'd have to use it.
"You're killing us!" Rick shouted. "You're killing us!" And just like that the great door to the CDC opened and a blinding white light met all of us.
We all moved forward without question. The sound of a gun loading brought us out of our panic for the walkers. I kept my eyes on the doors. The walkers were far enough away, but I didn't want to give them a chance.
"Hello?" I heard our guns snap up, but I didn't turn. I listened to the voice and watched the walkers. "Anybody infected?" Of course that was the first question they were likely to ask. They wouldn't let us in otherwise.
"One of our group was," Rick replied calmly. "He didn't make it."
"Why are you here? What do you want?"
"A chance,"
"That's asking an awful lot, these days." The voice was getting closer. Daryl had turned from the door to look at who was speaking but I wasn't going to move. If I moved they'd get in. "You all submit to a blood test… that's the price of admission."
"We can do that."
"You got stuff to bring in you do it now, once this door closes it stays closed." There was a flurry of movement in which they ran to retrieve items from outside. I didn't move. I wouldn't move. My gun was trained on the nearest geek. I could shoot him down. I would shoot him down. They carried our stuff in and yet I still didn't move. The doors closed and the man's voice rang out again.
"Vi, seal the main entrance and kill the power up here."
The shutters slid down. My eyes were still trained on the geek. He was ambling forwards, staring straight at me, eyes unwavering. I pictured Jim. Was he still by the tree? Has the fever taken him yet? Will we see him again? Will we have to kill him if we do?
"Are ya just gonna stand there all night?" I blinked, coming out of my thoughts, I didn't realise the shutters had fully closed. I dropped the gun to my side and turned to face Daryl.
"Nah, course not."
We followed the man, Doctor Edwin Jenner, towards the elevator that would take us to his labs. A blood test. Of course that had to be his admission. I hate needles. Always have, always will. The thirteen of us piled unto the huge elevator and waited while Jenner set the buttons. It was completely silent, that is until Daryl spoke up.
"Doctors all go round packing heat like that?" He asked.
"Well there were plenty left lying around so I familiarised myself." He said with a smile. "Well you all look harmless enough… except you…" He said playfully at Carl. "I'll have to keep my eye on you." Carl smiled at the comment.
Jenner lead us out of the elevator and down the halls. The walls were made completely of white brick. Spotlights hung on the walls, and doors were everywhere. This place was huge. There was a large rectangle cut out of the wall at the end of the hall. I'm guessing that's his main lab. Or was his main lab.
"Are we underground?" Asked Jacqui.
"You claustrophobic?" Said Jenner.
"A little…"
"Try not to think about it…" He walked into the darkness of the room at the end of the hall before calling out. "Vi! Bring up the lights in the big room."
On command the lights switched on, and I gazed around. Computers were set in the middle of the room and four big screens were set on the back wall. "Welcome to zone five," Said Jenner as we followed him in.
"Where is everybody? The other doctors, the staff?" Asked Rick. Did he really need an answer? Didn't he know that they had probably all left? They probably wanted to be with their families, to try and get away before they got bit.
"I'm it. It's just me here."
"What about the person you were speaking with? Vi?" Asked Lori from the back.
"Vi, meet our guests… tell them, welcome." It wasn't long before a loud computerised voice met my ears.
"Hello guests… Welcome."
"It's just me here… I'm sorry."
Jenner took us into a small room off to the side. One by one he got us to sit down and pull up our sleeves. I was after Carl. He placed the lower part of my arm onto the table and tied something around the top. I swallowed as he pulled out the needle. He glanced up, his eyes meeting mine for a moment before he pushed the needle into my skin. I winced. He noticed.
"Don't like needles, huh?"
"I've never really been a big fan," I felt the blood being taken, the small pot filled up quickly, and then he removed it. It was quick, but still it made goose bumps erupt all over my skin. He placed a small piece of cotton wool on the scratch and I smiled at him. "Thank you."
Dinner that night was a grand affair. I didn't really expect Jenner just to let us have his food, and wine. Wine! There was actually wine. There were loads of chairs, but I sat on the floor, it was comfortable. The plate was on my legs, balancing as I took a sip of the long missed liquid. Pasta… I couldn't remember the last time I had pasta. Everyone was laughing and joking, even Daryl who took pleasure in seeing Glenn's face go red after having some wine.
"It seems we haven't properly thanked our host," Said Rick standing and raising his glass.
"He is more than just our host," Emphasised T-Dog. Glasses were raised into the air, Daryl raised his bottle.
"Booyah!" He said, a chorus followed him.
I dropped my plate to the floor and stood up. Jenner had told us where our rooms were earlier so I excused myself quietly. Nobody questioned my departure. To be honest I wanted a shower and I wanted to sleep. I walked down the hall, the lights coming on along the wall as I walked by. I picked my room and locked the door behind me. I slung my rucksack on the floor and walked straight towards the shower.
The hot water was welcoming against my skin. I scrubbed myself clean, and then I scrubbed some more. I felt dirty… I felt wrong for enjoying the feel of the shower water on my skin when Amy has had her brains blown out by her sister. I felt wrong because Jim was either still by that tree or so far gone he was ripping the skin off somebody else. I felt wrong because Morales and his family aren't hear enjoying this with us. I felt wrong because I am still alive.
I climbed out of the shower and dried myself quickly before pulling on some pyjama's and climbed into bed. The sheets were cool against my skin. It was wrong. I had a nice comfy bed… yet I don't want it. I climbed out of the bed and pulled out my sleeping bag. Upon climbing in I allowed my eyes to close… If I was going to sleep I had to sleep now.
I could see them… walkers… they were everywhere. The hillside was rough beneath my feet… they were bare… I had no shotgun, no rifle, no knives, nothing to defend myself. Just as they had nothing to defend themselves when they got bit.
I can hear Andrea screaming for Amy… Amy won't listen though; she's too busy chasing me… She wants me, she wants my blood, and she wants to feed on my flesh just like the walker fed on hers. I turn my head, just as I stumble. My knees come into contact with the dirt and they are upon me. Only this time, Daryl isn't there to put an arrow through their heads.
They tear at my legs, at my arms, everywhere. Their teeth graze my skin, their breath all over me, and then one clamps down, their jaw tightens on my stomach. They tear away the scar that the bullet left when all this started. They pull at my guys, they bite into my skin and all the while I'm screaming. Another set of teeth drop down on my arm and the flesh is pulled away. Blood spurts in all directions but it only spurs them on, they're hungry… so hungry… I cry out, try to gouge at their eyes, push them away but they are too strong. I cry for everyone, I cry for help, the help that won't come. And then I see my dad, lovingly gazing down at me, his smile warms me, distracts the pain.
"Daddy, help me… please…" I beg.
"Don't worry pumpkin, it'll all be over soon." His face morphs, he isn't my dad anymore… His head comes down, he snarls, blood coats my face and he rips at my throat.
I shoot up from my sleeping bag. My face is drenched in a cold sweat. My cheeks are streaked with tears, but there is someone knocking at the door, they must have heard me.
"You alright in there?" It was Daryl… He must have been passing by.
It takes a moment for me to find my voice but when I do it's shaken. "Yeah… I'm fine… I'm fine."
But the truth is, I'm not fine… I don't suppose I'll ever be fine again. Not in this world…
So what do you think of my story so far? I really hope you like it so far! :)
