Part II: Let It Glow

"Geeze La Rue," Pam made a face as she looked over the toilet. "Why do I have to help clean the Men's bathroom?" She had changed into a white sleeveless T-shirt and sweatpants with sneakers.

"Why do you use the Men's bathroom more than the Women's?" Cyril snapped. He had taken off his jacket and sweater vest. And he had also rolled up his sleeves.

"Good point," Pam conceded. "This is even worse than cleaning the break room."

"At least there wasn't a dead pig and an ant colony in the break room," Cyril grumbled as he started scrubbing a toilet with a toilet brush. "This time. The only real bad part was the refrigerator."

Flashback to a few minutes ago.

"Uh whose container is glowing?" Cyril looked at the open refrigerator door. A green light emerged from the refrigerator glowing on his face.

"That's probably Krieger's…" Pam looked at it as well.

"What do you think it is?" Cyril gulped. "Should we throw it out or call the bomb squad?"

"Better call Krieger just to be safe," Pam suggested.

Cyril took out his phone. "Hey Krieger. Cyril here. Uh it's about this glowing container in the refrigerator. Yeah I kind of figured it was yours. Do you want us to throw it out or…? Green. No, nothing's moving from it. We don't have a Geiger counter. Do we need one?"

"I'd better go get the tongs," Pam sighed.

Back to the present.

"Well at least there were no explosions and no radiation leaks," Cyril recalled with a shudder. "At least I hope there weren't. You think we should have disposed of it in a safer way?"

"What's safer than throwing it in a dumpster down the street?" Pam shrugged.

"I just pray we never get a visit from the Environmental Protection Agency," Cyril groaned.

"I'd like a visit from Ray pretty soon," Pam grumbled. "Where's that mop he promised?"

"Someday my prince will come," Ray waltzed in singing with the mop and bucket. He had taken off his jacket and tie and found a white frilly apron to wear over his clothes. "Someday we'll meet again…"

"Hey Cinder-Ray-Ella I could use some help over here," Pam called out.

"Where did you find that?" Cyril pointed to Ray's apron.

"In the closet," Ray admitted. He turned sharply to Pam. "Not one word Miss Smarty Mouth!"

"Eh that joke pretty much writes itself," Pam shrugged. "Where have you been?"

"I was stuck vacuuming up the crumbs in the bullpen," Ray groaned. "Not easy when Milton keeps popping toast all over the place and Cheryl was trying to set fire to them."

"Why…?" Cyril asked.

"She got high sniffing Lemon Pledge," Ray groaned. "I sort of had to find a place to put her where she wouldn't do any more damage."

"Where was that?" Cyril asked.

"The closet," Ray shrugged. "I know. Phrasing."

"Good call," Cyril winced.

"And I did make a nice little recording of Archer," Ray took out his phone.

"Okay this I gotta see," Cyril got up and went to look.

Ray pressed the play button on his phone. It showed a scene of Archer not wearing a coat and tie on his hands and knees scrubbing a chair with a toothbrush covered in polish. There were smudges of polish on his hands, shirt and face.

"Scrub harder!" Mallory barked as she stood over Archer with a drink in her hand.

"You don't scrub wood Mother!" Archer snapped.

"Well then polish harder!" Mallory snapped. "You missed a spot!"

"I haven't even gotten to that spot yet!" Archer yelled back. "You don't have to stand here and watch me like a vulture!"

"Oh yes I do!" Mallory told him. "Because I know the second I turn my back on you, you'll run off and shirk your duty like you always do!"

"I shirk my duty?" Archer snapped at Mallory. "Oh you're one to talk!"

"What was that?" Mallory challenged.

"Come on Mother you barely do anything around here either!" Archer barked. "Except for drinking and giving out orders and insults!"

"I barely do…?" Mallory was furious. "DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW HARD I WORK AROUND HERE KEEPING THIS AGENCY OF THE DAMNED AFLOAT?"

"Obviously he doesn't," Ray was heard. "Here's the vacuum you wanted."

"Leave it here so Sterling can do some actual work for a change!" Mallory ordered.

"I always do work!" Archer protested.

"You always do whores! Which I end up paying for in one way or another!" Mallory snapped. "Like your recent trip to Vegas. And Branson. And Trinette!"

"Don't forget Juliana back in San Marcos," Ray suggested.

"Oh God I wish I could forget San Marcos! That was a big fiasco!" Mallory groaned.

"Who asked you Ray? Wait, are you recording this?" Archer barked.

"No," Ray was heard.

"Oh. Okay…" Archer remarked.

"By the way I put Cheryl in the closet," Ray was heard.

"We really should bring back phrasing," Archer snorted. Mallory kicked him. "OW! What was that for?"

"That was another whore you did!" Mallory snapped.

"Oh like I was the only one!" Archer scoffed. To this Mallory kicked him again. "OW! MOTHER!"

"Get back to work! You too Princess!" Mallory glared at Ray.

"Yeah go back to work Princess…Damn it, I had something for this," Archer frowned.

"You're going to get more of this if you don't…" Mallory started kicking him again.

"OWW! OWW! OWW! MOTHER!" Archer screamed in pain.

"Keep up the sass Mister and I'll send you to help clean in Krieger's lab!" Mallory shouted.

"No, no, no, no!" Archer pleaded. "I'll be good! I'll be good!"

"You'd better be or else…" Mallory kept kicking him. Archer yelled and screamed.

"Oh God…" Cyril laughed. "That just made my day! Ray can you send me a copy of this?"

"Already done," Ray grinned.

"I guess compared to having Ms. Archer stand over us all day, cleaning the break room and the bathroom isn't so bad," Pam conceded.

"It's even better than cleaning Krieger's lab," Ray pointed out.

"Definitely," Cyril and Pam said at once.

Earlier in Krieger's lab.

"Uh Krieger…?" Lana was looking at a few green glowing boxes. "Should these boxes be glowing?"

"Not that color," Krieger told her. "That's a tad worrisome."

"On so many levels," Lana groaned.

Just then something grabbed her legs. "What the…?"

"I wuv you!" A metal teddy bear was hugging her.

"What the hell is that?" Lana shouted as she tried to remove the mechanical masher.

"That's Cyberneddly Teddly," Krieger said cheerfully. "That's going to be AJ's new playmate. Once I grow some fur on him."

"It looks like the offspring of Teddy Ruxpin and the Terminator," Lana winced. "Get it off! Get it off! GET IT OFF!"

"Actually it looks like it's getting off…NO TEDDLY! BAD ROBOT BEAR!" Krieger pried it off Lana's legs.

"Get away! If I wanted to be molested by a horny metal thing I'd just call Barry!" Lana shouted as she grabbed the robot bear and threw it away. It hit the wall and ran away. "You'd better run you sick little…"

"Sorry about that," Krieger apologized. "I think its programming for affection got a little wonky."

"YA THINK?" Then Lana saw something else. "WHAT THE…?"

"Oh boy…" Krieger gulped as a giant lizard head popped out from behind the glowing boxes. "I really thought I got rid of all those."

Back to the present.

"Yeah this is definitely better than going down there," Ray conceded.

"Come on we need all the help we can get cleaning this bathroom," Cyril sighed as he went back to scrubbing the toilet.

"And to think I became one of the few members of my family to not only graduate high school but college as well so I wouldn't end up cleaning toilets for a living," Ray grumbled as he began to mop the floor.

"I hear ya Ray," Pam agreed. "If I wanted to do manual labor that literally stinks I'd have never left the farm."

"Well at least this place doesn't smell like cow manure," Cyril spoke up.

"I don't know what that smells like but it sure as hell is not manure," Ray's nose wrinkled. "Manure doesn't smell like that."

They looked at Pam. "What the hell are you looking at me for?" Pam snapped. "Even my bowel movements don't smell that bad!"

"That's debatable," Cyril remarked.

"Well if it's not you who else is responsible for this…?" Ray began.

Just then Krieger walked in carrying something in a container marked toxic stuff. "Do, de, do, de, le, dooo!" He hummed as he poured something from its contents into one of the toilets.

"Even as I asked the question…" Ray groaned.

"I believe an apology is in order," Pam folded her arms.

Krieger flushed something down the toilet. "Oh hello!" He said cheerfully.

"Krieger what the hell did you just flush down the toilet?" Ray groaned.

"Maybe you shouldn't answer?" Cyril spoke up. "In case the prosecution wants us for witnesses."

"It wasn't alive was it?" Ray asked.

"Define alive," Krieger blinked.

CRASH!

"CHERYL!" Mallory's yell was heard.

"Oh great, she got out!" Ray groaned. They went to see what was going on.

"WHEEEEEEEEEE!" Cheryl was riding on top of Milton who was zooming around the bullpen. (Well as fast as a toaster machine could zoom.)

"Looks like Cheryl's out of the closet," Ray quipped.

"Are you sure we're done with phrasing?" Archer barked. "Seriously?"

"And they're making more crumbs," Ray groaned. "Great! I just vacuumed this place!"

"I'm flying! I'm flying!" Cheryl laughed. "I'm flying on lemony pledgy goodness!"

"Oh well this is just great!" Mallory growled as she and Archer looked at the sight. "Ugh. What else can go wrong for me today?"

CRASH!

Three iron clad armored figures burst through the floor. They had silver helmets on and what appeared to be a jetpack on their backs.

"That's on you," Archer said to his mother. "You just had to tempt the universe didn't you?"

"Oh come on!" Mallory shouted. "I just had that floor remodeled!"

"CHARGE!" Cheryl whooped as she had Milton run into one of the three armored invaders from behind. "WHOOO HOOO!"

"AAAHH!" The armored invader fell to the floor.

"GET 'EM! MILTON! RIDE 'EM TOASTER!" Cheryl cheered as Milton repeatedly banged the fallen intruder.

Suddenly she was grabbed from behind by one of the other invaders. "Hey! Wait…Just how strong are those robot hands?"

"Guys! We have trouble!" Lana ran from around the corner. "There's these people in weird armor that burst through the lab and…" The armored men looked at her. "Oh. I see you've met them."

"I don't know who you Iron Morons are but you picked the wrong day to show up!" Archer pulled out his gun and prepared to shoot. "Because I was already pissed and now I'm triple pissed!"

"ARCHER WAIT! NO!" Lana and Ray shouted.

Archer of course ignored this and shot at the invaders. The bullets harmlessly banged off the armor.

"GET DOWN!" Ray dropped to the floor along with most of the staff.

"Hey watch it!" Cheryl yelled. A bullet grazed her arm. "OW! Great! My dress is gonna have bloodstains on it!"

"MY WALLS!" Mallory yelled. "There are holes in my walls now!"

"Way to go Dumb Ass!" Lana shouted. "Shoot bullets at a bunch of guys covered in metal from head to toe!"

"Well obviously I didn't think it through," Archer barked. Then he noticed Milton getting thrown aside like it was a tin can. "And I didn't think about the possibility of those suits having super strength."

Then lasers emerged from the arms of the invaders. "OR THAT!" Archer yelled as the invaders opened fire. He ducked and covered behind a desk.

One of the lasers blasted through the open door to Mallory's office and blew up a chair. "I JUST POLISHED THAT!" Archer shouted.

"Great! Another day, another shootout at the office!" Cyril moaned as furniture around him was blasted. "We have one of these at least once a year! AND IT NEVER GETS ANY BETTER!"

"I'll say! They just blew up the water cooler!" Pam shouted. "Aw man! There's water everywhere!"

"Ruining my carpet and floor!" Mallory groaned.

"I AM NOT CLEANING THIS UP!" Ray shouted to Mallory.

"I am having the stupidest day!" Mallory went to take a drink. Only to have a laser blast shatter it. "OH COME ON!"

Cheryl screamed and Lana tried to jump the intruder that was holding her from behind. Only to get grabbed herself. "Really didn't think this through…" Lana winced as she fought with the invader.

"Oh my God! Oh my God!" Cheryl gasped. "You're hands are like so freakin' strong! Are you single?"

"Seriously?" Lana barked at Cheryl as she tried to escape.

"Lana mind your own freaking beeswax!" Cheryl snapped. "Now Mr. Iron Invader…Are you doing anything tonight?"

"CHERYL!" Pam and Ray shouted.

"Okay fine!" Cheryl groaned. "Do you have any friends for Pam and Ray?"

"This is the second piece of scrap metal that's tried to molest me today!" Lana roared. She grabbed the metal mask of the invader and yanked it off. She then screamed.

The invader screamed and Lana punched his face. She managed to get away to Archer while holding the mask. "Lana? Lana?" Archer went to her.

"Archer…Archer…" Lana panted. "It's…It's…"

"Owie…" The invader stood up and turned around. Everyone gasped when they saw its face.

"Eww…never mind," Cheryl winced at the sight.

It was a green skinned long eared creature with bumpy ridges on his forehead. With a face and beard exactly like a certain scientist they knew. "Ow…" The invader grumbled. "She's really strong…"

"What the hell is that?" Mallory shouted.

"It looks like…Looks like…" Ray was stunned.

"It looks like an Orc and a Klingon had a baby with…" Archer realized it as well.

"KRIEGER!" Mallory shouted. "What unholy abomination got out of your lab this time?"

"I'm guessing none of you ever saw my Facebook pages of what I did a few summers ago," Krieger remarked.

"You guess correctly," Lana folded her arms.

"Weeeeeelllll…" Krieger scratched his head. "To make a long story really short. Using Mogwai DNA to fill in some of the genome gaps was not one of my better ideas. And then trying to fight them using a power suit that looked a lot like a popular Marvel comic hero's was also not that good."

"NO AAAAAAAAHH!" Archer yelled as they ducked for cover as the invaders opened fire again.

"Is that any way to speak to your father?" Krieger snapped. "Aw come on guys! Just because I dissected a couple of you doesn't mean you have to kill me!"

"Yeah it kind of does," One of the invaders said in a voice similar to Krieger's.

"Only because you were plotting to take over the world without me!" Krieger shouted back.

"WHAT?" Everyone yelled.

"We only said maybe we might take over the world to piss you off!" Another invader shouted.

"We came to take you back to our home Father!" The unmasked invader said.

"Well I'm not going with you until you learn to behave yourselves," Krieger folded his arms.

"Okay fine. We'll take her instead," The unmasked invader shrugged at Cheryl.

"Oh well maybe this day isn't a total loss after all?" Mallory said cheerfully.

"Mallory!" Lana barked. "She's one of us!"

"Eh," Mallory shrugged.

"She's also our only other source of income!" Ray pointed out.

"WELL THEN DO SOMETHING AND SAVE HER!" Mallory shouted. "SHOOT THEM! SHOOT THEM!"

"With what?" Ray snarled. "Bullets bounce off them, remember? And I left my freaking phasers at home!"

"You have phasers? Seriously?" Krieger asked Ray.

"Sarcastically," Ray gave him a look.

"Oh right. But that is an interesting idea for an upgrade if you're ever interested," Krieger remarked.

"For crying out loud! Do I have to do everything myself?" Mallory snarled as she broke off a chair leg with her bare hands. Then charged at the invaders. "AAAAAAAHHH!"

"Oh yeah, a wooden stick. That's much better than bullets," Ray rolled his eyes.

"AAAAAHHH!" Mallory attacked the unmasked invader.

"Holy DNA! She's strong!" The unmasked invader shouted as she grabbed Mallory's arms to protect himself.

"Nothing like a rage full of alcohol and greed to really do the trick," Ray grumbled.

"As many of her old boyfriends learned the hard way," Archer remarked. "I've seen this before..."

"Take her too! Let's get out of here!" The masked invader holding Cheryl shouted. "Krieglins! AWAY!"

"Mallory! Cheryl!" Lana, Ray and Cyril yelled as the invaders took Cheryl and Mallory through the floor.

"Holy Krieger kidnapping clones!" Pam gasped.

"That is something you don't see every day," Cyril gulped.

"That's something you usually don't see any day!" Ray shouted.

"Yeesh. I kind of feel this might be my fault," Krieger blinked.

"YOU THINK?" Ray shouted.

"Great now Mother's been kidnapped too," Archer groaned. "Typical. She always has to make more work for me than usual."

That's when Milton while laying on its side started spewing out toast on the floor.

"Et Tu Milton?" Archer gave the machine a look.