A/n:
Thank you for reading.
xo
missing in imagination
Dear Lara Jean,
I can never sleep at night because you're always on my mind. I can't say it's a bad thing. I miss you a lot. There's just a few days left until I can see you in real life, not just in my imagination and memories. I can't wait.
Being stranded in the middle of nowhere with no service or internet is definitely getting to me. Though I'm glad it gives me an excuse to keep writing to you after the school year. I like writing letters to you.
I'm glad you and Kitty are having fun this summer. I'm surprised she's actually helping you bake for once, I guess bribing her is working then? Owen never wants to spend time with me when I come home, so enjoy it while it lasts with Kitty.
As much as I love lacrosse camp, I'm so ready to come home to you, Covey. Like I said, I can't stop thinking about you. I close my eyes and pretend you're here with me, your hands in my hair while I kiss you from your lips to your neck, savoring the taste of your skin and the scent of your coconut shampoo. God, Lara Jean, I miss how your hair smells like coconut.
Not being able to see you, hear you, or touch you is slowly killing me. One memory of you my mind keeps going back to is the time you visited my dorm when you came home for a long weekend. You surprised me at one of my games. You had on a pretty blue dress and boots that went over your knees. There was a braid in your hair, but you still wore it down. You looked pretty sexy. I let you know it, too.
I kissed you as soon as we were alone and I didn't stop kissing you for hours. I could tell you wanted me to kiss you forever because your lips were always coming back to mine everytime I tried to speak or breathe. Usually it's the other way around. This time we just couldn't get enough of each other. I remember the way your hands felt on my skin, making me want more of you, and how your breathing would get heavy every time my hands wandered across your body. Especially when I touched your thighs…
I am crazy for you, Lara Jean. I'm gonna let you know it when I get home.
Love,
Peter Kavinsky
Re-reading Peter's letter, I felt a weird sensation throughout my body. I craved his touch from that night all over again. I'm sure if his roommate didn't text that he was on his way back, I would have given Peter everything that night.
We haven't tested the waters in fooling around. I think because he can sense how nervous I am. I don't know why I'm nervous, but thinking about it causes the pit of my stomach to do somersaults. I love Peter. I know he will take care of me. Mentally I know I am ready. Ready for more than even fooling around.
I think my problem is that I keep waiting for the right time. But how do I know when the right time is? I don't think there will ever be a time where it will be like how I've seen in the movies or what I read in romance novels. I guess… as long as I'm with Peter, I know it will be right.
"Are we going to the movies or not?" Kitty barged into my room. I jumped up from my bed, shoving my letter from Peter underneath the teal blankets.
"Yeah!" I said, slightly flustered by her interruption, "Peter will be here any minute." I swiftly dragged her out of my room before she questioned what I stuffed into my bed. I make a mental note to move that as soon as we get home. I know how snoopy Kitty is.
"Did you like the movie, Covey?" Peter asks me as he steals a fry from my plate. We decided to grab a snack at the diner after the movie. Kitty was craving a milkshake.
I watch Peter dip the french fry in his chocolate shake before eating it, then nod my head to answer his question. "It was good. I wish it had more romance though," I smile a little.
Peter grins at me, "Such a romantic. It was an action film!"
I laugh and nod my head, "Yes, but even action films need a little love in them."
"She's hopeless," Kitty says to Peter and I can't help but roll my eyes.
"I still liked the movie. I was just saying," I defend myself and then eat one last fry. "Don't eat too much, Kitty. Daddy is still making dinner." I look to Peter and smile, "Do you want to eat dinner with us?" I know I don't have to invite him because it's already known that he will be joining us, but it always makes him smile when I do.
He grins at me and his chocolate eyes turn soft, "Of course."
"I have a new cookie recipe for you to try, too," I add in and his smile broadens. My insides scream because of how handsome he is and I partly wish Kitty wasn't here so I could kiss him until our lips become raw.
"Oh hell yeah!" He exclaims and sips the rest of his milkshake.
I'll never get tired of his excitement when it comes to my baking. It makes me feel special and happy knowing I can please him with something so simple.
I've been tossing and turning for the past two hours in bed and I can't stop thinking about his letter. I wonder if he realizes how worked up it's made me. Was it even his intention? Who am I kidding? Of course it was.
I want nothing more than his strong arms around me, bringing me warmth and comfort. Maybe I should text him. He is probably awake. It's not too late. But if he is sleeping I will feel bad for waking him.
It's just this feeling in my bones and in my core.. it's not going away. The desire is only increasing. My hands trail across my abdomen as I think about what it would be like if Peter were with me right now. I mimic the patterns he draws on my skin when we kiss and a soft breath escapes me
Tap, tap, tap.
"Lara Jean?" Peter's voice is muffled from outside and I let out a deep breath. His timing is impeccable.
I get out of bed and push my curtain to the side and pull up the blinds before opening the window, "You scared me." My voice is more breathless than I intend.
Peter chuckles heartily as he climbs into my room, "I saw your light on." He smiles and then moves his hands to my waist. "I couldn't sleep, can I cuddle with you?"
I try not to act so flustered as I nod my head, "Yeah, of course. I couldn't sleep either."
Peter looks at me funny for a moment and I begin to grow self conscious, "What?"
"Why are you so out of breath?" He raises his eyebrows and walks to my bed, sitting down to take off his shoes.
"I told you, you scared me," I laugh lightly and climb back into bed. By now he is under the blankets with me and his arms are right where I want them. At least I wasn't completely lying.
"I'm sorry," he says as he nuzzles his nose into my neck.
"It's okay," I move my fingers through his hair and smile to myself. "Set an alarm so you can sneak out on time," I say softly.
He groans a little, "Fine." Peter lifts his head as he takes his phone out of his pocket to set an alarm.
His hair is ruffled and he looks so soft and cozy, and when he looks to me with raised eyebrows, I can't ignore how sexy he suddenly looks.
"Six okay?" He asks me and I'm lost in a trance, thinking about his letter again and our heated makeout session in his dorm.
"Yeah," my voice comes out in a whisper and I must look flustered again because he picks up on something.
"What were you doing before I got here?" Peter asks with curiosity written on his face.
"Trying to sleep," I lie.
"Hmm," Peter nods his head and then snuggles into me and my bed more. He furrows his brows slightly and pulls a piece of paper out from between him and the sheets.
Oh my god. I forgot to put his letter back.
"Are you scrapbooking in bed again, Covey?" Peter laughs and his eyes squint as he looks at his handwritten letter to me. His smiles turns into a smirk and he licks his lips and folds the letter the way he folded it when he first mailed it to me. "Were you rereading my letter?" He asks, but I know he doesn't need an answer.
The feeling in my core comes back as Peter wraps his arm around me and presses his warm body into mine, "Why are you being so quiet?" He grins and I still don't know what to say or how to tell him that if our clothes were to come off right now I would be okay with it.
"I like to read it," my face feels hot and I'm glad my room is dark besides the glimmer from my small desk lamp.
"Oh yeah?" He grins crookedly and shifts so he's laying on top of me, causing me to giggle and move my arms around his neck to play with his soft hair.
"Yes," I whisper softly and look up into his eyes, wondering what his next move will be.
Peter presses his lips tenderly to mine, making my heart jump as I kiss him back. His body is warm on top of me and he somehow he keeps most of his weight off. I move my hands through his hair as we kiss, wishing this moment could last forever, but I know he can't spend the night.
His fingertips pick up where my own left off as Peter traces patterns across my skin. Without missing a beat he has my shirt off and I'm eager to get his own off of him. Our lips meet again as the kissing turns more passionate.
The desire for each other only grows stronger. I wish we weren't in a house full of people.
"Peter.." I speak breathlessly as his lips heatedly move across my neck and down to my chest. He hums in response and his kisses earn a soft whimper from myself.
"Not tonight," my voice comes out in more of a moan as I feel his hips push into mine.
His kisses slow down as he lifts his head and flashes a grin at me, "I know. I just love being close to you."
"I want to be closer," I tell him in a whisper as he gazes into my eyes. It's dark in my room, but I can still see that loving look he gives me.
"So let's be closer," Peter says it with seriousness, and he makes it sound so easy. Maybe it is that easy. Maybe I've been overthinking it this whole time.
I give him a small look and shake my head, "Everyone is home. We can't."
He sighs and drops his head to my shoulder, nuzzling his nose into my hair the way he loves to do.
"I never want to pressure you, Lara Jean. Just say the words and I'm yours," Peter's voice is muffled.
I smile at how sweet he is and rub his back, hugging him closer. I want to tell him everything on my mind, but I'm afraid of scaring him off.
When I don't respond he lifts his head and looks at me again, "I love you. That's all that matters to me."
His words makes me smile and I nod my head, "I love you, too, Peter. Can you come over tomorrow night for dinner? I'll bake fresh cookies for dessert."
Peter's eyes light up and he grins at me, his lips curving into that perfect smile.
"I can't say no to you, Covey," he nods his head and presses his lips to mine in a few sweet kisses.
I didn't tell him that Kitty will be at a sleepover and Trina is going out with her girlfriends while my dad is working a night shift. I don't want to get his hopes up in case something gets in the way again.
But I can't imagine going another night not knowing what I've been missing. Tomorrow night will be the night I give Peter Kavinsky my virginity.
