Chapter.2

Hot British Youtubers Get It On

Night had long since fallen over Trafalgar Square in London, England, and two figures stood there, waiting, alone in the darkness. They lent their backs on the cold black stone of the massive lion statue, their breaths misting white in front of their faces. The taller of the figures bunched up his hands in the sleeves of his hoodie and turned to the other one and said: 'So, what the fuck are we doing here then?'

'Haven't the foggiest dear' said the other figure, 'Apparently we'll get more subs though'.

'I can't believe you dragged me out into Trafalgar Square at 2 in the morning in winter just because some weirdo sent you an email telling you he'd give you more subs if you did!'

'Calm down, Dan. We need as many subs as we can get. We need to knock Charlieissocoollike off his 'Most Subscribed in England' spot'

'I knew this was about subs, Phil- Oh! Look! Speak of the devil'

From across the Square, Dan and Phil saw two more hoodied figures approach. One had the unmistakably awkwardly-skinny-and-lanky-but-in-a-cute-british-kind-of-way walk of Alex Day. The other was clearly Charlieissocoollike because of the angelic heavenly aura of adorableness that surrounded him. ' Alex, I'm not sure this is the best idea..' said Charlie, 'You can't believe everyone who emails you telling you they can get you more subs...'

'Don't be a worry wart Charlie, it'll be fine. Hey look, there's two people over there!'

'Where?'

'On the Lion statue. I think they're- Danisnotonfire, TheAmazingPhil is that you?' called Alex.

'Hey! Alex, Chalrie! Fancy meeting you here!'

The four unspeakably hot british totties gathered around the lion statue and mused on this strange scenario. Alex said:

'This is weird isnt it? Four of the most lusted after youtube boys meet up by night in Trafalga Square. This is like the beginning of one of those creepy fanfictions written by a 13 year old were we all have sex!' The group all burst out laughing at that. Then there was an awkward silence. Another voice called out to them, a female voice.

'Heloooooooooooooo?'. Alex recognised the voice-

'Carrie!'. Alex and Carrie slow motion ran towards each other and embraced with a burst of sunshine and rainbows. At that moment a thousand Cherimon shippers cried.

'Did you get the email to, Carrie?' asked Charlie.

'Yeah! More subs! God knows I need 'em!' answered Carrie. 'Oh yeah and Zoella's here too!'

From under her coat, Carried produced a willowy 20-something with a cute face, bright makeup and no brain. 'Hello, everybody! It's Zoella!' she said. The crowd of youtubers said nothing. None of them knew who she was! When the silence had gone on for too long Charlie offered a weak: 'Oh! Of course Zoella. We remember now don't we guys? The .. erm.. Let's Player?'

'No! I'm a makeup guru! Can't you tell by my awesome makeups!?'. At that moment, the youtubers were saved from answering the awkward question by the appearance of yet another figure across the Square.

'Hello Youtubers' said the figure. His voice was husky and deep, as if he smoked 20 a day. His appearance was completely concealed by a long dark trench coat, one of those cool Sherlock Holmes hats and a pair of shiny dark glasses, even though it was night time.

'You! Your the one who gathered us here aren't you!' called Carrie.

'Yes, It was I who sent you the email, Dan, Phil, Alex, Charlie, Carrie, and the other one.'

The mysterious dude approached the lion statue which the youtubers were congregated around.

'This is why I am here...' The figure opened his trench coat and held it out to one side, revealing a dozen boxes of Krave cereal.

'Umm, why do you have a shitton of Krave in your coat?' asked Danisnotonfire.

'You have all whored yourself out eating Krave on camera like the foodporn sluts you are. And now it lives inside of you. Slowly taking you over. Soon you will be more Krave than man...'

TheAmazingPhil looked completely blank at this- oh no wait he always looks like that.

'Each of you has a part of me inside you.. For I am..' The stranger removed his hat and glasses to reveal his true face. But where a face ought to have been there was only a box of Krave. Carrie fell to her knees and sobbed: 'SCIENCE HAS GONE TO FAR'. Then the Stranger removed his entire coat, and then his pants and shoes. Every part of his body was made of another Box of Krave. When he removed his gloves they saw his fingers were made of chains of individual pieces of Krave. The youtubers were paralyzed with fear at the sight of the Krave monster standing before them. In a flash, they were all screaming and scattering across the square.

Zoella was the first to die that night. The Krave monster lunged at her with a whip made out of Krave. The chocolatey cereal cracked across her beautiful makeup guru face, and wrapped around her neck so tight her head popped off. As her head rolled about Trafalgar Square it whispered: 'Perhaps in death I can finally be beauti-' but her dramatic last words were interupted because a pigeon shat into her mouth.

The Krave Monster glided after Dan and Phil. Phil had fainted with fear so Dan was carrying him like a baby. Phil had also become incontinent like a baby and had soiled himself badly. As Dan ran, a slow but steady stream of diarrhea leaked from Phil's butthole. Usually Dan turned a blind eye when Phil shat himself, but tonight he knew it could mean both of their deaths. Dan went into super turbo mode and broke the sound barrier as he tore down an alleyway to hide from the Krave Monster. Unfortunately the Monster just followed the trail of shit and cornered them in an alleyway. Dan and Phil cowered as the Monster approached. 'No please! Take him! Spare me!' cried Dan as he offered Phil's body to the monster! 'Please Im too beautiful to die!'. But the Krave monster took no notice and shot a stream of cereal directly down Dan's throat, choking him to death. Just then Phil came around, and tried to remember where he was. He looked up into Dan's dead face, which had gone purple from lack of air, and then he looked at the Krave Monster and remembered everything.

Phil's womanly scream echoed across London. When Alex, Charlie and Carrie heard it they knew they were next. They had ran in the opposite direction to Phil and Dan so there would be a good distance between them and the monster. The three were red faced and gasping for breath as they jogged down a highstreet. Prematurely put-up christmas decorations flash and twinkled all around them and the world became a sickly sea of blinding brightness, heavy breaths and a whole lot of running. When they could run no longer Alex grabbed their arms and swung them into an alleyway on the side of a shop. They collapsed against the wall and fell in a heap on the grimy floor, panting.

'We - cant - keep -going - for much longer' gasped Charlie.

'What are - we gonna - do?' gasped Alex.

'I wish I knew' said Carrie.

A rustling sound issued from the darkness of the alley. Their faces turned white and their eyes grew wide. How could the monster have caught up with up already!? A thin stream of moonlight fell into the alley, silvering the edges of a dumpster (or whatever they're called in britain). A small dark figure stepped into the light and at once they could see that this wasn't the monster. It was Nanosounds of the Yogscast! Charlie, being the cute gamer boy of the group, was subscribed to the Yogscast and recognised the tiny games-journalist at once, though she was not as she had ever been seen before. Usually Kim Richards was neatly kempt, with dark hair in a small bob on her small cheeky face on her small, oddly proportioned body; but now she looked as if she had been dragged through a bush backwards!

'I know you! Your Kim Richards aka Nanosounds of Yogscast!' said Charlie through his large hipster glasses.

'Charlieissocoollike! I have grave news. We youtubers are in danger-'

'Yeah we know!' cut in Nerimon, 'We're being chased by a load of possesed Krave!'

'Oh dear, the situation is worse than I had thought...' Kim went quiet. 'Quickly! We are not safe. To the Cave!'

'The... cave?' said Charlie, Alex and Carrie in unison.

'Yes, the cave! I'll show you the way. Kim led them deep into the alley way until she stopped at, what appeared to be, a completely plain and unremarkable patch of wall.

'Here is the entrance, but I need to say the magic words to open it.' Kim cleared her throat and sang: 'I came in like a wreeeecking baaaaaall'. Suddenly, out of nowhere a large wrecking ball appeared from thin air and swung into the wall, knocking right through. A plucked turkey with red lipstick sat on the ball and held out a flipper as if to say 'Come right in'.

Kim grabbed Charlie and Alex and Carrie and pulled them inside muttering 'Thanks Miley' to the turkey.

The inside of the cave was bare except for a bunch of canned food stacked neatly.

'Nice cave... Where exactly are we?' asked Nerimon.

'The back of Asda. Anyway, the point is it's COMPLETELY SECURE.' said Kim.

'Well, except for that massive hole in the wall...' pointed out Carrie. The Turkey appeared to be having a seizure on the wrecking ball.

'Anyway, I'll tell you the story of why I'm homeless and living in the back of Asda-' Kim was interrupted by the entrance of a beefy bodybuilder wearing nothing but a tight orange pair of speedos and a mouth gag. This was strange enough, but the weirdest thing was that he walked on all fours like a dog. Also he had a dogtail dildo protruding from his asshole which wagged when he saw Kim.

'Um Kim, why is Strippin aka Sam Thorne dressed like a corgi-themed fetish sexdoll? And why is he walking on all fours?' asked Charlie.

'Oh don't mind him, he's my dog. Isnt that right Mandrew?' crooned Kim. Strippin clenched his sphincter muscles rhythmically to make his dogtail dildo wag. He curled up at Kim's feet and went to sleep.

'Anyway, my story goes as follows: I was living at yogtowers as you do, when people started acting strange. Like more than usual. I was just going through Lewis' personal belongings one day, when I found a bunch of tentacles in his draw! Exceedingly odd. And that night I was just going to sleep when I felt something weird under the sheets. I looked and found this gooey tentacle sliding into my butthole! It would have got right up in me too but, little known fact, all filipino girls have teeth in their buttholes, so I bit the tentacle right off. I went to tell the other yogs but they all had tentacles up their asses too! Then they...' Kim broke off, holding back the tears. 'Then they merged into one person!' Kim burst into tears.

'They... merged?' said Carrie incredulous. Charlie, Alex and Carrie were sat on piles of cans. Carrie put her arm around the tiny homeless filipino gaming journalist and patted her comfortingly.

'So I go out of there' continued Kim 'Me and Mandrew escaped. I was homeless.. I had to eat dick just for something to eat! That part was pretty cool though...'

'Don't worry we've all been there' said Carrie. Alex and Charlie gave her a look. 'Oh. just me? Okay.'

Alex sprung to his feet, 'So to get this straight, the yogscast have been all but annihilated by butt hungry tentacles and the rest of the youtubers in britain are being hunted to extinction by a krave monster?'.

'I always knew this day would come' said Charlie. Suddenly, a new voice piped up.

'Hello?' it said. It was sickly sweet. As the british sexbombs looked for the course of the voice their eyes landed on the slender figure of a girl. Krave was embedded into her prettily made up face, her neck was long and slender and sat slightly too jauntily on her body. This along with her bulging blue eyes made her look like a startled bird. A sexy startled bird.

'It's me, Zoella, one of the most popular female british youtubers.' As she stepped through the hole in the wall, the other tubers noticed a long purple tentacle was wrapped around her skinny bird legs. Then her head fell off and rolled towards towards them like a fuckable katamari. Her body lurched after it, bending to try and pick it back up but accidentally kicking it under carrie's chair. Carrie recoiled as Zoella's headless corpse accidentally groped her as it searched for it's head. Alex wasted no time in snapping some pictures.

'Alex tell me you are not taking pictures right now' said Charlie, rolling his eyes. 'Don't you think you're controversial enough? Don't you have any morals? Don't you have any-'

'I'll share them with you' interjected Alex. 'Oh okay then' said charlie happily.

'ISNT SOMEONE GOING TO FUCKIGN HELP ME' said carry calmly, as zoella body was ramming its gaping neck hole into carries crotch as it reached for it's head under carries chair.

Strippin awoke and began barking at the intruding makeup guru zombie.

'ERRYBODI STAND BACK' yelled alex. He punted zoellas head out of asda and dragged her body out too. He then posted the exploitative yet sexy pic of carry being groped by zombie zoella to tumblr. His finger quivered over the post button. He knew posting this kind of material on tumblr would mean the end of his career for sure. His reputation was already in tatters, but this was the only way to save carry and charlie. the two loves of his life. He pressed send and the image was uploaded instantly. Just as planned, the image was like catnip to the obese pandemigraysexuals who haunted tumblr like flies on a turd. The social justice warriors lost their fuckign shit and began a tirade of passive aggressive comments. Within three miliseconds there were already twenty thousand tumblr texts posts explaining why alex day is problematic. The phone began to shake and grew hot in his hands. He stuffed the phone down zoella's neck hole. It glowed white hot making her blood steam. The body began totally wiggin out dude and tried to make a break for it but alex hugged her tightly. He pressed her body into his and he was hardly even tempted to cop a feel of dat ass. He would surely die but at least his true love would survive. The huffington post had caught a hold of the sexist image alex had posted and had shit out a bunch of articles discussing how alex is offensive to women and men and also dogs. Beams of light shot through zoella's designer cardigan. Alex, Carrie, Kim and Strippin watched in fear from the hole in asda.

Deep in her breast the phone exploded with the force of like three nukes or something. obliterating half of london. dont worry it was the shit side with all the immigrants. Jesus cast a spell of protection around charlie mcdonell so he and his freidns were a-ok.

Charlie rushed over to the small mound of charred flesh, all that remained of his best frend. He threw his head back wards and howled at the moon 'WHO WILL THEY SHIP ME WITH NOW!?'. A pile of ash sneezed to charlie's right. He looked round to see the intact face of nerimon on the ground.

'hello charliebear' the face said sheepishly. Alex day rose like a phoenix from the ash. He was naked, the moonlight fell on his milk white skinny body and on the patch of hair on his chest shaped like canada.

'Alex.. your alive... but how' charlie was incredulous.

'I learned something tonight charlie. Just as how ghosts cannot hurt you if you dont belive in them. Internet comments cannot hurt you if you dont give a heck. And I do not give a heck anymore.'

And with that they embraced. 'I love you Alex no homo.' said chalie as he wrapped his arms around his butt ass naked friend. 'I love you too no homo' replied alex.

In the shadows, Carrie sat taking dozens of sneaky snaps of the boys, her pussy gushing. 'This'll boost my following for sure' she muttered to herself. Pics of cherimon always do well, she knew, and now alex was naked and charlie was crying... she could taste the followers. She uploaded them to tumblr and ained seventeen jillion followers in five milliseconds. She knew she woulnt get any shit for it, after all girls get a free pass to do shit that boys would get into trouble for as a kind of apology for the years of partiarchy. no seriosly there is a tumblr post expalinign this. Suddenly carrie realised that the social justice side fo tumblr is a piece of shit, and decided never to be involved with it again. She deleted her tumblr and suddenly jesus appeared to thank her in person. Carrie Charlie, naked Alex and Jesus all joined arms and skipped merrily into the sunset to live happily ever after.