A/N: I DON'T OWN SHERLOCK. Or John, or Molly, or anyone else… Obviously. They belong to the brilliant mind of Sir Arthur Conan Doyle, Steven Moffat, and Mark Gatiss.
Hope you all enjoyed Chapter 1! Once again, if you have any comments whatsoever, please mention them to me! This is still Sherlock's POV, we will get a little glimpse into the mind of the wonderful John Watson during later chapters. Thanks for sticking with me.
CHAPTER 2
(SHERLOCK'S POV)
"Oh, John."
Everything stopped.
"Hi Molly, how are you?" All of a sudden, my whole body was crawling with energy, adrenaline pumping though my veins. Just his voice making me more alert than I'd been in a very long time. My head was spinning, round and round it went circling the only thing I had left. John. I was ready to burst out of the sitting room, run to him and just see his face, just let him know that I was still here. Still alive. But before I could reach the doorknob I stumbled back as reality hit me like a blow to the head. I can't go out there, I thought. He can't know that I'm still alive. Moriarty's snipers will find him and kill him. I felt a lump rising in my throat as I grasped the fact. I couldn't go out there and tell him I was alright. I couldn't just burst out of the sitting room and into his unsuspecting arms. I couldn't. I barely noticed as I sank to the floor, tears stinging the back of my eyes. This was so unlike me, I never cried this much, even as a child I had been very quiet and unemotional. But now, with nothing left to lose and everything I was absolutely destroyed, I was stripped of my guard, of the wall that had held back all of those confusing and useless feelings that I'd been too busy to deal with. And now here I was, totally undone. All alone, crying and broken for anyone to see. Knowing that John wouldn't be here forever, I crawled to the door, pressing the side of my face against the cool wood and listened to the conversation taking place in the other room.
"… So what brings you here so unexpectedly?" Molly said, I hadn't realized how little time had passed in the real world, and I pressed my cheek closer to the door, waiting for John to speak, needing his voice to anchor my mind back to reality.
"Well, I was wondering if I could stay here, just for a night or two. Baker Street is, well, I just need some time away. To sort myself out." I felt my whole body grow a little weak, as what I had done to John, my best friend, was once again drawn to my attention.
"Um, well, let me go," Molly was looking for any excuse to come and check with me, "Check to see that my spare room is suitable! Go ahead and make yourself a cup of tea in the kitchen. I'll be back in a moment." I heard John grunt a reply, and a few moments later, she burst into the sitting room. She hesitated as she took in my current position on the floor, tears still dripping from the corners of my eyes.
"Um, Sherlock, are you…?" She trailed off, probably not knowing exactly what to ask. I stood, a bit wobbly on my feet, but managed to stay upright. Smoothing my shirt down and adjusting it over my tall and lanky frame I gave Molly a curt nod.
"Fine, yes." Even Molly could see through my lie.
"Right, now what about John? What am I supposed to say to him? I can't just say no!" She asked me, panic creeping into her voice. I lowered my gaze, realizing how suddenly interesting the floor seemed to be. My voice was quiet and slightly strained as I replied, "he can take the spare room. I'll go and stay with Mycroft." Just thinking about going to my older brother made me shiver. That was one thing that I had never done, and never wanted to do. "Tell John he can stay, I'll go and grab my things." My voice faltered and the last words came out in a whisper. But I slowly began to make my way to the door, intending to get my bag and leave as soon as I could. Molly realized what I was doing though, and she grabbed my wrist as I walked by.
"No, you're staying. You don't have anywhere to go, and I'm not stupid enough to make you leave and go to your brother." Her tone was quiet but firm, which surprised me. Molly was not usually one to go against others. Still a little shocked that she had told me to stay, I didn't speak. So she told me what she would do.
"John can stay on the couch. I'll go tell him that I'm using my spare room for a project, or an experiment or something. Then you can just stay in there, he'll never see you." She smiled, satisfied with her plan. I shook my head, "No, let him stay in the spare room. I'll move my things out and stay on the floor in the study. He can have the room." With that, I went to the spare room to collect the few things I'd brought with me.
I heard Molly downstairs, telling John he was welcome to her spare room, and apologizing for taking so long. She'd needed to 'tidy up a bit'. He didn't care one bit, thanking her profusely and promising to pay her back somehow. I quit eavesdropping and tiptoed to the study, clicking the door shut quietly behind me. I sat there, trying desperately to shoo away the thoughts buzzing around in my head, wishing for the first time ever, that I could just stop thinking. I was so busy trying to clear my mind that at first I didn't notice Molly walk in. She cleared her throat, jerking me back to reality.
"Do you need me to get you some sheets? A blanket, or even a pillow? You could at least try and get comfortable." She said, her face was troubled, brow knit furiously over her concerned eyes.
"No, I should be fine. Not tired." I brushed off the question, just wanting her to leave me to my thoughts.
"Would you like to come and have something to eat? John went to bed a while ago, he wasn't doing too well." She offered, obviously hoping to get some kind of reaction out of me. I worked to keep my face as straight as I could manage, but still couldn't stop a sigh from escaping my lips.
"Molly, I would prefer if you just leave-" I stopped myself mid-sentence, knowing that I was extremely rude, she was doing so much for me, and I had no way of repaying her. I shook my head, and started over. "Molly, thank you, but I won't need anything." I smiled politely, and she shrugged, walking away without another word. She hadn't been the same, ever since I asked for her assistance in my 'suicide'. She had become less of an acquaintance and more of a friend, or even like a mother. She had kept me together and intact, made sure that I had eaten, and that I slept enough. If she hadn't been here, I began to wonder, who would've? I looked around the room, not finding anything interesting. I grew bored, and began to slowly travel around my mind palace. I looked into empty rooms, abandoned corridors, searching for something that I could cling on to, some reminder of what I'd had. Finally, after hours of aimless wandering, I came across a door.
Locked.
It was radiating with energy, sad and happy at the same time, but still pulsating with life. I knew I could unlock it at any time; the key was right with me, always there. But I couldn't bring myself to open it, to face all of those emotions and memories. They were all too foreign. I'd never bothered with feelings, they were too boring- at least that's what I had told myself years ago. But now, as I sat all alone, I began to wonder if maybe, just maybe, I had hidden it all away because I was frightened. I was scared of what might happen; worried that I wouldn't be able to concentrate and control myself once I let them in. John said that friends keep you safe, but look where having friends got me. I had to die. In their eyes, I was gone and never returning.
Alone was what had kept me safe.
A/N: Okay, that is CHAPTER 2. I hope you liked it! I'll try and update once more tonight, but if not, I will definitely be updating once every day. Expect updates early in the morning or late at night! Chapters will get longer later. Chapter 3 is going to be a little bit angst-y, watch out!
