A/N: I don't own Twilight. Der.
Edward POV
As I lay there, unable to move, it occurred to me that I didn't care. Let Charlie yell at me. It didn't matter. I wouldn't be around much more anyway – not with Bella…gone.
Charlie was exactly 6 steps from the door just as I heard a heart beat. A weak struggling heartbeat. My body reacted immediately and sat up straight as a board. It occurred to me, as a ragged breath was drawn in the room, that it was Bella breathing. If my heart could have stopped, I knew that it would have. She was alive. Barely, and struggling to just breathe, but she was alive.
Before thinking through my actions rationally I picked her up and jumped lithely out the window. My feet were moving before I told them to, blazing through the night towards our house in the forest—I had to keep her alive. I couldn't lose her. Again.
Bella's heart beat was steady now, but still weak. The venom must have moved quicker than I imagined; so why wasn't she screaming in agony? The thought wrenched my heart open, but I would not allow myself to feel anything. I had to be numb. I would not allow my self to break while there was still hope. But I would not allow myself to hope either.
I reached the door to my house and smelled only Carlisle. Alice had a vision of this scene and evacuated everyone immediately.
Carlisle already had a space ready on the second floor. I raced up and laid Bella out on his makeshift hospital room.
"Now tell me exactly what happened." Carlisle began working on the cut, putting anesthetics on it, his mind racing through wild, horrible thoughts of fights and attacks.
"It's not what you think. She's done this herself. I ran to her window, but before I opened it I checked to see what she was doing, making sure she was awake." I paused swallowing unnecessarily. "I watched her swallow twenty pills before she cut her arm. She was close to passing out before she cut." I sat down, feeling uncomfortable watching Bella's body struggle as my throat ached with a deep thirst, urging the monster inside of me to reach out and drain her dry.
I forced the thought away, sickened by my selfish monstrous desires.
Carlisle had patched up the wound and he was watching her now, like I had been.
"I don't know what will happen now Edward. You're venom has spread through her blood; the only thing we can do is wait."
I sat beside Bella's body and touched her skin. The venom had spread, and the most I could hope for now was a successful change.
3 days later.
Bella was going to make it! Carlisle had said it, but I also had proof. Any moment now her heart would stop all together, it was beating its final beats.
Her body was no longer a sickening skinny. Bella's scars were gone, replaced with perfect stone white skin. She had lived through the fire – not quietly though. I shuddered, remembering her screaming thrashing body. It was horrifying watching to watch her, and even I had seen some terrifying sights in my existence. The death wishes were especially difficult, considering she had almost succeeded. But why would she have gone to such extremes? What heartless human could have crushed her soul so?
Carlisle had taken care of Charlie. He convinced him that Bella had come to our house deathly sick. The yelling he had heard must've been a dream. He'd believed the lie all too easily, though rather hard to get him to understand why we were back, and when we had returned. He wasn't happy about it, but he didn't object.
Waiting for Bella to finally wake did not help my patients. I had paced back and forth for the last eleven hours. This was complete torture. I needed to hear Bella. I wanted to see her smile again. I was ready to unleash her on whatever heartless human hurt her. Or, the idea I liked more, was for me to kill them myself. Whatever she wanted though, it was up to her.
My family had returned and stayed downstairs, afraid to be in my way. Everyone's thoughts were normal, except for Alice, who kept blocking me. Although it was annoying, I didn't push it. I honestly could care less. I realized then, that there had not been a heartbeat for a few minutes.
"Bella? Can you hear me?" I looked at her still form, she hadn't opened her eyes yet. She was probably trying to figure out what was happening. I would wait. The only problem was, I didn't know if I could.
Without opening her eyes she spoke slowly. "Edward? Are you here too?" Her voice was afraid, upset almost. Then her eyes shot open and immediately found mine.
Next was a reaction I hadn't expected.
Bella lay back down and smashed her head into the table repeatedly until it broke, the pieces crunching and shattering underneath her new strength. She sat up and wrapped her arms around her legs, pressing them into her chest. Bella's head rested in the space between her knees, tearlessly sobbing and shaking. The sobs were loud and piercing as I stared at Bella with horror filled eyes, mouth ajar.
"No! I can't escape you!" Wailing, Bella threw her hands up in the air.
Jumping up, Bella was directly in front of me. She was so close all I had to do was twitch and we'd be touching.
"You have to ruin everything! You ruined my life, and now you've ruined my death! All I wanted was to escape this," spreading her hands out in front of her she glared around the room, "to escape you." Bella spit out the last word, her pain-filled eyes turning on me, making me feel insignificant and unworthy to the power of this goddess she had turned into over three days.
After a moment, my lack of reaction annoyed her. She growled and turned around, punching me once in the chest. It wasn't as painful as it was forceful; I fell backwards and hit the floor, creating a massive thud. Having the advantage she glared down at me before leaning down so her face was inches from mine.
"Do you have any idea what you did to me? The pain you caused me?! You see these scars –" she stopped abruptly, realizing she had no more scars.
"They're gone!? Are you kidding me?! They were part of me! They were me!" Growling she turned and broke the chair I had been sitting in for two days. Growls erupted from her chest, shaking her whole body, looking more like a werewolf then a vampire for a moment.
I wondered, momentarily, why my family hadn't come upstairs yet. Alice had probably seen she wasn't going to hurt me, just yell. The thought of my family made me grind my teeth together—they were listening to this, all of it.
Bella took a deep breath and walked back over to tower above me.
"The scars had meaning Edward." The yelling had stopped, but it was much worse, this was. Her voice was dark – menacing, and quiet. I'd rather she go back to yelling at me. "Each one had a reason. You don't even care!" Bella threw her hands in the air and went to the corner opposite me in the room, sitting on the floor, knees tucked to chest again.
"I'm sorry for yelling." Her voice was just above a whisper now, I could still hear her perfectly though. "It's not your fault. It's all mine. It's always been mine. I should've known death would only increase my pain." Bella shook her head and starting dry sobbing, quietly.
Finally I stood up. I couldn't think. This outburst had not been expected. I thought she was furious because of all the pain I'd caused her, but she had been furious because I ruined her death?!
Bella thought the reason I left was her fault. She was the one to blame for the pain. Bella thought I didn't care. She was sorry for yelling.
She was insane!
"Bella, this is my entire fault." I spoke slowly, and moved to her slowly, about human pace. "It is not your fault. I'm the one who should be sorry. I didn't realize I was the reason you cut…"
Immediately, Bella stood up again, and as if her action of standing was a jolt to my brain, realization hit. Bella was in pain because of me. Not some pitiful human; me.
Her steps were quick, faster than I thought normal of a vampire, and precise. She was in front of me in less than half a second. I resisted the urge to step back, and controlled my facial expression so that it was smooth and calm. I was afraid of her reactions.
"Edward, you were every reason. It doesn't matter though, you don't love me. You never loved me. Stop putting on this show." Bella's eyes were wet with the tears that wouldn't ever spill. "Is it not good enough that I'll be stuck with these thoughts for all eternity? Do you have to make it worse by pretending to care?"
She shoved past me and, before I could stop her, jumped, gracefully, out the window.
I stared at the now empty room, frozen. Before saying anything to my family, I jumped out the window and raced after Bella, a newborn vampire.
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