Chapter One
"Hey Smallville! You up here?" He heard her shout as she walked up the stairs to his loft. He sighed; he wasn't particularly in the mood for her making fun of him right now.
"There you are, you could at least answer me. If you hadn't been here, I would've wasted my time and energy walking up those stairs." She stood in front of him with her arms folded and a smirk on her face.
"What do you want Lois?" He said, straight to the point. He noticed her frown and knew what she was thinking. He wasn't usually so abrupt with her. Well he was, but he was never rude about it.
"Sorry, I didn't mean to interrupt you." She said, sarcastically but he could see in her eyes that she hadn't expected a reaction like that from him. "You're mom sent me to tell you dinner's ready." Clark frowned as she turned her back to him to leave; she wasn't usually this quiet. Normally she would've given him an earful for what he had just said.
"Wait. Lois I'm sorry I didn't mean to be rude. Thank you, tell her I'll be there in a minute." He threw her a small smile and turned his attention back to what he had been doing before she came up. But she was still there, almost hovering. He looked back around at her and saw a weird expression on her face. He didn't know what it was but he had never seen it before. If he didn't know any better he could've sworn she'd been checking him out.
But he did know better, this was Lois. The bane of his existence. Okay that wasn't true but she was the only one who could wind him up to such a degree. The very idea of her checking him out was laughable to him.
"Are you okay Lois?" He asked after a moment when she didn't say anything.
"Never better Smallville. What's gotten your briefs in a bunch today?" She asked with a knowing smile and a glint in her eyes. He glared at her, his eyes involuntarily glancing to the desk in front of him but she had seen it. She took a step closer to peer over his shoulder and was saddened by what she saw.
She had only lingered to give him a hard time for being so blunt with her. But the truth was that she inexplicably found herself wanting to be around him. She tried to reason with herself that it was because they had become good friends lately and that he was comfortable to be around but she was kidding herself. It was that stupid dream. No matter how hard she tried, she couldn't get it out of her head. It still seemed so real.
She had managed to avoid him all day but had been cornered by Martha to fetch him in from the barn for dinner. The short walk from the house to the barn had felt like a marathon and her heart was thumping rapidly in her chest as she reached the loft.
"Do you want to talk about it?" She asked, placing a comforting hand on his shoulder. He jumped a little at the contact and she withdrew her hand. He didn't say anything or look at her so she once again turned to leave, thinking that maybe if she left him alone for a while he would be fine. But his voice stopped her at the top step. It was so quiet she wasn't even sure if she had heard him correctly.
"What is it Clark?" She asked softly as she returned to his side. He looked up at her with a sadness in his eyes.
"It's all my fault." He repeated. He seemed to be talking more to himself then he was to her.
"What is?" She frowned, not understanding this at all.
"I found my mom going through some photos this morning. Of my dad." He paused there and got up to walk over to the window.
"She didn't know I was there. She was crying; she misses him so much." He folded his arms and leaned against the frame.
Lois walked over to him and stood with her arms crossed in front of her. She knew how it felt to lose a parent and her heart went out to Clark and Martha, who had become a second mother to her since her time in Smallville.
"Clark it's natural for your mom to miss your dad. She's still grieving and it's only been a year since he died. You both still need time to come to terms with everything." She said softly. She had never been great at giving out comfort or support. She tended to let her mouth open before her brain had any time to think.
They both stood for a few minutes looking out at the sunset. Lois had always hated uncomfortable silences but this wasn't uncomfortable. It felt…right. She felt like she needed to be there to help him.
"Um Clark? I know that you miss your father; I do too. I loved him like a father."
"I know you did Lois. He loved you too." Clark said, smiling at her. But it faded and the haunted expression was soon back in his eyes.
"Clark what's this all about? I know you miss him but there's something else isn't there?" She glanced back at his desk and he realised what she was talking about.
"Is any of this about Lana?" She asked slowly, not wanting to upset him any further or cause him to pull back from her.
"I don't know. Not really I guess. I just don't understand how she could've done it. She's not the same person to me anymore." He went and sat down on the sofa and put his head in his hands. Lois knew that he had been having a hard time since Lana married Lex. When he found out that she had lost her baby he was sad for her and for some strange reason, angry at Lex. Normally Lois would've told him to stop moping and get out there and have some fun. But with everything that has happened in the last year, she actually felt bad for Clark.
"Clark, Lana made her decision. No one forced her to do anything she didn't already want to do." Lois didn't hate Lana but she definitely didn't like the way she had treated Clark.
"It's all my fault."
"You keep saying that, why would you think that any of this is your fault?" She sat down next to him and what she did next surprised both her and Clark. She took his hand in both of hers and squeezed it lightly. Clark looked at her with raised eyebrows but he didn't pull his hand away.
"There are things you don't know about me Lois."
"Well duh." She snorted. "Sorry." She said when she caught his glare.
"The events surrounding my father's death weren't as ordinary as they seemed."
"What do you mean? He died of a heart attack didn't he?" Clark nodded.
"Well then how can that possibly be anybody's fault?" She asked again and still he didn't give her an answer. She couldn't stand this, knowing Clark was blaming himself for things beyond his control. She didn't know what to do to make him feel better and that's all she wanted to do right then but had no idea how. She had never been raised to deal with these kinds of situations. She had always been taught to be strong and independent. Tears were for the weak in her father's eyes.
"Why don't we go inside and eat? We can talk about this later." She offered.
When he didn't move she placed her hand on his cheek and turned his face to look at her. His eyes had a glaze of tears in them and he looked so lost. It made her heart ache.
Without thinking Lois leaned in and kissed him gently on the cheek. She didn't know why she had done it; it just felt…natural. He looked as stunned as she felt. She had no idea why she was acting this way. She had never been like this with a guy. Lucy and Chloe were family and she prided herself on being there for them but this was Smallville.
This wasn't what they did; they bantered, argued, and occasionally helped each other out of tough spots but… confiding and consoling? They had never shared that before. Well maybe once or twice when Lois had told him she blamed herself for the way her sister had turned out and then when she was feeling down about breaking up with Oliver. She still couldn't quite figure out how he had managed to get her to open up.
But those times were always Clark being there for her. Never the other way around and she suddenly realised that she was a terrible friend. He had been there for her but for the past year, while his life was falling apart, Lois hadn't been there for him. If anything she had just been the usual thorn in his side whom he simply tolerated. Now she felt awful. His father had died suddenly and his ex girlfriend had married his ex best friend.
Maybe the dream was responsible for her sudden feelings towards him, maybe not. But whatever it was, she was glad that she had seen it. Because now she could be the friend he needed and deserved.
"It's going to be okay Clark. I promise. And I'll always try to be here to help you. I know that I like to bust your chops and give you a hard time but the truth is that I don't know how to be a good friend. Not like you are to me. I didn't have many friends when I was younger, if any. So I'm sorry if I suck at this." She said with a soft smile.
He looked at her for a moment as if trying to judge whether or not she was serious. Then he smiled and pulled her into a hug. She could barely get her breath as he held her so tightly but she didn't care. She just ran her fingers through his hair and whispered comforting words into his ear as he started to cry.
Eventually he pulled away and wiped at his eyes.
"Sorry." He said quietly as he took her hand again. "I know you think I'm just brooding and crying makes you uncomfortable."
"Hey, you never have to apologise for opening up to me Clark. It's what I'm here for remember?" She smiled again and when he returned it with less hesitation this time, she felt relieved. Maybe she wasn't as bad at this friend stuff as she thought.
"You are a good friend Lois. Don't forget that." He said with such sincerity and suddenly she didn't know what to say.
"Come on Clark, let's go eat. You're mom'll be wondering what we're up to." She got off the sofa and walked to the stairs.
"I'll be there in a minute Lois." He said, returning to his desk he started placing all his photos back in his drawer.
"Okay." She started walking down.
"Lois?" He called out.
"Yeah?"
"Thank you."
She looked into his blue eyes; she had never really taken the time to notice them before. She had seen everything else that Clark had to offer but had never taken the time to appreciate just how beautiful his eyes really were.
"No problem Smallville. Now hurry up before dinner gets cold." She walked off down the stairs leaving Clark standing there with a smile on his face.
Clark didn't know what had come over Lois but as he stood watching her walk out of the barn and across the yard to the house, he was glad that she had been there to talk to. For some reason Lois was the only one who talk him out of his 'brooding' as she called it.
He always opened up when she was around and after tonight he knew that she cared more for him let she let on. He felt a little better even though he hadn't really told her that much about what was bothering him. Though it was still on his mind, he felt happier.
But he was puzzled as to why Lois had kissed his cheek and held his hand the way she had. Lois was never one for physical contact with him, unless it was punching him playfully. He shrugged the thoughts of why away and walked back to the house.
He felt bad for Lois; he knew she'd had a hard childhood after her mother had died. When she mentioned earlier that she hadn't really had any friends when she was younger, he felt a little sad for the child she had been. Imagining her growing up on different army bases, being dragged around the world not really getting a chance to really know anyone.
He also knew that since her break-up with Oliver, she had shied away from the advances of men and kept pretty much to herself. He just hoped that she realised how special she was and that she didn't deserve to be alone.
He smiled to himself; Lois would kick his butt if she knew he was thinking things like that about her. She was very independent and tried to rely only on herself. But something had shifted between them tonight, he felt it. Yeah, he and Lois were definitely in best friend territory now and he liked it.
Martha sat at the table watching Lois. She had been strangely quiet since she had come back in from the barn. She found it particularly odd that she and Clark hadn't really spoken since he had come in.
They exchanged the polite pleasantries that friends do but the usual banter was nowhere to be seen and Martha wondered why.
Clark was quiet too, though she knew that he always had something on his mind these days. He was missing his father and Martha could understand him being withdrawn considering what had gone on with Lana and Lex.
But more then that she knew that he was still blaming himself for his father's death. She wished that he wouldn't, she didn't, but he wouldn't listen to her. He was a lot like his father in that way, stubborn to a fault. She saw a lot of Jonathan in him and that made her happy.
"So Lois how's it going at the Inquisitor?" Martha asked, jolting Lois out of her thoughts.
"Oh you know can't complain." She smiled. "It certainly pays the bills."
"You don't sound like you're enjoying it there." Martha observed.
"It's not that, it's just…"
"Just what honey?"
"I don't know; I just don't really feel like I belong there. I love being a journalist but is this what my life is going to be like? Researching stories on mythical figures and writing alien stories for a trashy tabloid for the rest of my life?" She sighed and returned her attention to her nearly empty plate.
"Lois dear, I have faith in you and I know that you will make it. Trust me the world will know who Lois Lane is. You just have to give it some time and patience. Think of this as a stepping stone, not something holding you back."
"Thanks Mrs Kent. You always know what to say. How do you do that?" Lois smiled at her.
"She's a mother. It's what mothers do." Clark said with love as he squeezed his mom's hand across the table.
"Well I think I'm about done. Would it be okay if I went for a little walk?" Lois asked.
"Of course Lois. Though are you sure you don't want some dessert?" Martha asked watching Lois' face carefully. It was guarded almost like Lois didn't want her to see what she was thinking.
But Martha wasn't stupid; she knew something was going on with her. But she was also smart enough to know that asking her right then wouldn't be the best idea. Lois wouldn't show her vulnerable side in front of Clark. She barely ever showed it in front of her. The Lois Martha had come to know in the last two years was a very strong woman but every once in a while, the visage of the little girl underneath peeked through.
"I'm sure, thank you. I'll see you in a little bit." She said and after placing her plate in the sink, walked out the door. Martha looked at Clark who was frowning and still looking at the door Lois had just walked out of.
"Is she okay Clark?"
"As far as I know mom. You know Lois," He said, getting up and taking his empty plate over to the sink. Martha followed.
"I do but I feel as if something's off with her today."
"What do you mean?" He asked, leaning against the kitchen counter and folding his arms across his chest.
"Well she's been more than a little distant all day. She hardly spoke to me and she was up in her room for most of the afternoon working on a story she said."
"Maybe she was just working." Clark offered.
"Maybe but the Lois I know wouldn't hole herself up her room like that. She normally works down here at the table. She says the energy in here helps her think. No, something isn't right with her." She caught the look on Clark's face.
"What happened when I sent her out to you for dinner earlier? She was gone a long time."
"We just talked. I have to admit, she wasn't herself though." He frowned, replaying the conversation back in his head. He had felt that something was off with her but she had focussed on him and his problem and he had forgotten to ask again.
"In what way?" Martha asked as she turned on the kettle to make some tea.
"Well she was just very quiet. We all know that's not Lois. She knew something was bothering me though so she just talked to me about it."
"Your father?" Martha asked, already knowing the answer. Clark simply nodded.
"She actually surprised me. She held my hand and told me everything was going to be okay."
"I know you and Lois like to keep each other at a distance but I think you two are a lot closer then you realise." Martha smiled and Clark laughed.
"I've come to realise that having Lois in my life is not the inconvenience I once thought it was. We've actually become really good friends over the last year or so. I don't know what's going on with her but I think it may have something to do with everything that's happened to her lately. Her break-up with Oliver hit her harder then she thought it would."
"Poor Lois, I know she loved him. Why exactly didn't that work out?"
"I don't know but I think Oliver's life as the Green Arrow might've gotten in their way." Clark turned to look out the window. He didn't know why, but what his mom had just said about Lois loving Oliver struck something inside of him. Something he couldn't quite place so he put it down to that fact that Lois was his friend and she was in pain. He hated to see anyone in pain, especially friends.
"I didn't think Lois knew about him being the Green Arrow?"
"She doesn't but Oliver kept disappearing on her when they were on dates and then when he asked her to go away with him, he later cancelled the trip. That's when she broke up with him, she felt like she wasn't important enough for him to cancel any business he had. I don't think she's ever felt that she was important to anyone."
"Oh that poor girl. She must be feeling very alone right now. She's lived most of her life alone and no one should have to go through that. I just hope that she finds someone who can show her that she truly is a remarkable woman and she doesn't have to be alone anymore."
Clark watched his mother as she poured out her tea. She thought of Lois as a daughter, he knew that and he had to admit that he was a little concerned himself.
"I hope so too but the problem is Lois doesn't like getting too close to people. She likes to make sure that anyone she meets, knows how tough she is. It does tend to put people off at first because she can come across quite abrasive. I remember when I first met her I wouldn't exactly call her a friend. She was so annoying and frankly, just plain rude. But she's changed a lot over the last two years that I've known her."
"Everybody needs to feel loved Clark and I think whoever she does end up with will be very lucky. That girl is one of a kind. She's loyal, honest, yes brutally sometimes, but fiercely protective of the people she loves." Clark found himself agreeing with his mother.
"I think I'm going to go for a walk too mom." He noticed her smile. "What?"
"Nothing son, just go talk to her. See if she's really okay?" He smiled and nodded and after kissing his mom on the cheek, ran out the door.
Martha watched him leave, the smile still on her face. She hoped that whatever was bothering Lois, she would tell Clark about it. It was eerie seeing them so quiet around each other. She almost missed the constant bickering.
She chuckled slightly remembering how Lois could always bring Clark out of his shell. He always seemed more alive around Lois. It was like she gave him some kind of energy even if it was from bickering. And she also did something Martha hadn't thought was possible, certainly not yet anyway. She always found a way of getting Clark to forget about Lana for a while.
Martha knew of the events surrounding Valentine's Day. Clark had filled her in on what had happened and that Lois didn't remember anything. When she asked what he remembered he told her it was a little hazy but she could tell that he was embarrassed.
She knew most of what had happened and she also knew that when he was on Red Kryptonite, he did what he really wanted to do without his inhibitions and conscience telling him it was wrong. Something had obviously drawn him to Lois that night. Whether he knew it or not, Martha could see that Lois was an important part of his life. She just hoped that he would realise it sooner rather than later.
Clark caught up to Lois and Shelby, who had followed her against her wishes, at the corner of the back field behind the barn.
"Lois?" He asked as he got closer. She was standing leaning against the fence watching the night sky. "What are you doing all the way out here it's freezing and it's dark." She turned her head to look at him as he moved to stand next to her.
"They're beautiful aren't they?" She asked looking back up at the sky and ignoring his question.
"The stars?" Clark asked and she nodded. "Yeah I guess they are." He replied. This was definitely a new side of Lois he had never seen before.
She seemed…softer, was the only word he could think of to describe her at that moment. He watched her face as she continued staring up. Her eyes were twinkling in the moonlight. Her hair blowing in the gentle breeze.
"Lois is everything okay?"
"Sure it is Smallville. Why wouldn't it be?" She plastered on a smile and faced him.
"It's just that you seem a little distant today. Mom said she noticed it too."
"I'm good. Really I'm fine. Nothing is bothering me. Well except this mutt. He will not leave me alone Clark. We can't deny that he is your dog can we? Not when he likes to bug me so much." She chuckled. Normally that statement would've gotten Clark's back up but he knew she didn't mean it and he found himself chuckling along with her as she reached down to pet Shelby.
"Well that's just cause you're easy to annoy." He shot back.
"I guess I'm just going to have to come up with better tactics." She laughed. But her expression turned serious again as she looked at Clark smiling. She seemed lost in thought.
"Are you sure you're okay Lois?" He stepped a little closer, fully expecting her to take a step back but she didn't. She hadn't even noticed.
"Couldn't be better. Hey we never finished our conversation earlier."
"About?"
"About why you keep insisting that your father's death was your fault." Straight to the point. No messing around, he should've known Lois wouldn't let that go for long.
"It's just that there are a lot of things going on that people don't understand and it gets to me sometimes."
"It can get to a lot of people Smallville but I still don't get how Mr Kent's death had anything to do with you." She pushed. He knew he was going to have to tell her something. But what?
"Lois have you ever felt that even though some things happen for a reason, maybe they could've worked out differently if you had just made a different decision?" She seemed to ponder on this for a few minutes before answering.
"I don't know Clark. On one hand I believe that things always happen for a reason even though sometimes we don't like the journey life takes us on. But on the other hand I want to believe that a person makes their own destiny and the decisions we make ultimately affect our future. This is kinda deep for you isn't it Clark?" She asked softly and he knew that she wasn't teasing him.
"I know it's just that I've been doing a lot of thinking lately."
"About what?"
"About my past, my future and what it holds. I keep thinking if I hadn't made the mistakes I made with Lana, she would never have run into Lex's arms and ultimately out of my life. I know she made the decision to marry him but I pushed her there Lois. I never trusted her." He hung his head and frowned. Once again she had deflected the conversation onto him.
"Trusted her with what exactly? Did you suspect her of cheating on you or something? Cause I gotta say I find that one hard to swallow." She said turning her whole body so that she was now completely facing him.
"No nothing like that. It's just that I spent so much time wanting to be with Lana that when we finally did get together all we did was hurt each other. We never could seem to get it right between us and I knew that she didn't trust me. We all have our secrets but the more she pushed me into telling her, the more I didn't feel like I could trust her. Especially when she started hanging out with Lex."
"Have you ever considered the possibility that she isn't the one you're meant to end up with?" Lois asked and held up her hand to stop him as he began to talk. "I know you loved…love her Clark. But maybe she was just meant to be what she has been to you. Your first love. No one ever forgets their first love Clark but you learn to move on and may eventually find something you never thought was possible."
"What's that?"
"You're soul mate." Clark nearly laughed at that and would have if not for the serious look on her face.
"You believe in soul mates Lois?" He wasn't quite sure if she was messing with him or not.
"I want to. I really do. I know that Lois Lane would never say that and if you ever tell anyone that I did, I may have to kill you." She glared at him and he raised his hands.
"I won't tell a soul." He said crossing his heart and grinning.
"I don't know I guess I just want to believe that there is a possibility that somewhere out there, someone could learn to accept me for who I am. Fall madly in love with me and overlook my personality." She flashed her eyes in his direction with the last part. Throwing his own words back at him. He had said that when he had met Oliver for the first time, while she was on a date with him.
"I didn't mean that Lois." He winced as he caught the sceptical look she sent him. "Okay maybe at the time I did but I was wrong."
From the look on her face that had actually surprised her. He had never thought that his words could've hurt her. Truth be told, he didn't think there was a lot on this earth that could hurt Lois Lane emotionally. But clearly he had been wrong.
"Huh." She scoffed light-heartedly.
"I'm sorry I said that Lois. But you have to admit that you are hard to get along with sometimes."
"Oh I'd say ninety-five percent of the time." She smiled.
Clark watched as her smiled faded yet again. Something was definitely bothering her. But he could tell that he wasn't going to get her to tell him. Not this time.
"Have you ever thought about getting married Clark?" That question surprised him. She laughed at the look on his face. "I don't mean right now, I mean sometime in the future."
"Um I used to think about it."
"Let me guess, Lana was your blushing bride?" She chuckled. "It's okay Clark. It's a good thing I suppose to have those kind of dreams. It only makes you human I guess." She didn't notice the look on Clark's face at that statement.
"Do you have those kind of dreams?" He found it hard to imagine that Lois actually did dream of girly stuff like marriage and weddings. That just didn't seem like Lois.
"I never used to but…" She hesitated.
"But what?" He prodded. She sighed and her shoulders seemed to slump a little as if she was giving up.
"Last night I had this really strange and really vivid dream. I was getting married and I had never felt so happy in my life. I finally felt like part of a family. And I could actually feel how much I loved him. But something was wrong; the groom left me standing there at the altar. He just left me." She sighed and turned back to the fence. "Without any explanation why."
"Who was this guy?" He asked seriously. He felt weird; Lois had told him it was a dream. So why was he feeling angry about a fictional person leaving Lois at the altar? He tried to tell himself it was just because he cared about her feelings but a part of him felt jealous of the way she was speaking about being a part of a family. Loving someone enough to want to spend the rest of her life with him. His mother's words rang in his head, whoever it was would indeed be a lucky man.
"I don't know. But after waking up I couldn't get it out of my head. I guess that's why I've been a little quiet today."
"He's an idiot." Lois' head shot up and she looked at him. "Whoever he was, real or not, he's an idiot." Clark smiled at her.
"Yeah he is actually ." She laughed. "But it was just a dream, no big deal."
Clark noticed that she was shivering so he took off his red jacket and wrapped it around her shoulders. He had been expecting her to admonish him about it and tell him she could take care of herself or something but she didn't. Her face fell as she took in his gesture.
"What is it?" He asked with a frown. She looked up into his eyes and moved a step closer. This was officially scaring him now. This wasn't at all like Lois. He felt her hand slide up and cup his face.
He was going to pull away but as he stared into her hazel eyes he could see something there that stopped him. The touch of her hand on his face made it tingle. Everything she was doing reminded him of that night they had shared months ago. Only this time there was no Red K around.
Lois hesitated as if seeking confirmation from him. She moved a little closer as he leaned his head down and suddenly their lips met.
Clark was shocked and surprised but could not bring himself to tear away from her. She felt so warm despite the fact that she was still shivering. He slowly wrapped his arms around her waist under his jacket and held her closer to him as he deepened the kiss. For some strange reason it felt right. This was Lois. It should've felt so wrong but it didn't and he found himself not wanting it to end.
But oxygen soon became a problem and Lois had to pull away first. She looked up at him with such a nervous face. Her emotions out there for the whole world to see. He caressed her cheek. Then the rational side of him started to push past the haze she had left in his mind.
"Lois, I know that you're feeling a little lonely but…" Her head shot up as he said that and her eyes stared daggers at him.
"That's what you think that was?" She cried out. She didn't give him a chance to answer as she ran off towards the house, dropping his jacket on the field as the rain began to pour down around him.
"Lois!" He yelled but she didn't stop. He wanted to run after her but something told him it wouldn't be well received. He knew now that he had to give her time to calm down. Lois didn't open herself up often and when she did it was nerve-wracking for her.
Clark slapped himself in the head as he mentally reprimanded himself. Whatever Lois' reason was for kissing him, he clearly had the wrong reaction to it. Now he found himself standing in the rain, wishing he could take it all back and hold her in his arms again.
And that was what scared him. Bossy, brash, rude, stuck-up Lois Lane had just kissed him. And he had enjoyed it.
